Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock L

Visit the main dungeon here.

---

1101. When I have to team up with the heroes against a greater threat, my actions will be honourable, amicable and reasonable, and not those of a Dirty Coward. This is to plant in the heads of the heroes that I am the much lesser of two or more evils, and that our enemity is not personal, whether these are lies or the truth.
1102. My extremely dangerous chimera or robot's (de)activation switch will not be in the monster himself (let alone in its back), but in a remote that only I and my most trusted henchmen will have a copy of.
1103. Across the entire continent hosting the hero's family and/or hometown will be planted remote-controlled bombs in such a number that if they ever go off, whatever pieces of land remaining of said continent will sink into the ocean. The only detonation condition will be my death. The hero will be notified of this.
1104. If I have the power to cause the extinction of mosquitoes, I will announce that I am about to cause the extinction of mosquitoes, then I will cause the extinction of mosquitoes. Doing the world favors is always a help.
1105. My Legions of Terror will not be allowed to bring food out of the canteen, mess hall, Bad Guy Bar, or whatever kind of food-serving place that we have in the Fortress of Doom, lest the hero heal his entire health bar off of a whole turkey dinner that one of the mooks dropped.
1106. If the hero or heroes have a Trademark Favorite Food, all examples in my fortress will be poisoned. All my minions will know this. Anyone sent to the infirmary showing signs of the poison will be summarily executed. Either they are an infiltrator or terminally stupid.
1107. Should I ever encounter the hero as the final boss, the first action I will take will be to pull out a tennis racket and use it to hit a ball of energy at him. I will return the ball with another strike if he reflects it. After a few volleys of back-and forth with the ball, I'll just pull out a gun and shoot him. That'll catch him off guard.
1108. I will not accept immortality upon the slightest hint that it is cursed.
1109. I will not infuse the hero with said immortality, then keep him forever in an overheated room built with him inside 2000 feet underground exclusively for that purpose.
1110. My Legions of Terror will not carry to battle random items that could be nasty in the heroes' hands. They will simply carry a weapon and a simple emergency kit consisting on one potion, antidote, and antiparalyzer. All the equipment will autodestroy or warp to the fortress upon the soldier's death.
1111. As a corollary to the above, I won't give random key cards to all of them, either. Each one will be chipped to identify it as belonging to a certain minion, and if someone attempts to enter the base with a card belonging to a dead soldier, a silent alarm will be tripped.
1112. Giving copies of the map to my fortress to random mooks is a bad idea, so I won't do it.
1113. While there might be some use for it in the short term, anyone with a scream that can affect any given material element will be shot. The Hero has a habit of making really good use of sound-based power.
1114. I will make the functions and uniforms of my Mooks as unintuitive as possible, but keep them well-trained in their own capabilities. The Hero is gonna have a hard time wrapping his head around the idea that the soldiers with snowflakes on their helmets actually shoot lightning.
1115. My dressing will be modest, but I will encourage other henchmen to do the opposite. Thus when the hero breaks in, he'll immediately engage the colourfully dressed, menacing figures allowing me to simply blend in and leave or sneak right up to him as a background character and end him on the spot.
1116. No matter how intimidating or motivational it could be, I will not equip any vehicles my henchmen use with a foghorn that blares a continuous loop of Awesome Music the moment the ignition is turned, or at least not to the outside of the vehicle. Lest the heroes have a very obvious sonor cue to where my units are.
1117. The Strategy section of my Fortress of Doom will include a suggestions postbox. It will be accesible by anyone, even mooks, with a verifiable ID, and will be checked five times a day.
1118. I will consider the proper deployment and use of high-yield kidney bombs. Before any female agent is sent to seduce the hero, they will be fitted with one and a microphone without their knowledge. If they fail at their job by actually falling in love with the hero, I will blow them up when they sit together.
1119. Similarly if I ever capture the hero's Love Interest, a similar surgery will be conducted. Then, if he succeeds at rescuing her, I'll detonate the bomb the moment their distance becomes short enough.
1120. I will lovingly raise many talented children as my personal Tyke-Bomb squad. They will be loyal to me as a father figure and grow up to be capable lieutenants. They also make good playmates for my own children and ensure that generations of trusted underlings have family ties to each other. For those still young enough, I will send them against the hero surreptitiously. Either his morals prevent him from killing a Child Soldier or I can paint him as a murderer of children.
1121. Kill-happy minions will be kept strictly in the lower ranks. My tacticians and generals need more stable minds than that, and a raging psychopath is more useful when applied directly in combat.
