These are quotations of people being Captain Obvious. They are all stating things that are obvious.
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Anime and Manga
People die when they are killed.
— Shirou Emiya, Fate/stay night
We're called the Elite Four because there's four of us!
— Nonon Jakuzure, Kill la Kill
I knew it! That sword... It's your weapon, isn't it?!
— Might Guy, Naruto
Lungs are vital for Hamon users.
— Joseph Joestar, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Battle Tendency
Comic Books
You are huge! That means you have huge guts!
— Doomguy, Doom
Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!
— Doomguy, Doom
Now I'm in a completely different place!
— Doomguy, Doom
Animal Man: You must be Robot-Man.
Robot-Man: And you must be the guy who states the obvious.
Robot-Man: And you must be the guy who states the obvious.
The Spectre: Still thrusting yourself into situations that are over your head, are you, Fatalist?
Kara: (tongue-in-cheek) I think he's called "Fatalist".
Linda: Brilliant, Holmes.
Kara: (tongue-in-cheek) I think he's called "Fatalist".
Linda: Brilliant, Holmes.
Supergirl: Why my father's name was Zor-El, your father's brother!
Superman: Great Scott! Then you're my — cousin!
Superman: Great Scott! Then you're my — cousin!
Supergirl: He tunneled down into... some kind of secret chamber.
Belinda: (sarcastically) Really? I would never have guessed.
Belinda: (sarcastically) Really? I would never have guessed.
And, Superman... My greatest enemy... is you!
Catherine Grant: "Well... That could've gone better."
Supergirl: (raising one eyebrow) "You think?!"
Supergirl: (raising one eyebrow) "You think?!"
Lex Luthor: "Attention! This is Luthor speaking from Metropolis Prison via an electronic thought-projector which has cut into the transmission frequency of your tv hookup!"
Man: "Lex Luthor!"
Man: "Lex Luthor!"
Lex Luthor: "I don't believe there really is a Supergirl! My guess is that wise-guy Superman is hoaxing the underworld with a robot![...]"
Goon: "A hoax!"
Goon: "A hoax!"
Fan Works
And he speaks; "I don't think those jewels belong to you." (Beat) I salute you, World's Greatest Detective!
If I kill you then you will die... If you die then you will be dead... If you're dead then you won't be alive... If you aren't alive you won't be able to breath and then you will die...
Marine Officer: Ah, shit! Sir, I dinged your statue.
Capt. Morgan: Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious.
Officer: Sir, it's Captain, sir.
Morgan: Yes, yes, I am.
Officer: Obvious, sir?
Morgan: Obviously I'm a captain.
Officer: Sir, I'm confused.
Morgan: Well you're definitely not cut out to be captain then, huh? (beat) Carry on, Lieutenant.
Officer: I'm a corporal.
Morgan: You would be!
Officer: Would be what, sir?
Morgan: (raises his axe-hand)
Officer: (in his head) Worth It. (cue Luffy distracting them both)
Capt. Morgan: Thank you, Lieutenant Obvious.
Officer: Sir, it's Captain, sir.
Morgan: Yes, yes, I am.
Officer: Obvious, sir?
Morgan: Obviously I'm a captain.
Officer: Sir, I'm confused.
Morgan: Well you're definitely not cut out to be captain then, huh? (beat) Carry on, Lieutenant.
Officer: I'm a corporal.
Morgan: You would be!
Officer: Would be what, sir?
Morgan: (raises his axe-hand)
Officer: (in his head) Worth It. (cue Luffy distracting them both)
Oracle: Gladiator, I must warn you of my vision. I have a sight that she will try to escape before we make planet. Be on your guard.
Gladiator: (rolling eyes) That I needed you to tell me? Thank you, Oracle.
Gladiator: (rolling eyes) That I needed you to tell me? Thank you, Oracle.
Buffy Summers, in jeans, T-shirt, and bare feet, holding the wet cloth to her forehead by one hand, raised her upper body off the couch. "Kara?" she said, her eyes widening in recognition.
"It's me, Buffy," Kara said with a smile. In a second, the Slayer girl and the Girl of Steel were in each other’s arms, hugging.
"Well," said Willow, noting that Giles had just entered the room, "I guess they do know each other, after all."
"Remarkably observant, Willow," noted Giles.
"It's me, Buffy," Kara said with a smile. In a second, the Slayer girl and the Girl of Steel were in each other’s arms, hugging.
"Well," said Willow, noting that Giles had just entered the room, "I guess they do know each other, after all."
