With series focused so heavily on humour, there's a ton of awesome speeches and quoteable lines. Spoiler, of course, follow.
About fucking time. I have so many things to complain about.
The Emperor's first words in 10.000 years
This shit is so surreal. Am I on drugs?
Big E upon seeing the Fabstodes
I am the Emperor. For millennia I have stridden across life carefully watching as the seed of what is to come has risen from its earthly barrows into the starlit sky. This seed, known as Mankind, I have existed along from the time of my birth. I let the seed grow, I nurtured it, did my best to have it remain healthy and secure. But, as it kept on growing, I could not keep up. I could not come with it, but could only watch from afar as its health deteriorated and vegetation grew bleak. As I entered into the realm of the half-life the only thing I could experience was despair. My work that I had driven to construct for such a long time had been obliterated in but a mere moment. Mankind, my once pure seed, had fallen into the hands of sheer, corrosive, and preposterous prudence. And at no other time has this been displayed as intensely as this very moment. Because holy fucking shit these questions are the worst fucking shit I have ever read what ever became of mankind?
You know who
There's still time to warn him! I could save everyone... If there wasn't a fucking WALL IN THE WAY!
Magnus
Congratulations. You once more managed to succeed, on an impossible mission... WHERE YOU SHOULD'VE DIED! You went straight through a literal hellscape, containing legions upon legions of eldritch abominations, and some of the most elite Chaos Space Marines the enemy would have to offer, that even the greatest of warriors would perish to. BUT NO! You succeeded because you were trained by the BOOK! The holy codex of our OH-SO-WONDERFUL-I-COULD-SHIT-MY-POWERPANTS SPIRITUAL LIEGE!
Marneus Calgar
THAT IS A GOOD LOOKING BEARD YOU HAVE THERE SIR! I TOO HAVE A BEARD! HAVE YOU SEEN MY BEARD? IT IS FULL OF...TINY MEN! PLEASE! KILL THEM ALL!
Kaldor Draigo
THIS IS NOT FUCKING CANON!!!
Kitten, every time someone mentions he's got a personal beef against the Tau
Yes! Yeeees! I did it! I am best forgefather!
Vulkan He'stan, best forgefather
You bear many titles. All of them drenched in cold blood, I can sense.
Leman Russ
I would never ride in a chair that walks for you when I have a pair of functioning legs! I mean, for Helvete's sake, you look like you haven't fought or fucked anything for decades, you MILKSOP. Have you no wolves? You need to spend more time being RAISED BY WOLVES, you tarnished old skeleton for WOLVES ARE STRONK!
Russ again
What in the wolf did ya just howlin' said about me, ya little milksop? I'll have ya know I was throned the top of my tribe in the Kingdom of the Russ, and I've been involved in numerous executions of traitor Primarchs, and I have over 300 million confirmed kills. I am trained in wolf warfare and I am the top CQC-expert in all of the Imperium. Ye are NOTHIN' to me but just ANOTHER NANCY LIONLOVER BITCH!!!
Leman Russ delivering his own version of the Navy Seal Copypasta
Beloved diary of my darkblack soul and unforgiven chesticles. As I have written into your ice-white pages countless times already, I barely know how long I've been in this place. My cathedral of ultimate sadness... My sea of blood-soaked tears... My palace of unending, unrelenting, unyielding super guilt... Although it it none of this things, because it is actually really shitty and cramped compared to a cathedral, or a sea or a palace.
Corvus Corax's diary
REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
Asmodai
You told Asmodai to make them repent. You KNOW that to his ears, "make them repent" is the same as saying "murder them violently".
Belial
I am not joining Chaos, you ass.
Kitten, providing the best retort for anyone ever tempted to join Chaos
Make the Imperium great again!
Magnus revealing his plan to Kitten behind the Emperor's back
Father, are you familiar with the phrase "you are what you eat"? Seeing how you act like an ever-growing pile of screaming psychic children.
Rogal Dorn on the Emperor
I suspect he was high on narcotics.
