K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a Tree

Alice and Bob are in the same class in their prep school. Alice has recently moved chairs to be closer to Bob—and Carol has figured it out. While on break, Carol asks Alice, "You fancy Bob then?" Alice denies it.

"Yes you do!", Carol replies, then goes into the following popular ditty.

Alice and Bob, sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G,
First comes love
Second comes marriage
Then comes a baby in a baby carriage!

Sometimes the following verse may be added:

Sucking his thumb
Wetting his pants
Doing the hula-hula dance.

Rather common with Puppy Love, but can occur elsewhere. Basically, it is Carol teasing Alice and Bob for their crush or relationship.

There are many variations of the song, with several extra verses. If it occurs with adults, the dialogue is usually more "explicit". Compare Mocking Sing-Song.

---

Examples:

Anime and Manga

• Ranma ½: After Ranma makes a sarcastic remark about how Happosai should transfer into their school if he's so jealous of all the time Ryoga and Akane have been spending together to study, Happosai replies:
  Happosai: Dont mind if I do, actually. Happy and Akane sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
  Ranma: Why, you! Ain't cha never heard of shame?!
  Genma: Apparently not.
• In Digimon Adventure 02, Cody directs this at Yolei in reaction to her increasingly-obvious crush on Ken.
• Great Teacher Onizuka: Kusano and Fujiyoshi taunt Anko with this after she's just admitted to liking Noboru.
• Hamtaro: When Howdy learns that Boss has a crush on Bijou, he taunts Boss by singing this.

Comic Books

• The Teen Titans spin-off comic, ""Secret Origins!" have Cyborg and Beast Boy agreeing to be camp counsellors for Cyborg's girlfriend, Sarah. It ends with Beast Boy taunting them with this song, though the last sentence has a variation...
  "Cyborg and Sarah, Sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
  "...then comes a toaster in a baby carriage!"

Fan Works

• In the Harry Potter Fan Fic sporked here, an adult Sirius Black sings this verbatim about Lupin and his Relationship Sue.
• Nat and Slouchy do this to both Sassette and Snappy when they respectively catch the bouquet and garter at the wedding of Empath and Smurfette in the Empath: The Luckiest Smurf novel (and also in the alternate timeline wedding of Hefty and Smurfette in the story "Hefty, The Luckiest Smurf"), teasing them about how they're supposed to marry each other now that they both caught the bouquet and garter.
  "Snappy and Sassette sitting in a tree, s-m-u-r-f-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a Smurfling in a baby carriage!"
  • Of course, Hefty as a Smurfling does this to Grouchy and Empath in "The Grouchiest Friendship" to taunt Grouchy when he sees Grouchy and Empath constantly with each other, implying Ho Yay.

Films — Animation

• In Ice Age: Continental Drift, Manny and Sid taunt Diego with this after realising he's in love with Shira.
• Mater in Cars:
  McQueen and Sally parked beneath a tree, K-I-S-somethin'-somethin'-somethin'-T!
  • He does this again by the end of the movie.
  McQueen and Sally parked beneath the tree, K-I-S-S... uh... I-N-T!

Films — Live-Action

• My Girl has a scene where a group of passing girls taunts Vada and Thomas' relationship using this song.
• Bridge to Terabithia: The 2007 film version has a scene on a bus where little Maybelle made fun of Jess and Leslie's relationship like this. Leslie covers Maybelle's mouth when she's about to get to the K-I-S-S-I-N-G part though.
• In It's Kind of a Funny Story, Humble does this to the two leads, after they come into the Arts room together. Point of reference: He's a senior and they're fifteen.
• In Jack (1996), Phoebe and Jane direct this toward Jack when they see him talking to his teacher, Ms. Marquez, during recess. Marquez responds by taking them to discuss it with their own teacher.
• Ernest Goes to Jail: Chuck sings "Ernest and Charlotte sitting in a tree..." when claiming that Ernest (who is Nash wearing Ernest's clothes but not his hat) is in love.
• Greg and Rowley's classmates do this to him in The Film of the Book of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, though they're both boys.

