Quotes / Diaries of a Madman

Discord: You know, Celestia, it wouldn’t kill you to be civil. I know you don’t care for me, but think about how I feel! You locked me in stone for several thousand years.

Celestia: You deserved worse.

Discord: Yes, I did, I suppose. But you would do the same had you had lived as long as I.

Discord: You think you know boredom. You think you know loneliness. You. Don’t. Know. A. Thing.

Navarone: It’s an odd feeling, to have your life left up to a mysterious benefactor, communicating solely through a flaming scroll.

Navarone: Sometimes I think Pinkie could get away with a coup just because no one would question her until Celestia and Luna both disappeared and she said she ruled now.

(after surviving being poisoned)

Celestia: Navarone, do humans know how to die?

Navarone: We’re slow learners. I’ll figure it out one of these days.

Celestia: Take your time.

Navarone: If you can’t win without hurting those you care about, you shouldn’t try to win. Preserving those you care about is the only real reason to fight, and if you have to go against that, then there is no reason to even bother.

Spike: Some hero you are!

Navarone: I never claimed to be a hero. Anyone who called me that was wrong. I just occasionally end up in positions where being heroic is really the only option.

Navarone: I’d rather live and be called a coward than die and be called honorable. But when the fight is over and the enemy is harmless—or at least, as harmless as anything in this world can be—there’s no reason to be rude to them.

(after Nav suggests feeding convicted criminals love poison so they can provide nourishment for changelings)

Celestia: Navarone, that solution is incredibly cruel, very evil, and exactly the reason I keep you around.

(after Nav single-handedly wins a tournament by betraying every other team that tries to work with him)

Celestia: What you did was nothing short of brilliant, and yet at the same time so darkly underhanded that I feel dirty congratulating you for it.

Navarone: Why thank you, Celestia. That means a lot, coming from you.

Celestia: What am I to do with you, Navarone? I offered you a chance to be happy and you tried to kill yourself. I offered you a chance to make everypony that knows you happier for knowing you. I offered you a chance at love for Taya and Luna. And you would rather die than have it. Why? Can you even explain it?

Navarone: Because of the freedom of choice. I am a free man, Celestia. Or I was a free man, until you forced me to give myself away. If someone tried to force you to take a totally different personality, would you do it?

Celestia: If I would be happier and it would make others happy, yes!

Navarone: No human would. I would wager that most would choose death. I am not a pony, Celestia. I never will be. My mind works completely differently. You might have heard of the concept of spite, but I don’t think you would have ever felt it. I would rather kill myself to spite you than allow you to ruin me. And I can almost guarantee that if you rip my mind open and continue to expect me to be able to do all the shit jobs you’ve been forcing me into, you will be very disappointed. You’ll be left with a loving slave that has no use.

Navarone: I’m really starting to dislike that ability you have.

Celestia: And which ability is that?

Navarone: That one that basically forces everyone to do what you want.

Celestia: Oh yes, that. I know. I’ve been a princess getting unruly subjects to do what I need them for longer than you’ve been alive, though. If it makes you feel any better, you’re one of the few that have actually noticed I’m doing it.

Navarone: I never did ask. Did Chrysalis hurt you when she looked into your mind?

Taya: No. It just felt… odd.

Navarone: Are you just saying that because you don’t want me to kill her?

Taya: No. You can kill her if you want.

Navarone: I’m glad to know you’re so understanding.

Navarone: Do you think your cuteness will work on Twilight?

Taya: I don’t think so. It took all I had to beat Rarity, and she was only disappointed at you.

Navarone: Damn. I guess I’ll have to rely on my charm and good looks.

Taya: So we’re doomed?

Navarone: Oh yeah, we’re fucked.

Twilight: Sometimes I wonder if you’re really as dense as you act, and just occasionally pretend to be smart.

Navarone: I wonder the same thing. It’s fun, either way. I suggest it wholeheartedly.

Navarone: Only an idiot isn’t afraid of scary things. Courage is the ability to overlook that fear and do what needs to be done anyway. Another word for courage is stupidity.

Navarone: I tend to do what I think is the right thing. It isn’t always the best thing or the most popular thing, but in my mind, it is the right thing.

(after being defenestrated by Filly!Twilight)

Navarone: I don’t know what came over Twilight. She knows I hate getting thrown out windows.

Rarity: She’s done this to you before?

Navarone: No, but she’s smart. She should know that no one likes being thrown out windows.

(during Nav and Celestia's trip to the theatre)

Navarone: So you aren’t bringing guards?

Celestia: I won’t need them. I prefer not having them when I go on hoof.

Navarone: Eh, I’m unimportant anyway. If anyone’s aiming, it’ll be for you.

Celestia: Your concern for my well-being is touching.

Navarone: Hey, I’d miss you! But I prefer living too much to take a bullet for you. I’d definitely hold your blood in and rage at the heavens if you got hurt, of course.

Celestia: My hero.

Rarity: I don’t see why you have such an unreasonable detestation toward the fashion industry, Navarone. You really must get that sorted out. Maybe this is a chance to do that!

Navarone: I’m quite fine with my irrational hatreds, actually. They help keep me warm at night, when I’m alone and unable to sleep.

Navarone: I have this picture in my head now of me riding into Washington, DC astride a huge, majestic dragon, my wings fully outspread and a sword held high above my head, proclaiming that spot the new Mecca of the world, where I would rule humanity as a god emperor…

Twilight: You have an overactive imagination.

(after gaining his set of Scary Impractical Armor)

Spike: Nav… You’re terrifying right now. It’s awesome!

Navarone: Good. I miss having everyone cringe in fear when I walked past. Now they’ll have reason to again!

Spike: Okay, that’s kinda creepy…

Rarity: You won’t get anywhere in life running from your problems!

