Funny / Young Justice Abridged

Warning: You will be here for a very long time.

For the movies, click here.

In General

• Superman is an over-patriotic asshole, but he's downright hilarious.
• Every line out of Red Tornado's mouth thanks to his massive antisocial attitude and utter lack of normal tone or volume.

Episode 1: Don't Call Us Sidekicks

• Kid Flash suggests starting a fire as a plan to get into Cadmus. Robin says "I think that is a horrible self-destructive plan and I'm behind you 100%."
• Superboy with a Russian accent. That is all.
  Superboy: I am Superman's clone-ya!
  Kid Flash: His what?
  Superboy: His clone-ya!
  Kid Flash: His what?
  Superboy: His clone-ya!
  Kid Flash: ....his what?
  Superboy: His clone.
  Kid Flash: Ohhhh, okay. Anyone else find this weird?
  • Then later on...
  Superboy: I am Superman's clone-ya!
  Flash: (Beat) His what?
  Superboy: His clone-ya!
  Flash: His what?
  Superboy: His clone-ya!
  Robin: Oh, would you stop it already? We already went through this.
• Casually, Aqualad wonders if Superboy has been outside. Only once to see Star Wars...Episode 1.
  "Those mother-f**kers!"
• The Flash's rant after Batman tested the teleporter on him:
  The Flash: Are you out of your f%^&* mind! Did you guys not see that? Do I look like a f%^&ing lab rat? Am I Speedy-f%^&*ing-Gonzales!?
  Martian Manhunter: He's the goddamn batman.
  The Flash: AND I'M THE F&*ING FLASH! I have a superpower!!
  Wonder Woman: He's just messing with you Barry. You know how he gets when he's been away from Gotham for too long.
  The Flash: Well maybe it's time he goes back. Because I've gotta tell ya, he's starting to scare me.
  • Jump forward to a later episode. Guess what is the Flash's codename?
  Watchtower Voice: Access: Speedy Gonzales!
  Flash: Acknowledged...ya sexy bitch.
  • Amazo uses the same name when he accesses Flash's powers.
• Red Hood recites the "none of you are safe" speech from Batman: Year One, then adding "because I'm about to f*cking kill you all!"

Episode 2: Black Ops and Family

• Superman's attempt at avoiding answering Superboy's question ("Do you love me daddy?") by pretending he has an important call on his communicator is ruined when Batman actually calls him. And because Bruce was watching this unfold, it might have been intentional.

Episode 3: Guerilla Warfare

• Bane manages to mind rape Miss Martian with a psychic static consisting of a torrent of non-stop Spanish football. At the end you hear a soccer announcer shouting GOAAAAAAAAAAL while she has a look of absolute horror on her face. Also counts as a MoA, because this is a human with no psychic powers versus a Martian.
  "It was horrible! There was no English in there. No English!"
• Aqualad's reaction to climbing a mountain.
• While all the interactions between Black Mask and his assistant Ms Lee are good for many laughs, her response to Black Mask asking her why he lets her keep her job in episode 3 is pure comedy gold:
  Black Mask: ...remind me why I keep you around Lee.
  Lee: My ass sir. My tight, round, so firm that you can bounce a quarter off of it, ass.
  Black Mask: Ah, a direct quote. Nice. And not wrong.

Episode 4: Reservoir Heroes

• When Red Arrow tells a scientist to give him one good reason not to leave her, (finding there was no heroin after "going Sam Fisher on these guys for five islands now") she says that she can cure cancer. Red Arrow says "well I don't have cancer. Try again!"
• "Sand doesn't beep. Silly sand." BOOM!!!
  • Which was preceded by: "oh, the boat was improvised. I swam here. This next part, however, was planned."
• Batman's raspier voice during this episode, an obvious riff at The Dark Knight Trilogy. He excuses it as having a cold, and uses Bat-medicine to get rid of it towards the end.
• "George? Georgey-Boo? Oh Sh*t, he hates it when I call him that. He must be gone."

Episode 5: Civvies

• This:
  Black Canary: I am gonna kill her! (M'Gann)
  Martian Manhunter: I'd rather you didn't.
  Red Tornado: Last door on the left.
  Batman: You can't miss it.
  Martian Manhunter: Please don't.
• Artemis has a picture of Robin Hood, Katniss and Hawkeye (a Marvel Rivalry) in her room.
  • They gave Bette Kane a posh-British accent.

