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Funny / Unraveled

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    Season 1 

Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 Minutes

  • After expressing surprise about the fact Nintendo created a timeline where Link loses against Ganondorf in Ocarina Of Time, Brian tells a story about how a friend of his invited him over to see him finish the game and couldn't do it so they started playing basketball. For the rest of the video that timeline is referred to as "basketball timeline."
  • The running tally of how many times he's said technically gets very high due to how complicated this all starts getting.
  • "You made me care about Hyrule Warriors!"
  • Since he didn't cut all the paper out beforehand, there is a moment where Brian is standing on the top of a ladder cutting out multiple pieces of paper while talking with tacks in his mouth. We do not need the video telling us we shouldn't be doing this.
  • As the video wears on, Brian starts playing up how maddening this project is. That is, until he needs to place the choose your own adventure books in the timeline. He sounds so bored and uninterested that he just throws their placement in with almost no thought just to be done.
  • "And while we're hanging out in the Time Break...Sonic's here. Sonic's in the Time Break, baby!"
  • The reveal that The Legend Of Zelda Monopoly is the most important Zelda game of all time.
    Brian: Reggie, TAKE. FUCKING/ NOTES. I just saved your ass...with MONOPOLY! This is the pin that holds the entire Zelda timeline together! ...YOU MADE ME USE MONOPOLY- (video ends)
  • An interview Brian did after leaving Polygon reveals that Brian didn't have a script when he made the video and that it was all basically improv!

I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to

  • Brian is conflicted by how many fictional books Skyrim has. On the one hand, it's admirable how much time and work the creative team put in for flavourful texts that would only be read by those who would go looking for them. On the other hand...
    Brian: My second reaction to this, was "What the fuck." Hey, Todd?! (camera zooms in) WHAT THE FU-
  • "That's a smash cut! If I do my editing correctly!"
  • Brian eliminates all of the historical books because history is boring.
  • Brian’s favorite author in The Elder Scrolls is Waughin Jarth.
    Brian: I’m a big Jarth-head!
  • Brian pauses his Skyrim book report to get a flu shot. Seriously.
  • Since one category is just titled "Good Fiction", Brian pre-empts any criticism about why he gets to decides what is and isn't good fiction with the fact that he read all of them!
  • In a similar vein, the video ends with him very loudly declaring that it was not, in fact, worth it.
    HOW DARE YOU JETTISON MY GIFT?!
  • The Stinger, feat. a dramatic reading of The Lusty Argonian Maid.

Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots

  • Brian attempts to calm himself down. He fails.
    Brian: (deep breath) Serious...
    (beat)
    Brian: (holding up a picture) Snake Man! (immediately breaks down laughing)
  • "I'll let you guess what [Top Man] does. Did you guess explore space? 'Cause yeah, that's what he was designed for. Why the fuck is he a top?!"
  • Coupling the Sonic robots along with the robots specifically designed for murder because they are "an affront to nature".
    • Even better the Sonic robots count as Murder Robots (just created to kill Sonic and Mega Man during the universal collide) meaning that they'd be put there anyways.
  • There's an entire category just called No.
  • Brian’s chemistry joke:
    BDG: Acid Man! He was built to be a chemist. What's he good for? Titrations?
    (Background music immediately dies)
    BDG: (stands there grinning for several seconds, then pegs Acid Man's picture up) That's a chemistry joke-
  • Brian addressing the troubling logic behind Bounce Man:
    Brian: Bounce Man was built to be a crash test dummy. Some asshole thought, "Hey you know that thing that we throw against a wall many miles per hour, every single day, multiple times a day? You know what would make that better? If it could feel pain." (Beat) WHAT?!?!

I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster

  • The video's backstory: Brian tried making a video detailing the lore of Castlevania's monsters only to realize the scope of having to categorize and explain over 600 monsters, so his coworkers told him to 'just pick the sexy ones'.
  • He manages to whittle down the list of all of the Castlevania monsters to 69note .
  • Sexy Monster Criteria:
    1. Is it replicable?
    2. Is it datable?
    3. Can this monster GET IT?
  • This Unraveled is a particularly good gold mine for out of context quotes:
    • "But for things like Owl, that's not a monster, that's a bird."
    • "I do think we need a sexy skeleton."
    • "Man Beast comes in two forms: twink and twunk."
    • "If someone comes up to me and introduces themself as Duke Mirage, my pants are already off."
  • Brian briefly highlights how the "Yorick" enemy (a skeleton that's constantly chasing its own skull) was originally named "Soccer Boy" in the original Japanese text. No further context or explanation is given.
  • While Brian eliminated all animals from contention for the new "hottest monster", he gives an honorable mention to the "Hyena With Gun".
    Brian: That hyena can get it!
  • The Castlevania Name Generator. Try it for yourself and have a nice chuckle.◊

Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations

Scientifically calculating the game of the year

  • Brian runs out of room on his board to scientifically prove art, and then declares that it wasn’t important anyway.
  • One of the variables is how many Funko Pops have been made for the game in question. This is a negative factor.
  • The unit that determines how good a game is is called a Big Determinant of Game, or BDG.
    • The indie game Celeste, which while popular (and Brian's favourite game of that year) wasn't a mainstream smash success, had its variables put into the equation and was used to standardise the BDG. Keep this in mind when Brian reveals that Red Dead Redemption 2, which sold tens of millions of copies and was one of the most talked about games of the year, managed to only score point one of a BDG.
  • The "Frames per Game per Gamer" explanation is the biggest indicator of how bad Brian's math is, as he ends up confusing himself just trying to figure out what it should do.
  • Every single interaction between Brian and his mother.
    Brian's Mother: This is a lot of research into things that really have very little meaning.
    • Brian wonders if the M.O.M variable was a mistake. Cut to a clip of Brian's mom singing the Tetris theme. He immediately chooses to stand by his decision.
  • Brian's state of utter confusion that Fortnite won game of the year because of his formula.

Every Sonic Game is Blasphemous

  • His utter disgust at the Sonic Movie poster.
    • In the Stinger he then suggests going to a convention as Sonic's legs.
  • The Sonic game based on the Sonic Bible is "basically if the CW rebooted Sonic."
    Brian: Reach out to me CW, I will license this.
  • The culmination of all his biblical readings:
    Brian: Because if a hedgehog could commune with the dead, be resurrected, run with infinite energy, and HAVE HIS GOSPEL PROPHESIZE THE FUTURE, THEN EITHER SONIC IS A GOD, OR COULD KILL GOD, AND I DO NOT CARE IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!
  • His post-breakdown recording contains multiple golden lines.
    Biblical Literalism is just an early form of fandom.
    Sometimes, the bible was written to make a character more marketable to children in the 90s.

Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)

  • Brian keeps getting interrupted by Patrick, who informs him of the games he is leaving out of his Hero's Journey wheel.
    • The first time he interrupts and brings up Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep, BDG is confused by the absence of Sora and the presence of a Sora-looking character with black hair and evil armor.
      Pat: That's Vanitas.
      BDG: ...why?
  • The entire Villain's Tridecagon. In the introduction, Patrick pans over to Clayton on the other camera, who is very confused about what he is filming.
  • Brian doesn't even bother trying to fit Dream Drop Distance into the journey, which is especially funny since it turns out its plot is integral to Kingdom Hearts III.
    • As a testament to how fed up he was getting, Brian transparently decides to put Dream Drop Distance into the trash.
    • Even better, he "predicts" that in Kingdom Hearts III, Big Bad Xehanort will win by body-snatching Sora - something that he already tried to do (and failed) in Dream Drop Distance.

Bowser's military hierarchy

The Perfect PokéRap

  • Any time he mentions Kevin Punt.
  • Due to some weird wording on the PAX contract provided to Brian, it appears that the PAX organisers have the legal right to murder Brian where he stands if he fails to fit all 812 Pokemon into the rap.
  • "I know how to make this song a little bit sexier, FEET."
  • Brian claims to not have any experience with theater. The slideshow that Patrick prepared containing years of his old productions says otherwise.
    "Yeehaw"
  • The entire song is a nine-minute exercise in insanity.
    • SKRRRELP
    • The rapid-fire reciting of all the Pokémon he couldn't find a good spot for.
    • The entire dream ballet, especially when Pat joins in.
  • The (Poké-pun-filled) drug education verse, which morphs into a criticism of the criminalisation of drugs, culminating in: "BIG PHARMA IS THE ROOT OF OUR COUNTRY’S PROBLEM WITH OPIATE ADDICTION. (Beat for applause) GOLEM."

    Season 2 

Which Dark Souls boss is the best manager?

  • Brian starts the video wearing a wig and a fake mustache, before saying that he didn’t change his appearance because he knows his friends would be disappointed. He then removes the wig and mustache to reveal his actual short hair and mustache, because the viewers are not his friends and have no say over what he does with his body.
  • The five C’s of good management: Clear Vision, Consistent Feedback, Cherishes Employees, Compassionate Leadership, and Can Really Just Go To Town On A Motherfucker.
  • Drawing a distinction between relationships approved and not approved by HR becomes funny when you learn that Brian is dating a co-worker.
  • "Asylum Demon, Stray Demon, Demon Firesage all have a move called 'Butt Slam.'" Cue a Beat before the camera silently nods in understanding.

