open/close all folders
Film
''If There's A Steady Paycheck In It, I'll Believe In Anything You Say."
—Winston Zeddemore, Ghostbusters (1984)
Literature
Several dead bottles of Trappist beer later, I asked Elgar about the Pomp and Circumstances Marches. "Oh, I needed the money, dear boy. But don't tell anyone. The King might want my baronetcy back."
—Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas
Live-Action TV
Ummi: Now tell me, what is an erudite and sophisticated gentleman such as yourself doing on a stupid show like this?
Stephen Fry: I'm basically a whore.
—The Kumars at No. 42
"When I was asked to host this show, I was delighted. I've always hated this programme, but I do have a book to sell and a mistress in London."
—Frankie Boyle, opening his episode as guest host of Never Mind the Buzzcocks
"Hi, and welcome to Drew Carey's House Payment!"
— Wayne Brady, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the "Scenes From A Hat" suggestion "Rejected Names for 'Whose Line Is It Anyway'".
"He brought a certain quality to every role he played, and that is the quality of really... needing... the money."
"Money: It turns out if you offer Robert De Niro enough of it, he'll appear in The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle".
Nigel: Okay, Zoot, it's time for your solo. Have you looked over the music?
Zoot: Do you expect me to play this, man?
Nigel: What else would you do with it?
Zoot: If I had a match I could put it out of its misery.
Nigel: Trust me, Zoot, this is a great little number.
Zoot: What if I refuse to play it?
Nigel: What if I get a new sax player?
Zoot: What if you and I just get right down to it and do this little beauty, huh?
Nigel: Good thought.
Zoot: Forgive me, Charlie Parker, wherever you are.
Zoot: Do you expect me to play this, man?
Nigel: What else would you do with it?
Zoot: If I had a match I could put it out of its misery.
Nigel: Trust me, Zoot, this is a great little number.
Zoot: What if I refuse to play it?
Nigel: What if I get a new sax player?
Zoot: What if you and I just get right down to it and do this little beauty, huh?
Nigel: Good thought.
Zoot: Forgive me, Charlie Parker, wherever you are.
Dalí: Everyone talks of new art to look interesting, and the worst is that we must feign eccentricity so we are considered modern artists. I'm so tired.
Julián: But don't you believe in... in Cubism?
Dalí: No.
Julián: And in Surrealism?
Dalí: Even less.
Julián: Then what do you believe in?
Dalí: In whatever pays the best.
Julián: But don't you believe in... in Cubism?
Dalí: No.
Julián: And in Surrealism?
Dalí: Even less.
Julián: Then what do you believe in?
Dalí: In whatever pays the best.
Pro Wrestling
"You think I came back to elevate younger talent? You think I came back to help the next generation? No, that's bullshit. I came back here to make a ton of money, and that's the only reason."
—Christian Cage, AEW Dynamite, June 22, 2022
Web Animation
It was a good run at Ajax, but I'm very excited to join Juventus because, um, well...mainly, they're paying me a lot of money.
—Matthijs de Ligt, The Champions
Web Original
"Accept and recognize that sometimes the people who took part in the subject of your fandom aren't fans of the show you are a fan of, at least not the way you are. They did it for the money. It was a job to them, and that's all. Now, it might have been a job they looked forward to doing, and they might have enjoyed working alongside people they liked and respected while the job was going on. But at the end of the day, the subject of your fandom was, to them, just a means to a paycheck. And that's perfectly acceptable."
—Tip #4, from 10 Ways to Avoid Being a Raging Fanboy, a web essay by Alexi Vandenberg.
"One can only imagine what was going through Henry Cavill, Stanley Tucci and Ben Kingsley’s minds while shooting this movie in the midst of the unforgiving Manitoba winter. “I hope the cheque doesn’t bounce,” maybe?"
Web Video
I ain't got that guilt money,
I don't give a fuck!
I take my cheques to the bank,
And I sign 'em with my nuts!
I don't give a fuck!
I take my cheques to the bank,
And I sign 'em with my nuts!
I can see why this film was made
Unused actors needed to get paid
Unused actors needed to get paid
— MikeJ (to the melody of "American Pie"), Shameful Sequels: American Pie 3
Dennis Quaid. The Day After Tomorrow, G.I. Joe, and now Pandorum? Why? Do you need money? I'll give you some money!
— Brett Erlich, The Rotten Tomatoes Show
Oancitizen: How'd they get Derek Jacobi to do this?
Kylie: Needed to pay off a parking ticket.
Kylie: Needed to pay off a parking ticket.
"It's also hard to believe they got Bob Hoskins and Dennis Hopper into this movie. Leguizamo I understand; he was just starting out. But Hoskins and Hopper must have really needed to pay for a summer home or something."
