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The Simpsons Movie | The Simpsons Comics | The Tracey Ullman Show
The Simpsons in Plusaversary | The Simpsons Game | The Simpsons Hit & Run
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The Simpsons Comics
- Caesar and Ugloin manage to escape from prison by forcing the prison staff to stay away or else they'll over-pepper the prison soup. Even the warden's demands do nothing.Warden: RELEASE THE PEPPERS!Casesar & Ugloin: If you insist... (they start releasing peppers into the soup)Kitchen staff: NOOOO!!!
- Later on in the issue, some days later, the staff are still trying to de-pepper it.Chef: How is it?Guard: It... it still tastes vile!Warden: A thousand curses upon Caesar and Ugloin!
- In the same issue Sideshow Bob makes an exact replica of the Mona Lisa.
Bob: It's amazing what you can do with paint by numbers. The trick is in the shading. - Later on in the issue, some days later, the staff are still trying to de-pepper it.
- One issue begins with Ben Franklin depicted as a cackling maniac using his famous lightning experiment to destroy the Kite-Eating Tree. Turns out it's Bart trying to give a history report in class. Trying.Bart: When did you stop listening?
Mrs. Krabappel: I stopped listening when you referred to him as "the Benjster". - Issue #36 reveals exactly how Mr. Burns controls the economy: racing weasels.
- In the same issue, nerds Benjamin, Doug, and Gary, now homeless after graduating from college, claim sanctuary in the back room of the Android's Dungeon Comic Book store. Comic Book Guy allows them to stay for one night only, leading to this exchange:
Benjamin: You got any beds back here?Comic Book Guy: No I do not. You may sleep on the unsold boxes of Snowboarding Batman and Passive-Aggressive Wolverine action figures.- One page features an Exploding Calendar, to denote a long period of time passing...until the next panel zooms out to Homer staring at a calendar falling apart.
Homer: Lousy bank calendars. The cheap glue they use never lasts past March.- When Mr. Burns' plan to understand computers is foiled by his permanent radioactive aura, he fires the nerd working for him, and tells Smithers to "release the hounds". Except they're back at the mansion. Cue Smithers chasing the nerd on all fours, barking like a dog.
- Issue #37: Faced with an outbreak of graffiti courtesy of Bart and Grandpa, Wiggum lays down the law.Chief Wiggum: El Grampo remains at large, so I am instituting a city-wide dragnet to apprehend the fugitive. I want a hard-target search of every doghouse, henhouse, greenhouse and out-house in Springfield. I will cover every steakhouse and house of pancakes, and any other diner with a homey atmosphere, or where the menu punches out into a pirate mask.
- While changing into his El Grampo disguise, Abe has taken off all of his clothes but his boots, which won't come off. He asks for help in the worst way possible.
Selma: Not if you were the last man on earth, Methuselah. - Issue #38: During a raid in the Android's Dungeon, Sprinfield's finest are all business.Eddie: Turn this place down, fellas. We need to find more evidence, and this month's issue of Betty and Veronica for the Chief. Apparently, they're having some sort of romantic trouble with Archie.Cop: Oh good lord, no!
- Comic Book Guy converting his prison jumpsuit into a Starfleet uniform.
- As part of a long series of events, Homer is forced to compete in a crooked game show made up by Mr. Burns, but it doesn't go well. One trapdoor sends Homer plummeting into a room full of puppies.Krusty: Who thought puppies were a good idea?Mr. Burns: I'll have you know my grandmother was licked to death by a roving band of puppies during the lean years of the McKinley administration!
- Desperate, Mr. Burns turns to other options.
(Option one: Poison darts)Mr. Burns: Hmm, too quick.(Option two: Poison chainsaws)Mr. Burns: Too noisy. I want to hear his screams.(Option three: James Cameron's Oscar acceptance speech on a continuous loop)Smithers: Sir, please, he's a human being!- Mr. Burns then gives up, falls onto the console and, to his delight, presses all of the buttons at once.
Homer: Awww, bring back the puppies!- Among the death options in the castle are "lions", "tigers", "bears", "oh, my!" and "Bathroom at Moe's". Which just turns its lights out. With Moe still using it.