No one asked but I found Mortal Kombat's best kuddler

  • Both times Brian sings and dances along to the main theme, Once at the beginning, and then again, softer, at the end.
    • "There's Red Bull in this mug. (Kicks the air) HIYAA!!"
  • The little PSA about what makes a good kuddler.
  • "Physical risk" is depicted by Brian turning around to reveal that he's holding scissors.
  • Brian states that he cut the "basic" characters because they're boring or he doesn't like them.
    Brian: Look, I don't have to explain everything to you. I'm going through my rebellious phase.
    Caption: *immediately checks if that's okay with an authority*
  • Compares Dairou's backstory (jailtime, mercenary work, lost family) as the Mortal Kombat equivalent of "liking to travel".

How to make a perfect E3 press conference (or drinking game)

  • "Some of Sony’s past E3 press conferences included a whole orchestra playing the God of War theme and a whole banjo player."
  • "WHYW": The "What? Hell Yeah! What?" moment is any announcement so far out of left field that your only real response is to just roll with it.
  • "But isn't that what we want as gamers? To be disappointed?"
  • Brian decides to bring up a list of items that won't be featured in an average E3 presentation... and it turns out the only item on the list pertains to having a discussion about Crunch in the workforce.
    Brian: Well, I guess we don't need these anymore! (begins laughing as he burns the list; laughter turns manic)
  • Brian creates his own E3 press conference, including vague rambling about innovation, numbers, gaffes, placeholders for Sony to put their own game trailers, and a big trailer for “BDG Unravels Pokémon Edibility”.
    • Brian wearing a "gaming" shirt with the phrase "I love eating junk food and playin' classic games." When he puts on a blazer, it covers up just enough to say "I love eating ass". The shirt is now available for purchase.
    • The shirt would eventually see a resurgence in attention when Matthew Mercer wore it on an episode of Critical Role, and since he was wearing a vest it did, indeed, read "I Love Eating Ass."
  • After the presentation, a "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue reveals that Unraveled Games got bought by EA with nearly every announced project being canceled.

We made all 78 Breath of the Wild recipes in one day

Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula

  • Brian explains the origin of the term "hit points," which is how many 14-inch shells a ship can take.
    Brian: Every living creature is one hit point, The End. (fake ending card)
  • Brian asked for a rather extended leave of absence from worknote  to observe his roommate's cat Zuko so he could accurately classify him. When they refused, he ate bodega sushi and asked for a sick day.
  • Brian's description of Zuko's meow as "sounds like he's been smoking two packs a day for the last 40 years." Cut to him holding the mike up to Zuko to demonstrate how accurate that description is. (The final few seconds before the credits is a montage of Zuko's drawn-out, raspy meows.)
  • To observe Zuko with scientifically-accurate methods, Brian decides to camouflage himself. By wearing an incredibly conspicuous bush disguise in the middle of a suburban apartment.
  • When Zuko initially doesn’t make as much progress as Brian had hoped he realizes that, as a Gamer, he can power-level Zuko into a level 63 barbarian.
  • Brian ends the video with a speech about how the process of leveling Zuko up has brought the two together in ways that matter much more than simple stats can provide. And then Zuko bites him.

I fixed Fallout's music by creating a totally new genre

  • Brian opens by informing us about the bizarre state of Fallout music and that it's the only thing wrong with Fallout right now.
  • Brian notes that the Fallout universe having music from over 100 years ago as its only music would be like if the most popular music in 2019 was the Alphabet Song (which did come out in the 1800s), before admitting that it could totally happen.
  • The Take That! comments at both Math Rock and Ska Music.
  • Brian comparing us to the way songs were used to keep stories alive in prehistoric times.
  • Brian brings up Red Eye from Fallout 4 and describes him as someone who can neither sing nor play an instrument. The caption that pops up after he says this implies that he didn't realize that Red Eye is played by respected hard rock icon Andrew W.K.
  • Going through all the elements this new style of music will contain, the video goes into a meltdown as Brian keeps going through them, interrupted every now and then by loudly proclaiming "Pick it UP!"
  • After all his research and analysis of music and the painstaking lengths he went through to truly create something right for the Fallout universe, Brian comes to a realization...
    ...did I just invent ska again?