Literature

• In Stephen King's It, two rich kids recite the rhyme when they see Beverly and Richie together. Beverly flips them off. The Rich Bitch is utterly scandalized, as "proper" girls do not behave such a way.
• The 1980 Arthur book Arthur's Valentine has this happen when several of the love notes Arthur gets end up spilling out of his jacket. Many of the other schoolkids tease him about this and start singing the rhyme as Arthur retreats.
• Lydia teases Karina about her attraction to Thorn this way in Brotherband, but very sensibly backs off when Karina jokingly threatens her with a carving knife.
• An article in Our Dumb Century reports on Kenneth Star taunting Bill Clinton with this song.
• Princesses of the Pizza Parlor: From Darkest Depths, between the second couple of the story:
  Helen: "Uncle and Maxine, sitting in a tree..."
  "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" shouted the chorus.
• At one point in The Serpent's Shadow from The Kane Chronicles, Walt and Sadie are being pursued by the hunting goddess Neith and decide to a trick involving amulets that allow them to call themselves to each other's sides. When the trick first works, Sadie kisses Walt and narrates that she imagined the old school rhyme "Walt and Sadie / sitting in a tree / K-I-S-S-I-N-G," but notes that anyone would tease them is 5,000 years in the future (Neith having temporarily transported them to an illusion of the past.)
• The Dresden Files: In Blood Rites, when Lord Raith has Murphy hostage, Harry taunts him with a variant:
  Lord Raith and Murphy, sitting in a tree, not K-I-S-S-I-N-G. (the kiss in this case being a Kiss of Death)
• In the My Weird School book, "Mr Hynde is out of his Mind!", Ryan and Michael sing this to A.J., when he finds out he has to kiss Andrea at the Beautyandthe Beast school play.

Live-Action TV

• House: House, Wilson and a clinic patient are watching a baseball game in an exam room when it comes up that our favourite diagnostician has a date with Cameron. Cut to House exiting the room while Wilson and the clinic patient sing: "HOUSE AND CAMERON, SITTIN' IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"
  House: Grow up. And learn to harmonize!
• On The Big Bang Theory, a drunk Bernadette sang it to Amy and Sheldon, but spelled kissing "k-i-s-s-s-s-i-n-g".
• JD and Danny in Scrubs attempt a literal version of this on their first date, but lose balance and fall out.
• In an episode of Married... with Children, Kelly tried to taunt Bud with this song, but she didn't know how to spell "Kissing".
• The very first episode of Bunk'd subverts this a little.
  Hazel: Xander and Hazel sitting in a tree...
  Lou: G-A-G-G-I-N-G.
  Tiffany: Nobody told me there was gonna be a spelling bee!
• Jaye and Erik in Wonderfalls engage in some of this before Jaye breaks up with him because she thinks she'll hurt him if she doesn't.
• Sex and the City Carrie sings this song about Miranda and Steve at one point, though stops to correct herself that first comes baby, then comes love and marriage.
• In Any Day Now, Collier asks his eventual wife Mary Elizabeth to go to the local movie theater with him to see the new Elvis Presley picture, and Collier's friend Tully chants the rhyme at them.
  Tully: Collier and M.E. sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!
  Mary Elizabeth: Shut up, Collier!
• On Gimme a Break!, when youngest daughter Samantha has her first kiss with a boy, her two sisters sing this at them.
• In the episode "Damaged" of Criminal Minds, JJ begins to sing it about Garcia and Kevin. Prentiss is shocked. Reid is clueless to its meaning, which Prentiss is even more shocked at.
• Warehouse 13 has one example without the singing. Pete rattles off the first two lines when he finds out that Artie has a crush on a doctor affiliated with the Warehouse. Claudia mentions Pete saying 'something about Artie and a baby carriage' when she contacts him for information while on a mission.
• On a sketch from Horrible Histories that attempted to explain how WWI got started, a British Army captain tries to explain things to his men using an analogy of the countries being "best friends", culminating in two of the soldiers singing "Germany and Austria, sittin' in a tree!"
• The Everybody Loves Raymond episode "Someone's Cranky" features a variation as Robert bitterly calls Debra "perfect":
  Robert: Perfect Debra, sitting in a tree, P-E-R-F-E-C-T.
  Frank: Hey, that rhymes!
• A more bitter version appears in The New Normal, which is about two gay men trying for a surrogate baby.
  Bryan: Bryan and David sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes inability to marry, then comes a stranger with a invasive procedure, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.
• Modern Family, "Yard Sale":
  Claire: I just saw Alex and Michael sitting in a tree. Don't make me spell it out for you.
• Boy Meets World: In one episode, the Matthews family, along with Shawn, suspects that Topanga may have a crush on Cory. First, Shawn sings this. Several minutes later, Cory's younger sister Morgan (who was upstairs while Shawn was singing) begins the chant, but apparently can't spell "kissing", and instead just recites (in a subtle nod to the then-current "Hooked on Phonics" ads and their phone number):
  Morgan: Cory and Topanga sitting in a tree, A-B-C-D-E-F-G.
• In the Parks and Recreation episode "How a Bill Becomes a Law", Andy notes that Ron and Diane seem to have hit it off. However, being Andy, he gets a bit distracted:
  Andy: Ron and Diane, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I!
• Sesame Street takes this trope to its logical extreme, with Luis and Maria discussing their relationship with other characters - especially Muppets - as the events described in the rhyme play out and it actually evolves to the point of their getting married and having a baby together.