Rogal Dorn on Kaldor Draigo
I hope our cuddling sessions aren't rescheduled because of this.
Just... Rogal Dorn
I am fortifying this position.note
Dorn, agin.
I am surprised one of those do not have the word "Fists" in their name.
The Emperor, on learning of what became of the Imperial Fists Legion after the Iron Cage incident.Note
That is because they are absolute lunatics.
Dorn, on the Black Templars (also in response to said observation).
I am the best treehouse architect in the galaxy, so I accept the challenge.
Dorn when Emperor tells him to get out
Daemons of Khorne are gonna eat you out like ice cream sandwiches once your red rage begins.
Leman Russ on the Adeptus Sororitas
The only fate I believe in is that of Mankind's prosperous future and dominance of the galaxy. One which need not be tempted - only proven to scum like you!
Kitten, to freakin' TZEENTCH, while Passionate Duelists is playing in the background.
I am demonstrating to you the true power of the Imperium through the use of small, fluffy animals.
Kitten right before he beats Tzeentch at a children's card game with a group of cats type monsters..
The death of others is a small price to pay, as they fall, performing their duties in order to achieve glory for the interest of the best Ultramarine Captain - which of course is I, Cato Sicarius!
He, Cato Sicarius.
SKARBRAND DOESN'T APPRECIATE PHYSICAL CONTACT!
Skarbrand
I want to boop the snoot!
Vulkan to a Catachan barking toad.
Do not boop that merry suicide bomber.
Corvus warning Vulkan not to pet the Catachan barking toad.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Sly Marbo's only line, usually said before fucking someone's shit up
What it means to be human. The abstraction which outlines each psyche that constitutes mankind's existence. The aggregate of sentiments that we carry for ourselves and for others. An aspect of our being that I found obsolete, in a time where progress was key. Truly, compassion is anathema to progress. A weakness I could not afford to carry at such a crucial time. In recognizing this, I cast mine aside to focus all my being on crafting mankind's future. My work to be hindered by personal attachments no more. In that time, it was my only choice. But now, in an age of the ruthless, the hateful, the prejudiced, I need it returned to me. I mean to be human once more.
You know who
So, you finally did make it. I’ve been waiting for you, you angry, throne-bound, incre-he-dibly hypocritical man. *Chuckling* I’m going to feel right at home.
The Star Child, before possessing Karamazov.
This book is a cold, wet towel wrapped around the midriff of my mind. It drenches us with its lurid texts, the text that is the water dribbling from the frigid towel that is this book, soaking us until one can do naught but become united with one's uncomfort.
Wamuudes, describing the novel Inquisitor, by Ian Watson, author of the screenplay for Steven Spielberg's A.I.
DUMPY GRIMBO.
Big E, summing up his feeling on the aforementioned book.
Life has no MEANING! Not really. Regardless of how long we extend our lifespans, regardless of our emotions, thoughts, and memories, regardless of everything that defines life to us - amalgams of matter who can reflect upon it - the universe itself shall dissipate, and as it does, so shall WE. In a million cycles, in a billion cycles, in a duodecillion cycles, in the dying throes of the galaxy, what will you find?!
Asdrubael Vect, going full Straw Nihilist.
What? You haven't planned that far ahead yet?
The Star Child's response.
The Trustworthy One/The Deceiver: You think you've caught me, huh? Vile cat thing! You know what's MORE ANNOYING?! THE END TIMES. You ever wonder what happens if you peer beyond the veil, planet-spawn?! Galaxy-rending terror and destruction! I won't have it! Our galaxy is in perfect equilibrium, thanks to me! No unhinged researches, no extraneous discoveries, and no End Times! Just enough war to keep the Necrophage rolling, and to keep you flesh-bags in stock! There is no narrative to drive us to the brink, just sweet, beautiful, setting!
Kitten: I am utterly confused by your incessant babbling, but the one thing I know is that you are wrong.