Find Your Kojima Name With My 11-Page Form

  • If you want to know what your name would be in a Hideo Kojima game, then you just need to complete Brian's simple, easy to use eleven-page questionaire.
  • You can have one name or seven. There is no in-between. (Brian, of course, gets seven names.)
  • Everything about the Conditions section. There is:
    • A 1/4 chance that you have to put "-man" at the end of your name (if your name already ends in "-man", you'll have to go to "-manman").
    • A series of chances for your name to start with "Big", "Old", or your body's current physical condition (Brian narrowly avoids adding "Bloated").
    • A 1/12 chance that you are a clone of someone else.
    • A 1/100 chance that you are Hideo Kojima. The form tells you to go off and do all the things that Hideo Kojima does.
  • The category devoted solely to horny names, where the "Naked" and "Solid" descriptors are.
  • Answering "what is your greatest intangible fear":
    Brian: This is a pretty heavy one. I guess my greatest fear would be, like, not being able to remember my loved ones, and just like, losing that sense of self. So probably, I guess it would just be memory loss, is probably my greatest intangible fear. Nine, what is your greatest tangible fear? HORSES.
  • One section requires listing your favourite film character (provided it's played by Kurt Russel), the last word in the title of your favourite Stanley Kubrick film, and an action that you would like to see Mads Mikkelsen do.
  • Brian's main name is "The Lewd Improvisationman"
    (Beat)
    Brian: That's fuckin' spot-on.
  • One of his other names is "Big Brain Producer", which he can't say without laughing.
  • It's entirely possible for your name to just be your real name, as one of Brian's coworkers discovered.
  • The last section of the form tells you to write a monologue explaining what your name means.

How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters

  • The thumbnail, even with the context that he's mocking their faces, is Brian doing his best impression of a Fire Emblem character's stoically determined face while surrounded in a sea of FE characters.
  • Not even ten seconds into the video, we get the perfect summary of Fire Emblem:
    Brian: This magnificent franchise pushes the boundaries of gaming by daring to ask the question "What if chess made you horny?"
  • BDG proclaims that the natural successor to the Commedia dell'Arte is the Commedia dell'Anime - "a newer, more perfect form of theater". He's not entirely wrong.
  • He has to cycle through several blue-haired sword-wielding protagonists before he finds Marth.
  • As he covers the "buzzkill" archetype, BDG is devastated to learn that the character Gilbert is an unemotional religious zealot who abandoned his family. The revelation that he looks like a red-haired Hanneman pushes him over the edge.
    Brian: Oh God... am I a buzzkill?
  • Brian's obsessive mania oversimplifying his list of Fire Emblem archetypes leads to him putting every Fire Emblem character over one unified label, making them impossible to tell apart.
    Brian: What was this Unraveled about again?

I used The Sims to perfect my apartment

  • Brian claims that the Sim he made is an accurate representation of himself... up until he zooms out to reveal that Sim!Brian has a chiseled jawline and a greatly exaggerated muscular body type, both of which the real Brian lacks.
  • His Sim keeps dying of starvation, and Brian doesn't seem to view this as a problem.
  • This Slack conversation that Brian has with his boss, Tara Long:
    Brian: hey tara, is it okay if I expense 1 or 2 or 70 paintings for an unraveled, it's gonna be worth it when you see the end product and also when you see just how much more productive it will make me at work
    Tara: no
    Brian: okay that's fair i guess
  • Brian is touched that his request for people to come help him paint actually worked... after he promised to buy pizza, since "you gotta grease the wheels somehow".
  • All of the Sad Clown paintings.
    • "Who knew my friends were so good at painting sad clowns?"

Waluigi, Unraveled

  • This video was made exclusively for Doug Bowser, who got the message and approved within a few hours of the video releasing.
  • Brian abruptly decides mid-video that he should play Waluigi in his proposed full motion video game, and actually threatens to fight Charles Martinet to do so.
    Brian: You pick the weapons. I WILL END HIS CAREER.
  • Every time Brian drops or tosses something, it's accompanied by the generic pot-smashing noise from a Legend of Zelda game. This is true for his glasses, his suit jacket, and finally the mirror he drops during his dramatic breakdown.
  • "Also, I love that Waluigi is connected to Wario, but no one's ever cared to take a closer look. Are they friends, accomplices, [zooms in on Brian knowingly] lovers?"
  • The dramatic shaving of the mustache. Compounded by the fact that there's a strong possibility that Brian only grew the mustache before this season very specifically to lead up to this.
    • The blooper at the end of the video has Brian trying (and failing) to keep his composure because the mustache hairs got into his mouth.
  • "I'm not a Waluigi. I'm a-Luigi!"
  • In a bizarre act outside BDG's influence, when the video was first published every comment made on the video consisted exclusively of "Wah". Non-"Wah" comments didn't make it to the top of the page for about a week.