Manhwa

• In Id, Grey does this to Id and Ilrina when she starts acting like a Clingy Jealous Girl. It doesn't go over well.

Music

• The song appears in the bridge following the second chorus of Extreme's "Play With Me", with a variation: the baby in the baby carriage gets a name, and it's Adam.
• Occurs in "One Beer" by Hardy featuring Devin Dawson and Lauren Alaina:
  A boy and a girl and a three on the tree
  K-I-S-S-I-N-G
  First comes lust then a shotgun marriage
  Six months later comes a baby in a carriage
  You know what y'all, you know what y'all
  The whole thing started with some alcohol

Newspaper Comics

• In Calvin and Hobbes, Hobbes sings this when Calvin gets a valentine from Susie. Turns out the valentine was for Hobbes.
• FoxTrot: Jason Fox found all his classmates singing this to him after Eileen thinks he's sent her a love note.
• Baby Blues has a storyline where one of Hammie's classmates, Tammy, develops a crush on him. One day, a boy named Trent sings "Hammie and Tammy sitting in a tree, T-E-X-T-I-N-G". When Hammie says "I thought it was K-I-S-S-I-N-G", Trent replies, "Don't be gross".

Professional Wrestling

• During the Spike Dudley and Molly Holly romance angle in the WWF in 2001, a fan held up a sign with this written on it.

Radio Drama

• The episode "Broken Window" of Adventures in Odyssey has a particularly humorous take on this, as two of the children tease Connie about her frustration over her boyfriend standing her up:
  Alex & Liz: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—
  Connie: (annoyed) We were just going to talk!
  Alex & Liz: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a tree, T-A-L-K-I-N—
  Connie: (obviously exasperated) We're not in a tree.
  Alex: Connie and Mitch, sitting in a booth—
  Mr. Whittaker: And I think you'd better stop now.
  Alex: We're just practicing our spelling. S-P-L-L... I mean, S-P-I-L...
• In Ability, when Matt and Anna get serious, Bob and Jess start singing this. Matt's narration points out a disabled couple is not going to be in a tree.

Theatre

• In the song "Carnaval Del Barrio" in the second act of In the Heights, Daniela asks Benny if he's "seen any horses, today", having heard that he and Nina "went for a roll in the hay". The whole cast then proceeds to sing said song. With harmonies. In a conga line.
• The Broadway version of Disney's The Little Mermaid (1989) has a Hold Your Hippogriffs version. Flounder sings "Ariel and someone swimming in the sea, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Video Games

• The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel III: Prior to entering the final dungeon, the team takes pokes at the Ship Tease between Agate and Tita.
  Randy: Agate and Tita...
  Tio: ...sitting in a tree...
  Fie: K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
  • And Randy does it again in The Legend of Heroes: Trails into Reverie, this time aiming at Estelle and Joshua, while they all enter the Moon Temple.
  Randy: (Estelle and Joshua, sittin' in a tree, K-I—)
  Estelle: -C-K-I-N-G your ASS if you keep that up, Randy!
• An Easter egg in World of Warcraft does this to popular Shipping couple, Thrall and Jaina.
• Left 4 Dead: "Rochelle an' the biker dude, sittin' in a tree... Kay-Eye-Ess-Ess-Eye-N-G!"
• BlazBlue pulls this trope out during the Military Academy flashbacks from time to time with Tsubaki as the Alice, Jin the Bob, and Makoto the Dana. Makoto explicitly says that she "can read [Tsubaki] like a book when it comes to that boy" and that Tsubaki should "drop that good little cadet schtick and just say it".
• In Ratchet & Clank Future: Quest for Booty, Rusty Pete teases Ratchet and Talwyn using this, only...
  Pete: Lombax and Markazian sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-s-i-n- ...huh?
• Early in the last case of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Trials and Tribulations Maya teases Phoenix this way about Iris.
• In League of Legends, one of Lux's new voice lines gives us this gem:
  Lux: Kat and Garen sitting in a tree... and you'd better just be holding hands or I'm telling!
• In Puyo Puyo Tetris, Jay and Elle think Maguro and Ess are in love with each other and make fun of them for it by singing this song, only with them spelling "P-U-Y-O-I-N-G" instead of "K-I-S-S-I-N-G". Ess tells them "That's the stupidest song I've ever heard!"
• In Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel! if Claptrap picks up an echo recording referring to Jack first learning about Nisha and ends with him asking she is signal.
  Claptrap: Nisha and Jack, sitting in a tree. K-I-Z-Z-my-spelling-circuits-were-replaced-with-weapons-protocols.