"Remarkably observant, Willow," noted Giles.
Klavier: So without him you have no job, no employment history, no home, and no car. This is bad.
Apollo: Thanks very fucking much, Watson, I noticed that!
Apollo: Thanks very fucking much, Watson, I noticed that!
Film — Animated
Bruce Wayne: Welcome to the Batcave.
Jon Kent: (Squee) Look, that's the Batmobile! And the Batcomputer! And the Bat-dinosaur!
Damian Wayne: Who's the new kid? Obvious Boy?
Ginger: You mean you never actually flew the plane?
Fowler: Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!
Fowler: Good heavens, no! I'm a chicken! The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of complex aircraft!
What are you, president of the Obvious Club or something?
—Father, Codename: Kids Next Door: Operation: Z.E.R.O.
Fry: Well, this is the end. There was so many things I wanted to say to you.
Leela: Like what?
Fry: Like this is not the end.
Leela: Like what?
Fry: Like this is not the end.
— Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder
Robyn: (having just been transformed into a wolf) Something's happened to me!
Mebh: Yeah, I can see that.
Mebh: Yeah, I can see that.
Film — Live-Action
You're going to commit suicide if it's the last thing you do!
—Swami Talpur, Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff
Nicole: Buff, I don't see why we have to invite every single senior.
Buffy: Because it's the senior dance. It's just a shot in the dark.
Buffy: Because it's the senior dance. It's just a shot in the dark.
George Noon: He's dead!
James Humphrey: Well no kidding he's dead! His brains are lying in the snow!
James Humphrey: Well no kidding he's dead! His brains are lying in the snow!
Jericho Cane: You're bleeding.
Bobby Chicago: Of course I'm bleeding! You fucking shot me!
Bobby Chicago: Of course I'm bleeding! You fucking shot me!
Kate Fuller: Where are you taking us?
Richie Gecko: Mexico.
Kate: What's in Mexico?
Richie: Mexicans.
Richie Gecko: Mexico.
Kate: What's in Mexico?
Richie: Mexicans.
That's a lot of fish.
— Dr. Tatopoulos beholding a pile of fish, Godzilla (1998)
Ciarán O'Shea: What killed him, Jim?
Dr. Jim Gleeson: The fact that he's just a head. You bring me someone with a head cold or a headache and I could do something, but you bring me just a head and you're taking the piss.
Dr. Jim Gleeson: The fact that he's just a head. You bring me someone with a head cold or a headache and I could do something, but you bring me just a head and you're taking the piss.
Detective Robert Nock: Can machines think?
Alan Turing: Oh, so you've read some of my published works?
Nock: What makes you say that?
Turing: Oh, because I'm sitting in a police station, accused of entreating a young man to touch my penis, and you've just asked me if machines can think.
Alan Turing: Oh, so you've read some of my published works?
Nock: What makes you say that?
Turing: Oh, because I'm sitting in a police station, accused of entreating a young man to touch my penis, and you've just asked me if machines can think.
It's... it's a dinosaur.
—Alan Grant, Jurassic Park
Richmond Valentine: Is he dead?
Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.
Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.
Aragorn: Not for ourselves. But we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Sauron's Eye fixed upon us. Keep him blind to all else that moves.
Legolas: A diversion!
Legolas: A diversion!
Karen Smith: Why are you dressed so scary?
Cady Heron: It's Halloween.
Cady Heron: It's Halloween.
"Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace."
—Mark, Miami Connection
Brandt: Your line's not long enough!
Ethan Hunt: No shit!
Ethan Hunt: No shit!
"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives."
—Criswell, Plan 9 from Outer Space
Inspector Clay is dead. Murdered... and somebody is responsible.
— Lt. John Harper, Plan 9 from Outer Space
Reporter: Are there any connections between the murders?
Det. Insp. Isaac Gissing: Yes. They're all dead.
Det. Insp. Isaac Gissing: Yes. They're all dead.
Inspector Lestrade (seeing a midget in Lord Blackwood's coffin): That's not Blackwood!
Holmes: Now we have a firm grasp... of the obvious.
Holmes: Now we have a firm grasp... of the obvious.
Officer: (after the ship's anti air turrets are destroyed) Sir, Resistance bombers approaching!
Captain Canady: Of course they are!
Captain Canady: Of course they are!
It's a trap!
— Admiral Ackbar, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Sharks can only be found in two places on Earth: the Northern and Southern Hemispheres.
