Quotes / Making Love in All the Wrong Places

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Fan Works

Shinji: The school cleaning supply closet has got to be the least romantic place we could possibly have sex.
Asuka: Good thing I love you so much it doesn’t matter. Now hurry.

—Advice and Trust, chapter 5

"Oh god! Shinji! Asuka! Not in my apartment!" she exclaimed. "Not until you're sixteen, at the youngest! And not on the kitchen floor!"

— Misato, Superwomen of Eva 2: Lone Heir of Krypton, chapter 11

"It's what makes life with me so exciting, Scott. So what do we do now?"
"Go home, I guess. Unless," Scott blanched, eyeing the grass, "you want to try it here?"
Jean chuckled at that comment. "Not really. Besides, you have me in your life now; you won't need any cheap thrills."
"I was hoping you'd say that." He looked relieved. "I wasn't looking forward to getting a rock or stick jabbing into me."
"I guess we head home then," Jean said, getting up from the curb.

— X-Men: The Early Years

Film

Evelyn: He's trying to get me upstairs again, Monsieur Pepe.

Pepe: Oh, no, no, I show you. On zhe kitchen floor!

Stanley: I say, steady on old chap! Remember, we're British! (Beat) I don' know though. Oh-hwow!

— Carry On Abroad

Literature

“Everyone has it off in the alleys against the wall!” Alexander exclaimed. “And on garden benches, and in their barracks, and in communal apartments with their parents on the sofa! Everyone else does not have Dasha in her bed. Does not have Dimitri.” He glanced away. “Everyone else is not you, Tatiana.”

— The Bronze Horseman, by Paullina Simons

I can’t stand to watch TV medical dramas these days; they have all fallen into ‘soapdom’. Where once upon a time they would have a storyline about an interesting disease, they seem a lot more likely now to have storylines about the staff having sex with each other. Let me tell you something, working shifts for the NHS means that sex is the last thing on many of our minds. And no right-thinking ambulance worker would get naked on an ambulance trolley—we know exactly what sorts of patients we have on them—and it’s just too yucky to even think about screwing on one.

— More Blood, More Sweat and Another Cup of Tea, by Tom Reynolds

Live-Action TV

"It was only once, and it wasn’t a public place, mom … until they moved the truck."

— Daniel Meade, Ugly Betty

Music

We'd go dogging
We'd go dogging
We're a treat for any passers by out jogging
We do it cos we've found
that when people crowd around
It is somehow more profound
when your dogging

—Fascinating Aïda, "Dogging"

I'll take you to Six Flags and drill you on the roller coaster
Call your girlfriends over, we can have a sleepover
Buy your ass a Jeep so I can fuck you in your Range Rover

— Gucci Mane, "Sex in Crazy Places"

Visual Novels

Megumi: We finally saw everyone doing it and figured out how it's done and...
Yuna: (blushing) "Everyone"...?
Megumi: Umi-san and Sasa-san, and Sonou-chan and Kiri-san. Sachi-san saw Maki-chan and Miki-san.
Yuna: ... (thinks) Wh-Why did I ask?
Megumi: And after we failed, we saw Youka-san and Aki-san and Matsuri-san and Miyu-san! We learned a lot about how it's done, but...
Yuna: (thinks) What on earth are all of you doing at school...

— Kindred Spirits on the Roof, regarding the various couples who had sex on school grounds.

Western Animation

Lois: Oh, God, Peter let's do it. Right here, right now!
Peter: Lois, Lois wait. Opie's right there.
Lois: I want him to look, Peter

— Family Guy, "Whistle While Your Wife Works"

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