"Today I put......... JELLY on this hot god"
— Sweet Bro, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff
Latooni: Well, strawberry jam-filling onigiri is definitely not standard...
Joshua: Rim, I can understand if this was... well, bread but...
Joshua: Rim, I can understand if this was... well, bread but...
"I don't think boiled egg and mushroom salad really go with apple pie."
— Okabe Rintarou, Steins;Gate
"That's one of those 'burgers on a glazed doughnut' nightmares that I've read so much about."
— Cracked, "5 Reasons San Francisco is the Worst Awesome City in America"
"What? What do you mean I can't put pasta in the teapot? This is MY kitchen, and in MY DAMN KITCHEN, WE BOIL THE SHIT OUT OF LASAGNA IN THE KETTLE! Okay, fine. We'll do it properly, then. Let's get the pot, put in the pasta... And an orange, chocolate syrup, and a pickle. Brilliant! Supper will be ready in no time flat. Unfortunately, though, you can't put ice cream in it because that's going too far."
"Remember that time we made fun of Guy Fieri, by which I mean any time any human being has ever talked about Guy Fieri? Well, it's time to head back to Flavortown for another trip on the Fiericoaster, because we now have photo evidence of Guy Fieri's inhumane treatment of innocent edibles. [...] The menu description is inaccurate: this thing hasn't been "topped" with potato chips and pretzels, it bravely leapt onto a Ruffles grenade to save its cheesecake comrades. Its sacrifice shall not be forgotten, no matter how those traitorous Parfaits try to slander its war record posthumously. Oh, that's nice; someone's been thoughtful enough to wound the cheesecake with a knife, which the customer could hopefully then use to kill it the rest of the way. That'll definitely be necessary, because there's absolutely no chance this thing isn't haunted by the murdered ghosts of cheesecakes past. That looks like what I imagine Ed Gein requested for his last meal. Elvis would look at this and go 'hey, now, wait up a sec.' That's not a dessert, it's an act of defiance against the Gods."
This year the white-trash fusion chef opened his flagship Manhattan restaurant...I'd wager that 90 percent of his customers that first night were foodies planning to review the place ironically. The other 10 percent were tourists for whom Turkey Tequila Fettuccine represents the apex of molecular gastronomy. Oooh, a whole lamb bathed in Cheetos dust! FANCY.
—Drew Magary
on Guy Fieri, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2012"
on Guy Fieri, "The 25 Least Influential People of 2012"(913): Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Misato woke up clutching her stomach, which was mildly nauseous, and wondering if Asuka had put LSD in the homemade pizza. I'm never letting Asuka make saurkraut pizza or whatever that was, ever again.
Sighing, Shinji just shakes his head and tries to find something Misato hadn’t smothered in the thick, sludge-like hot sauce she slathered all over her food. It seemed to be a combination of crystalline capsaicin dissolved in sulphuric acid with raw wasabi added in for flavour. Shinji was fairly certain the stuff could overload the taste buds of an Emperor’s Children space marine.
"Oh… great" Shinji managed to get out before swallowing. Oh God in heaven, not again, I can't go through that… food… again…
Misato: Oh, and since you just woke up you must be hungry. Why don't I —
Asuka: (widening her eyes) No, that's okay! I'll make breakfast!
Misato: Aw, but I had this neat idea for an experiment! All I need is some horseradish and some curry and —
Asuka: (widening her eyes) No, that's okay! I'll make breakfast!
Misato: Aw, but I had this neat idea for an experiment! All I need is some horseradish and some curry and —
Gordon Ramsay: What is it?
Matt: I call it exotic tartare because it's with venison and diver scallops with caviar and white chocolate and —
Ramsay: Whoa, stop stop stop stop. L-let me just get this right again. Either that or I'm just about to be punked. Diver scallops. Chopped up. Caviar. And white chocolate. Do you smoke?
Matt: Cigarettes?
Ramsay: No... Raw venison. Raw quail egg. Lime zest. Olive oil. Scallops, caviar, and grated white chocolate... [takes a bite] Capers as well. [vomits] That must be one of the worst combinations I've ever tasted in twenty-one years of cooking. Piss off, will you?
