Quotes / Filthy Rich & Catflap

Eddie: Richie, please, I'm begging you - no, I'm threatening you. If you don't shut up, I'm gonna cut your head off, shove it in the microwave, wait until it goes ping, mash it up with a bit of milk and butter and ram it up your backside! SO JUST SHUT UP!

Richie: Fine, if you wish it, we shall sit in silence.

Eddie: It could save your life.

Filthy: This morning I coughed so hard I sucked my trousers up my backside.

Richie: And completely by surprise, you're going to die. Yeah, everyone will think it was an accident except me, the strange enigmatic figure with the chainsaw.

Richie: Ahh... the morning... the morning. How glad I am that I've always spurned regular lovers, because, of course, by sleeping alone, I get me all to myself. And I always know I'm going to wake up next to the most attractive person in the world.

(Eddie emerges from under the duvet)

Eddie: Blimey, I wouldn't want to face that crowd: they're getting a bit restless. Battersea bouncers really do bounce.

Filthy: Don't mither the act Edward, Richie has enough to concern him already, what with being crap.

Eddie: It is Filthy Ralph, the impresario, promoter, pornographer and common thief.

Richie: I know who Filthy Ralph is.

Eddie: Yeah, but they don't.

Filthy: Richie, I've got bad news for you-

Policeman: You're nicked.

Richie: Oh come on, I wasn't that bad.

Eddie: It was your alibi, it collapsed. Mr Forsyth followed us here. It's prison for us!

Filthy: Don't worry Richie, these days prison food is quite acceptable. Mind you, it's not so nice when they nail you to the table and ram it up you backside.