Web Comics

• In a nod to Calvin and Hobbes, Yuna from Sandra and Woo sings a slightly adjusted version of the song to embarrass her older brother Cloud after his girlfriend Sandra goes home. Cloud's mother Ye Thuza immediately joins in by quoting an embarrassing line from a Cloud x Tifa fanfic.
  Cloud: These Cloud x Sandra shippers can get really annoying...
  • In a later strip, Cloud accidentally embarrasses Sandra by giving her lingerie as a birthday present right in front of her grandfather. The next day, their classmates sing this, with the word "lingerie" replacing "kissing".
• Let's Destroy The Shagohod!: EVA responds with Naked Snake's closeness with this:
  EVA: Snake and The Boss, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N- [is bitchslapped by Snake]
• The webcomic Cyanide and Happiness did a hilarious parody of this.
• Applegeeks gave us this gem.

Web Original

• Parodied in The Onion during the Lewinsky scandal: Starr Taunts Clinton With Humiliating "Sittin' In A Tree" Song.
• In A Slap On Titan, Pastor Nick mocks Eren and Mikasa by singing a variation:
  Pastor Nick: EREN AND MIKASA,
  SITTING IN A TREE,
  F-U-C-K-I-N-G!

Western Animation

• An episode of Arthur has Binky taunt Arthur that he might have a crush on Francine, and starts singing the song only to screw up the spelling several times and then give up.
• Batman Beyond: The episode "Rats" has Terry's little brother saying this about Terry and Dana, but Terry interrupts it at the last minute, throwing one of his shoes at the door.
• The Codename: Kids Next Door episode introducing King Sandy has Numbuh 4 suffer this from Numbuhs 2 and 5 when he says he has to save Numbuh 3 (which he claims is because "she owes me a quarter"). Surrrreee...
  • In the episode that introduces Lizzie, Numbuhs 2 and 4 chant "Nigie and Lizzie sitting in a tree" in full, with Numbuh 1 trying to deny this, much to the anger of Lizzie.
• Cow and Chicken: Everyone sings this to Chicken when he gets a kiss from Winnie after a game of "Girls Chase Boys".
• Tucker in Danny Phantom sings this when Danny and Valerie are paired up to take care of a baby flour sack. Valerie rudely interrupts him by shoving his own hat in his mouth. The two weren't on romantic terms then, but it's a nice foreshadowing.
• In the Ed, Edd n Eddy episode "For Your Ed Only", Eddy steals the Secret Diary of Ed’s little sister, Sarah. And while reading it, they discover that she has a Precocious Crush on Double D, which prompts Ed and Eddy to do this.
  Edd: Me… and Sarah?
  Ed: Sitting in a tree!
  Eddy: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
• In the Family Guy episode, "Lifegaurd Meg", Chris sings this to Peter and Meg after she performs CPR on Peter, but spells "Kissing" wrong, losing a Spelling Bee in the process.
  Chris: Peter and Megan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—- um... E-N-G!
  Announcer: And Chris Griffin is eliminated. Which means Boopresh Armiteg will repeat as National Spelling Champion!
• The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: In the episode "To Eris Human", Grim has a crush on Eris, the goddess of chaos. After she rather cruelly rejects him, and then later pranks Mandy, Billy chants this. It winds up actually giving Mandy an idea on how they can get back at Eris.
  Billy: Ooooooooh! Grim’s got a girlfriend, Grim’s got a girlfriend! Grim and Eris sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
  Mandy: …K-I-S-S-I-N-G. That’s it!
• Hey Arnold! has a non-romantic example. Harold sees that Arnold and Eugene are stuck in a very high tree and taunts them.
  Harold: Arnold and Eugene stuck in a tree! S-T-U-K in a tree! (laughs) You're so stupid!
• The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius has Butch sing this song at Jimmy and Cindy, only to get punched in the stomach by Cindy.
• KaBlam!: In one episode, Henry and June make Baked Alaska in a wraparound segment. June teases Henry about his crush on Thunder Girl with this song. Henry becomes so mad that the she uses the heat from his face to cook the Baked Alaska.
• In the Kim Possible episode "Partners", Shego sings it to taunt Drakken about his crush on DNAmy.
• In the The Loud House episode "Save the Date", Lincoln's classmates sing the song to tease his relationship with Ronnie Anne. Later, when Lincoln tells Clyde that Lori has broken up with Bobby, Clyde proceeds to sing his own rendition of the song with himself and Lori and replacing the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" with "Where there's no room for dumb Bobby!"