— Peter Gaulke, Strange Wilderness
Douglas Quaid: How did I get in this taxi?
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
Johnnycab: The door opened. You got in.
Literature
Getting dark now; always does at night.
— Dufflepuds, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Dufflepud Chief: That's a spear, that is.
Dufflepuds: That it is, Chief, that it is. You couldn't have put it better.
Dufflepuds: That it is, Chief, that it is. You couldn't have put it better.
— The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Dufflepud Chief: Visible we are. And what I say is, when chaps are visible, why, they can see one another.
Dufflepuds: Ah, there it is, Chief. There's the point. No one's go a clearer head than you. You couldn't have made it plainer.
Dufflepuds: Ah, there it is, Chief. There's the point. No one's go a clearer head than you. You couldn't have made it plainer.
— The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Tobble: But your fur is golden, much finer than a wolf's coat. You can glide, like a flying squirrel. You have a pouch, like a marsupial. You have hands with thumbs, but doglike paws for feet. You stand erect, and you're a female.
Byx: Thank you for stating the obvious.
Byx: Thank you for stating the obvious.
— Endling
"She managed to obtain a concealed weapons permit yesterday."
Oh shit. I gaze at him, blinking, and feel the blood draining from my face as I absorb this news. I may faint. Suppose she wants to kill him? No.
"That means she can just buy a gun," I whisper.
Oh shit. I gaze at him, blinking, and feel the blood draining from my face as I absorb this news. I may faint. Suppose she wants to kill him? No.
"That means she can just buy a gun," I whisper.
Ron Weasley: You can't break an Unbreakable Vow.
Harry Potter: I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. What happens if you break it, then?
Ron: You die.
Harry Potter: I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. What happens if you break it, then?
Ron: You die.
One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "Oh dear, you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right?" At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical and decided he quite liked human beings after all, but he always remained desperately worried about the terrible number of things they didn't know about.
Goon: That's a dead dog.
Anton Chigurh: Yes, it is.
Anton Chigurh: Yes, it is.
Kryten ran his psi-scan over the dismembered skull.
Kochanski waded across. "Well?"
"It says 'organism incomplete.'"
"What a truly remarkable machine," said Rimmer. "And it knows all that from just seeing a dismembered head. Absolutely incredible."
Kochanski waded across. "Well?"
"It says 'organism incomplete.'"
"What a truly remarkable machine," said Rimmer. "And it knows all that from just seeing a dismembered head. Absolutely incredible."
— Red Dwarf: Last Human
I got that. I realised that myself. But now you've taken a moment of personal triumph and validation and you've ruined it by making it obvious.
— Vaurien Scapegrace, Last Stand of the Dead Men
Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
—Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love
I didn't want to ask, but I did. "And which one did Juniper prefer? Or have you told her about it yet?"
Grover scowled. "I did. It was weird. She seemed... angry."
Oh, boy, I thought. "Why do you think that was?"
[...] "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I told her Blanche liked the prone pose more, but Blanche liked the light in the side pose, so—"
"How many times did you mention Blanche when you were talking to Juniper?" I asked.
Grover stared at me over the tops of his sunglasses, his bloodshot eyes completely lost. "It's- it's Blanche's photography."
"So a lot of times, then?"
Grover frowned. "You don't think... You think Juniper is jealous?"
I imagined a chorus of Obvious Angels singing the Obvious Hymn above his head, but I tried to keep my expression neutral. "Could be?"
Grover scowled. "I did. It was weird. She seemed... angry."
Oh, boy, I thought. "Why do you think that was?"
[...] "I'm not sure," he admitted. "I told her Blanche liked the prone pose more, but Blanche liked the light in the side pose, so—"
"How many times did you mention Blanche when you were talking to Juniper?" I asked.
Grover stared at me over the tops of his sunglasses, his bloodshot eyes completely lost. "It's- it's Blanche's photography."
"So a lot of times, then?"
Grover frowned. "You don't think... You think Juniper is jealous?"
I imagined a chorus of Obvious Angels singing the Obvious Hymn above his head, but I tried to keep my expression neutral. "Could be?"
— Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Chalice of the Gods
Live-Action TV
Wesley: You haven't an enormous amount of time.
Xander: Hey it's Mr. States-the-Obvious.
Xander: Hey it's Mr. States-the-Obvious.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Graduation Day, Part II"
Clare: What's [Sister Michael] doing now?
James: Reading her book.....now she's looking at the woman beside her.....now she's getting up.....now she's coming this way.....now she's standing right in front of us.....