    Season 3 

Kirby

  • Back during Season 2, there was a noticeably long gap between when the Breath of the Wild episode was uploaded and when the pet HP episode was uploaded. As it turns out, it's because in August 2019, Brian attempted this video, only to Rage Quit when he couldn't explain how Kirby was both nothing and everything.
  • Brian goes to show the viewers a graph of Kirby's backstory, only to pull the curtain on a completely blank wall.
    Brian: THERE'S NOTHING HERE.
  • "He can effortlessly turn himself into a fighter jet, something only the most skilled air force engineers have mastered."
  • Since there's not a lot of concrete info about who or what Kirby is, Brian tries to find out what metaphor he represents and runs into some problems:
  • "I am become Kirby."
  • During Brian's excursion to the wild, he wonders if Kirby is a metaphor for nature. He concludes that he can't because nature is hostile, a statement backed up by Brian being terrified of some geese.
  • "As I stood there, miles from civilization..." (Buildings visible in shot)
  • The conclusion of the video has Brian admit that it's okay for Kirby to not represent anything more than what he is, and that some things don't have to have a deeper meaning in order to be understood. But he has to get to the bottom of whatever Diddy Kong is.
    Brian: Kirby is an extremely strong circle. And that's all the explanation I need. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for DIDDY KONG. WHO GAVE HIM A GUN? DID HE BUILD THE JETPACK? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, HE'S A MONKEY.
    • Also hilarious are the little notes attached to each picture of Diddy Kong.
    JETPACK????????? WHO BUILT IT?
    GUN? WHO LET MONKEY HAVE GUN?
    I HATE HIS LITTLE DUMB HAT SO MUCH
    PUT SOME SHOES ON YA PERVERT

When Can Mario Retire?

  • The whole video basically turns Mario into a millennial icon who can never retire.
  • Brian talks to Nate, a financial advisor, about his friend, Mario, and how much Mario will need to retire. During the course of the conversation, Nate notes that Mario seems to be a freelancer:
    Nate: If he's not getting W-2 income, he can't save into things like 401(k)s or Roth IRAs.
    Brian: Now, when you say "Roth IRA," what is that?
    Nate: It's a way to save for retirement. Um, you know, as a young person, you should definitely be doing one, trying to max it out every single year. Um, it's crucial for, for retirement.
    Brian: When... but when you say "crucial," do you... do you mean "optional"?
    (cut back to Brian in the studio)
    Brian: So maybe Mario doesn't have a IRA or a 4-in-1 Cake or whatever, but no one has those. I don't, and I'm well on my way to that beach chair in Boca!
  • To get more information, he googles "mario hyperinflation." He was looking for economic inflation, but that's not what he got.
  • Later, Brian receives some shocking texts from Nate regarding Mario's financial situation:
    Nate: Hey Brian, I forgot to let you know, but I did all the analysis for a Mr. Mario Mario. Let me know how you'd like to go about it?
    Brian: Oh wow, please do let me know the results.
    Nate: I've never seen anything so sad.
    Nate: We're talking tens of millions of dollars in debt by death.
    Brian: ...that's no good.
  • At one point, Brian puts his own financial information into his equation and finds out that he can’t retire until he’s 88 years old, which sends him out drinking.
    • Since Nintendo have stated in the past that Mario is supposed to be 26, it means that plugging Brian's stats into the equation is more accurate since they are the same age!

How to increase your stamina with terrible video game tactics

  • Brian isn't actually in the studio due to the plague so he does the whole video from his apartment in front of a greenscreen, giving him the freedom to use a weird vaporwave background for the rest of the season.
    Brian: I gotta go ham on these graphics 'cause I don't have a studio anymore.
  • One of the stamina-boosting techniques Brian considers is gaining permanent stamina boosts by performing stamina-heavy tasks (in other words, exercise). Brian immediately declares that this technique sucks and dismisses it out of hand. You might think this is setting up something for later, but nope, he genuinely never mentions it again for the rest of the video.
  • "The Laundry Chair."
  • "So since Rockstar doesn't actually care about realism let's talk about a more grounded game, Breath of the Wild."
  • Brian does 3 tests to try and find out what gamey method of stamina regeneration will perform the best.
    • Test 1 involves drinking over a litre of Monster Energy Drink throughout the day. After experiencing a crash and drinking more Monster to deal with it, he finds that he ended up having less average energy throughout the day than when he did nothing at all.
    • Test 2 involves eating nothing but well-done steaks for every meal based on what the comments would reveal to be a translation errornote .
    • Test 3 involves wearing Dark Souls like equipment for every interaction. This includes during a work meeting, where Brian is wearing a DIY Mask of the Child made of cardboard and tinfoil with a shield that keeps getting in the way.
    • Test 4 involves Brian, spur of the moment, deciding to do all previous tests at once to try and super boost his stamina. This results in him getting ill and then passing out for hours.