Matt: I call it exotic tartare because it's with venison and diver scallops with caviar and white chocolate and —
Ramsay: Whoa, stop stop stop stop. L-let me just get this right again. Either that or I'm just about to be punked. Diver scallops. Chopped up. Caviar. And white chocolate. Do you smoke?
Matt: Cigarettes?
Ramsay: No... Raw venison. Raw quail egg. Lime zest. Olive oil. Scallops, caviar, and grated white chocolate... [takes a bite] Capers as well. [vomits] That must be one of the worst combinations I've ever tasted in twenty-one years of cooking. Piss off, will you?
Gordon Ramsay: Prawns, the flavour of the prawns was extraordinary. Fresh, vibrant. Why do you wanna fuck around and put chocolate sauce on there?
Laurence: Um, cos I don't wanna be boring. I wanna be exciting.
Ramsay: I thought it was fucking hideous. Didn't work.
Laurence: Um, cos I don't wanna be boring. I wanna be exciting.
Ramsay: I thought it was fucking hideous. Didn't work.
Bacon and chocolate pizza? OMFG.
— Gordon Ramsay, on a dessert offering from the Keating's MerK restaurant, Hotel Hell
Liu Hai: Imagine taco dim sum. Fettucine eclairs.
Scrooge: (grossed out) Why would I want to imagine any of that?
Scrooge: (grossed out) Why would I want to imagine any of that?
— Ducktales 2017, "The House of the Lucky Gander!"
Oh my god, she... she made half an English trifle and... half a shepherd's pie!
— Ross Geller, on Rachel's disastrous English trifle, Friends, "The One Where Ross Got High"
Professor: If we don't get rid of the worms now, they'll burrow so deep into the bowel, that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes could dislodge them.
Hermes: I call it "Caribbean Drano".
—Futurama, "Parasites Lost"
Yuri: Flynn should know better than to trust his own judgment in a competition like this...
Judith: Something's the matter with his sense of taste, isn't it?
Yuri: Yeah. Flynn's got practically no sense of taste at all. If he sticks to the recipes, he can make food that'll put a pro chef to shame. But when he goes by his own tastes, well...you saw what happens.
Rita: So he was trying to use his own judgment and make it taste better than the recipe...
Yuri: Flynn's cooking is a volatile and dangerous weapon. I feel sorry for those judges.
Judith: Something's the matter with his sense of taste, isn't it?
Yuri: Yeah. Flynn's got practically no sense of taste at all. If he sticks to the recipes, he can make food that'll put a pro chef to shame. But when he goes by his own tastes, well...you saw what happens.
Rita: So he was trying to use his own judgment and make it taste better than the recipe...
Yuri: Flynn's cooking is a volatile and dangerous weapon. I feel sorry for those judges.
Pearl: You just gotta get a bit more creative. Try putting something actually tasty in your burgers instead! Like custard!
Marina: Pearl! That is not a burger condiment! I don't know where you get these ideas!
Pearl: Don't knock it until you've tried it, Marina. Let's live the custard burger dream!
Marina: If this is a dream, I want to wake up...
You put the Peeps in the chili pot and eat them both up
You put the Peeps in the chili pot and add the M&Ms
You put the Peeps in the chili pot and it makes it taste... bad
You put the Peeps in the chili pot and add the M&Ms
You put the Peeps in the chili pot and it makes it taste... bad
— Chidi Anagonye, suffering from an existential crisis, The Good Place, "Jeremy Bearimy"
The success rate of your culinary experiments has not been high.
— Tuvok, Star Trek: Voyager, "Flashback"
*(dry heave)* Why are there sprinkles on the top?!!
— Lily, Little Miss Know It All, "Child Guesses Food" (she was referring to a burger with sprinkles)
" (she was referring to a burger with sprinkles)Mark: Beans are not pasta sauce!
Jeremy: They're... tomato-y.
Mark: Ketchup is tomato-y; that's not a pasta sauce!
Jeremy: It is when I make pasta.
Jeremy: They're... tomato-y.
Mark: Ketchup is tomato-y; that's not a pasta sauce!
Jeremy: It is when I make pasta.
Jon: It's peanut butter and fish head stew, with pickles on the side and optional chocolate sauce.