Sister Michael: What's he doing?
James: Now she's—
Erin: Stop talking, James.
— Derry Girls, "The Concert"
Brian: We're trapped.
The Doctor: Yes. Thanks for spelling it out.
(approaching footsteps)
Rory: Doctor, whatever's down there is coming this way.
The Doctor: Spelling it out is hereditary. Wonderful.
The Doctor: Yes. Thanks for spelling it out.
(approaching footsteps)
Rory: Doctor, whatever's down there is coming this way.
The Doctor: Spelling it out is hereditary. Wonderful.
Father Ted: We need something that will keep them away from the house something to distract them... but what?
Father Dougal: A diversion! That's what it's called, a diversion!
Father Dougal: A diversion! That's what it's called, a diversion!
Can we get you on Mastermind, Sybil? Next contestant, Sybil Fawlty from Torquay. Specialist subject: the bleedin' obvious.
— Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers
(the two are riding horses in the middle of a harsh blizzard)
Thoros of Myr: Bad night to be outdoors...
Sandor Clegane: You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. The Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? "It's snowing, Thoros, it's windy! It's gonna be a cooold night!"
Thoros of Myr: Bad night to be outdoors...
Sandor Clegane: You've got real powerful magic to figure that out. The Lord of Light whisper that in your ear? "It's snowing, Thoros, it's windy! It's gonna be a cooold night!"
"End" – The series reaches its dramatic conclusion.
— Official synopsis of The Good Wife's series finale
Don Calfari: But I did not give the orders to wipe out the Spaldoni family. That is an order that I did not give.
Mobster: Okay, Don Calfari. If you didn't give the order, then what does that mean?
Don Calfari: That would mean someone had to give the order. Someone that was not me.
Mobster: Okay, Don Calfari. If you didn't give the order, then what does that mean?
Don Calfari: That would mean someone had to give the order. Someone that was not me.
— The Middleman, "The Pilot Episode Sanction"
John: Fun? There's a woman lying dead!
Sherlock: Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.
Sherlock: Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.
— Sherlock
You must forgive Watson. He has an enthusiasm for stating the obvious which borders on mania.
— Sherlock, "The Abominable Bride"
People [in the twentieth century] feared dying. It terrified them.
— Dr. Beverly Crusher, Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Neutral Zone"
Why do doctors always say the obvious as though it were a revelation?
— Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation, "The Battle"
That's air going into my lungs.
— Colin Mochrie, Whose Line Is It Anyway?
John Travolta: "Chinese whore" doesn't rhyme with dog!
Alex Trebek: That's why it was a wrong answer.
Alex Trebek: That's why it was a wrong answer.
— Celebrity Jeopardy, Saturday Night Live
Charles: Terry called him?! He's shaking Terry's hand! Now I'm just describing everything that's happening. What the hell's going on?!
Holt: I do not know.
Charles: Now Captain Holt doesn't know!
Holt: I do not know.
Charles: Now Captain Holt doesn't know!
[Each contestant in a completely dark room by themselves, with only objects highlighted with green glow-in-the-dark tape visible]
Sally Phillips: [Reading] Paint the best rainbow scene.
Bob Mortimer: [Reading] You may not open the lab door until the task is complete.
Aisling Bea: [Reading] You have ten minutes. Your time starts now.
Nish Kumar: [In a tone of sudden dawning realisation:] OHHHHHHH... I can't see the colours!
[Back in the studio; Nish has his head in his hands in embarrassment]
Greg Davies: Very nice to have the tasks really spelled out.
Sally Phillips: [Reading] Paint the best rainbow scene.
Bob Mortimer: [Reading] You may not open the lab door until the task is complete.
Aisling Bea: [Reading] You have ten minutes. Your time starts now.
Nish Kumar: [In a tone of sudden dawning realisation:] OHHHHHHH... I can't see the colours!
[Back in the studio; Nish has his head in his hands in embarrassment]
Greg Davies: Very nice to have the tasks really spelled out.
Music
This is a [candle]note
— Park Joon-hyeong, in Gag Concert
If the light is off, then it isn't on.
— Hilary Duff, "So Yesterday"
Radio
Astra: Hello, Tidy. We're back!
Tidy: Why are humans programmed to state the obvious?
Tidy: Why are humans programmed to state the obvious?
— Earthsearch II
Stand-Up Comedy
And so he brought forth a carrot. And said; "Behold this! For it is a carrot." And all about him knew that it was so. For it was orange. With a green top.
