I love driving, and a lot of times I'll listen to the radio for hours while I'm driving and I'll even listen to Christian rock. By mistake. Because it always starts of as like a Bon Jovi ballad, you know. It'll be like, "I woke up in the morning, and I got myself some oatmeal, and I put some raisins on it, and Christ is God, Christ is God, God, God, God." And I'll be like, "What about the oatmeal? I thought this was an oatmeal song. I feel like every religion should have its own rock and roll, like there should be Jewish rock, like "I woke up in the mornin', and I got myself a bagel, and I put some cream cheese on it, and Christ isn't God. He's just not God. A nice guy, sure, but don't get over excited."...[Catholic rock song]"I woke up in the mornin', and I had some transsubstantiated toast, and I dipped it in oil, and those allegations can't be proven. Hypnosis isn't admissible in court." Because it's in the news right now, I think we should do Scientology rock. "I woke up in the mornin', and I, I thought I had post-partum depression, but then Tom Cruise told me I didn't, and there's aliens in my head. That's what L. Ron Hubbard said, to get your money." (whispered) Mormon Rock. "I woke up in the mornin' and I, I had a bowl of green Jello, and I put some sprinkles on it, and, this religion freaks me out, 'cause it's only 126 years old, gosh darn heck." [Atheist Rock] "I woke up in the mornin' and I got myself a whole box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, 'cause I don't give a shit anymore, and... there is no God! Sorry about that! Your grandma's in the ground, and her soul is staying there." [Agnostic rock] "I woke up in the mornin' and I got myself some organic wheat puffs, and I put some soy milk on them and, there might be a God. There's really no way to know. He may be a fish, or He may be a spoon." [Ending] "All I wanted was a song about oatmeal."
What were the words? Did he say Jesus Christ?
Again and again until the name became trite?
Again and again until the name became trite?
— Five Iron Frenzy, "Litmus"
"Can't you see you're not making Christianity better? You're just making rock and roll worse!"
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, "Reborn to Be Wild"
"The fact that a good deal of the Christian industry doesn’t like us makes me feel good. Because I feel that some of the minds in the industry are the most lazy and narrow. We’re in touch with the Creator of the universe and we have to play these same cheesy licks three years after the secular world and I hate that.'"
"The images of Christ that are portrayed by Christian Rock bands and magazines are that of a hippie or surfer. Jesus Christ was not a surfer—Jesus was a Jew."
— Jeff Godwin, What's Wrong With Christian Rock
"If you were to say, 'Listen to this Christian rock record,' immediately this oozy slime is on the floor. The colors of the room turn pink and cream, sugar is dripping off the walls, the furniture is plastic. You change the whole atmosphere of the room with a few words like that. And the last thing you want to do that to is a kick-ass rock 'n' roll record."
— Michael Roe, frontman of the Seventy Sevens
The Nostalgia Critic: [Imitating Raphael] And now I'd like to tell you about this other dude I know!
The Angry Video Game Nerd: [Imitating Leonardo] Who's that, Raph?
The Nostalgia Critic: A totally gnarly dude named Jesus! He died for our sins! And that's awesome!
The Angry Video Game Nerd: Jesus rocks, dude!
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
This is a joke about contemporary Christian music
— anonymous twitter joke
