Funny / Watch_Dogs

Base Game

• Aiden changes his name on-the-fly to "Joe Smith" when he is being photographed in the police line-up.
  • A little less funny later when the real Joe Smith gets arrested in a case of mistaken identity.
    • It's a little funny that there was apparently a guy who looked like Aiden and was also named Joe Smith, who then got arrested. Or the cops don't care what their criminals look like, as long as the name fits, you bust out the handcuffs. Either way, imagining Mr. Smith's arrest can verge into some unintentional comedy.
• Aiden spying on a conversation between Bedbug and his grandmother, and Bedbug trying to convince her how badass a nickname Bedbug is. It ends with a Heartwarming and a Funny note:
  Bedbug: Bye grandma! Love you!
  Bedbug's grandmother: I love you too, even though you're a damn fool.
• Hack a traffic light - Hilarity Ensues.
  • Wait at juuuust the right time to hack a bumper to send the car flying. Hilarity Ensues.
• Hacking a certain person's phone gives you this:
  Person 1: <======8
  Person 2: 8=====================>
  Person 1: Well played
  • Another person's phone gives you this hilarious bit of inanity, making you wonder what the person on the other end is thinking:
  <(•_•)<
  <(•_•)<
  >(•_•)>
  <(•_•)<
  Dance!
  • And another:
  Person 1: Your cute.
  Person 2: You're.
  Person 1: Go fuck YOU'RE self!
  Person 2: Your!
  • And another:
  Person 1: I'm so bummed :(
  Person 2: Look, man. I feel you. But don't spread your sadness. It's a shitty thing to do.
  Person 1: :(
  Person 2: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!
• Description of Blackout skill:
  Create chaos by plunging the city into darkness. Help all those whining citizens conserve power for the city. *Warning* May cause open sparks - which is also pretty awesome.
• Jordi. Just everything Jordi does except in the ending.
  • (after planting a gun in a gang member's hand and shooting another with it) "Nice shot."
  • "It's not the pizza guy!"
  • "What, like a cookie?"
  • "Here's the sticky bomb. It... sticks."
  • "Whaddya think fellas? Practice round?"
  • Even after the credits roll and he survives trying to betray you, he's funny. When you call him, he says, "Hey. I'm bleeding. You okay?" Nothing Personal indeed.
  • During his first job as your supporting sniper he recognizes one of the bad guys and tries to remember his name. When he can't, he just pops him. Then he finally remembers that his name was Douglas and that he had the best rabbi jokes.
  • Also: "Oh...you're using yourself as bait! Oh my God, I love it because it's such a horrible idea!"
• Seeing a bad guys footnote as being "Killed a dolphin". Even better, you can hack his phone to distract him. By playing a repeating dolphin call!
• The Digital Trips in general, for injecting a dose of pure wackiness into an otherwise serious game, but special mention goes to Psychedelic, where Aiden bounces through the city on giant flowers. Bonus points for how the otherwise-reserved Aiden acts like he's having the time of his life through the entire thing.
  Aiden: I'M FLYING!!!
• One of the calls you can hack into has people discussing who's an Assassin and a Templar. Oddly enough, 2 out of 3 of the Three Stooges are Assassins and one's a Templar.
• One of the CTZNOs videos you find while hacking core servers shows a middle-aged man indulging in some public indecency from his high-rise window. The software attempts to analyze his gyrations, comparing them to a few yoga poses, several dance moves, and other things before flashing up UNIDENTIFIED just as the clip ends.
  • One that's funny in a dark way is a window washer going about his job when some guy plummets right past him, screaming the whole way down. The window washer just stands there in a stunned silence.
    • Made funnier in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it way is the software's attempts to identify the guy plummeting past, its first guess being Bird, then Plane, then Terrorist.
  • Another had a boy playing Assassin's Creed with his father watching. He apparently just successfully assassinated someone and everyone who's ever played AC knows that the Asshole Victim is now confessing everything. We get this exchange.
  Dad: Why is he doing that?
  Kid: He's an assassin, Dad.
  Dad: But why is he talking to the guy... he just killed?
  Kid: It's a confession?
  Dad: Well, that's just dumb.
  Kid: Dad, please. You're ruining it.
• During one side mission, you can hack a gang member's grenade to explode. His dawning reaction to the beeping - realizing it's coming from his own grenade and what is about to happenーis comedy gold.
  • Sometimes, the poor sap is able to figure grab the grenade, and has just enough time to toss it away from himself - only to almost always toss it at a couple of other hapless mooks. So much for Friendly Fireproof, eh? Of course, every once in a while he'll toss it directly into your hiding place, right before it explodes...
  • Really, many people's reactions when you hack their grenade to explode.
    • (paraphrased) "What the fuck! This ain't Afghanistan! I ain't the Taliban! Iー" BOOM.
    • "Who the fuck's bomb keep beepin'?" (rummages) "Oh wait, that's me." *Beat* "OH SHI-"
    • (also paraphrased) "Tell my wife- Tell her I've been fucking her sister!"
• After you take down Defalt, Aiden asks if he had anything else, T-Bone mentions he had a USB stick with 6 gigabytes of lesbian porn and Aiden says that T-Bone can keep it.
• T-Bone flirting with Clara in the bunker when they meet, and Aiden having to separate them after T-Bone kisses her hand.
• Some of the engineers' audio logs are amusing. They're pretty much a prank war between Blume employees all around the Bunker.
  • Not just any employees, Ray and Tobias.
• Some of the privacy invasions can lead to some hilarity, such as a topless woman playing Russian roulette with a guy who really gets off on it. Then they lay on the bed together and start laughing their heads off. But Mood Whiplash kicks in when the woman asks if she should try it on herself, and it forces you out right before she pulls the trigger...
  • You get to spy on Aisha Tyler. She's having a phone conversation you can hear about stealing stuff from a restaurant, then argues about whether or not ctOS can smell her farts.
    • Even funnier, you can actually find Aisha Tyler in the overworld as an NPC! Apparently, she's under DedSec surveillance.
  • A not-so-funny one, but still funny in its own way, is a single mom leaning against a counter, trying to ignore her kids arguing in the other room. They start getting louder and right as things apparently start to get physical, the mom goes absolutely BALLISTIC and sounds like she's about ten seconds away from killing them both as she screams that she's going to send them to the middle of nowhere so they can appreciate just how good they have it before sending them to their rooms without any dinner. All while restraining herself from outright swearing at them.
  Mother: OH, WHAT? OH, YOU'RE HUNGRY? WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU WENT AND FOUGHT WITH YOUR SISTER!
  • Another is of a woman acting flirty with the plumber, who returns in kind. It's dialogue straight out of a porn film. In an added bit of hilarity, both people are ex-Olympic athletes, for whatever reason. For all you know, you may have stumbled on an actual porn film shoot.
    • If you profile them, they both have the same last name. It's likely you're meant to think it's a married couple doing some erotic roleplay.
  • Yet another involves a man and a woman in an apartment together, with the player's view starting off behind them. It seems at first to be a real Tear Jerker, with the man urgently, lovingly telling the woman that she needs to eat and that she wasn't sure how she would react to being rescued from an abusive relationship. But then you access a camera pointed in front of them and discover that the, "woman", is in fact a storefront mannequin reported stolen from a department store.
    • That one can become a Tearjerker, if you think he stole the maninequin in order to practice his attempts to help someone else.
• Pressing and holding the, "hack", button causes Aiden to whip out his phone. However, some sicko found that if the key/button was pressed repeatedly, Aiden would perform an action that looks like he is pleasuring himself. Bonus points of hilarity for the fact that Aiden just so happens to be wearing a trenchcoat.
• Hack one of the many singing fish you'll find around the city, and prepare to split your sides.
• If you get on a motorcycle and move at ridiculously slow speeds, citizens will still leap out of your way, like it's a frantic high speed chase. Poor driving in general can result in this.
• During one of the human trafficking missions:
  Carl Breenwood: What are you going to do, hmm? Cry? You're a useless TIT! Do you think if I show the court the giant file I have on just how big a useless tit you are that they won't applaud me?...Are you CRYING?! What's that fucking snorting sound? You're a disgusting. Useless. TIT!
  • On the one hand, given how this is a human trafficker pouring on more verbal assault to one of his "cargo", the context isn't that funny at all... But on the OTHER hand, the fact Breenwood is such an over-the-top, Obviously Evil Card-Carrying Villain - potentially in broad daylight - is somewhat darkly amusing. This may also inspire some equally hilarious Oh, Crap!/Wild Take reactions from players running into Carl for the first time. For example, when Angry Joe was recording gameplay footage for his review, he plays a bit when he finds Carl halfway through his rant:
  Angry Joe: (Halfway between being Squicked out, and just plain horrified) Daaaaaamn, Carl Breenwood, you're a fucking, asshole, dude!
