Funny / The Editing Room

• The Running Gag from the Harry Potter articles of the audience noticing Emma Watson and having to back out of sexual innuendos, up until the Half-Blood Prince script, where she reveals she's now legal.
• This moment from the script for Killer Elite:
  Jason Statham: Time to put on my best grim expression, go kick some ass, and find the bastards who kidnapped that Chinese girl.
  Robert De Niro: Jason, I think you're getting confused with Safe.
  Jason Statham: You're right - I mean, find the bastards who kidnapped that Chinese girl's family.
  Robert De Niro: Not quite, that's The Transporter.
  Jason Statham: The bastards who kidnapped that Chinese doctor?
  Robert De Niro: The Expendables 2.
  Jason Statham: The Chinese bastard who kidnapped me?
  Robert De Niro: The One.
  Jason Statham: The Chinese bastard who killed my colleague?
  Robert De Niro: War.
  Jason Statham: The bastards who injected me with Chinese poison?
  Robert De Niro: Crank.
  Jason Statham: The Chinese bastards who cut me open?
  Robert De Niro: Crank: High Voltage.
  Jason Statham: Well if there isn't anyone Chinese in this movie, what the bloody fuck am I supposed to be doing?
• From the script for Thor:
  CHRIS hammers the FUCK out of THE ROBOT, hammers the FUCK out of some FROST GIANTS, hammers the FUCK out of TOM HIDDLESTON, and hammers the FUCK out of the RAINBOW BRIDGE.
  Chris Hemsworth: EVERYTHING LOOKS LIKE A NAIL!
• During the script for The Mummy (1999):
  Script: ARNOLD attacks BRENDAN but BRENDAN instead kills him using a talisman or some other shit, I wasn't really paying attention.
• The image caption for The Cabin in the Woods.
• In the script for X-Men: First Class, Kevin Bacon's plan is so ridiculous that they actually stop the movie to hold a symposium about how stupid it is, which lasts about 4 months.
• The script for Pokémon. All of it.
• The script for The Princess and the Frog being very clear about how Ray has a Family-Unfriendly Death, or, as they put it, Keith David "KILLS HIM TO DEATH WITH MURDER".
• The script for The LEGO Movie doesn't even use an actual screenshot. Just a picture of LEGO Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern.
  • And then there's this:
    BATMAN: (appearing) Boo! I'm Batman! Hey, shouldn't I be "CGI Will Arnett?"
    FUCK THAT, YOU'RE BATMAN.
• This exchange from The Wolverine where a big Plot Hole is pointed out.
  HAL YAMANOUCHI: Hugh, I've asked you here to reward you. Your reward is: give me your healing powers.
  HUGH JACKMAN: You seem a little misinformed as to how rewards work.
  HAL YAMANOUCHI: No, think about it. You hate your life, don't want to be The Wolverine any more and look forward to death. By making you mortal I'm pretty much granting your deepest desires.
  HUGH JACKMAN: ...Huh, that's true. At this point of my character arc this should be an irresistible offer. So, hmm, what's a compelling reason for me to say no?
  (thinks)
  (thinks)
  (thinks)
  HUGH JACKMAN: Ah, reasons are for pussies. Shove your release from eternal suffering up your ass.
• The fact that they combined No Strings Attached and Friends with Benefits into one script because of how alike they were.
  • They also did this for Autumn in New York and Sweet November.
  • Then they did it again for Bohemian Rhapsody and Rocketman.
• The ending of the script for Journey 2: the Mysterious Island, where things get so ridiculous that everyone's Willing Suspension of Disbelief actually snaps!
• The site turns the plot of Super 8 into a war between Steven Spielberg and J. J. Abrams.
  Kyle Chandler: Hmm, the Sheriff being taken out by a menacing, barely-glimpsed CGI monster sounds like the work of J.J. Abrams. Yet the movie bending over backwards to make sure we know all the dogs are safe spells 80's Spielberg.
  (dramatic pause)
  Kyle Chandler: I suspect our small town has become the battleground, and us mere pawns, in a Clash of the Titans!
  CUE: DRAMATIC CHORD
  Random cop: Come on, Kyle, that movie sucked in the 80s AND present day. Let's aim a LITTLE higher.