Navarone: (after crying from laughter) I’m richer than all six of you combined. I have the ear of both princesses, the king of Egypt, and Queen Chrysalis. A clan of bloodthirsty naga love me. I won a massive tournament in Maris and was offered a generalship in a griffin army. I’m a fucking knight! If you insist I keep running from my problems, you’re going to have to accept that running from my problems has taken me everywhere in life.

Fluttershy: And how happy are you? Do you really like any of that?

Navarone: Not a bit. I hate all of it.

(after Fluttershy and Gilda make up)

Navarone: See, Taya: This is how normal ponies deal with things.

Taya: So that's why you kill people instead?

Navarone: There is no force in the multiverse stronger than a group of humans plotting revenge. You may think you’re immortal now, but piss some people off where I come from and you’d find out for sure. And if you are, you might end up wishing you weren’t.

(on Nav's Nightmare Night costume)

Rarity: ...what are you supposed to be, anyway?

Navarone: It’s the human’s personification of Death itself.

Rarity: That’s… interesting. Why anthropomorphize it as another of your kind instead of making it something completely different?

Navarone: Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill?

Navarone: Lonely or not, humans are survivors. That is our long history and as the only one here, I shall do my best to hold onto the tradition.

(while being attacked by Fluttershy's animals en route to the bathroom)

Navarone: Humanity conquered nature a long, long time ago. And despite these damnable wings and being forced to live in Namby Pamby Ponyland for several years, I am still a human. (trying to find his way to the bathroom) I will not submit. I will not bow. (opens the wrong door) And this is not the bathroom.

Navarone: I hate getting punched in the face. Try to avoid that, Taya.

(after trying yet again to get Smiles to stop calling him sir)

Navarone: ...if I catch you calling me that again after tonight, I’m going to come up with a really embarrassing pet name for you and I’ll make sure it gets put on the official roster back home.

Smiles: That’s cruel and unusual!

Navarone I’m a cruel and unusual person.

(after losing a finger)

Navarone: That finger was on my top ten list of favorite fingers…

Navarone: Don’t you have anything better to do than bother me?

Smiles: Such as?

Navarone: Playing cards with the other guards. Reading. Guarding. Lighting babies on fire. I’m sure you can think of something.

Navarone: ...I like watching the plebeians run about their day like little insects.

Shining Armor: That’s… kinda messed up.

Navarone: Yeah. I just said that to see what kind of reaction I’d get.

Navarone: Do not ever underestimate me, Chrysalis. I am a friend, and you will treat me as a friend, or you will find me an enemy. That would end poorly for you.

(after witnessing the capabilities of human weaponry through Nav's memories)

Chrysalis: I didn’t believe you. Millions… billions… Dead. That power. That raw, terrifying, and beautiful power. Unbelievable… and yet true. You did not lie when you said that you did not belong here, Nav. Your kind are monsters. And you are no different.

Navarone: If you absolutely, positively must kill every motherfucker in the room, call for a human.

Chrysalis: If you weren’t carrying a filly in your arms and stroking her hair occasionally, I would be quivering in my carapace.

Bloodbeak: You are the only one I have ever had dare tell me I was a fool. And I have said many foolish things in my long life.

Navarone: Well, I’ve punched a queen in the face before, so don’t think I haven’t done worse.

Navarone: I can’t help but feel that I’ve made a terrible mistake…

Twilight: That’s probably because you’re you.

Rainbow Dash: What’s got you so down?

Navarone: Nothing much, Rainbow. Just thinking, like usual.

Rainbow Dash: You haven’t learned your lesson about that yet? Thinking’s bad for you, Nav!

Navarone: I know, but I can’t seem to stop. It’s a dirty habit, I guess.

Vinyl Scratch: We’re going if I have to drag you there.

Navarone: And how exactly would you go about doing that?

Vinyl Scratch: I’ll kick you in the shin, grab your wings with my teeth, and start pulling.

Navarone: And what if I fly away?

Vinyl Scratch: I’ll call Rainbow Dash and get her to catch you for me. Then I’ll kick you in the shin for trying to get away.

Navarone: What is it with you and kicking me in my shin?

Discord: They think I’m evil. That what I do is wrong. Or rather, that what I did was wrong. It’s all a matter of perspective. To them it was wrong, and I can see where they’re coming from. In all honesty, morality doesn’t exist anymore for me. No right, no wrong. I am incapable of caring. I just want some way to alleviate the boredom. If a few unimportant souls suffer, well, what are they in the grand scheme of things? I am as alone as it is possible to be, aside from a few souls like you that join me. But even those that join me eventually fail, as much as I try to extend their lives. In the end, it will just be me. Again. Surrounded by billions that will flare into existence and then die away. So what do I care if I hurt them? I’ve seen untold numbers of souls come into being. They are replaceable. I know that this viewpoint is evil to most, but I don’t care.

Matilda: Oh. It’s you.

Navarone: Yeah, I do tend to be me.

(after Nav takes down a dog crime lord)

Dragon Purifier: You. What is your role in these events?

Pinkie Pie: (eating popcorn) I’m the comic relief!

(Beat)

Dragon Purifier: Continue the good work, pink one.

Pinkie Pie: Interesting things always happen around you. And you usually respond to them in just the right way to make them even more interesting!

Navarone: I’d prefer boring things, personally.

(Nav introducing himself at the Flankfurt Festival)

Navarone: Navarone.

Shining Armor: That’s Sir Navarone. Knight of Princess Luna.

Navarone: These introductions are for things we’re proud of, Shiny.

Celestia: Must you be so vulgar all the time, Nav?

Navarone: Yes.

Celestia: Don’t lie to me, Nav. It’s unhealthy.

Navarone: So is eating cake for breakfast, but I see you doing it every time I stop by.

Celestia: ...you’re always just looking for the worst in others.

Navarone: That’s because the worst is so often the side of others that I see.

Navarone: Back where I come from, we have a saying. ‘Life sucks and then you die.’ You aren’t dead yet, so you better believe it’s gonna keep sucking. I think we both know what would happen if you quit.

