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Anime
What am I supposed to do, drop [Blocky] in the road and wait for Kirby to trip over it?
— King Dedede, Kirby: Right Back at Ya!
Fan Works
Doofenshmirtz: I have to say it's strange that a teenage girl can fit into a platypus-sized trap.
Phineas: Platypus-sized? That's a rather specific size for a trap.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, it's the size of my nemesis, who is apparently running late again. Anyway, I didn't want anyone else to set it off, which is why I grabbed you. I didn't want to kidnap you or anything, that's not really my style. It's not the proper kind of evil. I mean, what kind of villain actually sets out to hurt children? What is there to gain from that? No one took over anything by involving children.
Phineas: Platypus-sized? That's a rather specific size for a trap.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, it's the size of my nemesis, who is apparently running late again. Anyway, I didn't want anyone else to set it off, which is why I grabbed you. I didn't want to kidnap you or anything, that's not really my style. It's not the proper kind of evil. I mean, what kind of villain actually sets out to hurt children? What is there to gain from that? No one took over anything by involving children.
Film — Live-Action
Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the "Wet Bandits," we're the "Sticky Bandits!"
— Marv Merchants, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Laurie: I remember I caught [Captain Carnage] coming out of this jeweler's. I didn't know what his racket was. I start hitting him and I think "Jeez, he's breathing funny! Does he have asthma?"
Dan: He tried that with me, only I'd heard about him, so I just walked away. He follows me down the street - broad daylight, right? - screaming "Punish me! PUNISH ME!" I'm like "No! Get lost!"
Laurie: Whatever happened to him?
Dan: Well, he pulled it on Rorschach, and Rorschach dropped him down an elevator shaft.
(both laugh)
Dan: He tried that with me, only I'd heard about him, so I just walked away. He follows me down the street - broad daylight, right? - screaming "Punish me! PUNISH ME!" I'm like "No! Get lost!"
Laurie: Whatever happened to him?
Dan: Well, he pulled it on Rorschach, and Rorschach dropped him down an elevator shaft.
(both laugh)
— Watchmen
Live-Action TV
"Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad. But when you try to be bad? You suck."
— Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Mobius: I specialize in the pursuit of dangerous Variants.
Loki: Like myself?
Mobius: Mmm... No, particularly dangerous Variants. You're just a little pussycat.
Loki: Like myself?
Mobius: Mmm... No, particularly dangerous Variants. You're just a little pussycat.
— Loki, "Glorious Purpose"
Video Games
I'm the one who's been replacing all of Ravena City's favorite shows with EDUCATIONAL TELEVISON!
—TV Man, The Brains And The Brawn: Heroes and Villains
Guybrush: You're about as fearsome as a doorstop.
Murray: ...Is it a really evil-looking doorstop?
Guybrush: Uh, never mind.
Murray: ...Is it a really evil-looking doorstop?
Guybrush: Uh, never mind.
In a city where death can be temporary, lunatic murderers are not treated with especial respect... a throat-cutting spree is not very much worse than a wasp's nest. It must be vexing for him.
General Pepper: The leader of this rebellion is none other than Oikonny.
Fox McCloud: OK, I see now. So we're here because...
Fox McCloud: OK, I see now. So we're here because...
Web Comics
Your penchant for mass murder notwithstanding, people tend to regard you as a bit of tool.
— The Narrator on Eridan Ampora, Homestuck
Now how am I gonna get back at that jerk for everything he's done to me? Hmm, I could always kidnap the princess... nah, been there, done that. I could just go and kill him, but that wouldn't be evil enough... No, I must do something so utterly evil, he'll be all like, "Whoa dude, that was like totally evil!" I got it! I'll go punch him in the nose! That'll show him!
— Ganon, Zelda Comic
Web Original
A geeky, awkward research scientist turned flamboyant, rubber-faced idiot... His pseudo-sexual obsession with Bruce Wayne compels him to leave brain teasers for Bruce every now and then. Terrifying!
I genuinely love how she says that no one's going to be able to protect them from the plants, and everybody just busts out laughing at her, and Gossip Gertie is all "in Gotham, we've got Batman, so f*** you." Gossip Gertie don't shiv.
— ComicsAlliance on
Poison Ivy
Poison IvyChris Sims: Dracula in this movie definitely looks like the default version in a video game that allows you to customize your character. "...And Commander John Shepard as Dracula."