Episode 6: Shadow Boxing

• Nightwing finds The Red Hood's "People I Hate" list. Here is what it said.
  • 1.) BATMAN!!! (randomly scribbled out bat-symbol) F*** You!!!
  • 2.) Joker (purple suits are gay)
  • 3.) Nightwing (he thinks he's sooooo cool) but he's NOT!!!!
  • 4.) New Robin?? (must investigate)
  • 5.) Ra's al Ghul (daughter is hot though)
  • 6.) Black Mask (he's done)
    • Earlier is Nightwing's response to Batman's question about whether or not he [Nightwing] figured out who The Red Hood is.
  Nightwing: (In a mock spooky voice) No one knows. Legend says he shoots anyone who gets close enough to ask and then he eats their BRAINS!!!.

  • In an earlier episode, he had another revenge list. The one he already took out was the guy who tipped the scales on the telephone poll for him dying in the first place.
  • Everything about Nightwing and Alfred in this episode actually.
• "Nothing escapes my watch. Star City? My watch. This alley? My watch. That car getting jacked across the street? My watch. Excuse me for a second."
• When Superboy is trying to stall for a little time, he challenges the Amazo to a battle of wits. The Amazo then asks him what sound a cow makes. Superbly stops to think and the Jeopardy music starts to play. He then asks if the answer is milk. The Amazo says no in a deadpan voice.
  • Superboy doesnt exactly do too well when he first fights Amazo.
  Superboy: OW! He hit me like Daddy would!
• Professor Ivo turns out to be a Camp Gay Sissy Villain (and a parody of Paul Lynde) who flirts with Superboy.
  Superboy: I'm taking you to a place filled with men ready to take you down! It's called prison!
  Ivo: Been there, done that!

Episode 7: Shades of Red

• Martian Manhunter is terrified to go through Batman's head. He scares the crap out of him.
• Roy calling Cheshire out on speaking Japanese.
  Roy: You can drop the anime talk. You're an American-Vietnamese speaking Japanese in a Korean prison, while doing Tai Chi which is, correct me if I'm wrong, freaking Chinese. I mean, come on. Identity Crisis much?
  • And then, after she teases him, he chases after her like a jilted lover.
• After one too many jabs from Roy, Lex Luthor goes on a rant about what he'll do to Superman that's both terrifying and hilarious.
  Lex Luthor: (suddenly becoming serious) Let me explain something to you, sonny. I am Lex-f%^&*ing-Luthor. One word and I can have you shot dead, one phone call and I can purchase a small nation, two and I can use it for target practice. I own more than half of Metropolis and my net worth alone makes Bruce Wayne cry himself to sleep at night. I am the one people should look up to, not that mentally undercooked alien freak from hillbilly county, me! If he saves a city then I gonna have to save a whole country and then I am gonna have to rub it all over his big stupid alien face, see how he likes it!

Episode 8: Unusual Suspects

• Joker during the final part of Episode 8. It's all Black Comedy, and you'll feel horrible, but it is hilarious.
• How does the Brain escape from the Team in Episode 8? Remember the Solar Flare images?
  Brain: Haha, I have something for you. (cue rapid white screen flashing showing images of The Brain making out with Mala)
  (The team starts convulsing in disgust)
  • After the entire team is rattled and is now more concerned with getting Brain Bleach, The Brain proceeds to use that tactic again.
  Brain: Oh you like that? You have some more now. (cue more rapid white screen flashing showing even more images of The Brain making out with Mala)
  (The team starts convulsing in disgust again)
  M'gann: Is this normal on Earth?
  Artemis: No. Monkeys and jars do not do that!!
• "Stay the hell away from my ice-cream, Wally!"

