182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
Elan: I'm torn, because on one hand, I want to share something important that happened to me while we were apart... But on the other hand, bardic tradition demands that I withhold it all so that at some later point, you can accidentally learn an incomplete version and jump to all of the wrong conclusions – later leading to entertaining dramatic conflict later in our relationship.
Haley: So...what are you going to do?
Elan: Tell you everything. How are we supposed to get a happy ending if we can't be honest?
Haley: So...what are you going to do?
Elan: Tell you everything. How are we supposed to get a happy ending if we can't be honest?
Elan: Nale! You're alive!
Nale: Of course I'm alive, you moron. What I can't figure out is how you didn't KNOW I was alive the whole time. You're the bard, surely you should have known that when the bad guy dies off-screen, he's not really dead unless you see the body. And half the time, not even then.
Elan: Yeah, but the hero always THINKS the bad guy is dead until he shows up again.
Nale: But... if you know that, then how can you be surprised... Why didn't you realize thinking I was dead was... I mean... Gah! I think I'm giving myself a migraine trying to understand the level of willful ignorance that requires!
Elan: First blood: ELAN!
Nale: Of course I'm alive, you moron. What I can't figure out is how you didn't KNOW I was alive the whole time. You're the bard, surely you should have known that when the bad guy dies off-screen, he's not really dead unless you see the body. And half the time, not even then.
Elan: Yeah, but the hero always THINKS the bad guy is dead until he shows up again.
Nale: But... if you know that, then how can you be surprised... Why didn't you realize thinking I was dead was... I mean... Gah! I think I'm giving myself a migraine trying to understand the level of willful ignorance that requires!
Elan: First blood: ELAN!
For countless generations we have done things in a certain way. We can't just do everything differently now because it... "makes sense".
Chris: (to Rebecca) "Well, I'm gonna head over there now. Wanna come with?"
Rebecca: "Normally, yes. But... having a medic with you at all times in a Survival Horror game...?"
Chris: (sees her point) "Yeah, that would kill all the tension faster than a redshirt."
Senor Senior, Sr.: A proper villain always leaves his foe when he is about to expire.
Senor Senior, Jr.: Why?
Senor Senior, Sr.: Well, it would be bad form to just loll about, waiting for it!
Senor Senior, Jr.: Why?
Senor Senior, Sr.: Well, it would be bad form to just loll about, waiting for it!
—Kim Possible, "Animal Attraction"
No Muttley, we can't win fairly! We are villains, ergo we have to cheat!
— Dick Dastardly in the Wacky Races Forever pilot (while his car is three feet from the finish line)
Eddie: You mean to tell me you could have taken you hand out of that cuff at any time?!
Roger: No, not at any time. Only when it was funny.
Igor, the day vampires win all the time, that's the day we will be knocked back beyond return.
— Count Magpyr explaining why vampires need to endure being beaten repeatedly, Carpe Jugulum
Bass: Isn't he the bad guy that's going to try to kill us all?
Proto Man: Yes, but we're not supposed to know that, so shut up.
Proto Man: Yes, but we're not supposed to know that, so shut up.