"Alright, let's get this over with: Vulcan sign, "Live long and prosper", where's my check?"
...nowhere does this comedy come closer to tragedy than Sir Patrick Stewart playing...a turd. Proof that you can give a man talent, awards, and a knighthood, but it's nothing compared to the power of a paycheck.
Producer: You know, it sounds like that's not gonna translate super-well to the big screen, like maybe it exists in the right medium right now and we don't have to try to squeeze a movie out of it, we could just let the art be...
Screenwriter: The musical made four billion dollars.
Producer: I mean we have to try to squeeze a movie out of that, for sure.
Screenwriter: I thought so too.
Western Animation
Kyle: From now on, MOOP isn't about money. MOOP is about music! We're not striking anymore! Who's with us?!
(Beat)
Britney Spears: We're just about the money.
(Beat)
Britney Spears: We're just about the money.
— South Park, Episode 709 "Christian Rock Hard"
Bart: How could you, Krusty? I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
Krusty: (Sobbing) They drove a dump-truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
Krusty: (Sobbing) They drove a dump-truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!
— The Simpsons, "Kamp Krusty", on one of Krusty the Clown's many, many, many income-driven enterprises.
Kang: Can you believe it, Kodos? They left us out of the Halloween show.
Kodos: Are you sure the space phone is working?
(Kang takes the phone)
Kodos: Hang up, they could be trying to call right now!
Kang: I knew we should have sent them a muffin basket.
(the phone rings. Kodos answers)
Kodos: Kang and Kodos Productions. Uh-huh ... Yes ... Just a second. Do we want to do a commercial for something called "Old Navy"?
Kang: (shrugs) Eh, work is work.
— The Simpsons, "Treehouse Of Horror XI"
Real Life
"For the money, old chap, for the money!"
— Ray Milland when asked why he had appeared in so many bad films late in his career.
"For the loot, honey, for the loot."
— Ava Gardner on why she came out of retirement to appear on a soap opera.
"People ask me why I'm playing in this picture. The answer is simple: Money, dear boy. I'm like a vintage wine. You have to drink me quickly before I turn sour. I'm almost used up now and I can feel the end coming. That's why I'm taking money now. I've got nothing to leave my family but the money I can make from films. Nothing is beneath me if it pays well. I've earned the right to damn well grab whatever I can in the time I've got left."
— Laurence Olivier, on his role in Inchon
"New rubbish dialogue reaches me every other day on wadges of pink paper, and none of it makes my character clear or even bearable. I just think, thankfully, of the lovely bread, which will keep me going until next April even if Yahoo collapses in a week..."
—Alec Guinness, writing to a friend about a little thing called Star Wars. (And no, Guinness wasn't a prophet or time-traveler; "Yahoo" refers to a 1976 stage play he wrote and starred in based on Gulliver's Travels.)
"You show me an actor doing a shit movie, I'll show you a guy with a bad divorce."
"The plot was utterly ridiculous, but I agreed to appear in the film because I got a percentage of the gross."
— Tony Curtis, on the 1967 surf/sex comedy Don't Make Waves
"I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!"
— Michael Caine, on his role in Jaws: The Revenge
"I made a picture called Super Mario Bros., and my six-year-old son at the time — he's now 18 — he said, 'Dad I think you're probably a pretty good actor, but why did you play that terrible guy King Koopa in Super Mario Bros?' And I said, 'Well Henry, I did that so you could have shoes,' and he said, 'Dad, I don't need shoes that badly.'"
"During the hippie era people put down the idea of business—they'd say, 'Money is bad,' and 'Working is bad,' but making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art."
— Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol
"I sell myself for the highest price. Exactly like a prostitute. There is no difference."
"I was a medium-level juvenile delinquent from Newark who always dreamed about doing a movie. Someone said 'Hey, here's $7 million, come in and do this genie movie.' What am I going to say, no?"''
— Shaquille O'Neal, explaining why he did Kazaam
"When someone asks, 'Do you want to do some funny ads for not many days in the year and be paid more than you would be for an entire series of Peep Show?' the answer, obviously, is, 'Yeah, that's fine'."
— Robert Webb, defending his appearance in Mac adverts
"I'm doing weapons training for this piece of shit, then I go to Romania to shoot another piece of shit, then come back to shoot my part in this piece of shit...[sighs]...What can I say? My wife loves shoes."
"I couldn't justify turning down that big paycheck for just a few weeks work twice a year... So, I kept whoring myself out to that cartoon donkey."
—Buck Owens, on hosting Hee Haw for over 20 years
Q: How did you feel directing a slasher film in a time when they were being churned out for a quick buck?
A: I needed the quick buck!