Episode 9: Eyes of Fate

• Episode 9 brings in Deathstroke the Terminator who speaks with a Randy "Macho man" Savage impression.
  DEATHSTROKE IS READYYYY!!!
• Wally experiences visions of the future, which spoil the fact that he and Artemis get together, and that she apparently considers quotes from The Princess Bride a turn on. When he comes back, he makes sure to answer one of her mocking requests with "As you wish." Artemis immediately gets flustered and embarrassed, and it's obvious that Wally just targeted her Geeky Turn-On.
• The glory that is autotuned Black Manta. It's beautiful!
  • Even better: In Episode 10 part 3, we get a flashforward which reveals that Kaldur is Black Manta's son and will take up the mantle himself. And yes, he has a Autotune helmet as well.
• Ra's has several great lines, but special mention goes to the intro of episode 9 where he shows resentment towards Batman.
  Ra's: Also that is Gotham City, you must never go there Damian. It's filled with jerks who punch you in the face and sleep with your daughter.
  Damian: Huh?
  Ra's: Your father's a dick.
• No mention of Alfred? This version may just be YJA's equivalent to Mr. Popo: His first appearance has him calling Bruce 'ridiculous man-child' and pointing out how his parents died yet he doesn't dress up.
  • He also addresses Damien as 'Stupid boy #4' and makes it clear that he won't be kept around 'longer than the second one (Jason)'. There's also his first reaction to the boy:
  "Oh, sweet Christ on your mother's tit lad, tell me you didn't get another one! The little Spanish one isn't even dead yet!'"
  • Then, when his job is threatened as Bruce heads to confront Jason, he tells Batman
  "Master Wayne, we both know you couldn't wipe your own ass if it wasn't for me."
  • Doubles as a moment of Awesome; his reaction to Damien threatening to kill him in his sleep is a deep chuckle and:
  Alfred: I don't sleep, lad.
• The Abridged version of Kent Nelson seems...familiar...
  Kent: Good news, everyone!
  • Red Tornado's introduction of him.
  Tornado: THIS IS KENT NELSON. HE IS OLDER THAN A BAG OF DICKS.
  • Due to his advanced age, Kent has developed some memory issues.
  Kent: My memory isn't what it used to be, since I'm a bag of dust now. Also, they've been torturing me for days. Or maybe it was an hour, I cant tell anymore.

Episode 10: Injustice

• Blockbuster is raging because he watched Man vs Man: Dawn of SuperBat Justice and thought it was terrible. And thanks to the editing on that scene, he apparently watched it in a strip club.
• Episode 10 reveals Alfred calls everyone stupid boy. And he's Superman's running mate and makes it clear that he intends to use him as a sock puppet. He truly is Young Justice Abridged's Mr. Popo.
  "I always wanted to rule the world, but I never had the right sock puppet to move around. And then This idiot shows up and what do you know, my hand fits perfectly"
  • He's also responsible for the Court of Owls and Thomas Wayne Jr being abandoned. Batman literally states everything is his fault.
• Dr. Fate apparently has an issue with Atlanteans:
  "Atlantean? Oh hell no, I'm not wearing one of those! Sorcery, my golden ass!"
• Whenever Damian complains, all Bruce can hear is the adults from Peanuts. He also says he was thinking about Pokémon GO.
• Kid Flash assumes Count Veritgo is a Nazi because he's evil and German.
• This line from the Joker when the Team battles the Injustice League.
  Joker: What am I supposed to do now, huh? Giant gas balloons, burn mountains of money, mail condoms and dead rats to people? Now that's not right, I shouldn't do that. I may be crazy, but I'm not lame.

Episode 11: House of Cards

• The Presidential Debate:
  • G. Gordon's summary of the last few weeks, in which Lex Luthor and Superman have toured the country, and in some cases, set things on fire.
    Superman: That Frenchie was asking for it!
  • In the debate itself, G. Gordon fully expects there to be "cheap shots, low blows, and big, fat whammies". Also, when things get exciting, he'll make a noise that can only be transcribed as "BLAAAaaaAAAaaaAAAaaAAA!"
  • The titles for Superman and Lex. respectively:
  Superpublican Candidate
  Ignorant man-child that should not be in charge
  D.C.cratic Candidate
  A lying criminal that also should not be in charge
  • Superman's strategy for dealing with an immigration crisis, naturally, is a wall. Lex also agrees to a wall... of kryptonite.
  • The Vice Presidential debate goes just as well, with Alfred making it clear that he has bigger plans and Oliver drunkenly claiming that he only needs to smile and wave, and hire "secretaries" for the after party.
    Cat Grant: Oh dear god, this is a circus.
  • Lex makes some reasonable promises for the country, and Superman interrupts his own rebuttal to eat a nearby bee.
    Lex: ...Did you just eat that bee?
    Superman: No.
    Lex: Are you people NOT SEEING THIS?!
    G. Gordon: BLAAAaaaAAAaaaAAAaaAAA!
    Lex: Oh, stop that!
• "You've sung your last Auto-Tune, Manta Jr.!"
• Garth and Tula are the worst singers in the ocean. And they're the King and Queen's students, which allows them to appear in the Atlantean Singing Concert despite their lack of skill. Everyone dreads their rendition of "My Humps".
• It turns out that Deathstroke's demeanor is usually normal. then he 'gets ready' by snorting some cocaine...
• At the end of part 2, Deathstroke is able to take Bat Deduction to it's extreme: Just by looking at Talia's breasts, he's reminded of coconuts which eventually leads him to correctly guess that one of Ra's Lazarus Pits is off the coast of England. And yes, he's in his macho man persona the entire time. Even Talia can't believe it.
• Black Manta quickly catches on to Kaldur's disguise.
  Black Manta: Yo, trooper! What's the password?
  Kaldur: Uhh, you know, it's... f**k Aquaman?
  Black Manta: Technically, you're right, but I know it's you in there, boy.

