Funny / Only Fools and Horses

"Nice and cool, Trig. Know what I mean?"

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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• The scene in a nightclub in "Go West, Young Man" where Del starts to chat up two women. Del walks back to his table and finishes his drink quickly.
  Del: Drink up Rodders, we're leaving.
  Rodney: You are amazing. What are they like, they a couple of ravers?
  Del: No, they're a couple of geezers.
  [The women turn around, revealing themselves to be transvestites. Del and Rodney leave the nightclub looking horrified. They end up in another nightclub.]
  Rodney: I said I was sorry.
  Del: Oh shut up Rodders, I'm warning you, if anyone finds out about this, I'll kill you.
  Rodney: Who's going to know? I mean I'm hardly going to brag I saw you chatting up two blokes in drag.
• The Batman and Robin scene in "Heroes and Villains". Brief summary: Del Boy and Rodney are going to a fancy dress party as Batman and Robin, but their three-wheeled van breaks down en route. As they're in a rough part of London they decide to run to their destination through the back alleys so as not to draw attention to themselves. Cut to a female councillor being mugged in a car park, until the Batman theme plays on the soundtrack and Batman and Robin come charging out of the fog. The muggers scatter.
  • They then proceed to enter the house, going "Na-na-na-na", spray silly string- and discover that the party is now actually a wake, with all attending in funeral wear.
  • This sequence may actually cross over into Moment of Awesome territory, especially when they try to apologize to the man's son only to be confronted with "Don't be sorry. I'm sure the old man is up there right now, having a bloody good laugh at us all."
    Del Boy: Boycie's come as the Penguin!
    Boycie: More like... the Joker.
• The bar scene in "Yuppy Love". Del Boy and Trigger are in a pub, checking out some chicks. Del Boy takes his hand off the bar-flap, which he'd been leaning on, for just a moment and the barman lifts up the bar-flap to go through... and leaves it up. Del Boy goes to lean back on the bar... and keeps on falling. Fwump. Trigger looks back to where he had been standing... where's he gone? Looks around a bit more, Del Boy gets back to his feet covered in his drink. Followed by this exchange;
  Del: Drink up Trig, drink up, we're leaving!
  Trigger: Ain't you gonna try it for them birds?
  Del: Nah, nah, you're cramping my style, mate, you're cramping my style!
  • As has been often pointed out by comedians what really sells it is the complete lack of any instinctive bracing movement from David Jason as he topples over rigidly like a falling plank of wood.
• The chandelier scene in "A Touch of Glass". Del Boy has conned a Lord of the Realm into believing that the Trotters are expert chandelier cleaners and restorers who can service the two priceless chandeliers in their hallway (in reality, Del plans to use Windolene and super glue to clean and restore the chandeliers they have been commissioned to service), and with the Lord and Lady of the house away in the country and the butler busy in the garage, they are left unsupervised, Del Boy and Rodney waiting under one of the chandeliers on ladders holding an old bedsheet while Grandad is upstairs unfastening the nut and bolt holding the chandelier to the joist in the ceiling. Once he has finished unfastening the nut, Del Boy and Rodney brace themselves as Grandad taps the bolt with a hammer... and the other chandelier crashes to the floor. The irate butler, upon discovering the shattered chandelier, vows to telephone His Lordship; Del Boy establishes that he does not have their address or home phone number, and promptly leads the other Trotters in a hasty retreat.
• "Modern Men". Upon taking delivery of a consignment of aerodynamic cycle helmets that were actually horse-riding hats spray-painted red, Del Boy sees an opportunity when he learns that Sikh motorcyclists are excused having to wear crash helmets because of their religiously-mandated turbans. He invents the "crash turban", the prototype of which consists of an aerodynamic cycle helmet with one of Raquel's scarves mounted on the top. Modelled by a very unhappy Rodney.
  Rodney: I look like a human cannonball who's crashed into a washing line!
• Pretty much the entirety of "The Unlucky Winner Is" where Rodney wins a painting competition. He wins in an under-fifteen division and has to pose, much to his chagrin, as a fourteen-year-old. Memorable scenes come when Rodney clumps back in after skateboarding, kitted out in safety gear, and when the tour guides try to inform Rodney of the disco, which necessitates some very fast manoeuvring and the transferring of Rodney's cigarette and (alcoholic) drink to Del. And the immortal response:
  Rodney: Del, we will talk about this later. I have to go to the final of the breakdancing competition.