I built the perfect gamer space

  • Due to a lack of visual decor that would mark BDG as a Gamer, he mocked up a quick poster idea in Photoshop before sending it to Patrick, requesting to look like "a mid-00s webcomic character". The poster depicts BDG holding a coffee mug containing a controller with the phrase "Don't talk to me before I've had my gaming" all the while looking like he walked straight out of Ctrl+Alt+Del.
  • Brian is baffled as to how he's showing no discernible improvement at playing Valorant despite the week he spent building his gamer space, which includes "dozens of minutes" spent actually playing the game.
  • "I am an auteur, who understands the importance of cilimintography. I'm supposed to stream in a manner that matches my ourverver. I need. more. cameras."
  • He uses all of the boxes he's received, along with studio foam and a green screen, to create a "hermetically-sealed gamer space" around his desk. He has to crawl around his air-conditioning unit and under his desk to enter it, which he refers to as "a vigorous, four-minute entrance".
  • Since the gamer box blocks all of the stuff he's hung up around his room, he asks Jenna to create a 3D version of it for the green screen. His poster now says "No pame, no game."
  • After his clothes get caught while crawling under his desk, Brian purchases a green morph suit to wear while gaming. Unfortunately, this makes his body invisible because of the green screen, so he asks Jenna to put a 3D, photorealistic virtual Brian. What he ‘’gets’’ is a bunch of shapes cobbles together in blender in the rough approximation of himself with a blank space for his face.
  • Brian, not wanting to ruin the green screen with his hands while eating his snacks, purchases a horse feedbag to put his peanut butter toast in. He then worries that his warm milk will cool down and that his computer will overheat, so he uses airline tubing to make a milk-cooled computer that would wrap around his headset and into his mouth. The first time he uses the milk-tube, he creates a siphon and it spills into the toast feedbag.
  • The metaphor "kill two birds with one stone" is used multiple times, and after the milk fiasco, Brian questions whether he was killing "too many birds with too few stones".
  • At the end of the video, Brian concludes:
    Brian: Perhaps I was asking a toddler to pilot a helicopter. There's nothing wrong with my hot cardboard box of gaming perfection. I simply was not ready to handle it responsibly. One day, I will reenter that cocoon and emerge a wonderful gaming butterfly. But before I grow my wings, this little grub must learn to crawl. And also how to defuse the spike without dying. It seems impossible. Has anyone done it yet? I doubt anyone's done that yet. That's ridiculous.

I read every Halo novel and became the Master Chief of loneliness

  • Brian decides that to prepare for Halo Infinite, he will play every Halo game. Unfortunately for him, the Halo novels seem to have other ideas and keep reappearing every time he tries to get rid of them.
  • He decides to use this opportunity to receive free pizza from Pizza Hut's Book It! program, which is clearly meant for elementary school kids.
  • "So very much has changed since July 30, 2019. I no longer have a mustache."
  • When talking about how he decided not to read the Halo comic that was included in the original shoot, a caption pops up on screen that explains why he cut it, along with visual encyclopedias and the new novel coming out in September because, "at that point, I'd just be waiting for new Halo content forever and that's no way to live my life. I needed a cutoff at some point. Please, God, say that I can finally rest."
  • BDG discusses the on-the-nose writing of the first Halo novel, which early on contains the line "Reach was one of the few places that John considered safe from the Covenant. His home would not fall..." As he reads this, the camera pointedly zooms in onto the book's title: The Fall of Reach.
    BDG: (smiling) Uh oh, John.
  • To illustrate how often he goes on tangents, Brian shows part of the "brief, two-hour meeting" that he had with his coworkers to explain the novels to them, and they look increasingly bored. Eventually, Jenna says, “I'm starting to see what you mean about not being able to talk about this without going on weird, long-winded tangents."
  • He brushes off the biological augmentations that killed and maimed many of the fourteen-year-old Spartans by remarking that fourteen is a tough age to shop for.
  • "If you were looking for shades of gray, you should have checked the romance novels.”
  • Brian's very first Tangent Zone is solely to debunk the Common Knowledge that Master Chief’s suit jacks him off.
    Brian: (sounding utterly dejected) It doesn't jack him off...
  • Brian ends up ranting about how he is entitled to work on the Halo TV show because he knows literally everything about it.
  • The video ends with Brian getting that personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut...and telling whoever he’s on the phone with that Master Chief’s suit doesn’t jack him off.