• Some of the Text conversations had when distracting Mooks can be pretty funny, and become doubly so when you remember that Aiden is the one making them. Special mention goes to when he tries to distract a car fence:
  Aiden: "Got a ride for you"
  Mook: "Make. Model. Color."
  Aiden: "Not sure. Long. Black. Roomy."
  Aiden: "I took the body out though"
  Mook: "You got a hearse?"
  Mook: "The fuck am I going to do with a hearse?!"
  • The fact Aiden can distract people who are sexually attracted to musical instruments by hacking their phone to play some good old Sexophone. Again, Aiden Pearce is doing this.
• In Parker Square, you can find a guy rapping. And he's really bad. And he will never stop. It sounds like what a lot of people who've never heard rap before think it sounds like.
  • Similarly, you can find two random civilians rap-battling occasionally when going through low-income areas. And they, unlike the one in Parker Square, are pretty damn good at it. You can shoot one, and make the other run away.
• One of the features of the game is Focus, which can allow you to easily blow an enemy's brains out or dodge between cars at high speed. If you time it right (or just get into the habit of using Focus while driving so that you can get around obstacles), you'll get a priceless image of Aiden (or T-Bone) flailing through the air in slow motion, especially if you were using a motorcycle. Perhaps made even funnier by, after this overdrawn sequence of slow-motion pain, Aiden stands right back up like nothing happened.
• The fact that you could be going at full speed in the fastest car in the game and a random pedestrian will still be able to recognize you.
• It seems as though the majority of enemies who carry explosives use a special pool of personality traits that are designed to make them the exact worst kind of people who shouldn't be carrying bombs—anger issues, mental instability, shaky hands, the works.
  Meditates regularly
  Wanted for assault
  On medication for schizophrenia
  Addicted to video games
• Similar to the above, at least one player has discovered◊ a grenade-carrying Pawnee Militia sniper who generated as diagnosed with Parkinson's.
• At least one Cash Run trail requires you to cross a track for the L-train in the middle of a busy highway. Cars will generally stop when you come near them, but if you aren't paying attention and your timing is unfortunate, an incoming train can and, will, ram straight into you like something out of a cartoon, killing Aiden instantly. Helped by the fact that one direction of the track is blocked from view by the supports for the bridge, making it all too easy to not see that there's even a train there.

Bad Blood

• During T-Bone's escape from the ctOS building in the opening mission you run into a surprise guard. Though actuallyーhe's even more surprised to see, you.
  Guard: Oh my God, it's Ray Kenney!
  T-Bone: Five bucks for an autograph, asshole! (proceeds to either shoot or take down the guard)
• While breaking into Tobias' old lab, BlumeForge, T-Bone finds that old-fashioned laser detection arrays have been set up. This starts with just one, then a few in succession, until he comes across a room which not only has lasers moving across the floor from the ceiling, but also a horizontally-spinning one which will detect anything on the floor at all. This leads to this exchange.
  T-Bone: (to himself) Are you fucking kidding me?! (calls Frewer) Are you fucking kidding me?!
  Frewer: I...what?
  T-Bone: What indeed. What. Indeed.
• In T-Bone's hideout, the Silo, is a talking moose head. When activated: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Well a woodchuck can chuck wood, so shut the fuck up! (rimshot)"
• During, Bad Blood, T-Bone is using Tobias as bait to lure out the Fixers trying to find him. Unfortunately, a homeless man attacks Tobias, so he bolts to the nearest safehouse, where we get this exchange:
  T-Bone: Frewer, open the door and come on out! It's all clear.
  Tobias: That's exactly what they'd make you say at gunpoint!
  T-Bone: Frewer! Nobody's got me at gunpoint!
  Tobias: That's the second thing they'd make you say!
  T-Bone: Shit... I don't have time for this!
  • And when the Fixers show up, T-Bone demands for Tobias to help him. He says that he's mounted guns onto the security cameras outside, and T-Bone admits to being impressed. Though when he notes how dangerous it is to mounted grenade launchers next to a highway structure, Tobias admits that he didn't really think that one through.
• During the credits for Bad Blood, T-Bone and Tobias wind down from the events of the story and just sit on the beach drinking beer. Except that Tobias dumped out his beer because it didn't smell good and got a, "Wet Zambezi", instead because it smells like fruit, turns out it tastes disgusting, and then he offers T-Bone a burger from the Quinkie's restaurant that T-Bone badmouthed earlier in the game. When T-Bone refuses, he takes the crane stance from The Karate Kid and, "threatens", with "I'm gonna fuck you up if you don't eat this fucking burger!" It's all in good fun though and they have a good time.