  Del: Why are you watching that?
  Rodney: Watch it? I'm IN IT!
• This conversation between Rodney and Damien:
  Damian: Uncle Rodney, when I grow up, will people still wear baseball caps?
  Rodney: [Completely deadpan] When you grow up, Damian, people will wear what you tell them to wear.
• A combination of Heartwarming, Tear Jerker and Funny in "Strained Relations". During Grandad's funeral, Del places Grandad's iconic hat into the grave before warning the gravediggers to shovel the dirt gently... as the Trotter's leave, we then hear the Vicar ask if anyone's seen his hat.
• Uncle Albert failing to understand that Raquel's real name is "Rachel" in "The Class of '62", leading to him annoying everyone by asking, "Who's Rachel?"
• Grandad trying to watch The Dukes of Hazzard... on a microwave.
• In "Fatal Extraction", Rodney and Cassandra are having a bit of fun in bed, when Rodney turns round and sees little Damien standing there, watching.
  Cassandra: [bewildered] He just wandered in...
  Rodney: [barely repressed panic] "Wandered in"? Cassandra, I locked the door. [cue Omen theme music]
• Pretty much the entirety of "Danger UXD", where Del is given a delivery of self-inflating sex dolls by Denzil, only for them to be revealed to be loaded with propane, which destroyed the factory where the dolls originally came from.
  • Denzil is at a Chinese restaurant picking up a takeaway when he sees the news on TV and learns about the deadly nature of the dolls, causing him to run off to warn Del without taking his food.
    Restaurant Owner: [as Denzil runs off] Your food is ready! [to the next customer] Usually, they take the food and run off without paying! This guy's got it all wrong.
  • Del, Rodney and Albert discovering that the dolls they have on their hands are not toys as they first thought but rather blow up dolls. Especially with names like Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle. Furthermore, Rodney explaining to Del and Albert that they advertise those type of dolls in "magazines". Albert thinks Rodney means the Radio Times.
    Rodney: Oh, have a day off Albert. I mean magazines aimed at kinky, sleazy, little men.
    Albert: You're pulling my leg.
    Rodney: Oh, am I? Have at look at this then. (whips out his own dirty mag out to show Albert and Del.)
    Del: He's right and all.
  • Del, Rodney and Albert's reactions to the dolls suddenly inflating is priceless, as they frantically reach for the front door.
    Del: Alright Rodney, what's happening?!
    Rodney: How should I know?!
    Del: You're the one with the GCEs!
    Albert: It's come alive! That's what's happened!
    Rodney: Come alive?! What do you think this is, Albert? Pinocchio?
    Albert: No, I've seen this happen before. Years ago, I was in Jamaica and I watched a voodoo ceremony. This witch doctor ran his hands over a dead cat and it come back to life!
    [Del and Rodney stare in disbelief]
    Del: I wish he lived round here. He could have a go at my VCR!
  • They later sneak the dolls out to take to an acquaintance of Del's who runs a sex shop, and disguise them using their late mother's clothes.
  • When Rodney learns the truth about the dolls from Cassandra, who saw it on the news, he later meets up with Del to get rid of them. They dump them at a nearby ditch where a group of confused homeless men watch them. They then suddenly realize the dolls are STILL wearing their mother's old clothing and they try to get it back, only for the dolls to explode.
    Del: [to the homeless men] I told them not to have the mutton vindaloo!
• "Video Nasty" has Del and Uncle Albert trying to push ideas for Rodney's community film. Del's big idea; a horror film titled There's A Rhino Loose In The City.
  Albert: What's it about, Del?
  • And here it is In the Style of Zero Punctuation.
• Uncle Albert's three failed attempts to look shocked when Rodney walks in in "Rodney Come Home". At one point, you can see David Jason cracking up.
• In "May the Force Be With You", Slater interrogates Del, Rodney and Grandad and asks them to describe the man who dropped the stolen microwave they were arrested over. What follows is this hilarious scene where the camera keeps cutting to the three of them in different rooms as they give contradicting answers to Slater's questions.
  Slater: What'd he look like?
  Del: Oh, he's about average height.
  Grandad: He was a great, big tall fella!
  Rodney: Oh, he was little more than a dwarf.