- As part of Cecil's plan to get revenge against Lisa, he begins ruining everything she holds dear. This includes removing Itchy and Scratchy from the air by blackmailing Krusty. So he's forced to show something... different instead.Bertie Wooster: I say, Jeeves, I'm supposed to be two-timing my dates on the same day I'm supposed to be marrying the Queen!Jeeves: You, sir, are a bloody idiot.
- At the beginning of Issue #51, a Thanksgiving-themed story, Lisa disrupts dinner preparations with a political display:Lisa: Can I wear this, Mom?Lisa is wearing a sandwich board with the printed message "While footballs fly, native Americans cry and turkeys die! Thanksgiving, you're NOT welcome!"Marge: Lisa, no...Lisa: But, mom!Marge: I am NOT going to let you ruin another Thanksgiving with painful truths about the holiday.Lisa: But, mom...Marge: No! No passionate condemnations of hypocrisy!
- Later in the issue, Homer has teamed up with Smithers to rescue Mr. Burns, who is trapped in his mansion, under assault by angry turkeys.
Smithers: There are the turkeys, Simpson. They're the product of meticulous genetic meddling that has caused them to be super-aggressive. They're 99% white meat and they sweat butter.Homer: Mmm...butter sweat...- Early on, Homer ruins Thanksgiving by eating an entire, uncooked turkey (he used bacon to make it go down easier). He flees Marge's wrath and goes to Moe's.
Homer: (thinking to himself) BeerbeerbeerbeerbeernutsbeerbeerbeerbeernutsAdrienneBarbeaubeerandnutsbeerandnuts(Homer reaches Moe's, and sees a sign taped to the front door)Sign: Having Thanksgiving at Homer's. Celebrate Thanksgiving somewhere else.Homer: NO! Moe! How could you?! You're having Thanksgiving at Homer's? How could you do this to me?!!- Lisa spends the day with Abe, who goes to his usual casino, a large, horrifically glitzy thing that makes most of Vegas look restrained.
Abe: Wow, it's grown. This used to be a trailer and a shed.Lisa: When was that?Abe: Last month.Lisa: ... is that valet wearing a jacket made of marble? - Issue #74: Laughther is the worst medicine
- Dr. Nick is trying to revive Ralph's dead pet fish with a defibrillator. Dr. Hibbert stops him, but unfortunatly Ralph stumbles on to the defibrillator wires which gives to both Dr. Nick and Dr. Hibbert electric shock. The accident however revives the dead fish.
- Issue #88: The Subtitled Scottish movie (Fertilizer of Fury II)(A shirtless man in a pub is glowering at two men)Shirtless Scottish Man: Ye spilt me wee lager, ye soft jessies! [pardon me, I believe you accidentally spilled my adult beverage!]Aggrieved Scot: The Lord take you for a dimmock, ye airy tweezer! [we strongly condemn your harsh appraisment!]Shirtless Scottish Man: Oh, it's on then, and best of British on yez both, ye knacked fencepost gibbons! ?????(The Shirtless Scottish Man hits the men with a rake)Injured man: Arrrggh! [That sort of behavior is uncalled for!]
- From the same issue, Willie's brother introducing the Simpsons to Grant Morrison and Mark Millar (who were writing New X-Men and Ultimate X-Men, respectively, at the time)
Grant Morrison: I'm Grant Morrison, and I write X-Men.Mark Millar: No, he's wrong. I'm Mark Millar, and I write X-Men.Grant Morrison: Oh, aye, "Ultimate X-Men". Sure, an' that counts.Mark Millar: (drawing a knife) Check the sales charts, ye rogue. The sales charts dinnea lie!(the two start fighting one another)- The sheer apathy of Willie's parents to absolutely everything.