I made a ‘90s Dimension to fully understand Crash Bandicoot

  • While Brian sets up the episode, he takes some time to address a potential complaint: "The pedantic among you might say, ‘Brian, why not just play the games now? There’s an HD Remaster out. I’ll send it to you. What’s your address?' But that’s a cop-out."
  • The sponsorship money once again goes to Brian’s head and he uses it to create a “‘90s Dimension” to speedrun the late ‘90s (specifically 1996-1998) in three days and enhance his enjoyment of the new Crash Bandicoot game.
    Brian: (somber) I did not grow up with these games. I was born too late to Crash. I have been robbed of the nostalgia so many lucky gamers feel, and sadly, that nostalgia is impossible for me to obtain now. (manic) JUST KIDDING, I HAVE SPONSOR MONEY! NOTHING IS OUT OF MY REACH!
  • After acknowleding that the audience would be wondering why he doesn't play the other Crash Bandicoot games as well, Brian makes it clear there are only four Crash games.
  • Making a ‘90s pocket dimension in Brian’s room only requires four things: Electronics, Environment, Envelopment, and Anti-Anachronism. Or, as Brian abbreviates it, “EEEAA!”
  • Brian decides to become the alter-ego of "David Brian Gilbert" when becoming a true ‘90s kid. They’re essentially the same person, but David Brian Gilbert had cool parents who let him have caffeinated drinks and watch R-rated movies.
    • His fashion inspiration for this is Brian Littrell, for which he examined a “totally appropriate” number of reference photos and bought clothes that were two sizes too large.
  • He makes an “Anachronistic Box” where he puts a VHS tape of Wild Wild West, a copy of Backstreet Boys’s Millenium and later, bills and his phone, where we can see him getting emails and phone calls from Activision and texts from his boss, all asking where he is.
  • He repeatedly emails Activision asking if Crash Bandicoot can visit his house to share some pouched juices, but is denied by Activision who informs him that the Crash suit wouldn’t be able to fit into his apartment building, before giving up when they realize he's talking about sending the actual Crash Bandicoot and just tell him that Crash is too busy.
  • When “David Brian Gilbert” takes over, we cut to him talking to himself in the mirror: “Sup dudes, you want to play...pogs? No way, I love rollerblading! Let’s get to the airport like 30 minutes before our flight. Security shouldn’t be an issue.”
    • DBG’s outfits include “The Denim Experience” in 1996, “Sad Homecoming” in 1997, and “AJ Adjacent” in 1998.
  • The ‘90s experience includes finding out that they caught the Unabomber in 1996 and what happened to “those Welsh Royals that I had grown so fond of just the day prior” in 1997.
    "David": Oh no!
  • Brian apparently got so used to sour candies that he put some in his cereal to “flavor-blast” it on Day 3, which was “kind of a buzzkill. NOT! It was cooler than Leo’s middle part! Could these graphics BE any better? As if! And my mom said I’d never get anywhere with these games!”
  • Brian ends up not wanting to leave the ‘90s dimension, because he’d have to deal with Y2K, high school, college, a job, bills, Surge being discontinued, and all-denim outfits going out of style and then coming back in style just after he threw out all of his denim clothes.
  • Crash Bandicoot (voiced by Pat Gill) shows up to help Brian with his video. Brian tries to share some pouched juice with him, but Crash tells him to go stand in the corner with his eyes closed for about 30 minutes. When Brian opens his eyes, he sees that Crash got rid of all the ‘90s stuff, only leaving the new game and some pizza rolls that Brian locked in the box.
    Pat as Crash: Yep, that's me! Crash Bandicoot.
  • Brian assumes that Crash was trying to teach him a valuable life lesson about facing the future and leaving your comfort zone instead of just trying to collect on a contractually obligated sponsored video. He also assumes that Crash is putting all of Brian’s ‘90s stuff to good use, instead of dumping it into the garbage like we see him doing.

