Quotes / Jizzed in My Pants

"Stop, or I'l-ah oh fuck! Every damn time, every damn time. This sucks... I gotta go put on some new tights, man, this sucks."

— Stephen Lynch as Premature Ejaculator Man

...Leave this place, go back to yours,
Our lips first touch outside your doors,
The whole night, what we've go in store,
Whisper in my ear that you want some more,
and I Jizz. In. My pants.
This really never happens, you can take my word,
I won't apologize, that's just absurd,
Mainly your fault for the way that you dance...

— The Lonely Island, Jizz In My Pants

"I spilled my drink!
I didn't notice you drinking cream there, Sid."

— Sid the Sexist and friend at a strip club

"Dude, I think I just filled the cup."

— Jay, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"The night is alive. Eight blocks away, I hear a couple not washing their hands. Close by, I smell the trace fecal matter on this tight rope. I... I feel every shift of every microfiber in my superpants. Oh... O-OHH!"

— Seanbaby, Premature Ejaculation Daredevil

Superhero: Behold, it is I....Mindfuck!
Civilian: What's your power?
Mindfuck: I can psychically have sex with any woman simply by making eye contact with her.
Civilian: Holy cow! You can make girls orgasm with a single glance?
Mindfuck: Not them...just me! Otherwise my powers would be revealed!
Civilian: So your superpower is ejaculating every time you see a woman?
Mindfuck: I think you're oversimplifying it.

— Cyanide and Happiness Strip No. 2065.

But whilst her busy hand would guide that part
Which should convey my soul up to her heart,
In liquid raptures I dissolve all o'er,
Melt into sperm, and spend at every pore.
A touch from any part of her had done't:
Her hand, her foot, her very look's a cunt.

— John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, "The Imperfect Enjoyment"

"At any rate, I had to concentrate on blocking that aura. She really wasn’t being that discriminating, because the guys at the table behind me were beginning to drool and babble. Okay, it was worse than that. I think two of the guys actually popped their corks. In the middle of the cafeteria. Yuck."

— Phase, describing the results of Cytherea pushing her Glamour a bit too hard, "Ayla and the Birthday Brawl", ch. 3, Whateley Universe

Captain Lola Beck: Johnny here was a member of Rasczak's No-Guts. I got off his entire battalion in only ten seconds.
General Dix Hauzer: Wow! That must have been one hell of a combat drop.
Captain Lola Beck: Nah, I just entered the briefing room in a tight T-shirt.

— Starship Hooters 3: Undresser

Alien babe: Those are obedience collars you wear, and as long as you wear them, you will do what I say.
Cptn. Quirk: Or what?
Alien babe: Or this!
[presses Super Wrist-Gadget making Quirk convulse]
Dr. McJoy: Jim, what is it? What has she done?!
Cptn. Quirk: It's... the collar... I can't stop...ejaculating!
Dr. McJoy: Stop it, you're killing him with pleasure! Or at the least ruining a good pair of space trousers!

— Star Trek II: The Search for Sperm

I just came so fucking hard.

— Stocking Anarchy after being electrocuted, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt

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