Garfield: Thank goodness. I thought for a minute there it might be food.
Garfield: Thank goodness. I thought for a minute there it might be food.
"It's like they took two good foods and mixed them together and ruined both of them."
— Dave Reardon, on a brownie with a cream cheese ramen middle Ann made for the sake of debunking a content farm recipe.
a brownie with a cream cheese ramen middle Ann made for the sake of debunking a content farm recipe."did she just layer american cheese onto curry paste and stick it in the microwave?"
—This comment on one of Haachama's cooking videos.
on one of Haachama's cooking videos."Pudding with soy sauce, tastes like sea urchin!"
— Yuki, QP Shootingnote
"It's not easy to make; lots of ingredients it takes
But it's worth it to serve my overnight salad
Take a little bit of lettuce
Sprinkle in some cheese
A little scoshe of lemon and a gallon of mayo
So many raisins, an insane amount of pepper
Now you're making a salad
54 hot dogs
Look who's back, it's mayo
Don't skimp on the Fritos and root beer
The croutons are cookies, add the pizza top, of course
Then I let it sit all night on the radiator"
But it's worth it to serve my overnight salad
Take a little bit of lettuce
Sprinkle in some cheese
A little scoshe of lemon and a gallon of mayo
So many raisins, an insane amount of pepper
Now you're making a salad
54 hot dogs
Look who's back, it's mayo
Don't skimp on the Fritos and root beer
The croutons are cookies, add the pizza top, of course
Then I let it sit all night on the radiator"
— Nadine Sherman, Saturday Night Live, "Salad"
Clarabel: Now, we are going to make traditional kue cubit. Chef, how are we going to make regular kue cubit?
Chef MSG: What do you mean?
Clarabel: Regular kue cubit. Like the one sold by street vendors on carts, Chef.
Chef MSG: Oh, you think I can't make special food?
Clarabel: [whispering] Chef, the camera is still on.
Chef MSG: I already explained this: I want to make kue cubit with salted egg. It's not like the audience at home know whether it's delicious or not. Enough, I'm tired of explaining it to you. [immediately vomits from his own kue cubit]
Chef MSG: What do you mean?
Clarabel: Regular kue cubit. Like the one sold by street vendors on carts, Chef.
Chef MSG: Oh, you think I can't make special food?
Clarabel: [whispering] Chef, the camera is still on.
Chef MSG: I already explained this: I want to make kue cubit with salted egg. It's not like the audience at home know whether it's delicious or not. Enough, I'm tired of explaining it to you. [immediately vomits from his own kue cubit]
Outdoor Chef filming gone wrong, Mimpi Metropolitan
Gus: Welcome to Mash and Grab!
Shawn: Home of the Mash-up, son!
Customer: ...I don't get it.
Gus: Have you ever heard of a regular Mash-up?
Customer: Yeah!
Shawn: Cowboys and Aliens? Lincoln and Vampires? Kanye and Jesus?
Customer: Yeah, no doubt!
Gus: Well, this is like that, except with food.
Shawn: Drink it all the way in.
Customer: Ice cream jerky?
Gus: That's right!
Customer: White meat drumsticks?
Shawn: Bulls-eye!
Customer: Pork Tarts?!
Shawn: Aaand pull it out.
Gus: We're gonna need that menu back, though, we only printed five.
Customer: All right then, well, let me get that fruit loop quesadilla!
Shawn: Home of the Mash-up, son!
Customer: ...I don't get it.
Gus: Have you ever heard of a regular Mash-up?
Customer: Yeah!
Shawn: Cowboys and Aliens? Lincoln and Vampires? Kanye and Jesus?
Customer: Yeah, no doubt!
Gus: Well, this is like that, except with food.
Shawn: Drink it all the way in.
Customer: Ice cream jerky?
Gus: That's right!
Customer: White meat drumsticks?
Shawn: Bulls-eye!
Customer: Pork Tarts?!
Shawn: Aaand pull it out.
Gus: We're gonna need that menu back, though, we only printed five.
Customer: All right then, well, let me get that fruit loop quesadilla!
—Psych, Shawn and Gus Truck Things Up''
Eddie: Grilled lettuce??
