Quotes / Bigger Is Better in Bed

Fiction

Paul: (reading off a card) What do women want in a modern gentleman?
Jimeoin: (walking onto the dot) Big cocks.

— Good News Week

A large penis is always welcome.

— Atia of the Julii, Rome

"He had a tremendous wang, incidentally. You never know who'll get one."

—Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

"Norman grimaced as he watched Charles double over in laughter. He was dead serious as his tight running shorts displayed an impressive thick bulge in the front."

— A Heartfelt Connection by Duma Odimm

"The towel barely clung to lean. narrowed hips, and dipped lower in the front, revealing a gilded treasure trail Meg itched to explore. An impressive bulge created and intriguing terrain across the front of his towel, leaving little doubt that what lay underneath him was just as well proportioned as the rest of him."

—Just Toying Around by Rhonda Nelson

Danny Noonan: Guess I'm a little overdressed.
Lacey Underall: Depends on what's underneath.

— Caddyshack

Patio lanterns illuminated the grounds next door, giving her sufficient light for her to see the man in the scant bathing suit as he climbed onto the diving board. Her glance moved over him, trailing down the firm ridges of his abdomen, to follow the sexy line of hair that disappeared into the material that did little to hide the huge bulge her fingers itched to explore. A wheezing sound escaped her lips. Alexis squinted her eyes and focused on his torso... and the area due south.

—Hands on with the CEO by Cathryn Fox

Wynne: It's as if [Morrigan]'s forgotten you exist above the waist!
Male Warden: Well, there's quite a bit of me below the waist.

— Dragon Age: Origins

"Hello, Hauser. Still bulging, I see."

—Melina, Total Recall (1990)

"I'm the whole package, you see. I got a big dick."

—Chazwick Thurman, Helluva Boss

Brooke Lynn Hytes: What do you look for in a man?
Leslie Jones^note as played by Kimora Amour: Nine inches.

— Canada's Drag Race

Real Life

"His attraction for her is understandable. Her attraction for him? Not all that clear, really. Unless size really does matter? For me, no. Size can be uncomfortable. For her, clearly a selling feature. Because she’s been going around telling her friends about it. And her nickname for him, which she hasn’t been shy about sharing, is 'Monster Cock'. Which is flattering, I guess, if you’re in college or Vegas."

—Michael K.

Josh: That long monologue he gives her about the “cobra grande“ – He’s definitely talking about his dick there, right?

John: Yes.

Josh: A snake with ONE EYE, just like Basil St. John!

John: If you stare into his dick you become enchanted, that is what he says to her.

—The Toast, "We Watched Brenda Starr (1989)"

David: Lionel and Lex yell at each other about being dicks, and then Lionel tries to use a magical Kryptonian Water Stone of Power that he stole from Link’s inventory screen in The Legend of Zelda: The Violin of Vathlo to switch with Lex except Clark is all NAWW and tries to stop him because he thinks it’s a gun and then, in classic Smallville Ineffectual Clark style, he trades bodies with his archenemy...After that, there’s an entire television cast of attractive women for that thirsty Luthor blood to awkwardly attack as he tries to take advantage of being a 27 17 year-old high school football quarterback hero. First up on his list: Martha Kent, right after admiring his new penis. No, SERIOUSLY.

Chris: I’m starting to think that think Tom Welling smirking obliviously while looking down at his own junk is a metaphor for this entire series.

—Chris Sims and David Uzumeri, on Smallville ("Transference")

To me, bigger is better.

—Cindy Margolis

I like it when the jeans are worn out where the bulge is.

— Christy Canyon

I once said that 7 1/2 inches was the ideal penis size for me. What, you may ask is the basis for such a specific measurement? It's a complicated equation to be sure-part astrology, part East Indian Kama Sutra, and part old-fashioned tape measure. And experience. It's the Scientific Method: experimentation. Go figure. It's the right size.

— Mamie Van Doren

...the only problem came with sizing the most intimate part of the suit assembly, the urinary collection device (UCD) that slid over the astronaut's penis. After an "incident" with the first astronaut fitted for the device, the UCD's designations were changed from "Small, Medium, Large" to "Large", "Extra Large", and "Extra-Extra Large."

— Spacesuit: Fashioning Apollo, by Nicholas de Monchaux

Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say "Thank you." and then they go off to the larger European men they actually have sex with.

— Jon Stewart

(On being asked why she would want "119-pound has-been" Frank Sinatra)
Well, honey, I'll tell you — 19 pounds is cock.

— Ava Gardner

I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start meltin' away!
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay!

— Da Vinci's Notebook, "Enormous Penis"

What if I'm too big? She said I might be. Or was that some sort of ego-boosting ploy? Was that supposed to turn me on or something? I don't know. I don't care. Should I care? Do other people actually care about their size, or is that all just an act?

— Asexuality Archive, "Asexual Intercourse"

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