— Rowan Atkinson, "Amazing Jesus" sketch
Video Games
You're becoming hysterical.
— Working Joe, Alien: Isolation
The best strategy for defeating enemies is to reduce their health to zero while maintaining your own health above zero.
— Loading Screen "hint," Assassin's Creed: Odyssey
Turns out, no one likes being cooked. Who knew?
— Borderlands 3 loading screen on flame damage.
Grey Warden: Thanks for stating the completely obvious, by the way.
Alistair: No problem. It's nice to have a purpose.
Alistair: No problem. It's nice to have a purpose.
All toasters toast toast!
— Mario, Hotel Marionote
You can't love soccer with hate.
— Hibiki Seigou, Inazuma Eleven
Palutena: There's another treasure box.
Viridi: All hail the goddess of obvious.
Viridi: All hail the goddess of obvious.
Toxic waste is poisonous.
— Game tutorial tip, LEGO Batman
PR Woman: Thus, the scheduling department is where we decide what time we broadcast which program. I suppose you could say it's the place where the scheduling is determined.
Ann: Could this get any more obvious?
Ann: Could this get any more obvious?
We, Oboro's amazons, serve under Master Oboro.
— Samurai Shodown: Warriors Rage
This is the "Lonely Statue" area. He looks lonely.
— An Omochao in Wild Canyon, Sonic Adventure 2
Victory goes to the last one standing.
— The Narrator, Soul Series
Starkiller: What the hell is this thing?!
Rahm Kota: I have no idea. But it's big.
Starkiller: That's perceptive, for a blind man. Now how do I kill it?!
Rahm Kota: I have no idea. But it's big.
Starkiller: That's perceptive, for a blind man. Now how do I kill it?!
Darth Baras: RAAAAAAGH! I cannot break him!
Sith Warrior: Is there some problem here?
Darth Baras: Who would ask such a stupid question?! Clearly, there's a problem here!
(or...)
Sith Warrior: I feel your anger, master.
Darth Baras: A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could feel my anger!
Sith Warrior: Is there some problem here?
Darth Baras: Who would ask such a stupid question?! Clearly, there's a problem here!
(or...)
Sith Warrior: I feel your anger, master.
Darth Baras: A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could feel my anger!
— Star Wars: The Old Republic, as Darth Baras loses his patience
And the floor boards were buckling and creaking and breaking and pieces of their ship were raining down like shards of broken dreams. And then Reginald comes upstairs and he's all like "I say gentlemen, I do believe we're in quite a spot of bother!" And everyone else was like "REALLY? WHAT TIPPED YOU OFF, GENIUS?" And then Hatty was all like "HEEEY, BE NICE!"
— Narrator, BattleBlock Theater: The Story Begins
Visual Novels
"'Why do people oversleep?' I queried. 'Why, time after time, do they make the same foolish blunder?' And the answer came to me at once. It's so delightfully simple: people oversleep... because they sleep! Well? Is that not an astute insight into the matter?"
— Herlock Sholmes, The Great Ace Attorney: Resolve, Case G2-2: "The Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro"
"Y...Yeah, you're right. You're on the disciplinary committee, and the disciplinary committee disciplines people."
— Seina Maki, Kindred Spirits on the Roof
"Call it stupid, but my first instinct is to point it out somehow. Maybe ask her if she's okay. Because, you know. She's got a bandage over her right eye. What if she hadn't noticed? Luckily, I think better of it before I can open my mouth."
— Erik, Missing Stars
Web Animation
Hey, he just stopped at that house over there! Hey, I just stated the obvious! Oh look, a chair!
—Tom, Eddsworld
Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.
Sarge: Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!"
Sarge: Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!"
Sonic: Uh, I'm guessing this guy is Andross?
Peppy: That's him! Aim for his face!
Sonic: Great advice, dipshit.
Peppy: That's him! Aim for his face!
Sonic: Great advice, dipshit.
Kevin: K-k-kids, why is he following you?
Skid: I don't know. He's been following us.
Skid: I don't know. He's been following us.
From Adam's stern expression, constant swearing, and repeated kicks to my face and stomach, I realized he must have been a bit upset about something.
— Yahtzee parodying Samus's tendency to state the obvious in Metroid: Other M, Zero Punctuation
"This area is quite verdant." "We are on a path." "We could get a good view from the top of that tower." I know we could, asshole. Do you know how I know? Because I was just on the top of that tower. And so were you.