Willie's father: In the name of all that's green an' smelly, why are ye still here? - "Hail to the Cat", where thanks to a mix-up Snowball II gets made mayor, and because of Lisa removing the Second Amendment from the constitution, the British invade. The Springfieldians stage a New American Revolution, but it doesn't go well.Revolutionary Leader Quimby: Don't fire, until you see the whites of their eyes!(The Brits all don sunglasses)Brit: Oh, no, we're not falling for that one again!Quimby: We, ah, didn't plan for this.(Cut to the Springfieldians running for the British counterattack: hot fish'n'chips)Homer: So painful! And would it kill you to throw some vinegar, too?
- How Lisa ends the occupation: Politely asking the Brits to leave. They do.
- The part where the Brits establish control:
Brit: We hereby dub this land "New England"!Principal Skinner: There already IS a New England.Brit: Fine, then we'll call it Super New England. Happy now?Moe: No, but then I never really am. Curse this crippling depression. - Issue 100:
- While investigating, Bart shows Homer a copy of issue 1, and Homer is confused by it.Homer: That's funny, I don't remember being a giant, or getting shot in the butt.
Bart: Maybe all that early morning beer drinking is ruining your memory.
Homer: Pfft, that's ridiculous, I - (sees Maggie) AAAAAHH, who's that?!
- While investigating, Bart shows Homer a copy of issue 1, and Homer is confused by it.
- From issue 102, which quickly turns into a DuckTales (1987) imitation. As Mr. Burns, Homer, and the kids are exploring, Mr. Burns insists he's watching for giant squid. Then, when he's distracted, a giant squid attacks.Homer: We'll be eaten alive!
Bart: Don't worry, Homer, that won't happen.
Homer: Really?
Bart: I saw a horror film about killer squid from New Jersey that showed they liquefy their food first! They don't eat you alive. They drink you alive.
Homer: (whimper)
Bart: Oh, it's not like you've never been drunk in the morning before.
Homer: Why you little-! (starts strangling Bart)- Soon, Lisa manages to trick the squid into killing itself by having everyone paint themselves on its tentacles, resulting in the squid eating itself.
Bart Simpson Comics
- Issue #100, Radical Dudenote has this bit, which, in a normal fictional setting, would be completely filled with Nightmare Fuel ridden, but, since it's The Simpsons, and the character involved is Moleman, it manages to veer into the Crosses the Line Twice territory. As Bart is dragged into Moleman's underground lair of the moles. Moleman, who's been plagued by embezzlement scandals, decrees that the best no one should discover information regarding his kingdom is that his subjects should eat Bart. As Bart's being dragged off to a potentially grisly death, he tries to implement a Red Herring with this bit of dialogue:Bart: You can't eat me!Mole Person #1: Why not?Bart: I'm not free range! No kid nowadays is allowed outside on their own! Trust me, if you want to eat healthy, you need a human that's older! MUCH older!Mole Person #2 (considering words): Really?(Next two panels shows Mole People slowly turning, ravenously, on Mole Man. Among the crowd is Moe Syzlak.)Bart (honestly surprised): MOE? Is that you? You're not a mole man!
Radioactive Man
- The HYDRA knockoffs Eczema successfully capture the Superior Squadron, only for one of them to ruin the chant.Eczema Supreme: Who said "right on"?! That's not part of the chant!
- "Now, I feel a sudden, irrelevant urge to flash back to my origins!" "(Aw, nuts.)" "(We just went over this at breakfast!)"
- After the Superior Squadron's headquarters have been infiltrated by Brain-o, they demand he tell them how he got in.(flashback. Hypnohead is ranting while Brain-o reads a magazine)Hypnohead: I want you to infiltrate the Superior Squadron's headquarters and destroy them all!Brain-O: Whatever.(flashback ends)Bug Boy: That wasn't much of a flashback.
- Attack Plan 25: "You have a plan that consists entirely of you cutting a circle in a pane of glass?" "We have a lot of spare time on our hands!"
- How does Radioactive Man deal with his stronger, nastier, edgier clone? With the one, true fear of all edgy superheroes: His attorney!
Bartman
- In issue 2, Bartman deals with the Penalizer, a vigilante who hands out ironic punishments to people he finds breaking the law using a hypno-coin. Bartman decides to deal out an ironic punishment, revealing just who the Penalizer is.Bartman: (in voiceover) I mesmerized him with the hypno-coin and erased all memory of his evil double identity... though perhaps I have condemned him to a far more dismal fate!Principal Skinner: I am an elementary school principal, I am an elementary school principal...