Celestia: I want to live in your world for just five minutes, to see what it’s like that it could create such phrases.

Navarone: You’re a terrible person, Celestia.

Celestia: I learned from watching you.

Navarone: Somehow I find that hard to believe.

Celestia: That’s probably because it isn’t true.

(after Midnight mentions the politics that have seen Shining Armor leapfrog above her in rank)

Navarone: I haven’t exactly been given a fair deal here either.

Midnight: And yet you came out on top. And don’t even pretend otherwise. You have the love of at least one princess and both trust you above almost anypony else. That’s why you’ll always have my respect, if nothing else. You took the worst possible situation for anypony to ever be in and you turned it around to one of the best possible situations to be in. Might not have been easy. Might not even have been worth it—and judging from your record, I’d say it wasn’t. But you did it.

Navarone: You know, I honestly never thought I would be telling my daughter to go talk to strangers.

(While at the dentist's)

Rainbow Dash: (after waking up) Dude, why are you in my house?

Navaone: If your house looks like a dentist’s office, I’m going to help you redecorate.

Bloodbeak: No one griffin should have the power to ruin his entire country.

Bloodbeak: A free-thinking population is better than a population that supports you out of indifference.

Bloodbeak: A leader should rule through respect, not fear.

(after Cadance helps Nav get out of his Arranged Marriage with Gilda)

Navarone: So how did you do it?

Cadance: I threatened to follow him back to Gryphus and talk to him about love every day until the engagement was broken.

Navarone: Oooh, no wonder he gave up.

Navarone: I need to go into town. Cadance can go back to torturing her foal.

Cadance: I don’t torture foals, Nav. I tenderly love them.

Navarone: What’s the difference?

Cadance: For your mind, I somewhat doubt there is one.

Taya: He was a bully that was looking for a reason to hurt you. He deserved what he got.

Navarone: Remember that. He was a bad person. But also remember this: We are not judges. We do not decide who should live or who should die. If you ever had to make a split second life or death choice and killing the other person is your only option, do it without hesitation. But when you can avoid killing, do so every time.

Ames: It is unfair to your opponent to be able to kill them from so far.

Navarone: You’d hate my world, then.

Fancy Pants: …Navarone, you are not a pony.

Navarone: Thank you. That means a lot to me.

Fancy Pants: I can’t even tell if that’s an insult or not…

Navarone: Thanks, Blossom.

Midnight: It’s Captain Midnight, Sir Navarone. I expect professionalism while on a mission.

Navarone: That’ll be easy enough to fake, I suppose. I only have one professional bone in my body, though.

Midnight: And if you keep talking about it, I am going to break it.

Navarone: Hey! I like my right index finger! I have a load of good memories with it…

(during the war games)

Navarone: Alright. Some of you have worked with me in the past. Some of you have not. For those of you that haven’t, know this: I expect you to not be completely retarded. There is a good chance I will ask you to do something that will require some manner of intelligence. Please do not let me down. That would be very disappointing. Another thing you might not know if you haven’t worked with me is that I am rather unconventional. This group will be doing things that are unfair, cruel, violent, and thoroughly underhanded. And I expect to get results. Any questions? Yes?

Night Guard: Why not just fight the way we usually do?

Navarone: Because I like winning.

Navarone: Good job, Smiles. You managed to not die long enough to do something useful.

Smiles: Uh… thank you, sir?

Navarone: Have I ever told you how much I hate you?

Celestia: It’s been a while. But you know you love me.

(after gaining his technicolour armour)

Navarone: You’re a terrible person. And that armor looks gayer than you do. Trust me, that’s saying something.

Cadance: I’m glad you think I look so happy! And it’s good you think your armor does, too.

Navarone: …You know that wasn’t a compliment, right?

Navarone: Fluttershy, I suggest against following in my footsteps.

Fluttershy: (completely sincere) Oh, I could never do that. It would be awkward, trying to match your two feet with my four.

Navarone: It’s like you’re just begging for me to hug you.

Navarone: There. I can successfully kick a tree. My parents would be so proud.

Navarone: So how would you feel if I called you pretty?

Rainbow Dash: Kinda weirded out, actually.

Rarity: Rainbow! You should take compliments with grace and poise! I shall demonstrate. Navarone, if you would.

Navarone: I don’t know… It’s hard to think of a compliment for you.

Rarity: *sour look*

Navarone: I mean, you already know you’re one of the most beautiful ponies out there and you have dozens of suitors to tell you that, so there’s hardly anything someone like me could tell you that you don’t already know.

Rarity: *shocked expression*

Navarone: So where’s that grace and poise you were mentioning?

Rarity: Well, that was hardly a normal compliment…

Midnight: Navarone, never go into politics. You would tear Canterlot apart.

Navarone: I know we don’t always get along, but you don’t have to insult me so rudely. Politics is beneath me. I am merely an everyman, trying to survive by whatever means I can.

Midnight: Don’t even try to pull that lie.

Navarone: Everything should be okay.

Taya: Daddy, how many times have you said that?

Navarone: A bunch.

Taya: And how many times did things end up being okay?

Navarone: Hey, I’m still here, aren’t I?

(after Luna gets 'killed' yet again trying to break into Nav's dream)

Navarone: I gotta say, that was a pretty inventive use of sunflower seeds.

Flo: I had a long time to think about things.

Navarone: How about this: You make her a dress, I apologize, and I don’t tell everyone at the Gala that my daughter had to attend naked because the great seamstress Rarity was completely unable to come up with any designs.

Rarity: You wouldn’t dare! So it’s come to this. And I thought we were friends.

Navarone: Forced acquaintances at best. You make me do things I hate and I torture you for them. That hardly seems friendly.

Rarity: It’s a give and take relationship.

Navarone: The worst part of being a pawn is being expendable…

Bloodbeak: But if you live long enough to get to the other side, you might just become the most powerful piece out there.