Richie: No, that's bacon.
Eddie: But it's green!
Richie: So?
Richie: No, that's bacon.
Eddie: But it's green!
Richie: So?
—Bottom, "Contest"
Gayle: [bites down on a crouton and nearly breaks her jaw] What is that, limestone?
Bonnie: Granite.
Gayle: Now we're talking!
Bonnie: Granite.
Gayle: Now we're talking!
While others ask "why?," this sandwich asks, "why not?" It's best when the curry powder is lightly toasted.
— Description for the Curry-and-Noodle Sandwich, Pokémon Scarlet and Violet
"The signature pasta dish of an 'authentic Siracusan restaurant' that once operated in the capital of Gaul. The dish's unique taste, and particularly its sauce, a bend of thick chocolate sauce and Originium Slug liver, earned the praise of many Gaulish nobles. Supposedly, though, this dish nearly caused a diplomatic crisis between Siracusa and Gaul."
— Item description for Wrath of Siracusans, Arknights: Phantom & Crimson Solitaire
"Great thing is, YOU decide what to put in your morning loaf! Eggs? Absolutely! Fruit? Awesome! Sardines? Why not?"
— C2, Carl² ("Take Your Clone to Work Day")
I had chocolate covered hot dogs. I had cherry pie pizza. I had the third worst diarrhea in my young life.
— Stan, American Dad!, "Stan's Food Restaurant"
(Rowan and Amalia are having a cook-off. Rowan is making crepes)
Amalia: Just be careful not to mix up your flavors. Some things do not go well together. At all.
Rowan: I would never!
Amalia: Would you now? Need I remind you what happened the last time we had a cook-off and you tried to combine pickles with honey?
Rowan: And I learned my lesson.
Rowan: I would never!
Amalia: Would you now? Need I remind you what happened the last time we had a cook-off and you tried to combine pickles with honey?
Rowan: And I learned my lesson.
George: I'll trade you half of my peanut-butter-and-gummy-worm sandwich for half of your tuna-salad-with-chocolate-chips-and-miniature-marshmallows sandwich.
Harold: Sure. Y'want some barbecue sauce on that?
Mr. Krupp: You kids are DISGUSTING!
Harold: Sure. Y'want some barbecue sauce on that?
Mr. Krupp: You kids are DISGUSTING!
Gus: In the meantime, we could pull more weight around the kitchen. My mustard ravioli did bring tears to [Camila's] eyes!
Vee: Those weren't the kind of tears you're thinking of...
Vee: Those weren't the kind of tears you're thinking of...
— The Owl House, "Thanks to Them"
Orla: Let us start with this one. [takes out a gadget] The Pizza-Maker-inator.
Omar: That can turn anything into pizza? Let's try with this pen!
[Orla fires the gadget at the pen, turning it into a whole pizza]
Omar: Wow.
[Omar and Orla take a slice each and eat them]
Orla: Mmm. You can barely taste the pen!
Omar: That can turn anything into pizza? Let's try with this pen!
[Orla fires the gadget at the pen, turning it into a whole pizza]
Omar: Wow.
[Omar and Orla take a slice each and eat them]
Orla: Mmm. You can barely taste the pen!
The savory sauce and sweet chocolate sauce let you enjoy a mix of flavors.
— Description for the Contrary Chocolate Meat Salad, Pokémon Sleep
I mean it tastes like what you'd think it would... which isn't good, cause it's wine with barley, and cheese, and honey... and barley... that's gonna be stuck in my teeth for a while.
"Eh-eh, was that brownie mix?! Oh, my stomach bubblin'![...]Now who in their right mind eating collard greens and chocolate?!"
— Nathaniel (Christian Johnson), reacting to a chocolate cupcake recipe that uses collard greens as an ingredient
to a chocolate cupcake recipe that uses collard greens as an ingredientPinkie Pie: Strawberry cinnamon cilantro salutations!
Rarity: What?
Pinkie Pie: What indeed? I bet you're wondering what warrants such a welcome! Well, that welcome is warranted by a pony that whisked up a warm batch of strawberry cinnamon cilantro cupcakes! (eats one such cupcake) That strangely sickening flavor combination sounds just as bad as it tastes.
