Recap / South Park S 7 E 9 Christian Rock Hard

Original air date: 10/29/2003

Cartman, Butters, and Tolkien soar to the top of the Christian rock charts, but when the other boys kick Cartman out, he seeks a way to get them back.

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Tropes present in this episode:

• Artistic License – Awards: In real life, there's no such thing as a myrrh album. Christian and inspirational music albums that sell a million copies go platinum, just like secular music.
• Can't Get Away with Nuthin': the literal moment the boys click the first link on the pirated music site, the SWAT team immediately bust through their door and arrest them.
• Comical Overreacting:
  • Cartman goes into a violent curse-filled tantrum after finding out that, despite his million dollar success as Faith Plus One, he still can't win his bet with Kyle and gloat about it.
  • In turn, the Faith Plus One fans scream in pain and horror, and scatter upon hearing Cartman curse Jesus, with them covering their ears with their hands, one man even crying that his ears are bleeding.
• Comic Trio: Faith Plus One forms this dynamic. The selfish, narcissistic Cartman who despite his schemes, doesn't think things through is the leader. His fellow bandmates are the innocent and naive Butters, and the more sensible Tolkien, who frequently questions Cartman's ideas.
• Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Cartman spent all the money he got from selling his albums on his award ceremony and then proceeds to ruin his band's reputation by cursing out Jesus because he's unable to win the bet he made with Kyle. Apparently, losing $10 and a bet to Kyle is worse than losing millions of dollars and fame (then again, it's Cartman, so of course it'd be worse to him).
• The Dog Bites Back: After having to deal with Cartman throughout the entire episode, and after Cartman ruined their band and one final racist insult, Tolkien snaps and easily beats him up, followed by Butters farting on him and giving the finger.
• Digital Piracy Is Evil: Parodied. When the boys download music off of the internet, a SWAT Team bursts into their house and forcibly shows them the consequences of their actions.
• Dreadful Musician: MOOP's music sounds relatively off-key, due to the boys' mixed tastes in music. Randy compares the boys' music to Vietnamese people getting their intestines pulled out through their mouths.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: Sgt. Yates makes his first ever appearance, only as a member of the FBI rather than the Park County Police.
• Evil Is Petty: Cartman throws all his band's success under the bus in a vulgar tantrum, as he was still riding it all completely on winning his small bet with Kyle and rubbing it in his face.
• Exact Words: The bet was for getting a platinum album, not a myrrh album (though see Artistic License – Awards above), so Kyle didn't lose the bet and Cartman can never win.
• Fatal Flaw: Cartman's pride and petty spite is on full force. Instead of being happy with his success as a Christian rock star, he blows his career and drives Tolkien and Butters away from him because he can't win a bet against Kyle.
• Faux Horrific: The celebrities having to cut slightly down on their Conspicuous Consumption.
• Felony Misdemeanor: Want to download music off the Internet? The FBI will immediately bust into your house... then you have to pay a relatively small fine.
• God-Is-Love Songs: Cartman explains all you have to do is cross out words like "baby" and "darling" and replace them with "Jesus". He even does this with songs that have more explicit and sexual content, which the record label head points out in a meeting.
• Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Sanctified tells Cartman how hardcore they are.
  Band Member 1: We're the band Sanctified. We play metal and punk, but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.
  Band Member 2: Yeah. We prove that Christian music can be tough and hardcore.
  Cartman: Yeah, you guys are real hardcore.
  Band Member 1: You bet your gosh-darned rear end we are!
• Here We Go Again!: After Randy complains about paying a $400 fine for the boys doing something that's not that big a deal, Yates tells the parents to follow him so he can give them the same Digital Piracy Is Evil lesson. For bonus points, the same exact background music starts playing as they leave the station.
• Intercourse with You: What a lot of Cartman's God-Is-Love Songs end up being, as he only changed "baby" and "darling" to "Jesus" and didn't think to tone down the other lyrics.^note Who doesn't remember... "The Body of Christ," "Christ Again," "A Night With the Lord," "Touch Me Jesus," "I Found Jesus (With Someone Else)," "Savior Self," "Christ, What a Day," "Three Times My Savior," "Jesus Touched Me"...
• I'll Kill You!: Cartman mutters behind Tolkien's back that he's going to kill him one day, only to cowardly pretend he didn't say anything after Tolkien angrily turn back and asks what he's saying.
• Laser-Guided Karma: After using Christians' faith and gullibility to sell a million albums and make millions of dollars just to win a bet against Kyle with plagiarized love songs, and using Butters and Tolkien with him making many racist comments to him, Cartman ruins himself and earn himself a well-deserved beating by Tolkien, by spending all of his money in a ridiculously lavish award ceremony just to spite Kyle only to realize that he cannot beat Kyle due to Christian Music awarding Myrrh albums instead of Platinum albums, and by cursing Jesus which caused him to alienate his entire audience and finally turn Tolkien and Butters against him. At the end Cartman is left alone, beaten and ruined.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Downplayed. Tolkien quickly knocks Cartman onto the floor with two hard slugs and a kick to the face after ruining the band and one too many racist jabs.