Noble: What exactly are you?

Navarone: Your worst nightmare when an enemy and your best friend when not. That’s the simplest and easiest description. And I very much suggest you remember it.

Navarone: This party isn’t enjoyable. Too many people and not enough corners to hide in.

Pinkie Pie: Well that’s just silly! If you hide in a corner, how will you escape when they find you? Come on, Nav, this is simple pony-avoidance 101!

Navarone: Cornered animals fight a lot harder.

Cadance: Shining Armor and I got to talking and… we decided we want you to be Skyla’s godfather!

Navarone: ...Did the two of you decide this when you were high? Or maybe when you both had no sleep for weeks? Because Skyla hates me, if you’ll recall.

Cadance: Oh, that’s just you being paranoid! You know she likes you deep down, Nav.

Navarone: *stares*

Cadance: Deep, deep down.

Navarone: *raises an eyebrow*

Cadance: Very well hidden.

Fancy Pants: An umbral knight?! And you told her you’d think about it?! Navarone, that’s an honor you can’t refuse!

Navarone: Watch me.

Navarone: ...I do not like being tricked, Fancy.

Fancy Pants: I’ve yet to find anypony that does, Nav.

Shining Armor: I think I might understand you better now.

Navarone: Thinking’s overrated, Shiny.

(after leaving Lyra and Bon-Bon's house)

Spike: You don’t have to walk me back, Nav.

Navarone: I know. I’m not going to. I just needed an excuse to leave sooner.

Spike: Oh. That’s pretty rude.

Navarone: It’s not rude. I had an excuse.

Guard #1: We found a map, sir.

Navarone: Very good. Wait, did you rip this off a wall?

Guard #2: No sir. We ripped it off a statue.

Navarone: Good job.

Navarone: If Braeburn’s dirty hooves try to steal my innocence, you need to light him on fire.

Spike: Wow, you gave me a really easy job. There’s nothing left for him to steal!

Pinkie Pie: You should be able to enjoy what everypony else enjoys!

Navarone: There’s your problem, Pinkie. Every pony.

Pinkie Pie: …You’re a pony to me, Nav.

Bloodbeak: You are far from innocent, though. Such is the life of those that live lives such as yours. A shame, truly.

Navarone: Hardly. Innocence is a shield, a pair of blinders worn by children and those that don’t know hardship. It is nice while you have it, but when you finally lose it, you look back and see what you missed just because you never thought about something. You can’t take action as an innocent. You can’t change anything. You’re stuck in a small world with a narrow view, following a path set in front of you by those that long ago lost their innocence.

(on trying to kill Fluttershy's crush on Nav)

Cadance: ...I find the entire idea abhorrent. If you weren’t leaving Equestria, I would never even consider this. You and Fluttershy would make a good couple and I hate myself for helping you avoid it.

Navarone: Trust me, you get used to hating yourself after a while.

(after walking in on Nav helping Fluttershy with her flea problem)

Navarone: We aren’t together. I’m just helping her with a problem.

Ames: You are helping wash her. Alone. In the dark, somewhat romantic light of this cavern. And you are washing her backside. And you say you two are not mates?

Navarone: Yes, that is what I say. Is there a problem?

Ames: I think the two of us need to have a talk one of these days.

(on Chrysalis)

Reginald: I wouldn’t go so far as to call her evil. Tragic, yes. Desperate, definitely. Evil? How far would you go for something that you desire more than life itself? She sold her soul for her desire, though I think that she regrets it to this day.

Navarone: When there is so little in your life that you can control, you feel your fist tightening around what little you have left until you own it so thoroughly that nothing can ever break in. That is my mind and I very much suggest you not touch it again.

Navarone: Taya, what have I told you about acting like a bitch?

Taya: I learn by example, daddy.

Navarone: Just because I’m a dick doesn’t mean you have to be. It’s the goal of every parent to make a child that is better than they are, and I’m doing my best to make that easy for you.

(after undergoing a "Freaky Friday" Flip)

Navarone: You know, this is something that would be a cartoon plot in my world. The only difference is that each of us would have some kind of plan or something that we had to get to right after the event happened. We couldn’t tell anyone the truth so we had to pretend to be each other. At the end we would all learn a valuable lesson about not judging others or some stupid crap like that.

Celestia: I may be a tyrant, but I am a benevolent tyrant.

Celestia: I do not condemn you or humanity for the actions of a few. From what you have told me, I do not assume humans are evil. There is a hint of chaos within you, but that does not mean you are evil or bad. It just means that you are different from ponies, who seem more aligned with order.

Kumani: You really need some more claw-to-claw training.

Navarone: Man, I don’t even have claws.

Kumani: Then what are those things at the end of your fingers?

Navarone: Finger nails. They break very easily, though.

Kumani: How in Tartarus did your species survive, again?

Spider Priestess: In the name of Arachne, I curse you all!

Navarone: My god forsook and cursed me long ago. Don’t think any curse you have could make my life worse.

Spider Priestess: You will regret this.

Navarone: I can add it to the list of everything else I regret.

Monkey Servant: You will never need such instruments of violence again, my queen. We are here to guard you and die for you, if need be.

Navarone: I’d prefer you live for me, thank you.

Navarone: I swear, all of you are human fetishists or somethin’.

Shadow Fall: When you grow up in a world with so many races, you learn to appreciate all beauty, wherever you can find it.

Navarone: I’m the queen of the monkeys.

Spider Gatekeeper: Hm, I see. Capture her!

Navarone: Taya, light ‘em up!

(After all the spiders are disintegrated)

Navarone: ...Alright, new backup plan: Kill everything.

Kumani: I like that plan. Can we forget the main plan and use the backup one instead?

Navarone: I’ll think about it.

(on Arachne and Athena)

Celestia: Nav, you don’t get to be my age — or their ages — without going slightly insane.

Navarone: ...Imagine how Discord feels.