  Kyle Chandler: Er... hm, Abrams vs. Spielberg... this could be the work of the Raiders of the "Lost" Ark?
  Random cop: Too high.
• From The Expendables:
  Jason Statham: Christ, I've already done Transporter and Crank, how did I wind up in yet another over-the-top, intentionally bad action movie?
  Sylvester Stallone: You mean intentionally awesome.
  Jason Statham: Right, sure, but awesomely bad. I get it.
  Sylvester Stallone: No, awesomely awesome. Dude, look how many muscles I have. I look like a goddamned wad of bubble wrap. This is the best movie ever made.
• A marvelous Lampshade Hanging from the script to King Kong (2005).
  Adrien Brody's nose: Naomi! Come down from there! I love you!
  Naomi Watts: I'm sorry, Adrian! I'm in love with this ape.
  Adrien Brody's nose: Then I shall write a play for you in which you fall in love with an ape!
  Naomi Watts: Are you crazy? Who would watch a human woman fall in love with an ape and think of it as anything but a ridiculous joke? Seriously, it would be completely absurd!
  Adrien Brody's nose: What if I made it a three hour long play so that people forget what they're actually watching?
  Naomi Watts: That would only make matters worse! The pretentiousness of a three hour story about a woman and an ape ought to be enough to kill the careers of everyone involved!
  It DOESN'T. Suddenly, PLANES shoot at KING KONG and he falls and dies.
• Every single one of the T-Rex's lines in the script of Jurassic Park (1993), starting with the caption of the image:
  (The T-Rex is looking into the kids' car)
  T-Rex: "Yep, I locked the keys in there all right. Fuuuck."
• The Force Awakens: Fucking Leia managed to drop the ball on a line that every single person in the galaxy must know by now:
  "May mass and acceleration multiply themselves in your presence. (pause) Was that right? It's been a while."
  • And Rey's meeting with Luke Skywalker might explain some of those daymares she experienced:
    Daisy Ridley: Ermm... hey look, I bet you'll be happy to see this... it's your old lightsaber!
    Mark Hamill: Oh cool, yeah my father used that to murder like 100 children.
    Daisy Ridley: Wait, what?
• There's a line in Ted that will split the sides of anyone who has watched the movie:
  Mila Kunis: (eating parsnip) This tastes kinda fishy, yet strangely familiar.
• The abridged version of Superman summed up in one line:
  "Seriously, physics can go eat the biggest possible bag of dicks."
• From Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice:
  • The one part of superheroics that wasn't commented on in the movie:
    Rescued Girl: Thanks, Super-Cavill! Um, you do realize there are individual people in mortal danger every second of every day, somewhere on Earth, right? If you only rescue people on TV then aren't you implicitly handing moral authority over to the media, abdicating your personal responsibility behind a smokescreen of perception bias which
    Super-Cavill: LOOKS LIKE THIS WAS A JOB... FOR SUPER-CAVILL!! (lowers himself into crowd) YES, EVERYONE LAY ADORING HANDS ON ME, OH YEAHH, YEAHHH THAT'S IT, MMMMM YESSSSSSS (perforates wall)
  • A follow-up to Batfleck's "Do you bleed?" line. Someone had clearly been dying to make fun of that one:
    "Wait I'm not done, what about excessive perspiration? Runny nose? How about anal leakage, you ever deal with that? Asking for a friend!"
  • During the senate hearing, Superman is mulling over what groceries he should buy. When the bomb goes off and everyone dies, he's suddenly reminded that he needs to get more ground beef.
  • And then there's that old chestnut:
    The Batfleck:(into radio) Hey Jeremy, before I go in there and kill everyone, would you check their mothers' names real quick?
    Jeremy Irons:(on radio) Querying the Interpol database now... they're mostly Russian goons, so lots of Katyas and Olgas. There is one Maria, I hope that isn't a problem...
    The Batfleck: NOPE WE'RE ALL GOOD IT'S BATMURDERTIIIIIME!!!!!!!
• Watchmen makes a pun sound hilarious:
  (MALIN notices another copy of BILLY working on his nuclear THINGAMAJIG.)
  Malin Åkerman: What the fuck? You're working in here too? Why did you even say you wanted to have sex if you would have rather worked?