• Only in It for the Money:
  • Cartman's true reason for forming Faith+1 (other than winning a bet against Kyle). The bet between them and Moop was made that one would owe the other ten dollars if one band manages to get the platinum album before the other. But when the owners of Faith Records want to make sure Faith+1 are in it for God and not this trope, Cartman had to come up with this lie:
    Cartman: I resent that, sir! I have never done anything in my life just for the money! If I'm lying, may the Lord strike me down right now! (cuts to Butters cowering in his chair, fearing this punishment)
  • That's the reason why Tolkien agrees to form the band with Cartman and Butters, in spite of his skepticism and of Cartman's attitude. Even when they made enough money during their concerts as promised, Tolkien isn't pleased when Cartman spend all the money they made for the presentation ceremony, and contributes to his beating of Cartman.
  • All the other artists who show up to Moop's strike admit that they're only in it for the money in the end.
• Poke the Poodle: After Cartman is ruined and then beaten by Tolkien, Butters nervously dithers for a while as Cartman lies spluttering on the floor, before farting on him, giving a meek 'Fuck you, Eric" and making a quick leave.
• Precision F-Strike: Butters does an uncharacteristic one at the end of the episode after Cartman ruins the band by cursing out Jesus in front of their audience.
  Butters: [farts in Cartman's face and flips him off] Fuck you, Eric.
• Rage Breaking Point: Tolkien angrily berates Cartman after he costs the band their success. One more racist insult from Cartman afterwards, and Tolkien finally snaps and knocks Cartman cold before storming off.
• Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: Cartman won millions of dollars thanks to Faith+1 album sales, but spend all of the money his band made in a ridiculously expensive and lavish award ceremony with clowns, an elephant parade and a giant wheel just to make his winning of the bet against Kyle the sweetest possible, much to Tolkien's dismay.
• Rule 34: Many of the jokes in this episode revolve around Christian faith songs which are about being physically in love with Jesus.
• Saying Too Much: While Cartman and Butters are selling albums, Butters randomly blurts out that they're only pretending to be Christian in front of one of their customers. Naturally, Cartman is not amused.
  Cartman: Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
• Shout-Out: When the cop shows the boys how Digital Piracy Is Evil, it's in the style of the Ghost of Christmas Present showing Scrooge the Cratchit family in A Christmas Carol.
• Skewed Priorities: Cartman cares more about not being able to win his bet with Kyle than the fact his band has made millions of dollars.
• Sore Loser: To say that Cartman doesn't take losing his bet with Kyle well would be a huge understatement.
• Spoiled Brat:
  • Played for laughs, Master P.'s son wants an island in French Polynesia for his birthday, and as part of the Faux Horrific montage Yates make the boys feel guilty for the fact that he may not get his tropical paradise because they download music.
  • The other celebrities' vendetta against free downloading is conveyed as them being Manchild variations of the trope, being driven not by any intregrity but simply not getting enough money, and sobbing and huffing because they are being deprived petty indulgences like personal airplanes and swimming pools (as in they must get lower economy versions or wait a while before getting them).
  Lars Ulrich: *whining* Why play if we won't make millions of dollars??
• Stereotype Reaction Gag: Cartman claims that Tolkien must have a bass guitar at his house somewhere because he and his family are black. Despite being certain that his family does not own a bass, he finds one, but says he doesn't know how to play it. Again, Cartman tells him that he's black, so of course he can play it. Tolkien is offended by Cartman's stereotyping, but Cartman tells him to just shut up and play the damn thing. To his own surprise, Tolkien discovers that he can actually play it perfectly, and can only mutter, "Goddammit..." in defeat.
• Take That!:
  • Although Christian rock as a genre gets worked over in this episode, Parker and Stone save a special swipe for a band cynics were starting to love to hate by 2003:
    Cartman: Our band should play Christian rock!
    [Beat]
    Kyle: Christian rock!?
    Cartman: Think about it! It's the easiest, crappiest music in the world, right? If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus, all the Christians will buy our crap!
    Kyle: That's a retarded idea, Cartman!
    Cartman: It worked for Creed!
  • The musicians and law enforcement who believe Digital Piracy Is Evil; the former are portrayed as Only in It for the Money, the latter as obsessed over what seems like a minor offence.
• Tempting Fate: Accepting his defeat, Kyle hopes that Cartman won't make a big a deal about winning the bet. Cue a lavish carnival to celebrate Faith+1's success.
• Villainous Breakdown: Cartman, when he realizes that he can never get a platinum album with Christian rock and thus will never win his bet against Kyle, causing him to furiously smash his myrrh album and then curse Jesus' name twice in front of his whole audience, before insulting Tolkien leading to his beating.

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