1122. Under no circumstances I will ever play a game without a pause button. If a messenger suddenly arrives with what he claims is an important message, I have to be able to listen to him.
1123. I will procure as many of my soldiers as possible to have distinctive names and faces known to the heroes. Doubly so if I am in a Strategy RPG.
1124. All important doors will have at least three electronic locks and at least three that aren't.
1125. I will not use zombies, unless I already am The Undead. They are not profitable, no matter what Umbrella tries to tell you otherwise.
1126. I won't make an attempt for a hero or any of his buddies to turn to my side by other means than convincing them. All I'll end up doing is powering them up, pissing them off and not turning them to my side because they're able to resist the desired effect.
1127. I will not blackmail a defense attorney into getting me off the hook if I am wealthy enough to simply buy a less morally-scrupulous one.
1128. In order to preserve the prisoners' sanity, my prision cells will have a minimum of comfortablity. That will include decent matresses and warming blankets, a library, a computer with downloadable games, and a yard. Security measures will be applied, though: the computers can not access Internet, so the downloads will be handled by one of my main computers and tranferred to the prisoner's through a USB; they won't be wiredly or wirelessly connected to other computers; and the blankets will be attached to the beds.
1129. Under no circumstances will I attempt to blackmail or kill a Professional Killer for any reason.
1130. If I have to hire outside specialists, I will treat them well, address them respectfully, pay them well and if they perform well, give them an open invitation to join my organization, and never betray them.
1131. I will prefer time travel devices that leave a copy of me in the present. If I am going back, it will keep the world in fine hands until my comeback, and if I can't, the future for that timeline will be favorable. If I do go back, however, it will be assassinated.
1132. Every computer password will be something ridiculously simple, as the typical hero often assumes that the password is something hilariously complicated. I will also rotate passwords on a daily basis, never using the same one twice in a month.
1133. If I commit a murder I want to get away with, I won't keep the weapon with me, nor leave it at the scene; I will throw it into a fire.
1134. If my minions start to form a labor union, I will let them. They are my loyal subordinates, after all, that's why they aren't loose, and that is better inspired if I allow them some kind of freedom.
1135. With almost no exceptions - if my name is Darkseid, for instance - If any member of the Justice League with a reputation, ESPECIALLY Comic Books/Batman, has been detected, I will dispatch a special unit equipped to deal with the most powerful metahumans and cut my losses while the rest of our forces evacuate, with every booby trap in our base active. It is unlikely they will succeed in defeating them and securing the MacGuffin, but it will buy us time to escape.
1136. If I use drones, robots, or any autonomous units in my army, I will keep them all up to date with the latest, most powerful antivirus I can afford. Anything not protected is almost guaranteed to be corrupted or hacked, and if in large enough numbers, will raze me to the ground, whether I am hero or villain.
1137. Similarly, I will have my drones, if not, my most elite units programmed with a self-diagnostic module that will allow it to check everything from its securely-fastened, environmentally efficient (if possible) battery to where external orders have come from. If the onboard AI detects any tampering, corruption, or unauthorized commands, it will raise all of its shielding at once, retreat from the field, enter standby, and re-route all power to an electric current flowing through it to ward off the hero, and a SOS beacon only detectable by my own custom software, so my IT department can locate it and identify what happened.
1138. My entire drone army will be programmed with an algorithm that will allow unmanned units to monitor and send commands to each other, and adjust tactics accordingly, with the self-diagnostic module above stopping hacking and corruption before it starts. This way, they can be ready for a number of situations. For example, If I have a squad guarding an area we can afford to lose, or better yet, a red herring, and a number are taken out, they will be able to switch tactics to allow the hero in, and enter an ambush position. If a high security area has been breached, all nearby drones will alert all units within 100 miles to the location. If a number of field drones go offline quickly, battle tactics will change to hit-and-run.
1139. In addition, my most heavily armored units will have trajectory analysis where in the event of a guerilla attack, they will be able to analyze where it came from and swiftly return fire fast.
1140. I will apply Hunger Games-type battles, only with paintballs instead of live ammunition, as a selection process for my Legions of Terror, never for actual combat or public spectacle. Anyone in my employ who has been confirmed to use The Spartan Way outside the training grounds for anything except an absolute last-resort emergency will be summarily sliced and diced.
1141. If a criminal is too dangerous to be sent to prison but with crimes too low, or any other reason that would make their execution undesirable, they will be put in cryogenic sleep, keeping them from escaping, from aiding a hero, and from dying and setting someone in a rage.
