"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here...with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"
—Clark W. Griswold Jr.
Rusty: Mom?
Ellen: What?
Rusty: This box is meowing.
Clark: Let me see it. (grabs the box and shakes it, the box makes sudden yowling noises) She wrapped up her damn cat!
Ellen: Take it in the kitchen and open it up.
Clark: Then we'll have a cat running around the house.
Ellen: We can't leave it in the box.
Rusty: Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box?
Ellen: She gets confused, Rusty, she's old. She and Uncle Lewis don't have much money, so she takes things from around the house, wraps them up, gives 'em away as presents.
Ellen: What?
Rusty: This box is meowing.
Clark: Let me see it. (grabs the box and shakes it, the box makes sudden yowling noises) She wrapped up her damn cat!
Ellen: Take it in the kitchen and open it up.
Clark: Then we'll have a cat running around the house.
Ellen: We can't leave it in the box.
Rusty: Why would somebody wrap up a cat in a box?
Ellen: She gets confused, Rusty, she's old. She and Uncle Lewis don't have much money, so she takes things from around the house, wraps them up, gives 'em away as presents.
Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.
Eddie: [from outside] Shitter was full!
Eddie: You surprised?
Clark: Surprised, Eddie? If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now.
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?
Eddie: Nah, I'm doing just fine, Clark.
Ellen: I don’t know what to say except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.
