"So many people get shivved!"
— Merrill
A Defictionalization of a successful crime novel in the Dragon Age universe.
Twenty years of patrols have chiseled each and every stone of the Kirkwall streets into city guardsman Donnen Brennokovic. Weary and weathered, Donnen is paired with a recruit so green he might as well have leaves growing out of his armor. When the unlikely duo discovers a dead magistrate bleeding out on the flagstones, they're caught up in a clash between a shadowy organization known only as the Executors and a secretive group of Chantry agents — all over some Ancient Artifact.
The following tropes include:
- Buffy Speak: Varric, otherwise extremely eloquent throughout the book, has trouble with boats.The pointy bits towered majestically over the water. That roundish wooden part seemed like it could crush armadas beneath its... shit, I don't know, wood. It was the greatest boat in the history of boats.
- Cliché Storm: Deliberately invoked.
- Da Chief: Guard Captain Hendallen, stern, by-the-book, regularly shouts at the protagonist, and eventually takes Donnen's badge away for mishandling the investigation. Naturally, she's based on the "real life" Guard Captain, Aveline Hendyr (née Vallen).
- Despair Event Horizon: Donnen's latest lead turns up dead, he has nothing else to go on, and the guard captain takes him off the case and confines him to the barracks for the next two weeks before his retirement.
- Disney Villain Death: How Jevlan dies.
- Engineered Public Confession: Donnen arranges to meet with the murderer, claiming to have found the sword. Once the murderer arrives and discovers he does not, in fact, have the sword, Donnen tricks them into gloating about how they murdered the magistrate, and plan to murder Donnen too. Cue the captain and her guards stepping out of the shadows.
- Expy: Pretty much every named character in the novel is based on one or more named characters from Dragon Age II, which actually causes some trouble in-universe. Aveline mentions that there have been fist fights between the guards over who Donnen is based on. The answer isn't particularly clear: 'Donnen Brennokovic' is a mashup of Donnic and Brennan, two background guards, but his personality and backstory don't match either. In order of appearance:
- Donnen Brennokovic is, as mentioned, named after Donnic, Aveline's second husband, and Brennan, a background guard NPC. Who he's based on is unclear, but given the Ship Tease between Donnen and Marielle, it might be Varric himself.
- Jevlan is heavily implied to be based Carver, especially in the illustrations. The blurb on the back of the book is even a quip from Hawke that their "little brother has never looked better".
- Lady Marielle Dunwald is mostly based the female Hawke, from Marian being the latter's default name to the illustrations being heavily based on Hawke's default appearance (down to the red line warpaint across her nose and cheeks). She also, however, has some traits of Leliana, being an Orlesian bard proficient in the Game but working for the Chantry and carrying a pair of daggers in her final appearance.note
- Lord Seamus Dunwald is based on Seamus Dumar, the Viscount's son, whose murder kicks off the final fight of Act II. His snooty butler is possibly an unflattering shout-out to Seneschal Bran.
- Captain Hendallen is a very clear pastiche of the Guard Captain Aveline Vallen, who even points this out in the game.
- Captain Belladonna is based on Isabela, especially in the illustrations, where Belladona wears the same exact clothes as her.
- Maysie is based on Merrill, or "Daisie", as Varric nicknames her.
- Messere Wael is an unflattering reflection of Sebastian Vael, between both of them being from Starkhaven and both being vaguely connected to the Chantry.
- Ferris the bartender is a spoof of Fenris, with Donnic missing no chance to remark on how sour and broody he is.
- Anders doesn't have a named Expy in the book, though the briefly-seen Chantry healer who treats Donnen's arm injury may be based on him. While Hard in Hightown was published during the events of Dragon Age II, the RL book may represent a later revision where Varric has possibly deliberately written him out.
- Finally, Bethany does not appear to have a direct expy, either, but this is because if Jevlan is based on Carver, then Varric would have never met Bethany before her death and presumably would not have had enough material to base a character upon. By the same logic, we can conclude that the Hawke Varric knows is a mage.
- Fully Absorbed Finale: In a weird variation, the Distant Finale to Donnen's story, showing that he had successfully retired and started a tavern, can be found in Dragon Age: Inquisition (the "Trespasser" DLC). What makes "Hard in Hightown: Chapter ???" weird is that a) the book was published (IRL) after the game (though it has existed for many years in-universe by that point), b) Varric claims in the game to have never written such an epilogue, and c) its contents are conditional on a particular player story decision in Inquisition.
- Genius Ditz: Maysie is "the single most knowledgeable soul on the continent" in regards to sigillography (the study of seals attached to documents). She's also incredibly disorganized, and talks to the seals like they're cute animals. Justified, given that's pretty clear that Maysie is based in Merrill.
- Happily Married: Marielle and Seamus, however briefly.
- I Never Said It Was Poison: What makes Lady Marielle so suspicious of Wael: he says he wants to buy her husband's sword collection. He wants to buy it from her, not from her husband, when no one outside the guard knows that Seamus is dead.
- MacGuffin: The (supposed) sword of Hessarian.
- New Meat: Jevlan is introduced walking into a column because he can't see in the dark. The narration tells us he's fallen down six times, and the shift isn't even over yet. How much of this is an act is unclear. He manages to kill several people, but gets his ass handed to him in a fair fight, and dies tripping over his own feet.
- Non Sequitur: When Donnen comes upon Belladonna's ship, the narration abruptly and briefly lapses into the first-person authorial voice, as Varric seems to write down the first thing he can think of to get Isabela off his case, including making her (expy's) ship "the greatest boat in the history of boats".
- One Last Job: Or rather, one last case. The main character, Guardsman Donnen, is two weeks away from retiring when a murder case falls into his lap. He's determined to solve it before he retires, no matter what the authorities tell him.
- Ship Tease: Lady Marielle is a clear Expy for Hawke, and Varric devotes a rather significant portion of her time "on-screen" describing how beautiful and captivating she is. And, from this, Guardsman Donnen and Lady Marielle have a clear connection, though it never goes anywhere. It's further emphasized in Hard in Hightown: Chapter ???, though this is only found in-game if you import a female Hawke and leave her in the Fade.
- Silk Hiding Steel: Lady Marielle is a proper lady, graceful and elegant, but she is also a bard — in the Orlesian sense of the word.
- Smug Snake: Wael never stops smiling.
- Stealth Insult: One of the cover reviews is from Hawke, saying "My little brother has never looked better". Considering the character's final fate (losing a hand, revealed as a traitor, dies fighting the hero), this is not a compliment.
- Writer on Board: Every now and again someone will take a pot shot at the Merchants' Guild, even if that someone has no reason to dislike or even think much about the dwarves. The narration gets in on it, too.