1142. If I ever run into an item that only the pure of heart may use, I will not touch it. Instead, I will have it nuked from orbit.
1143. If I have multiple fortresses, the layout will be similar but not identical. This way, any hero who remembers the layout of a different fortress will walk into what he thinks is the main control room, only to find himself in the execution chamber. If I have more than two fortresses, this will also tell me which one he has already stumbled into.
1144. I will regularly visit different places within my empire, both as the evil overlord and in disguise, in order to more accurately keep tabs on them.
1145. In order to assure I don't pick a plan that will end up in me failing in my goal, even if I do succeed, I won't consider it.
1146. Thermonuclear devices can be cleared to waste the hero if he is in a deserted zone far away from my realm.
1147. I will write a Constitution with a fair Bill of Rights for my people, fair in that it favors me, but gives them freedoms in areas.
1148. After taking the throne, I will not rename myself/take on a title of: Ceaser, Napoleon, czar/tsar, Khan, Glorious Leader, etc. etc. My ego will be restrained by my common sense.
1149. No more Russian Roulette with blanks will occur between the Mooks or upper leadership. I don't train idiots.
1150. Any and all hidden passages in my lair will contain deathtraps and not lead anywhere. None of my minions will ever use them, but prying heroes always seem to stumble on them...
1151. Adaptability is key; the first rule is to ensure my survival, so there is no shame in a temporary alliance with the enemy. If I get into a problem that only the hero can help me out with, I will ask or bargain for said help, and refrain from stabbing the hero immediately in the back once said help is given.
1152. In particular, I will make sure to consider survival if a being who threatens both of us introduces itself. We can always fight over the city later—if the world explodes into a fiery ball, that helps no one. Unless that's my plan, and I actually know how to survive and enjoy life in a desolate wasteland.
1153. I will not use a gigantic death machine to kill my victims, I will simply shoot them.
1154. If I must use a death machine, I will wait and watch their demise.
1155. And if I absolutely must leave, I will have several dozen guards posted, in case of his escape.
1156. If I must use the death machine, and I CANNOT remain in attendance, I will continue with my plan as if the hero were alive and free.
1157. If I believe I have the hero in my power, and he suddenly very calmly offers to help me in some way that will greatly benefit me provided I don't carry through with my murderous plan, I will take the offer at once. He might have one last trick up his sleeve, which will result in my immediate death if I refuse. Besides, I can always carry out my murderous plan later.
1158. I will try to take the time to notice the general mood and setting of the story I'm in and go from there. If I'm in a darker, more serious-mannered story-line, then I will feel free to stick around as a Villain. Sure, if I mess up, there is a good chance I will suffer a rather gruesome Karmic Death, but there is actually a pretty good chance that I will be allowed to ever win at anything at all. However, if the story is more light-hearted and it looks like it will stay that way, I will do myself a favor and try to come up with a remotely convincing Heel–Face Turn; otherwise, chances are I'll never know what victory is like.
1159. Should the hero/ine be beyond overpowered, I'm out of luck.
1160. Is the heroine wearing jeans or sweatpants and athletic shoes? Low-heeled anything? Hell, even pointy-toed shoes? I will avoid this female like the plague (for the sake of my future children). And I will never work alone when attempting to ambush or accost her.
1161. If a particular attack causes me to expose my weak spot, regardless of its otherwise effectiveness I will stop using it.
1162. If the only way the hero can damage me is by reflecting the orbs of light I fire at him, I will simply omit that move from my move-set.
1163. If in a fit of utter stupidity I construct a bomb with visible wires, I will not make any of them red. Alternatively, I will make them all red. In any case, when a wire is pulled or cut, it will blow up the bomb immediately.
1164. I will not try to use a machine or potion developed by my Mad Scientist without them clearly explaining to me what it is for and how to use it properly. Nor will I attempt to steal the powerful artifacts of another race without having them explain what they do and every stage of their use in detail. Whatever I do, I certainly won't do a Freeza and kill the lot of them only to realize that there's no one left to explain why the strange machine or ancient artifact isn't doing what I tell it.
1165. If the plot is approaching/in its climactic stages, I will not fall off anything. Not only am I guaranteed to die on impact, it's a pretty pathetic way to go when compared to being devoured alive by my own cyborg animal drones, for pity's sake.
1166. If I recruit an illegal organisation to do all the dirty work in my plans that I don't want associated with my squeaky clean image I will make they do not have the same initials as me or my business, re-naming one or the other if necessary. The irony is delicious, but all it does is tip off heroes.
