Quotes / I Just Shot Marvin in the Face

Geoff: What's going on?!
Michael: Bravo One and Bravo Two are down, we have lost Team Bravo! Something happened to Bravo One, and he, and he must've jumped in front of me, and it definitely was not my fault!
[...]
Ray: YOU SHOT HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE! He has a Hawaiian shirt on!
Michael: IT WAS A DARK ALLEY!
Ray: AND AN ELF HAT!
Michael: THERE ARE COPS ON US EVERYWHERE!
Ray: CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!

— Achievement Hunter's Let's Play Grand Theft Auto V, "[Geoff's] Heist"

"This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual wield flintlock pistols."

— Homestuck

Rochelle: So what do you think is going to kill us? Gators, snakes, bugs, or mud people?
Nick: You're forgetting one thing — from the way we're shooting? Each other.

— Left 4 Dead 2

Humbert: A gun. You should be careful of those things.
Charlotte: It's not loaded.
Humbert: That's what they all say: "I didn't know it was loaded."

— Stanley Kubrick's Lolita

"Josh... I'm impressed you did this, you're amazing for just making this trip. But you don't know what you're doing with that thing. And I think there's a one percent chance you're going to actually need the guns and a ninety-nine percent chance that a stray cat is going to jump out of the shadows and you're going to shoot each other. And me."

— Amy Sullivan, This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It

"Might I suggest engaging the safety, so as not to kill any more troops?"

— Lawrence, Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time

Cleaning my gun with the safety off, safety off, safety off,
cleaning my gun with the safety off
on a cold and frosty [BANG!]

— The Simpsons, "Simpsons Tall Tales"

A youth who can't hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his grandmother every time, at a hundred. Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old muskets supposed not to be loaded, and the other army had been composed of their female relations.

— Mark Twain

"A very action-oriented and impulsive 'Igknight' warrior. His comrades call him 'Bullet Eagle' while keeping a certain distance from him."

— Igknight Eagle's Flavor Text in the Yu-Gi-Oh! OCG

"Lance noticed that there was a little gun by his dad's bed, so he picked it up to check it out. Just joking around, he pointed the gun at Brandon and pulled the trigger. He thought it wasn't loaded. Well, he thought wrong."

— Chicken Soup For The Preteen Soul 2, "Stay With Me"

Sister: I'm no firearms expert, Tucker, but I'm pretty sure you shouldn’t have your finger on the trigger like that.
Tucker: Calm down, K. The safety's on. See?
[Tucker fires, shooting Captain Flowers in the head.]
Tucker: Oh! [Whispers] Dang.

— Red vs. Blue season 16, "Sis and Tuc's Sexellent Adventure"

Spongebob: Patrick, that's a gun.

Patrick: Yes.

[cuts to shot of Krusty Krab from the outside with a gunshot]

[everyone in the Krusty Krab starts screaming]

— Patrick, that's a gun

"Yeah, just point that shit right at yourself, whatever! No big deal, just wag your fuckin' gun dick right in your own face!"

— Retsupurae, "Dahi̇r İnşaat Presents.... OH MY GOD"

That's what you get for firing a weapon that hasn't been cleaned since Lincoln was assassinated!

— Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist if you try to fire an uncleaned gun.

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