Funny / The Swan Princess

The Swan Princess

• King William and Queen Uberta singing about how the young Odette and Derek are getting along, oblivious to what's going on behind them. While they're singing, it's obvious that the kids are definitely not getting along.
  • To be more specific, in the background, Odette trips Derek down the stairs, takes a flying leap on him, and the two start beating the living daylights out of each other.
  • Not one minute ago, Derek was complaining about how boring it would be to spend his summer with a girl who "doesn't wrestle, hunt or box". Doesn't box, you say? What even makes it funnier is Derek looks a bit alarmed when Odette gets in fighting position.
• When Derek and Odette are teenagers, there's an amusing juxtoposition between how the two express their reluctance. You have Odette who plays tug-of-war as her father struggles to pull her out of the carriage. And then you have Derek who indifferently sits up in a tree, where there's nothing Queen Urberta can do except nag at her son until she's blue in the face.
• Also when they're teenagers, Odette and Derek are playing cards (Derek mentions how "I'd like her better if she'd lose at cards", implying she's won every game they've played). Bromley stands behinds Odette and tries to "help" Derek by signing what cards she has. What makes it funny? Odette sings "I think I won again!" revealing her hand. Derek and Bromley are flabbergasted.
• Derek's ingenious answer to Odette when she starts to wonder if all he likes about her is her appearance.
  Odette: Is beauty all that matters to you?
  Derek: (stammers) ...What else is there?
  Rogers: (imitates a buzzer while giving a thumbs down)
  • Later Rogers is still no help.
    Rogers: You should write a book; How To Offend Women In Five Syllables or Less.
  • The Swan Princess website now sells a journal with that title, and a faux author credit for Derek.
  • When Rogers implores Derek to think long and hard about what he actually likes about Odette other than "she's pretty", Derek fumbles for a response and his final answer leaves a lot to be desired. Even Bromley is flabbergasted.
    Rogers: Think! Surely you must see something other than Odette's beauty!
    Derek:: Of course I do, Rogers! She's like...you know...how about...and then...! I mean, right?
    Rogers: (Looking unimpressed and raising an eyebrow)
    Bromley: (Mirroring Rogers)
    Derek: I...I don't know how to say it!
  • While Rogers is scolding Derek for his ignorance, Bromley cheats in his chess game with Derek by subtly moving pieces off the board, which results in him "taking" Derek's queen piece.
    Bromley: Oh! You lost your Queen, Derek.
    Derek: (Not noticing the cheating) That's twice in one day!
    • Which makes it more hilarious when Derek still manages to win.
      Derek: Checkmate!
      Bromley: Huh?
  • There's something about Uberta's crestfallen reaction to "What else is there" that you can't help but wonder: is she reacting to the fact that all their hard work at this engagement was in vain or is she reacting to how someone as shrewd and clever as her raised a son too dense to answer the question properly.
    Uberta: All these years of planning... WASTED!!!
• Although it's a sobering scene, there's King William and Queen Urberta prompting their respective children to say good-bye to each other. Given that Odette had just turned down Derek's marriage proposal, there's no reason for them to make their children be cordial if they aren't getting married. At this point, the two parents are just prompting their children out of sheer habit and etiquette.
• Odette's response to Rothbart's (rather lame) most recent marriage proposal. And his response to her answer.
  Odette: Every night you ask the same question...
  Rothbart: No, no!
  Odette: And every night I give you the same answer...
  Rothbart: DON'T!
  Odette: ...I'll die first.
  Rothbart: You know... you are really starting to bug me!
  Odette: I would think you'd be used to it by now.
  Rothbart: That's it! Just keep pushin' it! But someday, I'm gonna BOIL OVER!!!
• "No more Mr. Nice Guy. Not for me..."
• When, after Jean-Bob finally gets a kiss from Odette. And thinking he's now a handsome prince (though he isn't, of course) goes to the celebrations. And gets screamed at for his troubles.
  • This becomes a Brick Joke in the second film. When Jean-Bob is accidentally turned into a prince, he looks just like this prince.
• Jean-Bob attempting to get the flowers on the other side of the lake for Odette. There's even this line from Speed right before he goes swinging into the gators.
  Speed: Just curious: how are you gonna get back?
  Jean-Bob: (Oh, Crap! face, before the stick starts swinging)
  • Right afterwards, Odette manages to stop the pole before Jean-Bob can turn into gator chow...
    Jean-Bob: (takes the pole) Silence, you savages!
    (The pole smacks one of the gators before launching backwards)
    Jean-Bob: Ha-ha!
    (The pole smacks hard into Jean-Bob, knocking him to the dirt)
• The musical sequence for 'Practice, Practice, Practice' involves the musicians dressing up as animals with various numbers plastered on them, and then being forced to run away as Derek and Bromley shoot them with painted dummy arrows, as both men compete with earning the highest score. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Special mention goes to this little gem, which occurs twice:
    "Duck!" (All animals duck)
    "Yes?" (Thinking they are literally asking for him, Duck pops his head out; cue being hit by arrow)
    (Later in the song)
    "Duck!"
    "What?!" (Hit again)
    • And when it comes time to tally the score, the poor "Duck" is covered in marks, and can only hobble over to the lineup and collapse.
  • Rogers ordering the musicians to act more like animals by growling and snarling - and only the guy dressed as a rabbit responds.
    Roger: Down on all fours, please, and growl ferociously! (No one listens to him and just stares daggers at him) Liven it up a bit! I want you to strike fear into my heart! (The rabbit roars like a lion, scaring Rogers and causing him to recoil.) Not you, Wesley, you're a rabbit, for heaven's sake! (Wesley crosses his arms and taps his foot angrily, while Hans (the Duck) looks at him with disgust).
  • The musicians bitching about having to do it.
    Leader: Lord Rogers, I must protest! We are musicians, not animals!
    Rogers: The servants had the day off, we had to use someone!
    Leader: I am an ARTIST, not a BOAR!
    Rogers: (Mutters to himself) Could have fooled me.
  • Some of the song lyrics are funny:
    Musicians singing: We are a band, and not a band of animals! This masquerade-
    Musician (dressed as bear): -is more than I can bear!
    Musicians singing: There goes my reputation. It's awful, this humiliation- (one of the animals trips and knocks everyone over)
    Musician (dressed as lion): (being buried by the pileup) And I've the lion's share...
    • Hans is running from Derek's arrows, knocking over guests food, plates and tables.
      Hans: He’s not happy ‘til he has attacked us.
    • The closing lyrics to the song as it sums up why the musicians have to participate, besides filling in for the servants:
      Musicians singing: If we had refused, he would have sacked us! So we face a life of target practice, practice, practice, PRACTICE!
  • By the end of the song, all the musicians are in pain from being shot and hit multiple times by Derek's arrows. Hans (the Duck) looks as if he received the most and collapses in exhaustion, earning Derek's sympathy.
    Derek: Sorry, Hans. Why don't you take a few days off?
  • Throughout the song sequence, Bromley has been trying to hit Wesley (the Rabbit), who counts as a 100 points and seems to be the only musician having fun trying to avoid the arrows. It helps that Bromley is a walking buffoon and all his efforts are in vain. While Rogers is tallying the scores, Bromley cheats and subtly taps Wesley three times from behind (one on each shoulder and the final one on his head), making it seem as though he earned 300 points. But Cheaters Never Prosper, as Derek reveals that in the last few seconds, he too managed to tag Wesley from behind, literally.
• This was a rather subtle moment, but, earlier Bridget had been seen nursing an infatuation with the Chamberlain during Rothbart's Villain Song. When Bridget shows up as the fake Odette to Uberta's ball, she winked at the Chamberlain as she walked in. She was flirting with him.
• This line from Jean-Bob:
  "Whenever I want to do something quickly, I always bring a turtle."
  • Right after that, we get this lovely exchange:
    Speed: I think I pulled a muscle (wriggles his leg, which makes a noise like a squeaking door hinge)
    Jean-Bob: (wails) I'm going to die! I know it! I'm on a dangerous mission with a lame turtle! You're going get us all killed!
• During the 'Princesses On Parade' number, we see a few princesses from different kingdoms:
  • One with a cotton dress decked out in ears of corn (apparently she made it herself),
  • Antonia, who shoves two other girls out of her way and does a cartwheel/backflip combo when greeting Derek,
  • Brizzelda, who blows kisses to people and sends Derek into a dizzying spin while shaking his hand, and then
  • Brunhilde, a princess whose dress in made entirely of heavy armor. When she slides off her equally armored horse, there is an audible clang! beneath the music.
• During the final showdown between Rothbart and Derek, Puffin realizes that Derek needs his bow. So he grabs Jean-Bob and hurls him, screaming, into the lake to retrieve it. A nice Freeze-Frame Bonus is Puffin actually molding Jean-Bob into a ball before launching him right into the water.
• At the ball Uberta makes her way over to Rogers to ask him who the mystery girl is by way of crawling on her hands and knees, passing under somebody's skirt at one point.
• Young Odette kicking one of the tree-house's supports when Bromley and Derek won't let her join in... only to accidentally bring the whole thing crashing down. When we next see them, they're covered in bruises and bandages.
• The Chamberlain blowing a trumpet to announce Odette and her father's arrival and dislodging a bird and a nest that had been roosting inside it. The nest then lands on Uberta's head.
  Uberta: Oh. A nest.
• Lord Rogers trolling the absolute hell out of Bromley every single chance he gets. He manages to make the poor guy faint twice.
• During the rescue attempt, Speed (who is luring the gators away) bumps into Jean-Bob as the latter is trying to get to the dungeon wall.