1167. Despite many of the above pointers, sometimes it may actually be appropriate to gloat over my heroic nemesis. For example, it will be easier to corrupt his mind if he has already lost all hope in the future of the Heroic Struggle. However, should this be the case, I will not spend ages arranging a private demonstration for him that gives his allies plenty of time to prepare a rescue. I will simply describe it to him, and if he truly values his cause then that will be just as devastating. I will then get on with the brainwashing or whatever it was immediately.
1168. If I end up in an conversation with the heroes, I will either keep an affable behavior in hopes to be granted mercy or an faux affable behavior in order to get their guards down.
1169. If I have a reliable Dragon but then acquire a new one who does the old one's job even more effectively, I will not say "Excellent! As soon as we have disposed of your predecessor, you can be my new right-hand-man!" This will cause my old Dragon to turn on me in revenge, which is not a good situation to be in. I will instead say "Excellent! As soon as you have proved that you're not just here to back-stab me when you earn my approval, you can be my other right-hand-man." This goes double for my Mad Scientist, who by definition is unstable and therefore needs very little provocation to turn on me and is more susceptible to a fit of jealousy over their more talented replacement.
1170. Recruiting a new member of my villainous inner circle will require them to have spoken at some point in my presence. Anyone who never speaks the whole time they are on my side, even on probation, will not be considered. If it's a good guy in disguise, this makes them easier to catch. If it's an Eldritch Abomination, the mute ones are the most dangerous.
1171. I will not design a secret passage that can be activated by anyone with OCPD simply rearranging the books on my shelf.
1172. I will never tell The Hero "To keep the fight fun, I'll even let you have your weapons/friends back!" Being killed is really not that fun.
1173. Regardless of the chance it affords to have a unique and menacing weapon, I will never have my name carved/embossed on my weapon. If I do that, I may as well include an address and P.O. Box to my hideout as well.
1174. If I use a villainous alias, I will consider the advantages of making it a long one so that when The Hero shouts "This is the end, <six syllables worth of name>!" it should give me a few crucial milliseconds (if not actual seconds) of reaction time to do something like start running, call the guard or get the first hit in. Not too long, though, or they'll just abbreviate it and defeat the entire point. Additionally, shortening "Bobalubastisos" to "Bob" is just embarrassing. There is, of course, no need to make this backlash upon myself. "Fear the wrath of <stupidly long name>!" is impractical but can be easily replaced by "Fear my wrath!" and give me the time I need.
1175. If I'm trying to hypnotize people or generally reduce their mental awareness through subliminal methods, I will go for the "intoxicating fragrance" method last. Wearing a gas mask will give the game away, not to mention the other many other things that can go wrong.
1176. If someone I trust tells me that I "truly deserve everything that's coming to you", I will stop trusting them. This is a favored use of Exact Words from undercover heroes where they can answer my question without having to lie. If they really were on my side, they'd just tell me that they think I'm brilliant.
1177. When brainwashing underlings, I will change their general overview of the world to match my ideals rather than a specific, rigid thought pattern that can fall apart at the slightest logical contradiction that they can't cope with, causing them to revert to their original personality. I will also not brainwash them in a way that can be defused by the power of Friendship, this may prove difficult as Friendship always seems to work.^note Just as soon as anyone manages to figure out what it is.
1178. If I am a Hero Killer, I will try to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible and make sure all of my kills are done in private. While I'm able to fight heroes, the more public I am about being a Hero Killer the more likely the next hero I fight will be the one to kill me. I'll also try to cover up as many of those deaths as I can, that way nobody goes on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge against me.
1179. If the weapon of ultimate power I desire changes allegiance through its master's defeat, I will determine its current master and defeat them before obtaining it from its resting place, especially if that person is one of my own.
1180. If I am stuck with huge air vents that could be used as passageways, either by choice or the lair has been taken over by yours truly, I will have a group of my top guards to patrol inside of them (with shifts to swap out to another set of guards). That way my enemies will be easily cornered if they go in there. It also helps said guards know all the possible vent locations and passage ways for them to surround. I myself would go do that myself at least once.
1181. I will generally avoid using evil clones, robot versions, shadow versions, or any other kind of minion that mimics the hero. While a Mirror Match is cool and all, evil versions of the hero tend to be costly to acquire, and the hero always seems to beat them regardless.