David Uzumeri: There's nothing Draculesque about him at all.
Chris: He doesn’t even have one medallion.
David Uzumeri: There's nothing Draculesque about him at all.
Chris: He doesn’t even have one medallion.
— ComicsAlliance on Blade: Trinity
Blade: TrinityWatching Thanos fail at obtaining an Infinity Stone has become as common as watching the Duke boys once again thwart Boss Hogg. And the thing is, it’s fun to watch the good guys win - and win, and win, and win, and win, and win, and win, and win, and win, and win - but now I’ve started to feel a legitimate amount of sympathy for Thanos. Would it kill the universe just to let the guy have one Stone? I mean, it has been ten movies. What would one Stone hurt? Perhaps this is why Edgar Wright left Ant-Man? Maybe his grand idea was for poor Thanos to finally get himself a Stone. "Sorry, Edgar, that's just never going to happen. We have to let you go now for even suggesting such a thing."
— Mike Ryan, "Thanos is Really Bad at Being a Supervillain" (Written before the film Avengers: Infinity War)
(Written before the film Avengers: Infinity War)The Dominators are masters of the ten galaxies... I bet those galaxies are a bit embarrassed about that.
I would like to submit that Aeon the Terrible is not very good at being terrible.
— Mike Fireball in his review of Rudolph's Shiny New Year
of Rudolph's Shiny New YearI mean, the Ferengi get more exposure than we do. We really have to work on our brand.
— A Romulan, TheM0vieBlog on ''Star Trek: Enterprise, "United"
on ''Star Trek: Enterprise, "United"This diabolical baddie has entered the realms of rude. RUDE!
— The Nostalgia Critic, The Swan Princess review
In real news, the Weather Underground bombs the US State Department, hurting absolutely nobody and generally continuing their reputation as the fluffy bunnies of the terrorist world.
The Borrower's superpower was leaving signed documentation at the scene of all his robberies. That's like being a regular criminal only easier to convict - like, suspiciously easier. His escape vehicle is a chatty stroll and he's dressed like an embedded reporter in a war between leprechauns. If a rookie superhero saw The Borrower, he'd probably say, "Oh, fuck. This is all some kind of Make a Wish Foundation stunt. I'm ... I'm dying, aren't I?"
Mr. Hyde is not all that compelling in this movie. He is built up all during the first half (kind of like Harry Lime in The Third Man) where we only get glimpses and whispers of how evil he is. When we finally meet him we find he is not so much evil as just an asshole. He beats up a few people but the majority of his evil acts are insulting people and drawing penises in medical textbooks (I'm not kidding). Heck I can get that from any episode of House.
— Miles Antwiler on Mary Reilly (1996)
Mary Reilly (1996)Oh, and we also got an appearance by a vaguely heel Lord Alfred Hayes, who made fun of Todd's name. And yeah, that was pretty much heel Alfred - he was never blatantly evil, just more like he got out of the wrong side of the bed in the morning.
If SCP-1370 encounters an object it believes to be sapient, it will attempt to engage the object in combat while introducing itself with a variety of elaborate titles which appear to be selected at random. Examples include DoomBot 2000, RoboLord the Destructor, Prime Minister Sinister and Darth Claw Killflex. SCP-1370 will often include variations to these titles based on responses it receives from personnel; Foundation staff have successfully introduced Patheticon the Garglemost and PesterBot to its lexicon.
Addendum: Many tests on SCP-1370's combat prowess have been run, each confirming that SCP-1370 lacks the physical aptitude to cause damage to any living being. Test 1370-8239 exposed SCP-1370 to a common houseplant with a speaker hidden in the plant's pot. After SCP-1370 was provoked verbally, it attempted to fold and twist the leaves of the plant within its grasp before incapacitating itself.
encounters an object it believes to be sapient, it will attempt to engage the object in combat while introducing itself with a variety of elaborate titles which appear to be selected at random. Examples include DoomBot 2000, RoboLord the Destructor, Prime Minister Sinister and Darth Claw Killflex. SCP-1370 will often include variations to these titles based on responses it receives from personnel; Foundation staff have successfully introduced Patheticon the Garglemost and PesterBot to its lexicon. Addendum: Many tests on SCP-1370's combat prowess have been run, each confirming that SCP-1370 lacks the physical aptitude to cause damage to any living being. Test 1370-8239 exposed SCP-1370 to a common houseplant with a speaker hidden in the plant's pot. After SCP-1370 was provoked verbally, it attempted to fold and twist the leaves of the plant within its grasp before incapacitating itself.
—One of the less dangerous objects in the possession of the SCP Foundation
Web Video
"A fashion designer made a make-up spray to make everyone's face stuck at one emotion, because that made them ugly, apparently, and she hated beauty. Another villain wanted to make everything 1980s because... Yeah, because! Then, there was one who wanted to use Girl Scout cookies to make everyone overweight for no reason. In another episode, someone was kidnapping blonde women and sucking out their energy to make their hair grow so they could harvest it."
—The Mysterious Mr. Enter in his review of Totally Spies!
"Following in the footsteps of previous Super Solvers games, Morty Maxwell, aka the Master of Mischief, is once again planning on taking over the world by almost being a nuisance, this time by entering the Shady Glen Spelling Bee, along with his paintbrush-inspired robotic minions."
— Lazy Game Reviews, on Super Solvers: Spellbound
Western Animation
I never tip, I butt in line
I never clean the dishes and it suits me fine
I'm so pleased, I'm such a sleaze
(This bad guy thing's a breeze!)
I never clean the dishes and it suits me fine
I'm so pleased, I'm such a sleaze
(This bad guy thing's a breeze!)
— King K. Rool, Donkey Kong Country
Dr. Gevaarjlik: Heinz, evil doesn't have to be on a big scale. You can spread evil in the little things you do everyday.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You're right.
Dr. Gevaarjlik: BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT! You're a total failure!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You're right.
Dr. Gevaarjlik: BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT! You're a total failure!
— Phineas and Ferb, "Oil On Candace"
My evil plan isn't evil enough for you to foil, is that it? Really? I've just insulted the macaroni and cheese recipe of a WHALE!
— Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Phineas and Ferb, "Perry Lays an Egg"
Oh, Amoeba Boys, you're so dumb! But we love you anyway.
— The Narrator, The Powerpuff Girls
Plankton. One percent evil. Ninety-nine percent hot gas.
— Karen, SpongeBob SquarePants
Another failure, Shredder? You have an almost perfect record!
— Krang, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Monarch: (narrating) So what's all this crap about levels? Level 10, level 4, level whatever? It's not that confusing. An EMA level means an "Equally Matched Aggression" level. It all started with, that's right, the original Dr. Venture. See, fifty years ago, there was this freshman villain called Turnbuckle. No fancy car, no weapons, no clue, right? He shows up at the Venture Compound and snatches Rusty from his playpen or whatever and demands a fight.
Action Man: Step away from the boy.
Turnbuckle: Caution! You face Tuuuuurnbuckle! My punch is devastating!
Action Man: Step the fuck away from the boy!
Monarch: The guy puts up his dukes like a total douche, so the Action Man, because he's a full-on psycho, pistol whips him into the ground like a tent pole. And then this Turnbuckle, he looks up and says-
Turnbuckle: Kiss my ass!
Monarch: Click. Takes one right in the brain. Not equal. So they came up with this system. You have huge balls, a deadly partner, an armed headquarters, a huge henchman army and a flying car? You're like a level 9 or 10. If you just have a sidekick and enough change to ride the New Jersey P.A.T.H. train, you're a 4. Guess who's a 4?
Action Man: Step away from the boy.
Turnbuckle: Caution! You face Tuuuuurnbuckle! My punch is devastating!
Action Man: Step the fuck away from the boy!
Monarch: The guy puts up his dukes like a total douche, so the Action Man, because he's a full-on psycho, pistol whips him into the ground like a tent pole. And then this Turnbuckle, he looks up and says-
Turnbuckle: Kiss my ass!
Monarch: Click. Takes one right in the brain. Not equal. So they came up with this system. You have huge balls, a deadly partner, an armed headquarters, a huge henchman army and a flying car? You're like a level 9 or 10. If you just have a sidekick and enough change to ride the New Jersey P.A.T.H. train, you're a 4. Guess who's a 4?
HA-HA-HA-HAAA! This is my most brilliant plan yet! A machine that sucks the cheese right off the pizzas!
— Dr. Two-Brains, WordGirl
Real Life
I, Voldemort, give you full permission to use the most evil of magics! They're like, "No, Voldemort! Not the ear magic!" "YES! BURN ALL THEIR FUCKIN' EARS!'"