  Billy Crudup: It's not like that, Malin. I definitely needed to get laid. After all... I've got blue balls.
  Malin Akerman: ...
  Billy Crudup: Hey-oooo!
  Malin Akerman: Ugh. I'm leaving you, Billy.
  Billy Crudup: Please don't dump me, Malin. It would make me so... blue. Eh? Eh?
• The script for Ghostbusters (1984) introduces William Atherton (Walter Peck), then immediately crosses his name out and replaces it with "Dickless" for the rest of the script.
• From Captain America: Civil War:
  • The driver of the car in the prologue crashes while swerving away from the giant "1991" caption.
  • The first fight between Sebastian Stan and Chadwick Boseman.
    Sebastian Stan: Come on. Quip at me. Call me Captain Chrome, offer to lend me a hand. Anything.
    Chadwick Boseman: Sorry. Black Panther don't wisecrack.
    (He ATTACKS SEBASTIAN like a fucking PRO.)
    Sebastian Stan: Holy shit, a Marvel character who doesn't undercut every serious moment with a wry observation? I'm not prepared for this! Abort! Abort!
  • The Defenders' actors glaring after Robert Downey Jr. picks Tom Holland over them for his team. Never mind the lack of an explanation for how exactly Charlie Cox could glare while playing a blind man.
  • When Robert Downey Jr. beats up Sebastian Stan, Stan tries to calm him down with, "OKAY OKAY WAIT WAIT WAIT... er, my Mom had the same name as yours?" and a "sheepish grin", but RDJ just beats him up some more while asking, "Why the fuck would that matter?"
  • Chadwick Boseman delivers this gem before capturing Daniel Brühl right before he tries to shoot himself:
    You're a Marvel movie villain that doesn't utterly suck donkeyballs, we may need you!
• From Suicide Squad (2016):
  • "You’re too late puny mortals! Witness as I destroy humanity with The Whip, followed by The Nae Nae!"
  • One of the commentators came up with a bit of Fridge Brilliance:
    tarandriel: All that dancing by the Enchantress is easily explained. Remember the last superhero movie that had a bunch of misfits with various criminal backgrounds coming together? Remember how the lame, world-threatening villain was defeated that time? So, it is perfectly logical the Enchantress came up prepared with some moves of her own, just in case Will Smith challenges her to a dance-off.
• The Not Making This Up Disclaimers from Max Steel:
  Ben Winchell: (pause) You know, what’s funny is the people reading this script haven’t actually bothered to watch this movie so they have no idea if the script author is just making this alien Jizz nonsense up or not.
  Narrator: NOT. NOT MAKING IT UP. This is how The Editing Room suffers for you, folks.
  CGI Josh Brener: (dry humps Ben's chest)
  Narrator: This HAPPENS.
  • "BEN EXPLODES all over ANDY, killing him with a HUGE LOAD... of ENERGY. Okay, I feel we can not stress this enough: THIS. ALL. HAPPENS. LITERALLY. ALL OF IT. EVERY WORD. This is based on a toy BTW. That children play with. With their hands. Jizz aliens, dude. Fucking Jizz aliens."

• Doctor Strange (2016):
  • The start of the titular character's journey:
    Benedict Cumberbatch: Aaargh!! I have been permanently injured in a vehicle crash! A vehicle crash caused by my own arrogance and blindness to my actions! Now I must put aside my towering ego and use my keen intellect to help mankind!
    Robert Downey Jr..:(flying past) Dude! Get your own thing!
    Benedict Cumberbatch: Oh I see, you want to be the charmingly-arrogant goateed-bastard cornerstone of the MCU forever, is that it?
    Robert Downey Jr.:(pause) Carry on.
  • There's too many Benedicts in this film:
    TILDA and CHIWETEL take BENEDICT to meet new librarian BENEDICT WONG who is playing the character WONG.
    Chiwetel Ejiofor: And this is the library. Wong, meet Benedict. Benedict, Wong.
    Benedict Cumberbatch: Obviously that’s Benedict Wong. What’s his character’s name?
    Benedict Wong: It’s Wong, Benedict.
    Benedict Cumberbatch: Yes yes I know that, and if we're getting all formal then I'm Cumberbatch, Benedict. But your CHARACTER name is…?
