Funny / Wacky Races

• In "Eeny Miney, Missouri Go!", Dastardly gets trapped on the spray from a whale's blowhole (long story) and yells at Muttley to "Do something! Anything!" Muttley smiles... then promptly does a tap dance.
  • And then gets water splashed on him.
    • Earlier on in the same episode, after another of Dastardly's schemes fails, he tells Muttley to give him a hand. Muttley applauds.
• In one episode, it seems like the Mean Machine might actually win for once when the car suddenly stops, allowing the other racers to pass. The narrator asks why Dastardly stopped, and Dick explains that it was to give an autograph.
  Narrator: You're kidding. Who'd want your autograph?
  Dick Dastardly: (Points to Muttley) Him!
• From ''Wacky Races Forever''
  Dick Dastardly: "No, Muttley, we can't win fairly! We are villains, ergo we have to cheat!"
  • He says this three feet from the finish line.
  • Also from Wacky Races Forever, Peter shows Parker the new bridge Perfect Industries built for the race. Parker is skeptical:
    Parker: What's the catch?
    Peter: We built it out of snakes!
    (Parker rolls his eyes)
• "Creepy Trip to Lemon Twist" features an extended montage of characters being duped by Dick Dastardly's "Free Koo-Koo Kola" sign at Spookane and encountering a pair of ghosts at an abandoned saloon.
  • Dastardly's plan to scare Lazy Luke and Blubber Bear out of the race is foiled when the ghosts rip off his and Muttley's ghost disguises. Then the real ghosts appear behind them, scaring Luke and Blubber off anyway. Then this exchange happens:
    Ghost: Say, that was pretty good!
    Dastardly: Thank you! I thought we were pretty good, myself!
    Ghost: However, you shoulda made it a little scarier. Like this!
    (The two ghosts frighten Dastardly and Muttley out of the saloon)
  • The Slag Brothers are next, and the ghosts do give them drinks... to distract them. One grabs a club and bashes one of the brothers, who bashes the other, instigating a brawl between them. Then the ghosts appear behind them and frighten them out.
  • Penelope Pitstop heads inside to fix her makeup in a mirror. One of the ghosts pops up behind her, then vanishes when she turns around. When she turns back, he pops up in the mirror and pulls a kissy face, frightening her so badly she tramples Peter Perfect on the way out.
    • After that, Peter himself gets picked up by the ghosts and thrown out, smashing into the Turbo Terrific, which crumbles to pieces. Without a word, he grabs the frame of his car and high-tails it out of Spookane.
  • In the end, however, the Gruesome Twosome arrive, and the ghosts try to scare them... only for Big Gruesome to break down the front of the building and scare them right out of the town!
• "Rhode Island Rode Race" starts with Dastardly in first place, much to the Narrator's obvious distate.
  Narrator: The Wacky Racers are led by that Dracula of the drag strip, Dick Dastardly!
  Dastardly: I resent that remark!
  Narrator: Do you deny it?
  Dastardly: No, I just resent it!
  • Later on in the race, the Bouldermobile loses a wheel, so one of the Slag Brothers makes a new one from a rock by the side of the road. They don't get very far before they notice something's off...
    "Dummy-head! You make square wheel!"
  • When Pat Pending tries to pass over the Mean Machine in a blimp, Dastardly orders Muttley to shoot him down with a machine gun. However, Muttley loses control of the gun, and when we next cut to the Mean Machine, it's more bullet holes than car.
    Dastardly: Remind me to take away your sharpshooter's medal!
• Any of the times Dastardly's... uhm, dastardly plans blow up in his face (often literally).
• "Mish Mash Missouri Dash" starts with Dastardly in last place.
  Narrator: Got a late start, Dastardly?
  Dastardly: Yes. Last night, I had Muttley here let the air out of the tyres. And guess whose tires got it?
  [He shoots a Death Glare at Muttley, who sniggers]
• A lot of the Punny Place Names. Deepinhearta, Texas; Wotwill, Delaware, Upsan Downs, Spookane...
• In "Free Wheeling to Wheeling", Dick Dastardly uses a giant magnet to inconvenience his enemies and take the lead. He has some choice words for each of them:
  • After the Buzzwagon loses its rear tyre and catches fire, Dastardly quips, "That, my dear Muttley, is the hottest car in the race!"
  • Then, after depriving the Arkansas Chuggabug of its boiler, he yells back "Better trade that bear in for a mule, you ridge runner!"
  • At a later point in the race, the Bulletproof Bomb is struggling to get up a hill. Clyde tells the rest of the Anthill Mob to get out and push.
    Ring-A-Ding: Aw, gee, boss! Do we gotta?
    Clyde: Maybe you'd rather I should tell Bonnie on you?!
    [they get out and push]
• Near the end of another race, The Mean Machine makes a photo-finish with two other cars. When the picture is developed, it's revealed that Dastardly and Muttley got out of their car to smile for the camera!
• "Beat the Clock to Yellow Rock" begins with Penelope appearing to signal for a left turn, slowing down the racers for a few miles.
  Penelope: There. Ah think mah little ol' fingernail polish is dry now.
  • She does it again in "Speeding for Smogland". The Anthill Mob, thinking she's signalling a left turn, also turn left... off the road and straight into a cactus.
• "Whizzin' to Washington" has the Ant Hill Mob disguises themselves as flying acrobats. Clyde then tells the cop that the Ant Hill Mob went that way and points to the sky. After the cop initially confirms this with surprise, he then thanks the Cylde, then pulls a 90-degree turn vertically and drives straight up off the screen on thin air!
• "The Super Silly Swamp Sprint" starts with Dick Dastardly and Muttley trying to bypass a toll booth by travelling on water. Then a crocodile bites the inflatable boat the Mean Machine is on and bursts it. Dastardly and Muttley end up perched on the nosecone of the sinking car, surrounded by crocs.
  Dick Dastardly: Curses, drat, phooey on my luck and HEEEEEELP!!!
• "The Wrong Lumber Race" has the Wacky Races get into one of their reoccuring pile-ups when Red Max accidentally lands on top of Pat Pending.
  Peter Perfect: I say! We've done it again!
  • Penelope Pitstop then complains about her hair being messed up in the crash. As the Mean Machine passes by the wreck into third place, Dick Dastardly can't resist a zinger:
    Dastardly: Oh, you'd look beautiful any place! Especially last place!
  • Immediately afterwards, as Dastardly speeds away, he starts commentating himself!
    Dastardly: And now the Double-O moves up into third position, and it's gaining on one, and-
    Announcer: Hold it, hold it, I'LL do the talking here, Dastardly. YOU do the driving!
• Fender Bender 500 has quite a few:
  • "The Hit n' Mississipi 500" has Dastardly close off the mouth of of the Mississipi river with a giant mechanical mouth, stopping the other racers. He's not happy when Quickdraw uses a Trick Bullet to open the trap and let the race progress.
    Dastardly: Drat! Something always goes wrong! If this keeps up, I'll be drummed out of the Cartoon Villains Union!
    Muttley: (snickers)
  • In the same race, Dastardly proclaims himself "smarter than the average cheat". Cut to Yogi Bear:
    Yogi: (gasps) My ears are burnin'! Must be Dick, stealin' my schtick!
• This from Idaho a Go Go:
  Narrator: Hold everything! What's that up above? Don't tell me it's Dick Dastardly!
  Dick: Well, it's not your Aunt Matilda.
• For moments pertaining to the 2000 video game, click here.

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