Funny / The Rookie (2018)

Unmarked Spoilers Ahead

General

• The Cold Openings are always good for a laugh especially when dealing with especially dumb criminals or absurd situations. And given this is L.A. its not entirely out of the realm of possibility is some of them could actually happen.

Season One

1x05 - “The Roundup”

• Nolan and Lucy are at a block party representing the LAPD and it's pretty cold and awkward after their breakup. A few kids see them talking and one of them asks if Lucy is Nolan's girlfriend. His response is hilarious. Especially considering he's usually a pretty nice guy most of the time, especially to kids.
  Nolan: Hey kids! Ever been tased?

1x16 - "Greenlight"

• While the situation is far from humorous, the fact Bradford is annoyed that Nolan (a rookie) got "greenlit"^note Where a street gang puts a hit out on someone before he did.

1x19 - “The Checklist”

• After being told that she has to serve as primary on seven specific crimes over the next two shifts in order to be able to take the six-month exam, Chen is only able to complete one on her first shift. In her second shift, Chen and Bradford respond to an accident involving an intoxicated driver, who has hit a parking meter in a car reported stolen by the boyfriend of the driver; said driver proceeds to try and escape on an electric scooter stolen from a bystander, gives a false identity when questioned, and finally tries to escape again after throwing the scooter at Bradford. Giving Chen five of the six crimes she needed.
  • Earlier Bradford and Chen search a man that Bradford knows to always have drugs on him as an easy possession charge... except it turns out he turned his life around has been clean for 30 days because he felt guilt-ridden over letting Bradford down the last time. "Crack Head Fred" actually apologizes to Bradford that he can't help him by being hooked on drugs this time. Chen is frustrated, while Bradford remarks the man's transformation is actually inspiring.
• Apparently LAPD Motor Pool has long memories from when Nolan and Bishop damaged several cars over a couple of days when asked if he can drive a Lamborghini for a sting operation Wolfe points out that they have Nolan's picture on a dartboard.

1x20 - "Free Fall"

• The first case Chen and Bradford deal with is a Phony Psychic being assaulted by a man who secretly killed his wife. The psychic had accidentally described the spot where he'd buried her. It becomes hilarious as the killer's stunned when she admits that she's not a real psychic.

Season Two

2x07 - "Safety"

• The cold open. "Dispatch, Officer Tim Bradford. Badge 34831. Log me in for overtime in pursuit of a high-speed suspect." How far does he pursue the suspect? All of thirty feet by backing out of his driveway. Why does he pursue the suspect? Coverage of the chase was preempting the football game he was watching.

2x08 - "Clean Cut"

• Jackson spends most of the episode tripping from an accidental inhale of PCP, though it's later revealed to be a weird mix of horse vitamins and caffeine, which he had an allergic reaction that mimicked someone being high. The highlight being his drugged-out obsession with making Pre-crime a real thing.

2x14 - "Casualties"

• Nolan and Harper responding to a possible bomb in the Cold Open. Which turns out to be a gender reveal party... where the geniuses primed the glitter bombs with C4 as part of the reveal. As a blue glitter covered Nolan explains this to Grey where he mentions injuries caused by a secondary device, the camera pans to Harper. Covered in pink glitter:
  Harper: They're having twins.
  Nolan: [Pointing between the two of them] Boy and girl.
  • Just as it cuts to the Title Card, eagle-eyed viewers will notice Grey clearly doing his best, and failing, not to laugh.
• Chen and Bradford respond to a call about a Peeping Tom using a drone to spy on an attractive neighbor. Meanwhile, Lopez and Jackson come across a man stumbling around, bleeding from a gunshot wound from a stray bullet. Later, a man and his son are in Grey’s office wanting to press charges against a neighbor shooting down the son’s drone. As Lopez and Jackson walk past Grey’s office, he walks out to tease the two officers that he just solved both crimes while simply sitting in his office.

2x16 "The Overnight"

• Chen is accidentally brought before the judges of American Idol and forced to sing, which results in them offering her a place on the show before Bradford drags her off.