  • In "The Horror-Scope!", an episode from the spinoff The Casagrandes, Sergio sings the song to tease Ronnie Anne about her relationship with Lincoln. She promptly shoves guacamole up Sergio's beak before he can finish.
• In "At the Museum" from Mrs. Munger's Class, Mrs. Munger tells the kids in her class to buddy up for the museum trip. However, Mahoot ends up with no buddy, and when she asks him where his buddy is, he just does his routine of repeatedly asking "What?" She says that she will be his buddy and the class sings the song, the two "S"es replaced with Mrs. Munger saying her catchphrase "Simmer! Simmer!"
• The Powerpuff Girls (1998) aired a promo about the episode "Buttercrush" which involved a brief one-off relationship between Buttercup and Ace.
  Narrator: Buttercup and Ace sitting in a tree, K-I-S—
  Buttercup: Say another letter and you won't be eating solid food again!
• The Raccoons: In "Spring Fever!", Bentley teases Bert for having a crush on Lisa with the song.
• Recess: The episode "The Pest" has a boy named Jeffrey having a crush on Gretchen and he has been bugging her. He shouts at the top of the lungs to the whole playground that he loves Gretchen, with the entire student body laughing at her with the song as a result.
• The Replacements:
  • The episode where Riley tries to find a girlfriend for Shelton starts with her receiving a fake love letter from Shelton, actually written by Sierra, who taunts her by singing this (with Abby even joining in). Later, when Riley decides "I know what I have to do," Todd actually imagines Riley and Shelton puckering up while sitting on a tree branch and fears she's going to do just that.
  • The series finale contains this exchange upon revealing Jacobo and Tasumi's Last Minute Hook Up:
    Riley: What are you guys doing here?!
    Tasumi: We were up in your treehouse kissing and we heard a commotion—
    Todd: Ooooooh! Jacobo and Tasumi sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I—
    Tasumi: Yeah, that's what I just said!
• In the Rocko's Modern Life episode "Wallaby on Wheels", Heffer sings this after figuring out Rocko's affection for Sheila, but doesn't bother to spell "kissing".
• The Simpsons:
  • Bart Simpson does a sinister version in the episode "Bart's Friend Falls In Love":
  Samantha and Milhouse sitting in a tree, about to lose their privacy. He-he-he!
  • Homer attempts it in another episode, but trails off after "then comes", muttering to himself "Dammit, I know this!"
  • Parodied and combined with Tempting Fate: In The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror XXVI segment "Wanted: Dead, Then Alive", when Sideshow Bob points a Harpoon Gun at Bart, the kid responds, "Yawn. You couldn't kill me with that thing if I drew an X on my forehead." He then writes an X on his forehead with blue chalk and taunts Bob with, "Bob and a spear gun, sitting in a tree, S-U-C-K-I-N-" Let's just say... it does not bode well for Bart.
• Spider-Man: The Animated Series had a dark version where Harry Osbourne goes insane and sings, "Spider-Man and the Punisher, sitting in a tree! MJ, MJ, MJ and me!"
• An episode of SpongeBob SquarePants has members of E.V.I.L. (Every Villain Is Lemons) going up to Make Out Reef to taunt lovers in their boats.

  E.V.I.L.: John and Nancy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

• An episode of Squidbillies is titled "Rusty and Tammi Sitting in a Tree, B-A-S-T-A-R-D", though it's more focused on Rusty sacrificing his work to support his family.
• In an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures, Montana Max has to deal with people singing this when he somehow gets suckered in to going on a date with Elmyra. Characters they're mocked by include their classmates, who see them at a fast food joint, and later the characters in a movie they go to see.
• Total Drama: During a confessional in "I Love You, I Love You Knots", Shawn shares his reasons as to why he doesn't want to get romantically involved with Jasmine by means of the song. In his view, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes your brain being eaten by a zombie baby that was hiding in your pillow.
  • In the spinoff Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race, Owen sings this to mock Noah for his crush on Emma but Noah slaps him before he could finish.
• X-Men: Evolution has Pietro taunting Lance about his crush on Kitty by saying this, but Lance interrupts it at the last minute. He tries to backhand Pietro, but Pietro speeds out of the way and Toad gets hit instead.

---

House: "Grow up—and learn to harmonize!"