    Chiwetel Ejiofor: It’s just "Wong", okay?!? Can you get that through your thick skull, Benedict? WONG!!
    Benedict Wong: No, I’M Benedict Wong!

• Logan has the titular character say almost nothing outside of "Fuck". It quickly leads to this double-entendre:
  Patrick Stewart: You can’t “fuck” your way out of this conversation, Hugh.
• Swimfan has this for an ending:
  Jesse Bradford: It’s OK, Shiri. She's dead. And the erotic thriller is also dead, because nobody will ever make another one as bad as this.
  Obsessed: Let me show you how it's done.
  The Boy Next Door: Hold my beer.
  Unforgettable: LEEEEEROOOOOOOY JEEEENNKIIIIINNNS
  • There's also a scene where dialogue is exchanged between a Jesse and a James.
• The La La Land script's take on "Audition (The Fools Who Dream)":
  EMMA goes to the AUDITION where they just ask her to tell them a STORY.
  Emma Stone: Instead of that, why don’t I sing
  A song about believing
  And following your heart
  As well as dreamers and their dreaming
  Also having faith in yourself
  And courage and inspiration and stuff and
  (glurge glurge glurge)
• Wonder Woman (2017):
  • The introduction of the God-Killer Sword:
    Connie Nielsen: Only a true gangsta can wield the sword.
    Young Gal: Hold my beer.
  • There's a running gag about Chris Pine getting turned on by the idea of being tied up by a woman. After Chris and Gal's offscreen sex, the Lasso of Truth comes to life and begs the audience to wash it.
  • No way was Chris Pine's Mr. Fanservice moment getting out of this one alive:
    Gal Gadot: Now I just have to go get Chris and whooooa dude you’re naked. What’s that skinny limp thing?
    Chris Pine: Ah, you mean my watch.
    Gal Gadot: You call your penis a watch? You males are a strange lot.
  • "Chris! How dare you bring an attractive woman around all these old farts! You know Viagra hasn't been invented yet!"
• Spiderman Homecoming has a Running Gag where Captain America's motivational videos will blatantly throw shade on rival franchises. First he says that superhero films should be fun and have more than 2 colours in them. Then he says that you can't just throw together random public domain characters and hope for success. Finally, Cap scoffs at the DC Extended Universe again for procrastinating over a decade before making a movie with a female lead...then realising that's his franchise.
• The script for The Disaster Artist is almost entirely copy-pasted dialogue from The Room (2003).
  Dave Franco: What's your fucking age, Jimmy? Where’s your fucking hometown? Where does your fucking money come from? WHERE DOES YOUR FUCKING MONEY COME FROM, JIMMY? WHERE DOES YOUR FUCKING MONEY COME FROM?!
  Jimmy Franceau: YOU ARE TEARING OUR VERBAL AGREEMENT NOT TO SPEAK OF THOSE MATTERS APART, DAVE!!!
  Dave Franco: I'M FED UP WITH THIS FRIENDSHIP!!!
• Avengers: Infinity War explores side effects of the Badass Fingersnap in areas of the MCU not shown in the movie, such as the Marvel Merchandising Department (panicking at the loss of at least one of their biggest cash cows) and Hell's Kitchen (which loses Krysten Ritter's whiskey, but not Iron Fist, much to the horror of her and the other Marvel/Netflix shows' leading men).
• Similar to Infinity War, Ant-Man and the Wasp explores side effects of the Badass Fingersnap outside of the MCU, when the disintegration of Evangeline Lilly, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Michael Douglas respectively shock Lilly's Lost castmates, Bruno Mars and Vance Joy (both of whom have sung about Pfeiffer), and "GREED". The post-credits stinger shakes up this running gag, when the sight of the giant ant surviving the Snap elicits a sigh of relief from the audience.
• The ending to A Trip to the Moon:
  There is a big crowd of PEOPLE to greet the victorious SPACEFARERS, and most of them appear to be on A LOT OF COCAINE! The SCIENTISTS are all given MEDALS in recognition of their achievement.
  Georges Melies: Thank you, everybody! And the best part is that all of us got medals! Everyone who played a part in this space adventure has been acknowledged, isn’t that great?