Episode 12: Identity Crisis

• Batman and Kent Nelson interacting.
  • Bruce tries to fast forward the time jump, only for Nelson to tell him "this isn't one of those new Betamax doohickeys!"
    Batman: How old are you?
  • While it's preceded by a tense Flash Forward, Nelson enjoying the fact that Batman briefly lost his stoic facade, and Batman's reaction to it.
    Nelson: Ha ha! Bruce has feelings, Bruce has feelings!
    Batman: I will exorcise the s**t out of you! Does the name Constantine mean anything?
• Deathstroke's punishment for losing his battle: growing the Ponytail of Shame. ^note A reference to a questionable design choice where Young Justice's Deathstroke had a big-ass ponytail
  • Everything about the discovery of where M'gann got her human identity.
  Megan: Hel-LO, Mooom!
  Mom: Oh, shut up, Megan.
  [Laugh Track]
  Megan: Boyfriend! You want cookies?!
  Boyfriend: Oh, shut up, Megan.
  [Laugh Track]
  Megan: Now take off your shirt.
  [Superboy gives an Oh, Crap! face]
  Announcer: Shut Up Megan is brought to you by commercial crap you don't need! Stay tuned: up next is a new episode of Who Gives a Shit!
  Kid Flash: This explains a lot.
  Superboy: We will never talk about this again.
  Kid Flash: But—
  Superboy: WE WILL NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN!
  "Produced by Alec Schmitty"
  • President Rumaan Harjavti's utter "give-no-shits" attitude towards giving up his country to Queen Bee and getting rescued by the Team.
  Harjavti: Wait a second. Is that really her name? It's just "Bee"? This is who I am giving my country to. You know what, I can't go through with this. Somebody please, go shoot me. Shoot me right now. SHOO—
  Queen Bee: What a kidder that man is, oh ho ho ho!

Episode 13: Seeing Red

Part 1

• Blue Beetle's first meeting with Nightwing.
  Blue Beetle: By the Reach, someone please identify the humanoid with the perfect rear!
  Starfire: (greeting Nightwing) Friend Nightwing!
  Blue Beetle: (distantly) Gratitude!
• Red Tornado is the gift that keeps on giving in his conversation with Aqualad. Case in point: his very fist line in the episode.
  Red Tornado: What the dicking hell do you want?
• The Reds have the same mannerisms as Red Tornado, including their lack of an indoor voice.

Part 2

• This line from Commissioner Gordon when trying to break up a sports riot:
  Gordon: Since when has Gotham been good at anything besides mortality rates?!
• Luthor's first planned order as president is apparently to make red capes illegal.

Part 3

• Unlike the original series, the Reds decide pretty much immediately that Red Volcano has to go. Also unlike the original series is Tornado's motive.
  Red Inferno: Do you really care if she destroys the world?
  Red Tornado: No. But she sassed me and she's gotta f*cking pay.
• Not even the other members of the Light understand what Brain's saying half the time.

Episode 14: Father's Day

• Turns out Superboy could have done an American accent the whole time. He reveals this by doing a Texan accent, which causes Superman to accept him as his son.
• Hugo Strange attempts to psychoanalyze Superboy's daddy issues, only for Superboy to reveal that he was talking about Luke Skywalker's actions during The Last Jedi the whole time.
  Suberboy: I've seen my dad about as much as you've seen a barber. And just like you with your hair, you just stop missing it as some point.

Other

• Both "Public Service Announcements." The first one is Robin trying to explain to the audience that he isn't Dick Grayson (like in the actual show) but is in reality Tim Drake. The second is Red Arrow telling the YouTube audience that the series now has it's own website. However he is so sarcastic and is constantly becoming distracted that it's nothing short of hilarious.
• Flaming C has his own Q&A sessions. Saying any more would take away from the hilarity.