1182. If the hero needs to find the four MacGuffins to do anything that impedes me, I'll hide three of them normally and play it off like there are only three of them. The fourth will be buried under fifty tonnes of concrete under my base.
1183. My robotic minions will have safeguards to prevent them from parsing everything said to them; i.e., the hero can't just say something like "this sentence is false" or "what is one divided by zero" to detonate the robots.
1184. I will never create any monster, mutants or anything that has big destruction potential and has a mind of its own solely to be used as a weapon. If it has free will, it will become a threat at some point of its use.
1185. If there is anyone with immense power and little clue about what they are or how to use them, or some heroes with their Unique Protagonist Asset, be it a little nun with silver hair, a bare feet girl with long blue hair or a innocent and naive albino kid. I will leave them be and never go after such a person to extract or use their power to my advantage, as by the time my force are able to catch up to them, they will probably have a much better grasp on their power and have gathered a team of powerful companions that will be really unhappy if I tried to get him/her away from them. I will simply keep an eye on them.
1186. A lesson for minions: if you are assailed in the night, you never see your attacker and you have an arrow sticking out of your knee, no, it was NOT just your imagination. Anybody who thinks otherwise will be providing target practice.
1187. Organ Theft in no way requires the victim to be alive. This is VERY IMPORTANT if I ever plan to steal The Hero's organs once he's captured.
1188. I will do all drink-spikings myself. If I absolutely must have someone else do it, it will be my trusted lieutenant, not the victim's morally-conflicted father who is only cooperating because of blackmail.
1189. If I'm possessing someone else's body, I will make sure that the possession can't be reversed if the heroes defeat that person.
1190. If the Five-Man Band breaks up (usually it's The Lancer striking it out in their own) I will try to convince whoever split off from the party to join my side. Offering them what they fought me for will usually work.
1191. I will not under any circumstances have ceiling tiles in my prison cells. If I am forced to use an existing facility on a temporary basis and the only rooms suitable for use as cells have ceiling tiles, I will order the tiles and the supporting framework removed immediately, so that my prisoners cannot hide above them.
1192. Rather than "Clamor in the West, attack in the East," I will have Legions of Terror in each direction. As the hero's forces pick their area, the other Legions can box them in from wherever I have stationed them.
1193. My bases should be immune to the Konami Code.
1194. I will add entries with pitfalls and contradictions to other entries to that list, so that any hero or lesser villain reading the list to get the insight into villainous actions had the wrong expectations. Consequently, I will treat every entry added by other villains with suspicion.
1195. If I'm using some kind of Artifact of Doom to control the hero, I will keep it on my person at all times. Actually, scratch that: I'll put it in a safe that only I know the combination for. In any event, I certainly will NOT leave it lying around in the open for any dolt to waltz in and pick up.
1196. If it turns out my trusted lieutenant has offspring that are on the side of the enemy, I will appear understanding, but I will immediately start making preparations to replace him, including feeding him misinformation, decreasing security clearances, and early (and generous) retirement. Too often these parents turn out to turn against me if it even seems his kid could come to harm and it's even tangentially my fault.
1197. If my trusted lieutenant's offspring bests his parent in a duel and I am there to see, I will not encourage him to kill my trusted lieutenant and usurp his position. Instead, I will offer them the opportunity to work together (though the offspring will have to pass some indoctrination tests to make sure he isn't just doing it to spy on me). Not only will my trusted lieutenant not feel betrayed, but I will also come across as pro-family and probably earn his lifelong loyalty. If he declines my offer, I'll just kill them both immediately instead of torturing the offspring in front of the parent and guaranteeing them both turning on me.
1198. I will make my prison walls and floors unable to be dug through. The most embarrassing thing that could happen is when your guard says "They began tunnelling at the same time, we tried to stop them, but we were so spread out we couldn't! And we didn't have keys to open the cell door and catch them!"
1199. I shall have a garden, for my fruits, vegetables, herbs, spices, flowers and other plants, and they shall be grown in garden plots that are 10 feet long by 4 feet wide, with some obvious exceptions, like trees. There are many reasons for this, but include cheaper price for food, a distraction from all the things that come from being an Evil Overlord, and the size of the plots will make for a very convenient disguise for the graves of those who try to kill me.
1200. I shall make it easy for my subjects to have their own personal gardens. After all, the Hero seeing the subjects slaving away in large fields while being watched by Overseers is an obvious giveaway that I am an Evil Overlord. The Hero seeing that the subjects are happily working in their own personal gardens should fool the Hero into thinking that I am not an Evil Overlord.