Season Three

3x02 - "In Justice"

• Harper stayed up all night cooking a Nigerian feast for her daughter's class, but one bite causes Nolan to go bug-eyed from how spicy it is.
  Harper: Is it too spicy?
  Nolan: For kids?!?!
• Harper becomes distraught when all her food gets spilled in a high-speed chase. In a last-ditch effort, she decides to simply buy pizza for the class instead. Later, she comes back basking in glory as her meal was the only thing the kids would eat. Why? Because every other mother brought in dishes that were far too exotic for the children's Americanized and simple food taste. According to her, one kid even cried because he thought one of the exotic food designs was a monster.

3x07 - "True Crime"

• Bradford dropping the "Those who can't, teach" quote on Corey Harris' mom. Only for Chen to point out that he's her teacher. He has no retort.
• The "Southland Stalker", a self-admitted psychopath is interviewed and talks about how he took acting classes to learn how to show emotion and try to appear more empathetic to the jury at his trial.
  Dan Marcie: "I had the jury eating out of the palm of my hand."
  Interviewer: "But they still convicted you of first-degree murder?"
  Dan Marcie: (nonchalantly) "Yeah, well, once they saw the photos of her head in my fridge it was kind of over for me."

3x08 - "Bad Blood"

• Nolan and Harper have been babysitting Oscar, a convict (who also stabbed Wesley in the past), who's been annoying them all day. In revenge, Nolan asks Smitty to tell Oscar of his plans to become a DJ.

3x14 - "Threshold"

• Bradford and West arrive at Lopez's house with a riot shield. They proceed to inform Lopez that the location for her wedding was being used to launder money, and is thus being seized by the FBI. As soon as they finish telling her, Bradford and West hide behind the shield while Wesley hides behind a pillar. Lopez's responds to the news by psychotically laughing.

Season Four

4x05 - "A.C.H."

• During Roll call Sgt. Grey is explaining some of the crazy things that can happen on Halloween. He then pushes Bradford to explain what happened to him a couple years back. Bradford had been mistaken for a Stripper during a noise complaint.
• Chen and Bradford are approached by a frantic mother who can't find her daughter that was dressed as Stitch. An absent minded father that seems too wrapped up in business calls grabbed her by mistake and left his son (also dressed as Stitch) at the Police Station. He didn't realize the mistake until Chen and Bradford show up at his house.
  • And the kid almost complains about being rescued

4x06 - "Poetic Justice"

• Bradford is given the job of convincing a veteran cop (played by Peter Onorati) into retiring which he states will only take a firm conversation. Trouble is that Jerry McGrady, the cop, is such a Nice Guy that he ends up making Nolan look like a jerk in comparison and ends up obliviously guilting Bradford that new sergeant decides to take him on patrol. Grey is naturally amused by this.
  • Throughout the episode, every time Bradford tries to bring up retiring something happens that interrupts hm. This becomes heartwarming when the final time this happens, its Jerry telling Tim that he's retiring and ends up thanking him for letting him retire the very last time he's on patrol.

4x16 - "Real Crime"

• Not only do we finally find out Smitty's first name (Quigley), but we also discover that while tripping on a combo of cough syrup and diet pills while writing This Is Us fanfiction, he accidentally founded QAnon.
  Nolan: Smitty is Q!?
  Harper: I'm sorry, what?
  Grey: *Facepalming* Lord, give me strength...
  Chen: It was an accident, he didn’t start it on purpose?
  Producer: That’s what he said.
  Bradford: Yep, sounds like Smitty.

4x18 - "Backstabbers"

• Bradford and Aaron find a guy who stole a fancy Italian sports car but clearly no idea how to use it. The guy tries to speed off but can't work the controls so the cops calmly stroll right alongside a half-a-million-dollar sports car not even going a single mile an hour.

4x22 - "Day In The Hole"

• Everyone is amazed to find the dimwit drug dealer in a case is an absolute dead ringer for Bradford - he, of course, refuses to see the resemblance. Chen in particular loves ribbing him on it. At which point, they bring in the guy's girlfriend...who's a near-perfect lookalike for Chen, with a bored diva attitude.
  • And to clarify, "everyone is amazed" is not an exaggeration - Chen and Tamara stop what they’re doing and stare at the mugshot of Tim’s doppelgänger. When the actual Tim Bradford walks in, there’s a Jump Cut to show an absurdly large crowd gathered around the computer staring in disbelief, including the majority of the regular cast.