A: I needed the quick buck!
— Retroslashers.net interview of David Hess, regarding To All a Goodnight
Interviewer: You're quoted as saying you've only made five good movies in your career. True?
Michael Madsen: Pretty much. It's certainly less than ten. Kill Bill, Species, Free Willy, Thelma & Louise, Reservoir Dogs and Donnie Brasco. Six, that's it. That's not a low number. I'm just hard to please. I've made some crap but you've got to pay the bills.
Michael Madsen: Pretty much. It's certainly less than ten. Kill Bill, Species, Free Willy, Thelma & Louise, Reservoir Dogs and Donnie Brasco. Six, that's it. That's not a low number. I'm just hard to please. I've made some crap but you've got to pay the bills.
"There's a time to be a human being and have an opinion, and there's a time to sell cars."
Q: Would you make Trolls! The Sitcom if a big network funded it?
A: Yes. There's a good chance it would be pretty bad though. But that's OK because $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A: Yes. There's a good chance it would be pretty bad though. But that's OK because $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
— Andrew Hussie, responding to a Formspring question
"...I had a play I wanted to do and I had Inseminoid – but I also had two babies upstairs who were my responsibility and I had £2,000-worth of bills sitting in front of me and so that was the decision made."
— Stephanie Beacham
"It doubled my yearly income in six days. My agent said it's morally indefensible to turn that down."
"For 500,000 reasons, all of them with the Queen's head on".
— Bob Hoskins on why he appeared in adverts for BT in the 1990s.
"It promised a year of free lunches".
— Robert Mitchum when asked why, in his mid-60s, he took on the arduous task of an 18-hour mini-series, The Winds of War.
"Back to the Bank would have been more appropriate".
— Michael J. Fox on the Back to the Future sequels.
"The door opened and four guys came in carrying a check".
— Eddie Murphy on why he agreed to be in Best Defense 1984
"I did that film for all the wrong reasons. I never liked it. I did it to help out a friend of mine, Hal Needham. And I also felt it was immoral to turn down that kind of money. I suppose I sold out so I couldn't really object to what people wrote about me."
Five hundred grand for two weeks.
—Robert Downey Jr. on why appeared in Danger Zone.
John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it.
Why should I complain about making $700note a week playing a maid? If I didn't, I'd make $7 a week being one.
—Hattie McDaniel on why she didn't mind being typecast as The Mammy.
I was never really that interested in the punk movement. I was a blues guy: I liked Motown, James Brown. I read the script and thought it was a load of rubbish. But my agent said, "They're offering £35,000". I was getting £80 a week at the Royal Court at the time and I thought "I could do with a flat", it changed my life overnight.
—Gary Oldman on Sid & Nancy.
If anyone offers me a job, I take it. It's the freelance mentality. If someone asked me to write on the sex life of the Eskimo, I'd say, "That's always been a particular interest of mine".
I always say that my next Bond will be my last, and then they negotiate my fee for the next one.
You don't make TV shows for fun - you make them for money.
The only thing I turn down is my collar.
"Mr. Reeve. It is terribly important that you become a serious classical actor. Unless, of course, they offer you a shitload of money to do something else."
—John Houseman, speaking to Christopher Reeve note
Q: Which did you prefer playing, McCree or Maximus Elephante?
A: One was a joy. The other a paycheck.
A: One was a joy. The other a paycheck.
—Matthew Mercer, responding to a question on Twitter
"Acting, for me, is a passion, but it's also a job, and I've always approached it as such. I have a certain manual-labourist view of acting. There's no shame in taking a film because you need some fucking money."
Jimmy Fallon: Did you get emotional when you put the wardrobe on?
Harrison Ford: No, I got paid.
'"That's what the CTC means, whoever cuts that check, that's who I have to play for."
'"How about the villain of “Die Hard?”‘ I said, ‘Sure.’ And they’re like, ‘Do you want to read the script?’ I said, ‘I get it. I’m in. I just bought a house. Did you not hear? They just cancelled my fucking show. Yes, I’ll do it.’ ‘What about this video game adaptation?’ ‘Yes to that too. I’m in. I’ve got to make up some TV money."
"They expect the writer to work for nothing and the problem is there are so many goddamn writers who have no idea they're supposed to get paid every time they do something. They do it for nothing. Are they any less a media whore than I? I think not. But it's just that no one has offered to buy their soul. I sell my soul, but only at the highest rates"
You bet I sold out, I replied. Not to the Department of Education, but to the publisher of tests, useless programmed reading materials, and similar junk. All authors who are not Stephen King will sell permission to allow excerpts from their books to have all the pleasure edited out of them and used this way. You’d do the same thing if you were a writer, and didn’t know where your next pineapple was coming from.