  Speed: Get moving, slowpoke!
  Jean-Bob: (incredulous) Slowpoke?! (sees gator coming after him and swims away, screaming all the way)

Escape From Castle Mountain

• Uberta is a gold mine when she's opening her birthday cards. Mentioning her age appears to be a Berserk Button.
  "So you're turning fif...well I've got a number for you buddy - eighty six!"
• Uberta throttling Clavius once he reveals that he kidnapped her.
  Uberta: NOOOO ONE SPOILS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
  • "Take me to Derek or I'll throw you out like a jar of bad mayonnaise!"
• When she gets off the balloon, she makes his servant walk five steps behind her - determined to be treated like a queen even if she is a prisoner. And you can see him trying to keep count of the steps as she walks to her cell.
• Uberta also tries to get him to make her cucumber sandwiches and peppermint tea. Clavius naturally refuses.
  Uberta: Alright then, don't bring me lunch... (Cut to outside the volcano.) BUT MY BIRTHDAY DINNER BETTER BE AWFULLY SPECIAL!
  • This gets a Call-Back when Clavius finds her getting his servant to redecorate her cell.
  Uberta: What's going on? You haven't been excused. Gifts need to be wrapped. The cake needs to be frosted. (Cut to the volcano.) WHO'S GOING TO SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY?!'
• As Derek gets on his horse to rescue his mom, ignoring Bromley and Rogers' protests that he can't go alone.
  Derek: The ransom note says I have to come alone. If I don't, he'll attack Mother's kingdom.
  Bromley: Don't worry, Derek. If anything happens, my quiver is full.
  Rogers: You mean you're filled with quivering, don't you?
• Bridget uses Jean-Bob as a key to free Odette from the tower Clavius locked her in.
  Bridget: Unlock lock!
  Jean-Bob: There's no time!
  Odette: Hurry! Derek's in danger!
  (Bridget stuffs Jean-Bob into the keyhole. He struggles to squeeze through)
  Jean-Bob: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! This morning, I relaxing, minding my own business. Suddenly, I'm an amphibian locksmith on the run. (With one final squeeze, he shoots through the keyhole and the door opens. Jean-Bob thuds against the wall. He slowly slides down and flops to floor.) Why don't I learn my lesson? I am so DUMB! (kicks the door; it swings shut, locking them all in)
  Speed: Yep, you're dumb, alright.
• Jean Bob, Puffin, Speed and swan!Odette breaking Uberta out of her cell.
  Uberta: I'm being rescued by little animals? Oh, well, I'll go with it.
• Jean-Bob accidentally being turned into a prince and back into a frog. No one he tells this to later believes him.
• Puffin keeps saying for Jean-Bob to have "no fear", and at the very end, after being sick of that Catchphrase, Jean-Bob just grabs his beak and growls, "I’ll rip your beak off if you say it again!"