Season Five

5x05 - "The Fugitive"

• Angela's mother is attacked which is somehow related to something one of her brothers did. While the elder Lopez insists it must be a misunderstanding misunderstanding as they're good boys, Angela quickly retorts with this Noodle Incident:

  Mama Lopez: Your brothers are such good boys.
  Angela: My brothers used to stuff me in a pillow case and drag me around the neighborhood.
  Mama Lopez: And look how you turned out!

  • Harper investigates since Angela can't be involved due to the case involving her family. That and she admits she'd likely end up killing one of her brothers if she investigates them. Harper is interviewing them with Angela pointing out things to ask them to the former's annoyance. Oh and Wesley shows up to act as their defense attorney despite now being a prosecutor in order to score brownie points with his brothers-in-law.
• Both Grey^note Who has food poisoning and Bradford^note Who needs to have surgery from an old injury get laid up in the hospital, the ranking Sergeants end up in the same room which Lucy likens to a sleepover to try and lighten the mood. Grey is in pain and when Chen offers to get a nurse, Grey demands she get back to the station ASAP:

  Chen: What? Why?
  Bradford: Because if we're both out of commission...
  Grey: Based on seniority...
  Bradford: Smitty's in charge.
  Chen: Oh.
  [Beat]
  Bradford/Grey: Yeah/You're still standing there [Cue Lucy booking it out of there and back to Wiltshire station]

5x06 - "The Reckoning"

• Bailey and Nolan are trying to decide on where to have their wedding with the latter wanting to have a beach wedding in California while the former is thinking New Orleans and even considers having it during Mardi Gras. Their solution? A series of contests with the winner picking. The episode starts with a pancake making contest with Bailey winning for making more despite John's stack being taller. They're left tied at 21-21, meaning they had over 40 of this contests already. Nolan actually asks his fiancee if it's possible they're a little 'too competitive.

5x07 - "Crossfire"

• The episode begins with a man pushing a coffin down the street which Nolan and Juarez happenng to be sitting at a red light when he passes by. The man is pushing the coffin which contains his brother inside and they're heading to a bar implying the brother is planning an impromptu Irish Wake. Then he opens the coffin and the very much alive brother asks if they're there yet. Turns out they just found the coffin on the side of the road and the thought-to-be-dead brother was napping inside.
  Celina Juarez: You said you don't know the next time you'll see him?
  Brother Pushing Coffin: Right well he's moving to the Valley-
  Nolan: [Pinching the bridge of his nose] It's right behind the eyes. Like a hot knife.

5x12 - "Death Notice"

• The cold open has Kelly Clarkson in an elevator with balloons as one by one, the cops come in, the uniformed officers all in dirty uniforms and a couple with bruises or cuts, including Chen, who tells Clarkson she loves her music. In come Angela and Nyla, both looking perfectly fine. Clarkson looks at the others, then at the pair to ask "how come you two aren't..." Nyla answers "Detectives," she and Angela exchanging a fist bump as the others just sigh.

5x13 - "Daddy Cop"

• A week-long heatwave has caused rolling blackouts across the city which causes a couple of humorous moments
  • When Grey is explaining this, the power goes out but he assures the officers its fine as he counts down and right on cue the station's back generator kicks in. When later Aaron and Nolan are processing a perp, the power goes out and Aaron tries doing the count down himself. When nothing happens, Nolan suggests the officer just lacks Grey's magic touch.
    • The reason the power doesn't come on is because of two idiot criminals trying to bust a third out; not only do they not know enough about the police to pass for real cops but didn't realize that a regular police station use old school deadbolt locks not electric. One crook was under the impression that police lock-up was the same thing as a Super-Max prison.
  • Turns out Nolan has his own generator and so the only one with any power. As he and Bailey settle down for dinner, Harper and her family arrive (having apparently texted Nolan beforehand and he didn't notice) quickly followed by Angela and Wesley with their son.
    • The end of the episode showing they've become a case of The Thing That Would Not Leave as the blackout continues that Nolan and Bailey bail after learning the Four Seasons has power. Celina was right last episode when she said that Nolan and Bailey can be too nice for their own good..
• Chen asking a favor from Smitty to get Tim into metro. Not only does Smitty figure out the entire plan the second she asks for a favor, he agrees on one condition. That she clean his RV.
  Smitty: I admit I've been a little lax in cleaning it.
  Chen: How lax?
  Smitty: Either Clinton or Bush was the president.
  Chen: Which Bush!?
  • We see her going to do so at the episode's end. In full hazmat gear. And though we don't see inside, her reaction to opening it indeed points to Smitty not keeping it clean.
  Chen: Oh, good God...