The Trustworthy One/The Deceiver: And I am utterly horrified by your destructive need for progress! The one thing I know is that you should stop it. Keep your horrible yearning for development away from my galaxy, and stay in your awful little wholesome box, you waste of primordial soup! Bye!
Kitten: I am utterly confused by your incessant babbling, but the one thing I know is that you are wrong.
The Trustworthy One/The Deceiver: And I am utterly horrified by your destructive need for progress! The one thing I know is that you should stop it. Keep your horrible yearning for development away from my galaxy, and stay in your awful little wholesome box, you waste of primordial soup! Bye!
The Deceiver's motivation for both their Stellaris game and their world.
[Scream of Unending Impostor Syndrome]
Ciaphas Cainnote summarizing his entire career
You're not human. I'm the result of circumstance - the single speck of a drop spilt from the cauldron of man, left to fester on it's own. You are a tool, cast in a uniform mould. An interchangeable pawn , devoid of identity. Even with all of my failings and imperfections, I am more human than you will EVER be.
An Underhive dweller dropping an existential bomb on an Astartes
I hope you see this! I hope you see as your victory is made!
The Captain General, declaring his imminent victory on Mars in the name of the Emperor of Mankind.
The Emperor: As ultimately ever, the timelines begin and end in my favour. I will always be the victor.
Kastellan aka the Machine Spirit's Vengeance: In the grim darkness of the 42nd Millennium, there can be no victor.
Kastellan aka the Machine Spirit's Vengeance: In the grim darkness of the 42nd Millennium, there can be no victor.
The most accurate summation of the 40k universe.
The Masque of Slaanesh: Belligerent bird-bouncers! They try to two-time the Masque?
Corvus Corax: (Materializes behind the Masque) If I split you in twain, you might handle it better, daemon scum.
The Masque: Y-y-you're a Child of the Anathema!
Corvus: The Master of Mankind to you, craven filth.
The Masque: Oh no no and no, these biceps are ''not'' worth the banishment! I'm out!
Corvus Corax: (Materializes behind the Masque) If I split you in twain, you might handle it better, daemon scum.
The Masque: Y-y-you're a Child of the Anathema!
Corvus: The Master of Mankind to you, craven filth.
The Masque: Oh no no and no, these biceps are ''not'' worth the banishment! I'm out!
Something that most people seem to forget - including the gods themselves - is that they represent ALL thoughts and emotions. The good, the bad, and the ugly. For example, Tzeentch may be a cruel and devious trickster, but he's also a force for progress and a beacon of hope. Change, after all, is neither innately benevolent or malevolent (but it sure as shitterling isn't the same as it was before). Without Tzeentch, there would be no malicious schemes, but there would also be no one clever enough to save people from those schemes. Nothing would ever get done, and we would fall into an eternal stasis of static karma.
Magnus the Red, on Tzeentch
And THAT is what Nurgle represents: stagnancy. A lack of change. Inevitable eternal cycles of decay and renewal. But he also represents the resilience, resolve, and solidarity to face those same, unsettling inevitabilities. Without Nurgle, there would be no consistency, safety, or comfort in living and dying. In fact, there would be no consistency at all - all those cycles of decay and renewal are just the circle of life. In fact, Nurgle is technically nature incarnate.
Magnus the Red, on Nurgle
Well Khorne may be a force of merciless, mindless slaughter and hatred, but that's because he proscribes to another natural concept: survival of the fittest. Strength and skill are all that matter to him. He also represents justice, vengeance, and honour, so unlike the others, Khorne would never try to trick you and stab you in the back. Without him, there would be no honesty, and no strength to fight against injustice.
Magnus the Red, on Khorne
And speaking of injustice, Slaanesh may be a horrifying, cruel, torturous fiend that breaks minds and inflicts untold suffering, but he... she... it also exudes just as much joy, freedom, expression, and happiness. It's ironic, but it makes sense - Slaanesh is formed from the extremes of emotional experience, representing both joyful freedom as well as crippling suffering. Without Slaanesh, there would be no happiness, and no grief to make those happy times MEAN anything.
Magnus the Red, on Slaanesh