The Mystery of the Enchanted Kingdom

• Zelda chasing Whizzer through the forest for use in her evil plans. He makes a mad dash for the hills, and finally realizes that as a bird, it'd probably be a good idea to start flying.....It only ends up getting him captured anyway.
• Rogers sobbing after Zelda leaves and accusing Uberta of getting rid of her.
  Rogers: Maybe I misunderstood her letter. "Dear Pumpkin, I hate you. Love, Zelda." (sobs hysterically)
  Uberta: Well, I guess her ankle wasn't that bad after all.
  Rogers: YOU! You sent her back, didn't you?!
  Uberta: Rogers!
  Rogers: You sent her back to that crazed accordion-loving king!
  Uberta: (gasps) I would never!
  Rogers: You... you monster! You-you wolf in queen's clothing!
  Uberta: What?! How dare you accuse me of such things! (grabs Rogers by the collar) I am a queen! I always act with dignity! Now, you shape up... OR I'LL POP YA ONE! (throws Rogers into the wall)
  • The whole "She's Gone" song with Rogers lamenting the loss of his "muffin" Zelda, coupled Uberta's reaction.
  Uberta: Get a grip, Rogers! You're making me nauseous!
  • Finally, after the song, Uberta takes Rogers away to get him to regain his senses.
  Uberta: Rogers! This is your queen speaking. You will regain consciousness this instant, and remain conscious until I win the talent show! Or else! (Rogers doesn't move) Very well. (picks Rogers up and drags him away) I have no other choice but to take you to my castle and deal with you in a manner to which you are according!
  Rogers: My muffin played the accordion! (sobs)
  Uberta: Your muffin's history, chump!
• As Odette and co. are trying to escape from Zelda's fireball seeker, she hands carriage reins to Jean-Bob.
  Jean-Bob: Oh, sure, let the frog drive! Frogs are known for their wagon driving!
  • As the seeker gains on them, and to make things worse, the carriage is headed straight for a cliff!
  Jean-Bob: I don't like my options!
  Odette: Everybody out!
  Jean-Bob: I still don't like my options!
• Zelda uses Whizzer's beak to pick the lock on the chest.
• Zelda later writes Derek a ransom note - using Whizzer as the pen. The note itself is rather funny due to the countless times she uses the Punctuated! For! Emphasis! trope.
  "Dear Prince Derek, I have kidnapped your sweet Odette, PERIOD!
  If you want to see her alive again, COMMA!, then meet me at the mouth of the western river with the missing section of Rothbart's notes!
  EXCLAMATION! EXCLAMATION! EXCLAMATION!"
• Uberta's attempt to get Rogers to snap out of his misery by tying him in the shape of a cross, to no avail. Only when Derek reports Odette was kidnapped and that Zelda tricked Rogers, does Rogers finally snap out of it.
  Uberta: Well, if you won't act like you've got a spine, Rogers, then I'll give you one myself! (ties him with ropes and coatrack, leaving his arms stretched out like on a crucifix) Try drooping now, Mr. Sniveling Pants!
  Rogers: (dazed) Is that you, muffin? (slumps) No... (falls to the floor; losing her patience, Uberta snatches him up by the collar)
  Uberta: WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO BRING YOU TO YOUR SENSES?!
  (The door swings open and Derek rushes in)
  Derek: Odette's been kidnapped!
  Uberta & Rogers: WHAT?!
  (Derek hands Rogers the ransom note)
  Derek: Zelda used you to get the keys!
  Rogers: Why-why, that mean muffin!
• Zelda lampshading Derek's stupidity when she disguises herself as Odette.
  "You always fall for that fake Odette trick, don't you?"