- During the Bongos Collide crossover, Bartman and Radioactive Man realise they can't fight all the new superbeings, and decide to strategise.Radioactive Man: I guess if we can't fight 'em harder, we'll just have to fight 'em smarter!(The two sit down to think.)(Beat panel)(Beat panel)Bartman: I think I can take the guy in the baby blue tights...Radioactive Man: There's more railroad tracks over there...
- Mr. Smithers becomes a pastiche of Thor, only instead of an enchanted hammer, he has a giant executive washroom key.
Treehouse of Horror
- Issue 6: Ned Flanders winds up becoming the Devil's replacement. In a few months, he becomes his full-time replacement. As a result, Hell goes from being all Fire and Brimstone to... a shopping mall, where any TV has all non-Angela Lansbury programming blocked out, and the only movies available all star Leslie Nielsen. Bart is utterly horrified.Bart: Dad, we can't come here when we die! Fire and brimstone I can take, but this... (shudders)Homer: I guess we have to start going to that place again. God hut.Bart: Church?Homer: That's it.
- As to where the Devil went...
Man: How much is this quart of milk?Lucifer: Your immortal soul.Man: Hmm... Well, you are the only place open at 3 am. Okay.(we see the Devil is working at the Kwik-E-Mart.)Apu: What a salesman! - As a result of one of Mr. Burn's schemes, Professor Frink and Comic Book Guy have created a ray that creates perfectly imperfect duplicates. As a result, it's used on Homer, since it'll therefore create a superhuman. It creates the living duplicate of Superman (complete with pink complexion, realistic proportions, and even the spit-curl). They decide to call him Bert Zerko.Bert Zerko: The energies of your yellow sun have given me tremendous powers. I have pronounced upper body strength, the ability to drink coffee at night with no ill effects, and penetra-vision, which allows me to see everyone in their underpants!Homer: Ha! Fooled you, smart guy, I'm not wearing pants!
- One issue has Abe managing to kill the rest of the family futzing with the TV. They come back as ghosts, only to find everyone living in their house, thanks to Moe, a will Homer made while drunk, and a photocopier. Bart and Lisa decide to start getting rid of everyone:(At dinner, Lisa rides ghost animals through the dining room)Bart: (to Apu) Have a ghost cow, man!Apu: No thank you, I am happily vegetarian. ... (gasps) Great uncle Hamza, is that you?Ghost Cow: It is indeed, nephew. What a small world.(Apu screams. Then we see it's because Bart's wielding vegetables)Apu: Ghost carrots and legumes from beyond!
One-Shot Wonders
- Kang and Kodos #1 has a few laughs regarding the titular aliens.
- The first story has Kodos attempt to serve Bart, Nelson and Milhouse to Kang, but ends up making him think that she's calling him fat.
- Bart offers to help by putting Kang (who brings along a reluctant Kodos) through a exercise program.
- The first attempt has the aliens do some warm ups, but Milhouse ends up Stripped to the Bone by their acidic sweat. He ends up okay due to the ships med bay.
- The aliens then replicate tredmills and after stating that their species runs from nothing, Bart has them chase Milhouse. They wonder why they don't run on their planet, which is because their tentacles can get tangled. They end up doing so and crush Nelson underneath the tredmills (he gets better after another med bay trip).
- Kang finally gives up and attempts to eat all three of them in ice cream but is killed (by his head exploding) when Milhouse plays jazz music in front of him. As explained by Kodos, jazz music is deadly to all other creatures in the universe. So Bart invites Lisa along to take over the universe with it.
- Before they leave earth, Kang (re-cloned by the med bay) orders from Krusty Burger, which includes the Squeaky Voiced Teen.
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Yes sir, would you like fries with me?Bart and Kodos: That's our Kang! - The first story has Kodos attempt to serve Bart, Nelson and Milhouse to Kang, but ends up making him think that she's calling him fat.
