When Lennox informs General Morshower that Jerkass Galloway has been appointed liaison for the Autobots, he finishes with an eye roll.
During the debriefing with General Morshower, when Galloway starts berating Optimus that they didn't agree to share the Autobot weapon technology, this exchange takes place:
Epps: We've shed blood, sweat and precious metal together. Galloway: Soldier, you're paid to shoot, not talk. Epps (in an undertone): Don't tempt me. Optimus:Easy.
The Witwicky family dog getting freaky with a female dog.
An exchange early on between Sam and two frat boys, after Bumblebee illegally parks on the college campus.
Sam: No, seriously dude, this car belongs to my friend over there. We were looking to see if we could get you a tighter shirt. Frat Boy:(wearing said tight shirt) THERE ISN'T A TIGHTER SHIRT. WE CHECKED.
Sam's mother getting absolutely trashed on pot brownies (despite marijuana not working that way in real life) and proceeding to make a total ass of the whole family on his first day at college, forever staining his reputation.
Leo tazing himself in the nuts.
During the ocean excavation scene, the Doctor (Scalpel) claims that he needs a few parts to make up for the ones Megatron lost having been fried by Sam in the previous movie and asks the Decepticons to "kill ze little one!" Scrapmetal instantly gets dismembered and you can hear his cries of agony.
Michaela going through airport security... with little Decepticon!Wheelie stuck in a box.
Airport Officer: And have any strangers given you anything suspicious to carry on today? Wheelie:(Inside the box) Yeah, a live bomb! Michaela:(Stomps her foot on the box to shut him up)No. Officer:Good.
Jetfire: Why my father, he was a wheel. The FIRST wheel! And do you know what he transformed into? NOTHING! But he did it with honor!Dignity, dammit! Jetfire:BEHOLD THE GLORY OF JETFIRE! (bisects Mixmaster, who is desperately scrambling away after switching out of his cannon mode) Now let me show you how we brought the pain in my day! (throws Mixmaster's upper half onto a broken wall and steps on his neck, decapitating him)
His introduction takes the biggest biscuit...
Jetfire: [yelling at the other non-Transformer vehicles displayed in the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center, where he himself had been disguised as an Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird on display] What sort of hideous mausoleum is this? Answer me, pawns and knaves! Show yourselves, or suffer my infinite wrath! You little spinal-cord-based organisms...! (bangs his head on a satellite, which drops from the ceiling and nearly crushes Sam) Jetfire: Bugger it!
Jetfire: I'm a mercenary doom-bringer! What planet is this?! Lennox: Earth. Jetfire: Earth? Terrible name for a planet. They should've called it dirt. PLANET DIRT!
This gem, after Jetfire pulls a Skywarp and somehow space bridges them to Egypt:
Jetfire: I told you I was opening a space bridge! It's the fastest way (Leo: What!?) to travel to Egypt! Leo: Why are we in Egypt!? Jetfire: Shut up.
"STARSCREAM, I'M HOME!" Someone else said it best: Domestic Abuse is funny when it involves giant robots.
"It's supposed to hurt! It's an ass-kickin'!"note Keep in mind that anytime Mudflap and Skids say anything ghetto, this is the voice ofSpongeBob SquarePantssaying these lines. And that's not even getting to Wheelie.
"THIS IS COMBAT, MAN! WHAZZWRONG WIT'CHU?" *smacks Mudflap*
"'Cuz yo' a pussy."
Wheelie shamelessly humping Michaela's leg.
Sam trying to persuade Megatron not to kill him... with the exact same speech he tried to use to persuade his girlfriend not be be mad at him earlier in the movie.
Simmons telling Leo how not every adventure ends in success.
Sometimes you get to the end of the rainbow and the leprechaun went and booby-trapped it!
Leo's retort:
What am I listening to you for? You live with your mother!
The entire sequence in Simmons' mother's butcher shop.
Mikaela: (sarcastically) You live with your mama? Simmons: No, my mama lives with me. There's a difference.
The entire scene where Lennox and his team ditch major Jerkass Galloway in the middle of some random Egyptian desert by faking some sort of a malfunction and convincing him that he needs to parachute out of the aircraft.
Lennox taking advantage of the frightened and confused man by tricking him into pulling the cord by screaming instructions into his face ("Red's backup, blue's primary! I want you to pull the blue! I need you to pull it hard!"), then admonishes the man with "Not now! We're on the plane, dumbass!" moments before Galloway flies off the plane.
Made funnier when you realize the Military advisor for the film was counting the number of ways Lennox could get court-martialed for that scene according to the Uniform Code of Military Justice... and smirking the whole time.
The entire scene of the arrival to Egypt. "This'd be a perfect moment... except you landed on my testicles."
During the scene where the soldiers are rescuing Sam and Mikaela, Lennox is telling them to stay right behind him while Epps is calling in a airstrike.
Epps: I hope these F-16s've got good aim. Lennox: Yeah, why is that? Epps: I told them to hit the orange smoke. (orange smoke promptly drifts up) Lennox:(pauses, shoulders drops, looks to their right) You mean that orange smoke? Epps: It wasn't my best toss, okay? Pilot: Viper, Thunder. note Translation: the missiles are about to rain down. Both men:(exchange looks)RUN!!!
Simmons: Betrayed by the country he loves. Leo: Oh, my goodness. I'm in the car, ok? You're not alone!
Devastator's CGI model was so complex that it caused a computer to catch fire and melt while rendering it. That's right. A computer melted down trying to render a pair of extremely detailed robot nuts.
On that note, Simmons' immortal line pertaining to the matter:
, where he himself had been disguised as an Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird