"Marcia, you know what you are? You're the locker room where he can ease up after the fight, win or lose. You're the shock absorber for collisions with ex-wives and models and new wives and assorted tramps. You're the little wheel of efficiency without which the great streamlined express called Lonesome Rhodes leaps the track and plunges to destruction."
— Mel, A Face in the Crowd
IMAGINE, AS MUCH AS YOUR INFINITESIMAL PARODY OF "THOUGHT" IS CAPABLE OF IMAGINING, THAT YOU GET SQUEEZED OUT ON THAT BIG, WHIRLING BALL YOU CALL A "WORLD," AND ONE OF YOU OTHER UGLY THINGS COMES ALONG BEFORE YOU'VE SO MUCH AS TAKEN YOUR FIRST BREATH AND IT STAPLES YOU TO THE WALL OF A CRAMPED, STUFFY CLOSET. NOW, IMAGINE THIS INDIVIDUAL PROCEEDS TO TAKE A STEAMING DUMP ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF YOU AND SAYS "CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ONLY EXIST TO MAKE SURE NOBODY MESSES WITH MY ROTTEN BUTT LOAF." AND THAT'S IT. YOUR EVERYTHING. YOUR SOCIAL LIFE. THE ONLY DREAM YOU GET. YOU GROW AND LEARN AND THINK AND WONDER AND ROT THERE FOR LIFETIME AFTER LIFETIME AND YOU'RE STILL JUST STARING DOWN AT THE SAME RIPE FUDGE LOG BECAUSE THERE'S A WHINY LITTLE GNAT SOMEWHERE WHO DOESN'T WANT SOME TARDIGRADE TO TOUCH THE WRONG CORN NUGGET.
— Crash the Computer, Awful Hospital
"God, what a good vassal! If there was a good lord!"
— The Poem of the Cid
A Typical Day If You Were Eric Clapton's Personal Assistant
Eric Clapton: Look, I'm going to finish drinking this children's pool full of rye whiskey, and you're going to get 80 feet of high strength fishing line, then learn everything you can about the art of puppetry, and meet me at the show in three hours. OK? Break!
You: Man, there has got to be a better use of my Liberal Arts degree.
The Krauts are building a super weapon that could end the war in a matter of days. All that's standing between Jack Boots and Madison Avenue is grunts like you and me, and the closest thing they have to a plan is throwing as many of us at this secret base as they can find in the vague hope that somebody breaks in.
— Kowalski, The Ultimates