  Slater: Age?
  Rodney: Uh, about 25!
  Grandad: Middle fifties
  Del: Eh, he was just a kid.
  Slater: What was his ethnic group?
  Del:... Didn't notice anyone with him.
  Slater: No, I mean was he Caucasian?
  Grandad: Oh no, he was a white fella!
  Rodney: He was African, I think!
  • Later on we get Slater summing up the description for the suspect.
    Slater: According to you and your family, we are looking for a six-foot-seven inch dwarf. Aged between fifteen and fifty. A white male, with oriental features, who's as black as Newgate's knocker. Oh yeah, he wears a deaf aid.
    Del: Not a lot to go on, Inspector.
• The Driscoll brothers are, in their softly spoken way, a wonderfully silly send-up of the East End gangster archetype:
  Danny: Then one day there was a robbery at the mansion. The bill arrested our old man, but there wasn’t any evidence, was there?
  Tony: That’s right. Just fingerprints.
  Danny: Just fingerprints.
  Tony: And eyewitnesses.
  Danny: Couple of eyewitnesses. They found the jewels on him.
  Tony: It was a plant.
  Danny: Yeah, it was a right fit up. He died in a police cell with a fractured skull, they said it was a suicide attempt that went wrong... or right. Whatever way you look at it. They claimed he tried to hang himself with his braces and smashed himself to death on the ceiling. Do you believe that?
• "The Longest Night": One of the great punchlines of the show; Rodney sneaks up on the dozing Lennox, seemingly intent on snatching his pistol while Del and Albert try to dissuade him. Only to turn around triumphantly holding Lennox's pack of cigarettes.
  • Albert's pretend 'heart attack' - a standard bit of comedy schtick, but it's brilliant how totally unmoved everyone else is by it.
  • And the denouement, where we realise what a plonker Lennox is too.
  Lennox: Look I haven’t had a job, right, in six years!
  Del: Well nor has Rodney.
  Lennox: I’ve got no future!
  Del: Nor has Rodney!
  Del: An hour ago you were The Shadow. Man of mystery. Now we know your name, your address, and your mum’s shoe size!
• While mostly a serious episode, "Sleepless In Peckham" has a scene towards the end where Del and Rodney go to the hospital to see Cassandra's child but Rodney goes into the wrong room as Del misread the room note as Room 10 instead of Room 16.
• And, of course, Trigger - who could have a page all to himself..
  • "Alright Dave!"
  • The discussion in the Nag's Head about people who were famous for 15 minutes. Trigger suggests Gandhi, because "he made one great film and you never saw him again."
  • At the cancelled fancy dress party that's actually a wake in "Heroes and Villains":
    Trigger: [wearing a black suit and tie] I didn't know the fancy dress was off either.
    Rodney: You mean that's your costume?
    Trigger: Yeah. I came as a chauffeur. Feel a bit stupid now.
  • And later on:
    Trigger: I don't think you'd have won [the fancy dress prize] anyway, Dave.
    Rodney: No?
    Trigger: Nah. You're alright. But Del doesn't look anything like Tonto.
  • Del is about to have some of Mike's beef stew, but Rodney urges him not to because of the then-current BSE scare. Then Trigger walks past:
    Trigger: I dunno what you're worried about. I've been eating British beef all my life.
    Del: Egg and chips please Mike.
  • Trigger is proud to have had the same broom for 20 years. It's had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in that time.
    Sid: How the hell can it be the same bloody broom then?
    Trigger: Well there's a picture of it. What more proof do you need?
  • "Why ask?"
  • Rodney is in the pub. He visited Hampton Court Palace earlier that day.
    Trigger: Did you find your way out of the maze alright Dave?
    Rodney: No I'm still in there, Trig.
  • The following exchange between Trigger and "Dave" when the former randomly turns up at the flat:
    Rodney: What are you doing here, Trig?
    Trigger: Del said he'd give me a lift to the pub.
    Rodney: But you live closer to the pub than us, Trig. [beat] In fact, you have to walk past it to get to our place!
  • Trigger doesn't quite understand who "Mr Stavros" was, or wasn't.
    Trigger: So what’s Mr Stavros got to do with it all?
    Del: Mr Stavros don’t exist, Trig.
    Trigger: Well Arnie seemed to know him pretty well.
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