"The gods are among us and they are flawed. Divine Misfortune was always intended to be a tribute to the myths of old, where gods were real and powerful, and where faith was a foreign concept when Zeus might show up to toss lightning bolts around in a drunken stupor. The idea of gods as human with all the advantages and disadvantages of incredible power and immortality was always appealing to me, and despite featuring some of the most powerful characters I've ever created, the story is grounded in very mundane reality. It's Seinfeld meets The Iliad, and, even though the gods are often jerks, they have their moments of introspection. This is one of those moments. "
— Author's Notes
My Dinner with Ares is a Comic Fantasy short story written by A. Lee Martinez and published in the 2013 anthology book Robots versus Slime Monsters. The story is set after the events of the novel Divine Misfortune, where Ares and Ogbunabali ponder upon the nature of humanity and their relations to it.
My Dinner with Ares provides examples of:
- Divine Punishment: Fury Central is a Celestial Bureaucracy ran and operated by gods who's job is to reap divine justice on souls guilty of some great sin or violating some sacred law. Because of sheer workload, they will often commission gods who's domain falls under their business model in order to keep their quota.
- The Grim Reaper: Ogbunabali is a God of Death and Divine Punishment of the Igbo faith that takes on a variety of forms that inspire dread, though he prefers the Tall, Dark, and Handsome look when off the clock.
- Hate Plague: Being a War God, Ares's presence tends to cause humans to become irritable and prone to fighting, a problem only compounded by Ogbunabali's aura of death making everyone on edge.
- Humans Are Special: While Ares thinks of mortals as quant but not worth getting worked up over, Ogbunabali sees them as more capable than most gods give them credit for, even pondering what it would be like to be mortal.
- Misplaced Retribution: Ogbunabali regales Ares about a time Fury Central sent him to reap Divine Punishment on a mortal for getting in a car accident with a demigod. When he does some digging, he finds out that not only was the demigod at fault for driving under the influence, but while the demigod made a full recovery thanks to his divine heritage, the mark had to walk with a limp because the accident broke his leg in three place. The only reason why Ogbunabali was sent after him was because the demigod's godly parent commissioned the hit. Ogbunabali was so ashamed of this, he falsified a report claiming that justice was served, knowing Fury Central is too bogged down to even bother looking into it.
- Modernized God: The form Ares takes in this story is a gruff man in modern camo-fatigues along with the old Spartan helmet. He also carries a Glock pistol along with the old shield and sword.
- Money Is Not Power: Ogbunabali regales to Ares about a follower who he kept alive for centuries in exchange for offerings, but eventually Ogbunabali had to reap his soul since no mortal can avoid death forever. In response, the man begged to be spared, offering everything from burning his entire fortune in his honor to having Steven Spielberg make a movie glorifying him.
- Nice to the Waiter: Ares insists on calling his waiter a "wench" because he "does a wench's work", which clearly irritates the waiter.
- Pet the Dog: When Ogbunabali's presence aggravates a man's preexisting heart condition, he causally wills it so that the condition won't kill him for another few years.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Being the personification of "the grim reality of oblivion", mortals tend to act like Ogbunabali isn't even there no matter what form he takes.