"We created the sport of the future"

  • Brian refers to himself as Polygon’s “resident jock”.
  • He refers to “The Fumble Dimension” by Kofie Yeboah as “kind of like if the mental anguish I suffer at the hands of Unraveled was crowdsourced”.
  • The criteria for a sport being liked comes down to three things: Access, Community, and Cool-Ass Shit (aka Epic Pog Moments).
  • During one cut to Brian during the video interviews with his and Kofie’s coworkers, we can see that he still has his “gaming” decorations up from when he was making his gaming space.
  • Brian refers to solitaire as “recreational malware”.
  • Brian and Kofie test different combinations of video games and regular sports:
    • Basketball and Smash Bros (Kofie playing on his Nintendo Switch while dribbling).
    • Running and Minion Rush (Brian jogging in place while playing Minion Rush on his phone).
    • Basketball and solitaire (Kofie playing solitaire on his phone while dribbling).
    • Dodgeball and solitaire (Brian throwing a ball at his closet while playing solitaire on his phone).
    • Running and Tetris (Kofie jogging in place while playing Tetris on his phone).
    • Dodgeball and Pokemon (Brian throwing a ball at his closet while playing Pokemon on his Switch).
    • Soccer and Minion Rush (Kofie kicking a ball around while playing Minion Rush on his phone)
    • Bowling and Pokemon (Brian knocking plastic cones over with the dodgeball while playing Pokemon on his Switch).
    • Soccer and Smash Bros (Kofie kicking a ball around while playing Smash Bros on his Switch).
    • Bowling and Tetris (Brian bowling with the same setup while playing Tetris on his Switch).
  • “If I wanted to create a sport specifically to run ads, I would have invented football.”
  • Their future sport is Surferball (a combination of dodgeball and Subway Surfers), and they start the Polygon Invitation Surferball Series, with Brian playing for the Polygon Blue-Tailed Skinks and Kofie playing for the Secret Base Ravens, with announcers Jenna Stoeber and Josh Rios.
  • During the game, one move is referred to as the “Weedsnipe” and is apparently a challenging technical move of chucking a ball at another ball in order to avoid getting hit, and was named after Surferball legend Johannes Weed. Josh goes crazy when he sees it employed.
  • After Brian wins the first round, he starts celebrating, which Jenna refers to as “tacky showmanship” and Josh remarks that Brian is acting like he’s won the whole game and not just one round.
  • The commentary menu switches from “standard” to “golf”, which is Jenna and Josh talking quietly about how beautiful the day is while smooth jazz plays. When we’re switched back, Jenna is insulting Brian about “those tiny little chicken bones he calls feet”.
  • Kofie wins the second round, and when the third round starts, he hits Brian three times. Brian runs off the field to grab a ball and nails Kofie with it, which Josh says is the worst play he’s seen in his Surferball career. Jenna says that Brian’s behavior shouldn’t be a surprise because “He’s a scoundrel, and he’s a bad boy, and he earned that reputation by doing nefarious deeds like this on the playing field.”
  • “Two professional athletes winded by this mild amount of activity. Most of it in their thumbs.”
  • After Kofie wins the game, he starts celebrating, and Brian lies facedown on the ground.
  • “And there you have it. Surferball. An attempt by Kofie and I to create the perfect future sport, which obviously didn’t pan out because I lost”. He and Kofie end the video by arguing about the rules.

Pokemon Edibility

  • Turns out that Brian solved the problem of which Pokemon are edible in the first third of the episode, and spends the rest of it baffled on how to "rank" edibility.
  • He discovers that drinking the liquid of Reuniclus will grant both wisdom and immediate death, "much like a tide pod".
  • When listing the Pokemon that have been eaten in-game, he mentions Appletun (which children used to have as a snack), Basculin (renowned for its taste), and Drampa (if a child is being bullied, it will find the bully's house and burn it to the ground)
    Brian: That has nothing to do with edibility, but it is metal as hell. Also, you can eat Drampa.
  • During one of his rants, he says that Pokemon edibility is one of the most frequently theorised videogame lore questions, alongside the true The Legend of Zelda timeline and whether Banjo and Kazooie are married.
    Brian: By the way, they are, but it's purely for insurance purposes, and it's an open thing.
  • His quest to find out which Pokemon is the most calorically dense is brought to a screeching halt by the fact that nearly every Pokemon defies physics. He gives Pyroar as an example, as it's said to have a fire breath of more than 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit, hotter than the surface of the sun.
    Brian: If you serve your family Pyroar steaks, you're gonna end up with a toilet experience that gets dramatized by HBO in 40 years.

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