— Yahtzee on Dragon's Dogma, Zero Punctuation
Webcomics
"Use your weapons! They are designed to inflict damage!"
— Red Mage, 8-Bit Theater
"I have come to know much about squirrels. Were you aware that they eat nuts?"
— Noah, El Goonish Shive, "Death Sentence"
""Figure that bit out by yourself or did you have a 7-year-old help you?"
— Maxima, Grrl Power
Chie: Hey, there's a noose here!
Narrator/Protagonist: Spooky. Your thoughts, Yosuke?
Yosuke: Nooses are bad.
Narrator/Protagonist: Super!
Narrator/Protagonist: Spooky. Your thoughts, Yosuke?
Yosuke: Nooses are bad.
Narrator/Protagonist: Super!
Dojima: Two bodies hanging from a telephone pole... and we don't even know if this is a homicide case yet. [...] We've got no clues about the perp. We don't even have a sus because the sec with a mo's got a perf al.
[...]
Adachi: Um, so what do we know about the case so far?
Dojima: The perp is probably in Inaba.
Ace ☆ DETECTIVE
[...]
Adachi: Um, so what do we know about the case so far?
Dojima: The perp is probably in Inaba.
Ace ☆ DETECTIVE
The Way of the Metagamer
Yes, The Way of the Metagamer gets its own folder, it has a character named Captain Obvious.
I am Captain Obvious. I am standing on the ground and wearing a cape which is red and says CO on it in big letters.
— Captain Obvious, #30
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Mine is an evil laugh! I am standing on the ground wearing a cape which is a red cape and a hat which is also red. You cannot see any of this because I am masked as a silhouette for dramatic tension!
(two panels later)
I am now fully visible, except for a really cool-looking shadow! I have a cape. It is red and says CO on it. I have a hat, which is also red. I am going to destroy you all now.
(two panels later)
I am now fully visible, except for a really cool-looking shadow! I have a cape. It is red and says CO on it. I have a hat, which is also red. I am going to destroy you all now.
— Captain Obvious, #50
Captain Obvious: I have an evil goatee and a cape which is red and says CO on it. The goatee is yellow. I also have hair sticking up on either side which is also evil and yellow. I will destroy you all now. Magic Spell Which I Am Currently Casting That Includes Both Verbal And Somatic Components But Not Material Components!
Fred: What exactly does that spell actually DO?
Captain Obvious: Magic Spell Which I Am Currently Casting That Includes Both Verbal And Somatic Components But Not Material Components is a magic spell. It is magic. It includes both verbal and somatic components. Magic is magical. Magical things are magic. There are lots of useful magic spells.
Jane: Hold Person is the magic spell which I am casting, which is Hold Person! Hold Person is a magic spell. Magic spells are magic. I had to prepare Hold Person this morning in order to now cast it! Take That!!
Fred: What exactly does that spell actually DO?
Captain Obvious: Magic Spell Which I Am Currently Casting That Includes Both Verbal And Somatic Components But Not Material Components is a magic spell. It is magic. It includes both verbal and somatic components. Magic is magical. Magical things are magic. There are lots of useful magic spells.
Jane: Hold Person is the magic spell which I am casting, which is Hold Person! Hold Person is a magic spell. Magic spells are magic. I had to prepare Hold Person this morning in order to now cast it! Take That!!
— #52
Your feeble spell cannot hold Captain Obvious, who has a cape which is red that says CO on it and a goatee which is evil and yellow! Also, the goatee is evil! And the cape is red! Goatee is yellow! [...] Even the power of metamagic is not enough to stop Captain Obvious. You are doomed. I have a cape which is red and says CO on it. I also have a goatee which is evil and yellow. And a cape which is red and says CO on it. And a goatee which is evil and yellow. The evil goatee is yellow.
— Captain Obvious, #53
That's IT! I have angry, inward-angled eyebrows! And a goatee which is yellow and evil! And evil! And yellow! And a cape which is red and says CO on it! Magic Spell Which Also Requires A Ranged Touch Attack As Evidenced By The Fact That I Am Pointing At My Target While Casting The Magic Spell Which Is Magical And By The Way This Spell Also Has Verbal And Somatic Components!
— Captain Obvious, #54
Jane: Captain Obvious apparently can't cast any spells that aren't entirely obvious. We should be able to escape pretty easily. I saw a window...
Captain Obvious: As you can tell from the lantern hovering above my head which has a goatee which is evil and yellow, I have figured out how to defeat you! I have a cape which is red and says CO on it!