The Swan Princess Christmas

• This exchange
  Jean-Bob: The chances of me being kissed and turned back into a prince on Christmas are almost...ZIP!
  Speed: (chuckles) Down to the usual one in a million.
• The Ghost of Rothbart and Number 9 the cat are trying to come up with an idea to destroy Christmas. Number 9 keeps coming up with totally absurd ideas. Rothbart is not impressed to say the least.
  Number 9: How's this? The little chef make him make bad decisions with all his little Christmas creations! (imagines the Chef throwing the cake in Bromley's face)
  Rothbart: You call that an idea?
  Number 9: Okay, how 'bout this one? Christmas cheer makes the frog go berserk! (imagines Jean-Bob ripping a Christmas wreath off Speed's neck, then knocking the turtle on his back and spinning him like a top)
  Rothbart: I've got better ideas in my elbow!
  Number 9: How 'bout this? Christmas gifts. Odette; she's got incredibly bad taste. (imagines Odette giving Derek a gift and he opens it to reveal a bright pink bow and arrow; Derek gives a forced smile)
  Rothbart: I can't cast a spell on Derek and Odette! They've got too much Christmas spirit! Come on, Number 9!
  Number 9: You said there were no bad ideas!
  Rothbart: There ain't! But there sure are a lot of lousy ones!
• When Odette is preparing to sing to Uberta and Rogers.
  Odette: Wish me luck.
  Jean-Bob: If it goes well, tell them it was my idea. If it goes bad, tell them it was his idea. (points at Puffin)

A Royal Family Tale

• When Alise is confirmed to lack any living relatives, and thus, be free and clear for adoption, Derek is so happy that he confuses his nouns. "I'm going to be a mom! I mean, I you're (Odette) going to be a dad! I mean..."
• When Bridget plays Hide-And-Seek with Alise she seeks like a dog by putting her nose to the ground and sniffing. Onlookers look baffled and suggest someone bring out dog treats.
• Watching Uberta, Rogers, etc. getting kidnapped by an army of flying squirrels is so ridiculous it's hard not to laugh.

Princess Tomorrow, Pirate Today

• Rogers bursts into Uberta's chambers exclaiming how dare she compare him to a pirate! This is while he is wearing an eyepatch, has a megaphone stuck on his leg peg-leg style, carrying the end of a spear like a saber and is standing on a cannon.
• The extended Hell's Kitchen joke where Rogers acts like a G-rated Gordan Ramsay, complete with insults, spitting out food that doesn't meet his standards, and kicking chefs out of the "kitchen" for disrespecting him. He does this while tied up (even hitting the boggs with the pole he's tied to) and even though they're going to eventually cook and eat him. There are even cutaways for the boggs interview style where they comment as if they really were competitors but also not, i.e. "I'm honored to learn from Chef, and also to eat him".

A Royal Myztery

• Scully says his trial on Bogg island is "run by some pretty dumb animals" but they're also funny animals.
  • The judge bangs his gavel on his bench, remarks how quality it is, and then hits himself in the head with it.
  • Hunch tells a bogg to record the minutes of the trial, said bogg writes something and then shows Hunch scribbles, leading him to facepalm.
  • Scully's defense attorney objects to questions about ghosts because they are "immaterial".
  Bogg judge: Sustained because its funny.
• Nicole has gone so insane since "Royally Undercover" that he is schizophrenic and sings a duet by himself in cell about what he would do if he were his alternate personality.

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