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"We're Americans. We built the Golden Gate Bridge and Hoover Dam and Joan Rivers. We're the only country that can look at a sandwich made of ice cream and chocolate cookies covered in fudge and think, 'Ah, you think we could fry that?' And you know what? YES, WE CAN!"

Amelia Pond: What's wrong with you?
The Doctor: Wrong with me? It's not my fault, why can't you give me any decent food? You're Scottish, fry something!
The Eleventh Hour, Doctor Who

Do you know how they cook pizzas in these chippies? First of all, they lie in wait for a drunk to come in and order one. Then, barely able to conceal his smirk, the "chef" ... the "chef" carefully plucks a gourmet frozen pizza from a cardboard cash-and-carry box. You've got a less than 50/50 chance of him taking the clingfilm off. The drunk looks all around the chippy in vain for any sign of a pizza oven. Then, with a skill and dexterity you won't see anywhere else on the planet, the chef disdainfully lobs the pizza into the vat of filthy, hot, boiling lard, along with all the smoked sausages, and the haggises and fish and chips, all bubbling around together like so much untreated sewage. Then an incredible thing happens before your very eyes: the level in the vat of filthy, hot, boiling lard drops by several inches in seconds, as the bloated pizza SUCKS IT ALL IN!
Pete McCarthy, The Hangover Show

"There's something just so naughty about frying. The rebellious American spirit. You say I can't have fried food? I'm gonna fry everything. I'm gonna fry that iconic sandwich cookie. I'm gonna fry an air conditioner."
Ted Allen, Chopped

"Deep. fried. BUTTER. Wh-why does this exist?! Was drinking bleach not seen as a fast enough way to kill yourself?"
GradeAUnderA, Proof That The Human Race Is Doomed

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