Navarone: I ain’t no fucking queen. Hell, ask Celestia. She knows how terrible of a ruler I’d be.

Celestia: You’re good at leading, but I doubt you’d be a good ruler. You lack the patience.

[...]

Navarone: Do whatever. I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t care. I’m wiping my hands of the monkeys. As long as you don’t kill them all, do whatever the fuck you want.

Celestia: See, now that is why you’d make a bad ruler.

Ames: Going against your body’s nature will only end in pain.

Navarone: What’s a little bit of pain added to a lifetime of misery? I’ll survive.

Ames: I would not mind being more included in things. These past two trips have left me feeling like little more than a guard. At least I finally got to bathe my sword in blood, but I would have prefered to be in the actual action, at your side.

Navarone: Everyone has a place.

Ames: Let’s see if you would say that if you were constantly left behind while others did the important things.

Navarone: Hey, if it meant less people would be trying to stick swords in me or eat me, I’d be down with it. I mean, if you want to get turned into a queen and be forced to wear frilly dresses and have makeup put on you, go for it. I’d rather stay on the ship in peace.

Ames: ...Perhaps both spots occasionally have merit.

(Nav trying to calm Spider down after nearly throwing him overboard in a rage the previous day)

Navarone: There’s no reason for you to be afraid of me. You just got really unlucky yesterday. And my name isn’t ‘high mistress,’ it’s Navarone.

(Spider goes into a catatonic state)

Twilight: Good job, Nav.

Navarone: ...Oops. Kat, try to train him away from bowing to every chick he sees.

Kat: That wouldn’t be such a problem if you didn’t try to kill him!

Navarone: These things happen.

Brook: So my queen has returned.

Navarone: Does that mean you’re going to bow down and start doing whatever I want you to?

Brook: What authority does a queen have compared to a god?

Navarone: Gods are immortal and don’t feel pain. Spike killed a part of you and you screamed as it died. Doesn’t seem very godlike to me.

Brook: Insolence will get you nowhere.

Navarone: And lying will get you just as far.

Twilight: Do you always have to make enemies everywhere you go, Nav?

Twilight: You always scare everypony away, don’t you?

Navarone: It’s a good skill to have.

(Nav trolling Twilight on changelings)

Navarone: (picking a changeling up) Just look at him, Twilight. How can something so cute possibly be evil? Adorable little fangs to gently tickle you with. The holey legs to hold onto while they cuddle you. The harmless little horn. Tufty ears that flop around when they move. The large, soulful eyes that cry out for love. Broken and holey wings that make you just want to hold them close and keep them safe…

Changeling: I don’t know how I should feel about this.

Navarone: (tossing the changeling aside) I don’t know what your problem is, Twilight. You’re just weird.

Twilight: Me?! You’re the one that’s weird! Did you even listen to any of what you just said? All those things make them creepy, not cute! Ponies are cute, not changelings! Look at my rubbable tummy. The floppy ears! My soft, squishy body! My happy, loving eyes. And if I had wings, they’d be soft and feathery, perfect for holding somepony close!

Navarone: (Thank God she doesn’t have those. God, can you imagine an alicorn Twilight? Horrifying.)

Navarone: Twilight, what are you waiting for? Teleport us up.

Twilight: (sniffs and looks away)

Navarone: Oh come on. What if I promise to rub your belly when we get up there?

Twilight: It’s gonna take more than that, mister!

Navarone: Three hugs?

Twilight: (eyes narrow)

Navarone: Five? Five hugs, to be collected whenever you want. And a belly rub, of course.

Twilight: That will do.

(While using Taya to avoid Rarity)

Taya: Daddy, you can’t use me to hide from everything.

Navarone: Sure I can! Or at least, the things like this that I want to hide from.

Taya: If you don’t go out there and talk to her, I’m going to start calling you mommy.

Navarone: (flinching) C-come on, Taya. Don’t joke about that! We can talk about this…

Taya: I’m not joking about anything, mommy.

Navarone: I should have learned long ago that hope is a commodity I’m not allowed to have.

Twilight: You always meet such colorful characters.

Navarone: Yeah, just look at you! You’re purple!

Cadance: Why do you have to be so difficult?

Navarone: Because it’s fun.

Vinyl Scratch: What about you? Aside from getting gender swapped, everything going alright?

My mind instantly flashed back to some of the hellish stuff I had been through while I was gone. Almost getting killed by Miguel. Getting blinded by dark magic. Fighting Sombra. Seeing a pony burned alive right in front of me by ghosts. Almost dying in Athena’s realm. The spiders. Becoming a queen. The bunker from hell. Celestia’s creepy possessiveness.

Navarone: *shrug* About par for the course.

(following the deteriorating relationship between Navarone and Celestia)

Cadance: You are chaos incarnate, an agent of insidiousness, a spreader of dark truths, even if you don’t mean to be. You are the wrench in her plans, the monster under her bed. Every time she tries to control you, you slip away from her and ruin even more plans.

Navarone: ...Did you create me just to watch me suffer?

Discord: No, but I’ve been greatly enjoying it.

Navarone: Man, fuck you.

Discord: (putting his face against Nav's) Does the great Lady Navarone seek to add a new being to her list of conquered species?

Navarone: (face burning) ...

(on true magic)

Celestia: ...Life is only a dream. Reality bends to the will of those who choose to bend it. The waking world is a dream shared by all. Those of us who choose the path of lucidity can shape the dream to our desires. Those who stay unaware of life’s true nature march to reality’s tune. Princes and princesses change the laws of the land as they please. What makes you think the laws of reality are any different? Open your eyes, Navarone. See the dream for what it is, and you can make it what you want.

Discord: The fact that you believe you cannot do anything to me is precisely why you cannot do anything to me.

(after slapping Celestia, upon finding out she tried to take Taya as a student behind his back)

Navarone: If you ever, ever get near my daughter again without my permission, I will flay you alive.

Navarone: I really don’t like kids.

Chrysalis/Moonbeam: You just slapped the most powerful mare in the world across the face because she got near your child, and threatened to flay her alive if she did it again.

Navarone: Well, I don’t have to like Taya to love her.

Athena: You have learned that power means controlling, not killing. To become great, you must control the most powerful things.

Navarone: Silver, don’t lie to me. You’re really bad at it. Something’s wrong. Now, you have two choices. Choice one, you can woman up and tell me what’s wrong. Choice two, we’re going back inside and I’m hugging you and maybe rubbing your belly until you tell me.

Silver: That was… the weirdest threat I’ve ever been given. And I was a slave to an evil dictator for a while!

Navarone: Thanks, I try.

(after being very blunt to Kat on how crazy she is)

Watcher: It wasn’t very nice at all.

Navarone: She asked a question. I answered it.

Sentinel: As rudely as possible!

Navarone: Yeah, well, I gave you both muffins! (both shut up)

Celestia: You are my friend, Nav. You are there when I need you and you helped me reconcile with one I thought long lost. You showed me the darkness in one I once trusted. Your wisdom, while juvenile at times, is powerful when it needs to be. You have become my rock in the storm. I… feel there is so much more that I can say, but I don’t believe it is necessary. So I will end with this: Thank you.

Navarone: No probs, toots. Ain’t no thing but a g-string.

Celestia: If you pass off my heartfelt admonition of friendship to you with your hip urban lingo that you know I can’t understand again, I’m going to break your neck.

Celestia: It seems I truly do have much to learn about friendship…

Navarone: I have an awesome idea. You should send me letters through Spike about what you’ve learned of the magic of friendship.

Celestia: (immediately) Very well.

Navarone: Wait, shit, no—

Celestia: But only because you asked, my dear friend. I’ll be ever so delighted to send you letters about what I learn. It’s truly a brilliant idea.

Navarone: You know I was just—

Celestia: (silencing Nav) Thank you for the idea, Nav. Now, forgive me, but I believe I’ve kept Moonbeam waiting for too long. I’ll see you soon, either for lunch or for dinner. (teleports out with a large grin on her face)

Navarone: Shut the fuck up, Flo.

Flo: (cackles)

(later on...)

Celestia: My dearest Navarone, today I learned that sometimes, listening to the advice of your friends is the best thing you can do. One person can never have all the answers, so it’s always good to listen to whatever wisdom your friends can provide. You never know what kind of situations you can prevent or improve by learning from others! Love, your student, Celestia.

Navarone: Write a letter telling her to go fuck herself.

Watcher: As much as I’ve always wanted to tell the princess to do something physically impossible to herself, I think I’ll pass.

(to Discord)

Navarone: God you are ugly.

(introducing Celestia after her old personality has been erased)

Navarone: Meet Princess Celestia 2.0, now with less tyranny and more cuddles.

Navarone: Censoring an idea is easy. Killing an idea is impossible.

(after gaining control of Celestia and being about to rewrite her personality)

Navarone: I recognize greatness in others and choose to elevate them to greater heights. I don’t see greatness in others and stunt them to protect myself. By my side, Luna will be achieving wonders. And you, under my control, will finally bring the world into the future.

Celestia: Spoken like a true dictator.

Twilight: ...this is making me feel bad.

Discord: That’s your conscience speaking. You should learn to ignore that ol’ thing. All it ever does is get in the way of fun!

(after preventing Navarone and herself from heading off immediately via the nearest window)

Celestia: I am a princess, Nav. Unfortunately, I can’t just go jumping through random windows.

Navarone: ...Why not? You’re the princess. You’re the princess. That means you get to decide what’s right and what isn’t, and what’s decorous and what’s not.

Celestia: I’m not jumping out that window. I am the princess and I do get to decide what is and isn’t a part of accepted decorum. And I have decided that jumping out of a window is not part of accepted decorum.

Navarone: You’re just saying that because you know how much I love it.

Navarone: Man, being a hero fucking sucks.

Navarone: Celestia, why are you so squishy and adorable?

Celestia: To catch my opponents off guard.

(after seeing a memory of Celestia trolling Luna)

Navarone: Celestia would have loved the internet. She could have gotten rid of so much stress.

Rose Dancer: Lady Fleur de Lis would like to see you, my lady.

Navarone: How do you always know when people are here for me? Like, are you telepathic or do the guards just hunt you down when someone comes to see me?

Rose Dancer: A proper maid never fails to serve her mistress.

(after Brook corners Nav)

Navarone: So I take it you don’t want to discuss the weather.

Brook: It’s a lovely day. Discussion over.

Flo: ...Change is beautiful. It’s exciting. It’s important. A being that cannot change cannot survive.

Flo: You are a catalyst, Nav. A harbinger of great things. Evil or good, I don’t know. But they will be great. They have been great. Your choices have changed this world. Your choices will continue changing it.

Navarone: Fuck destiny.

(after capturing Pertz)

Watcher: We didn’t risk all that just to have him killed on the way home. Or worse, have him freed.

Navarone: ...I can’t overstate how nice it is to work with someone that’s actually competent.

(Nav on his wings)

Navarone: They get me from point A to point B. They do not get me from A to B quickly.

Celestia: ...I assumed you were exaggerating out of laziness.

(during a demon invasion)

Celestia: Somehow, it doesn’t feel to me that you’re giving this a proper sense of urgency.

Navarone: Man, none of this means shit to me. Sure, demons are bad I guess, but I mean, you know, whatever. It’s just another job for me. Doesn’t mean I have to have passion for it, you know? I’d much rather be in bed right now.

Celestia: (sighing) You are terrible at being a hero.

Midnight Blossom: Well, all the ponies now know you are a female. So take that how you will.

Navarone: With extreme anger and disappointment, followed by the typical self-loathing that always rides in the back of my mind.

Midnight Blossom: At least we share that.