[...]
Captain Obvious: I am holding a wooden sign! It is made of wood. There is writing on the sign. Destruction is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
(the sign says the exact same thing.)
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: (holds up a different sign) Disintegrate is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: (holds up a third sign) Enervation is magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: (holds up yet another sign) Meteor Swarm is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: How can you tell so consistently which spell I'm casting? Surely you'll roll a natural 1 on Spellcraft eventually!
Jane: Holding up the spell's name on a big sign provides a +20 bonus, believe it or not.
Captain Obvious: As you can tell from the lantern hovering above my head which has a goatee which is evil and yellow, I have figured out how to defeat you! I have a cape which is red and says CO on it!
[...]
Captain Obvious: I am holding a wooden sign! It is made of wood. There is writing on the sign. Destruction is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
(the sign says the exact same thing.)
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: (holds up a different sign) Disintegrate is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: (holds up a third sign) Enervation is magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: (holds up yet another sign) Meteor Swarm is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical!
Jane: Counterspell.
Captain Obvious: How can you tell so consistently which spell I'm casting? Surely you'll roll a natural 1 on Spellcraft eventually!
Jane: Holding up the spell's name on a big sign provides a +20 bonus, believe it or not.
— #56
Captain Obvious: (while lunging at his opponent) I initiate a grapple attempt!
[...]
Captain Obvious: I have succeeded on a melee touch attack, and am now grappling. I have a cape which is red and says CO on it. I am damaging my opponet as with an unarmed strike as detailed in the grapple rules!
Jane: Since when does D&D have grapple rules?
Captain Obvious: D&D's always had grapple rules. They're in the core rulebooks.
Jane: Huh.
Jane: My DM always said the grapple rules came in an extra sourcebook. And refused to purchase it. They've been core all this time?
Captain Obvious: (while hiding sign behind his back) Yep. He may have been justified in not using them, though. (brandishes sign) Enervation is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical! You can't counterspell since you're still in the prone position! I have a cape which is red and says CO on it!
[...]
Captain Obvious: I have succeeded on a melee touch attack, and am now grappling. I have a cape which is red and says CO on it. I am damaging my opponet as with an unarmed strike as detailed in the grapple rules!
Jane: Since when does D&D have grapple rules?
Captain Obvious: D&D's always had grapple rules. They're in the core rulebooks.
Jane: Huh.
Jane: My DM always said the grapple rules came in an extra sourcebook. And refused to purchase it. They've been core all this time?
Captain Obvious: (while hiding sign behind his back) Yep. He may have been justified in not using them, though. (brandishes sign) Enervation is the magic spell I am casting, which is a magic spell and is magical! You can't counterspell since you're still in the prone position! I have a cape which is red and says CO on it!
— #57
Cringe as you receive 1d4 negative levels! HA HA HA HA HA! Mine is an evil laugh! I have a cape which is red and says CO on it, and also somehow enough time to gloat in the middle of casting an Instantaneous spell!
— Captain Obvious, #58
Captain Obvious: I am about to cast Captain Obvious's Magical Spell Which Is An Epic-Level Spell And Is Epic. It is an epic-level spell. To cast or create epic-level spells, one must take the Epic Spellcasting feat. I have a cape which is red and says CO on it. Now I will cast Captain Obvious's Magical Spell Which Is An Epic-Level Spell And Is Epic.
Bob: Why are you telling us all this?
Captain Obvious: Because it's obvious, naturally. Captain Obvious's Magical Spell Which Is An Epic-Level Spell And Is Epic!
Bob: Why are you telling us all this?
Captain Obvious: Because it's obvious, naturally. Captain Obvious's Magical Spell Which Is An Epic-Level Spell And Is Epic!
— #61
Web Original
Sombra: We're PLUSHIES again!
Coffee Talk: Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Sombra: That's KING Obvious.
Coffee Talk: Thanks, Captain Obvious.
Sombra: That's KING Obvious.
Joseph was rushed to the hospital where doctors discovered the 19 bullet-holes in his body. The attending physician later testified that Joseph was "probably in severe pain." Dr. Obvious likely went on to say that the red stuff pouring out of Joseph's body was "probably blood."
It seems you have to defeat this one to win!
Magma is not a water source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.
Anastasia Steele: What are butt plugs?
Voiceover: It's a plug. For your butt.
Voiceover: It's a plug. For your butt.