5x14 - Death Sentence

• The Cold Open has a pickpocketing magician claiming no prison can hold him. To prove it, he produces a smoke bomb, and as the smoke clears...he's still standing there.
  Nolan: How did you think that was going to work?
  Magician: Yeah, no, I didn't get that far.

5x16 - "Exposed"

• Just like last time, Angela and Harper talk on the radio about personal issues apparently not realizing (again) that others on the same channel can hear them. They don't chime in until the subject of the new security guard Wesley hired, a hot ex-SAS special forces woman he claims to believe was a man. Bradford tries to shut down the whole thing reminding everyone they're currently hunting for a mobile Meth lab that is in danger of exploding, but this just draws the group to ask Lucy and Bradford are doing for their first Valentine's Day, at which point Lucy tries to shut the conversation down and Grey - out of nowhere - comes on the radio and says he's glad one of his officers has some common sense. After ordering Nolan and Harper back to the station, he signs off with this:

  Grey: Oh and Lopez. Get that woman out of your house!

5x17- The Enemy Within

• Bradford and Chen's Littlest Cancer Patient trying to break into the database to erase his dad's traffic fines. How exactly did he even get access? As you can probably guess, it's Smitty's fault. Who writes down his username and password on a sticky-note. And as should not be a surprise, his idea of a strong password is Smitty123.

5X18 - Double Trouble

• The return of Tim and Chen's doubles, who are revealed to have been nicknamed "Dim" and "Juicy." And Tim still refuses to accept the guy looks anything like him.
• The two somehow talked themselves into becoming "house managers" for Lance Bass, who's shown lounging on a set as he explains he fired them for having sex in literally every spot in his house, even the dog crate.
• A key point of the case is the painting of a legendary 18th-century general...who looks just like Grey who proceeds to take selfies with it and is pretty smug about possibly being related to the guy.
• The only things a CIA agent will say on camera are "I'm not prepared to speak on that" and "the Agency is committed to transparency wherever possible."
• That painting is about to be unveiled in a big ceremony with Grey looking cocky as hell about it...and then it's slashed up by a weirdo protesting climate change.
  Grey: This was an assassination.
  • The gang then gives Grey a painting of him in just underwear atop a slain dragon. He loves it.

Season 6

6X02: The Hammer

• The Cold Open, featuring the return of the band from "Daddy Cop". Who regale a returning Nolan with their newest tune, "Cop Cutie". Complete with a gospel backing choir and a guitar solo from a strange woman in a van. Nolan decides it's not worth the headache and leaves.
• Of course, Nolan and Bailey's wedding day has to be a comedy of errors.
  • Pete can't show up because he owes $6000 in parking tickets. So he sends Skip Tracer Randy, now dating Pete's girlfriend. Who then accidentally pawns the wedding rings while "role-playing."
  • To get said ring back, Tim and Chen face the hulking thug who agrees...after he and Tim have a fight across the apartment with Chen watching in amazement.
  • Meeting the DJ, Nolan has to ignore the guy flat-out bragging about various illegal activities, but when he offers them drugs, he has no choice but to arrest the guy.
  • Oscar hires Monica for a lawsuit against Nolan. The look on Nolan's face sums it up.
  • Thanks to a mixup on the wedding cake, Bailey's bachelorette party becomes corralling all the ladies to bake a new cake.
  • The topper to it all: Nolan finds Bailey passed out drunk after the ceremony, so he just gets in bed with her rather than pack for the honeymoon.

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