Navarone: In my experience, slaves rarely work as well as those that help you willingly and happily.

Navarone: We don’t kill because we want to, Applejack. And we don’t kill because we like it. We don’t kill for sport and we don’t kill for fun. We kill… we do our duty because it’s the right thing to do.

(during yet another case of friction between Nav and Rarity...)

Navarone: Don’t you glare at me in that tone of voice.

Rarity: (glares harder)

Navarone: Don’t test me, woman.

Rarity: (bares her teeth)

Navarone: Keep it up, I dare you. I will cuddle the everloving shit out of you. I will tickle you under the chin and call you my prettiest little pony, then brush your hair and cuddle you. Just fucking try me!

Rarity: Do it, filly. The princess sent a letter saying you wouldn’t!

(cuts to Smiles walking in while Nav still cuddling Rarity 2 hours later)

Smiles: So should I ask, or just set the armor down and leave?

Rarity: I hate you.

Navarone: And I thought we were friends.

Rarity: You make me do things I hate and I torture you for them. That’s hardly friendship!

Navarone: It’s a give and take relationship. Now, when I let your tail go, what are you going to do?

Rarity: Fight the urge to strangle you and settle for slapping you instead.

(after Nav gets dosed by a drug that grants prophetic visions)

Sentinel: ...For the record, I never doubted your combat ability. Or your combat leadership skills. I doubt your ability to lead a proper military expedition.

Navarone: (stares)

Sentinel: And you are correct. I don’t like you.

Navarone: (stares)

Sentinel: And I do… admire my commander. We all do.

Navarone: (stares)

Sentinel: But I might admire him… a bit more than is proper. And I probably shouldn’t have said that.

Navarone: (stares)

Sentinel: Why are you staring at me?!

Navarone: Sorry, I zoned out. What were you saying?

Navarone: ...every sapient race I’ve found prefers the truth over lies, Celestia. And they all hate it when they feel used. You’re lying to them and using their ignorance to stay in power. If they don’t discover it tomorrow, they’ll discover it eventually. A year. Ten. A hundred. They’ll find out, Celestia. And if it’s not from your own mouth, admitted freely, it’ll turn everything on its head. You’ll have loyalists and you’ll have rebels. And even when you put down the rebels, those that stayed loyal will always remember what you had to do to make it happen, and what they were fighting for in the first place.

Celestia: It will not happen. I did not come here for a lecture, Navarone.

Navarone: No, but you’re getting one anyway.

(after Nav accuses her of playing into Discord's hands)

Celestia: I am not being used.

Navarone: Bloodbeak thought the same thing. When a puppet is having its strings pulled by a grand master puppeteer, it looks to all that it’s moving of its own accord.

(after an embarassing secret of Nav's gets out after being incapacitated in a demonic invasion)

Fleur: I discovered some libel being printed shortly after your sacrifice and have already put a stop to it.

Navarone: It’s not libel if it’s true. And unfortunately, it most definitely is.

(beat)

Fleur: (shrugging) I discovered some secrets of yours that I knew you would most definitely rather keep private being printed shortly after your sacrifice and have already put a stop to it.

Shining Armor: Princess Celestia has done many questionable things in the past, both recently and distantly. I need to speak to those who would have knowledge of such things.

Fleur: Oh, most of those ponies have tragic accidents. Dying in strange fires, falling to freak storms, running into trouble in back alleys… things of that nature.

Navarone: So why do you carry spears? I mean, you don’t even have hands. Can you actually stab anyone with those?

Guard: We learned to not ask questions, sir. My personal guess is that they’re just for show.

Navarone: Money brings power, and power corrupts. It’s possible to be rich without being a piece of shit, but it’s really easy to be rich and a piece of shit. Especially if you were born into it and raised with it.

Shining Armor: You aren’t really making me happy about being a rich prince, Nav. Or about having a growing princess…

(when a bunch of nobles try to free Pertz)

Noble: Would you kindly stomp this disgusting freak?

Diamond Dog Mook: You… Navarone? Hero of cat-land?

Navarone: The very same. I’m also part of a naga clan. And I wiped out the Dog Father’s organization in Germaneigh and I killed his operation here in Equestria and I brought Pertz to justice, killing hundreds in the process.

Diamond Dog Mook: I quit.

Navarone: Now you see, he has the right idea.

(after Midnight Blossom rips a noble's throat open before Nav finishes him off)

Midnight: (stares in horror)

Navarone: What? Shit, did we accidentally just turn him into a vampire? (stabs the body in the chest) Didn’t even think about that!

Midnight: I just killed somepony!

Navarone: What? No, that was my sword.

Flo: I have no idea how your mind always manages to stay in the gutter.

Navarone: It’s a talent, trust me. One that was well-cultivated.

Flo: (sighs in disappointment)

Navarone: ...lead the way.

Midnight: I think if I lead the whole way, your eyes will be in a very wrong place. So let’s just walk together.

Navarone: For what it’s worth, you were absolutely correct. I would have been staring at the ceiling the whole time.

Midnight: (eye roll)

Navarone: Hey, it’s really detailed! You can’t blame me for what the architect did.

Midnight: I don’t know how I always get tricked by your bait. I should really see it coming by now, but you still get me every time.

Navarone: I’m okay with many things, Blossom. I can tolerate a lot. But I will not be called a liar and I will not be called weak. Well, unless I’m actually lying, then I’m okay with being called a liar.

Midnight: I believe you might be the best friend I’ve ever had, Nav.

Navarone: That’s kind of sad.

(right after ordering Kat to break the law on his behalf)

Navarone: I’m keeping all my business open and honest.

Taya: (snorts)

Navarone: Mostly.

Watcher: (raises an eyebrow)

Navarone: ...Well, as long as doing so is convenient.

Twilight: I’ve been wondering this for a while. Why is our medic nicknamed Black Fate? Doesn’t that sound kinda… I dunno, bad?