Jon: Today, we're doing a video about birds!
Jacques: How dare you say that to me? You know my mother was a bird.
Jon: Well, yes... yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm aware.
Jacques: How dare you say that to me? You know my mother was a bird.
Jon: Well, yes... yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm aware.
— JonTron
Water is wet, gotcha. Also, grass is green, the sun rises in the east and this game should not be played by anyone.
— VGJUNK review of Bad Cat for the Commodore 64
of Bad Cat for the Commodore 64You see those things that look like time bombs? Oh yeah! Those are time bombs.
Roll: Mega Man, Mega Man! Come in! There's these big yellow beams that kill you if you-
Egoraptor: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I don't need you!
Egoraptor: SHUT YOUR MOUTH, I don't need you!
Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes. Together, WE CAN STOP THIS!
In reality, cats possess the ability to turn themselves right side up in mid-air if they should fall upside-down, known as the cat righting reflex. This enables them to land on their feet if dropped from sufficient height, about 30 cm (12 in).
Toast, being an inanimate object, lacks both the ability and the desire to right itself.
Toast, being an inanimate object, lacks both the ability and the desire to right itself.
— Wikipedia, discussing the Buttered Cat Paradox
If you look closely, you can see <obvious fact>.
— Internet meme
A Keeper of Common Knowledge offers their wisdom when you need it least. They are bursting with things no person could possibly not know, and it spills out at the slightest relevance. They might insert themselves into a discussion about pro wrestling only to explain it's fake. If you make eye contact with them at a buffet, they give conspiratorial advice, like how to pile the most expensive foods into little shrines honoring your victory over the restaurant. They interrupt movies to share arcane knowledge like how guns are quite noisy or hanging from a cliff makes your arms tired.
Piccolo: So I take it you're the one who exterminated this entire city, then?
Imperfect Cell: Oh, no, no, that was another guy. His name was "Shit-Sherlock", first name "No".
Imperfect Cell: Oh, no, no, that was another guy. His name was "Shit-Sherlock", first name "No".
Western Animation
Gi: It's a force field!
Zarm: No kidding, Sherlock.
Zarm: No kidding, Sherlock.
Leela: Ow, fire hot!
Professor Farnsworth: Professy will help! (gets burned) Oh! Fire indeed hot!
Professor Farnsworth: Professy will help! (gets burned) Oh! Fire indeed hot!
— Futurama "The Day the Earth Stood Stupid"
Lute: They appear to have some kind of shield, sir!
Adam: Oh, really? I didn't see this giant fucking shield in front of me, you dumb bitch! No shit!
Adam: Oh, really? I didn't see this giant fucking shield in front of me, you dumb bitch! No shit!
Flash: Hey, that's a giant dinosaur.
Alfred: And I thought Batman was the detective.
Alfred: And I thought Batman was the detective.
See that Superdog, flying through the air?
He's got superpowers.
He's got superpowers.
— Actual lyrics from the intro theme of Krypto the Superdog
My eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it!
— Lenny after Homer hits him with pudding, The Simpsons
(thousands of Confederacy starfighters stream past Yoda's window)
Mace Windu: The city is under attack!
Yoda: Defend the city we must!
Mace Windu: The city is under attack!
Yoda: Defend the city we must!
Maul: So the only thing you can tell me is that I will find Jabba... at Jabba's Palace?
Starscream: Surely, Lord Megatron, the Autobots are up to something.
(the Decepticon leader hovers dangerously close to the seeker's face)
Megatron: Really, Starscream?
(the Decepticon leader hovers dangerously close to the seeker's face)
Megatron: Really, Starscream?
Real Life
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
— Salvador Dalí (attributed)
Life is very important to Americans.
— Bob Dole
Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.
— John Madden
Listen, the point of football is to hold your opponents to as few points as possible, while in turn your offense scores as many points as possible. If you can do those two things, you should win the game.
— also John Madden
Offense and Defense Key To LA's First Win
— Headline to an article on the XFL
on the XFLI am murdered.
— Spencer Perceval during his own assassination
Em Economia, tudo o que não é óbvio, normalmente é besteira.
(In Economics, everything that is not obvious, is usually bullcrap.)
(In Economics, everything that is not obvious, is usually bullcrap.)
— Mário Henrique Simonsen, Brazilian economist
During the Peninsula War, I heard a Portuguese general address his troops before a battle with the words, "Remember men, you are Portuguese!"
— Arthur Wellesley, The Duke of Wellington
