Quotes / Brits Love Tea

Anime and Manga

America: There's like a crap-ton of German soldiers around here. We need to be careful... the hell, man, why are you swilling tea like a fairy princess?
Britain: Actually, you ninny, it's a gentleman's habit to have tea every day at a set time. Try a cup and enjoy the moment.
America: I drink coffee, not tea!
Britain: [as Germany comes up behind him] Whether on the battlefield or just drinking tea at home, having a lovely strong cuppa always makes me feel gentlemanly and oh-so-calm. One cannot call themselves an adult until they can appreciate a good tea!

— Hetalia: Axis Powers

Film

Eddie: The entire British empire was built on cups of tea...
Soap: Yeah, and look what's happened to that.
Eddie: And if you think I'm going to war without one, mate, you're mistaken.

— Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels

Ed: What's the plan then?
Shaun: Right. [cuts to Imagine Spot] We take Pete's car, we drive over to Mum's, we go in, take care of Philip, then we grab Mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.

— Shaun of the Dead

Turkish: Do you take sugar?
Brick Top: No thank you, Turkish. I'm sweet enough.

— Snatch.

Literature

"No, look, it's very, very simple... all I want... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen."

— Arthur Dent, speaking to a Nutri-Matic Drinks Synthesizer in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"...tea is one of the main stays of civilization in this country, as well as in Eire, Australia and New Zealand, but because the best manner of making it is the subject of violent disputes."

— George Orwell, A Nice Cup of Tea

Tea is still believed, by English people of all classes, to have miraculous properties. [...] Whatever your mental or physical state, what you need is "a nice cup of tea". [...] A bad accident — people are injured and in shock: tea is neaded. "I'll put the kettle on." World War Three breaks out — a nuclear attack is imminent. "I'll put the kettle on."
You get the idea. We are rather fond of tea.

— Anthropologist Kate Fox, Watching the English, 2004

Americans think we Brits drink tea because we're polite and genteel or something, whereas we really drink it because it's a stimulant and it's hot enough to sterilize cholera bacteria.

— Equoid by Charles Stross

The windows are curtained, as a courtesy to Alex. He's mooching moodily in the vicinity of the kettle: he's found a teapot and milk, and is brewing tea, because that's what the English do when they've just broke out of military prison one jump ahead of murderous assassins from an alien death-god cult, then survived being shot at by a main battle tank.

— The Delirium Brief

"Mug of tea, sarge? Stewed for an hour and two sugars."

— Snouty, Night Watch

Live-Action TV

Xander: Shouldn't you be drinking tea?
Giles: Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense.
Xander: Alright, but you're destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here.

— Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I'm a detective, and I want a cup of tea!"

— Detective Inspector Richard Poole, Death in Paradise, "Wicked Wedding Night"

"Tea? While we're waiting for the world to come to an end? Very British."

— Mickey Smith, Doctor Who

Will: What be tea?
The Doctor: Oh, a noxious infusion of Oriental leaves containing a high percentage of toxic acid.
Will: Sounds an evil brew, don't it?
The Doctor: True. [Beat] Personally, I rather like it.

— Doctor Who, "The Awakening"

Sherlock: What is this? I asked for coffee.
Joan: Well, you asked for coffee, but you got tea.
Sherlock: No, I'm British, this is not tea.

— Elementary, "You Do It To Yourself"

Daphne: (trying to masquerade as an American) My nerves can't take this, I need a cup of tea!
Frasier: Tea?! Why don't you wave a crumpet over your head and start singing, "God Save the Queen"?!

— Frasier, "Travels With Martin"

"Tea, Earl Grey, hot."

— Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Music

"I don't drink coffee, I take tea my dear."

— Sting, "Englishman in New York"

On eighty cups a day, I haven't slept for eighty years!

— Professor Elemental, Cup of Brown Joy

Video Games

"IT'S TEA TIME!"

— Hatsworth, Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure

"Ah, my dear Miss Susato. It occurs to me with some regularity... That irrespective of race and breeding, whenever anyone lands on Great British soil, they are infused with a highly appropriate taste for afternoon tea!"

— Herlock Sholmes, The Great Ace Attorney Adventures

"Here is something very, very new to the world - a hot boil of stimulating leaves, like a soup of sorts. It shall be known as 'a cuppa.'"

— Elizabeth I sending a trade delegation to the player, Civilization VI

Web Originals

"It can prolong drunkenness, cure a hangover, mend a broken heart, substitute as fuel for automobiles and farm machinery, be given as an elixir to put a stopper in death, subvert therapy, and bring together an entire country in times of national crisis."

— Heather Hogan finally gets the British obsession while recapping Skins (and Coronation Street) at AfterEllen.com

"I drink a lot of tea. They say humans are made up of 70% water. I think at this point I'm probably made up of 40% Earl Grey, and 20% camomile, and 10% North African Mint."

— Jane Eyre, The Autobiography of Jane Eyre, "This is me (an Introduction)" Ep: 1

"I am off the hook! Woo! PARTY TIME!" [takes a very lady-like cup of tea] "Tea party." [sips tea]

— Jane Eyre, The Autobiography of Jane Eyre, "Duck Pond" Ep: 8

"I'm going to go do British things, like drink cups of tea and eat bangers and mash, that sort of thing... Because I'm British."

— Bakura, Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series

"That's Britain for you. Tea solves everything. You're a bit cold? Tea. Your boyfriend has just left you? Tea. You've just been told you've got cancer? Tea. Coordinated terrorist attack on the transport network bringing the city to a grinding halt? TEA DAMMIT!"

— LiveJournal user jslayeruk

Real Life

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me."

— C. S. Lewis

"...In this metaphor, tea stand for grace and courtesy. As well it might."

— David Mitchell

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