Watcher: It’s a long story. It ends with him using medical knowledge and an obscure chemical to blow up the heart of a diamond dog gangster who was threatening the temporary clinic he was operating in the middle of a gang war down in what Nav calls Mexico.

(after Dash has thrown her armor on the floor)

Navarone: ...stop throwing your fucking armor everywhere. Jesus. That shit’s heavy.

Rainbow Dash: Ugh. You’re telling me! I’m the one wearing it!

Navarone: No you’re not, it’s all over the fucking room.

Navarone: Alright, Brook, you guys do your thing.

Brook: Most of us are girls, actually.

Navarone: I absolutely do not care.

Gilda: Pride was the downfall of humanity.

Navarone: Yeah, so you better learn from our mistakes and stop being so proud.

Blaze: I will enjoy hearing your last breath.

Navarone: Only if you live that long.

Midnight: I hope you have a thick skin and a good ability to talk around issues. Bluntness will get you nowhere here.

Navarone: You would be very surprised at how far obfuscating bluntness and fake stupidity has gotten me.

Midnight: If you go far enough back in bloodlines, almost every rich pony in Canterlot is related.

Navarone: I feel like that explains some things.

Navarone: ...you’re not in the naga caves or the changeling caves. This is happy go lucky sunshine and rainbow pony land. Their laws and customs are different.

(after tricking Nav into a date with Twilight)

Taya: Good morning, mommy. You look… radiant today! Is it because of a certain date with Miss Twilight Sparkle?

Navarone: Taya, you devious little shit.

Taya: (sarcastically) Don’t hurt my feelings, mommy.

(while chatting to Athena)

Navarone: If you told me you had coffee, you damn sure would have been seeing a lot more of me.

Navarone: ...Are you feeling okay?

Silver: Of course, my lady. It’s just… Well, everything that’s happened since you found me has been so amazing!

Navarone: Shit… Your life before must have really sucked, then.

Navarone: With luck, I’ll never need it.

Luna: You are very unlucky.

(to Celestia)

Navarone: No wonder you kill people who ask questions; you’re so blinded by your own arrogance you wouldn’t even begin to know how to answer them!

Navarone: We’re pretty similar, you and I.

Celestia: Maybe. At least I have a soul!

Navarone: You sure about that? If you have one left, it’s gotta be black as night. You murder ponies who ask questions or sentence them to be changeling food. You’ve summoned demons in the middle of population centers. You’ve started and continued wars between other species to keep them weak. I could keep naming things, but I’m not gonna waste my breath. In short, you are the most evil person I have ever heard of in the entire history of the world, barring Discord himself. You may have a soul, but don’t you dare call yourself better than me because of it.

Kat: You don’t get to have lazy days. You can’t just… laze about all day in your own filth, as appealing as you might find it. There are better uses for your time.

Navarone: If I don’t have my lazy days, I will literally murder people.

Kat: (raises an eyebrow)

Navarone: Actually, let me rephrase that. You will murder people for me.

Fleur: To be blunt, most ponies consider you a violent, unpredictable barbarian.

Navarone: I’d say they got me pretty well nailed down.

(after reflecting on Kat's desire to serve him)

Navarone: And none of that strikes you as odd or weird in any way?

Taya: You’re a clone-thing from the past and we’re fighting to stop the idea of discord itself. What’s normal?

Navarone: So you’re saying don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Taya: ...Who just gives ponies away?

Navarone: What if I really don’t want to?

Fleur: Then Katrina will use her sad kitty-cat face on you. Trust me when I say none of us want that.

Navarone: I actually do kinda want that. I haven’t seen it yet.

Fleur: (sighing) Katrina?

Kat: (after taking a moment to turn on the waterworks) Y-you don’t like my g-gift, Navi? I put all my heart into it!

(beat)

Navarone: I like it. I rate it… eight out of ten. You’re about on par with Taya, but nowhere near as good as a little filly in Ponyville.

Kat: Before I met you, I lived by a rule. Do you know what that rule was, Nav?

Navarone: Have a plan to kill everyone you meet?

Kat: No, but that’s a good one.

Kat: You two are adorable.

Navarone: Are you saying that I’m adorable and that she’s adorable, or that we’re only adorable together?

Kat: Well, you are definitely adorable. And so is she, when she’s not busy being horrifying. So the first one.

Navarone: Cool. I think. Though I’m really not sure what about me is adorable.

Kat: I might tell you. Later. For now, your confusion amuses me. I’ll talk to you later, Nav.

(beat)

Taya: (snuggling into Nav) I’m not adorable.

(while Twilight is studying necromancy)

Navarone: Twilight, if you let my daughter get eaten by a skeletal hamster, I’m turning you into a mindless sex slave.

Twilight: (barely paying attention) ‘Kay.

(Nav using Taya to manipulate Rarity... again)

Navarone: Taya, activate cuteness.

Taya: (blinks) Really? Now?

Navarone: Yes. Do your thing.

Taya: (after sighing and rolling her eyes) You… you aren’t mad at mommy, a-are you?

Rarity: No, no, you won’t use her against me!

Taya: W-why are you angry with mommy? She’s just trying to do what’s b-best for me…

Rarity: (tries to block her ears with magic and hide her eyes behind her forelegs)

Taya (crying, after forcing Rarity to look at her) W-why are you d-doing this? W-we just want our p-pretty dresses!

Rarity: (hugging Taya) There there, dear. I made the dresses, I promise! I did, and I did a truly outstanding job. You’ll be the prettiest little filly anywhere, believe you me! Please, there’s no need to cry!

Taya (instantly back to normal) Okay. (walks off)

Rarity: (disturbed) How in the world…

Navarone: That’s the power of cute. So, are you done with your tantrum now?

Rarity: (glaring) You are a monster.

Navarone: Yeah, well, I’m a monster who’s about to be a noble.

Rarity: (teeth grinding)

---