  Chewbacca: (howls mournfully)
• Jason Momoa's greatest power in Aquaman (2018) is his ability to smoulder:
  Leviathan: Holy fuck you are sexy. Take the trident, and my phone number too! I mean I know we’re under water but I am so freaking wet.
  • The credits scene:
    YAHYA is rescued and bandaged up by wacky conspiracy theorist RANDALL PARK.
    Yahya Abdul-Mateen II: Bring me the head of JASON!!!!!!! Waaaaait a minute... did you make me a cup of tea?
    Randall Park: That depends... did you smash my TV?
    They fall in love and make a baby.
• The script for Pet Sematary (2019) rewrites the film's Downer Ending with a scene that manages to be awesome, funny and heartwarming all at once. See Fanon Discontinuity on the main page for details.
• Spider-Man: Far From Home:
  • The very first scene is a blatant spoiler.
  • Mysterio's unveiling as the Big Bad:
    Jake Gyllenhaal: (slow, sinister smile) Heh heh. Now that he's gone, I can finally reveal that I am in fact...(checks script) HOLY FUCKING SHIT A DISGRUNTLED FORMER TONY STARK EMPLOYEE, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!??! Oh my FUCKING GOD, can we do ANYTHING ELSE!! Well at least I also have an evil organization of JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST EVEN MORE DISGRUNTLED FORMER TONY FUCKING STARK EMPLOYEES, GODDAMN IT TO FUCK THERE ARE OTHER REASONS TO BE EVIL YOU KNOW
    Finn "Iron Fist" Jones: (entering) Yeah like maybe I mistreated an employee once in a while! I —also run a global megacorp, so-
    Jake Gyllenhaal: Oh shut it you, the only supervillain you'd inspire is Punch-Finn-Jones-In-The-Face-All-Day-Man, and he's not a villain, he's Earth's greatest hero. Now fuck off.
• Sonic the Hedgehog (2020) has the recurring gag that its cast are all coming out of stagnant careers.
  Jim Carrey: (idiot voice) “Oh hey, Jim Carrey’s doing broad comedy again, wow that’s cool, I heard he had a rough few years there and I’m glad he’s feeling up to making people laugh again.” Why thank you, Person-Way-Nicer-THAN-THIS-THUMB-SHAPED-MAN-IN-FRONT-OF-ME!!
  James Marsden: What on earth…? Wait a minute… blue fur… big eyes… marketable plushy CGI body… oh god no...(weeping)I DID MY CGI ANIMAL MOVIE, YOU BASTARDS! THE DEBT WAS PAID! LOS ZETAS GOT THEIR MONEY BACK! I DID HOP, CARLOS! I DID HOOOOP!!!
  Just off-camera, a LARGE MAN with a SCAR over one eye extinguishes a CIGARETTE onto JAMES’ HEADSHOT.
  • Also, the ending doesn't have Tails, but the horrifying original design of Sonic (with a bit of Metal Sonic thrown in for good measure) out for vengeance.
• Wonder Woman 1984:
  "It's as I feared. To avert utter catastrophe we'll need to get everyone to renounce their greatest, dearest wish. Well that should be easy, it's not like we'd be asking anything astronomical like wearing a piece of cloth over half your face for a few weeks, for FUCK'S SAKE."
• The climax of Lockout, in which one of the characters has to explain the film's mind-bendingly implausible reveal.
  Guy Pearce: So, wait, Peter... you're NOT evil? So what was all that with the digital video before?
  Peter Stormare: Oh geez, you sure you want the answer to that? Couldn't we just leave it as a loose end? Because... oh man, it's so horrible.
  Guy Pearce: No, you must tell me.
  Peter Stormare: (sighs) Okay, you ready for this? It WASN'T digitally altered. Instead, there was a gigantic mirrored door that was open, and you just HAPPENED to shoot an ENEMY AGENT who was BEHIND the mirror at the EXACT SAME TIME that the enemy agent shot YOUR PARTNER, and the REFLECTION of your partner getting shot JUST SO HAPPENED to LINE UP FUCKING PERFECTLY in the GODDAMN MIRROR to create the ILLUSION you shot your partner, and I JUST EVER SO FUCKING HAPPENED to be standing in the ONE GODDAMN EXACT FUCKING SPOT IN ALL CREATION where this illusion all LINED UP properly, and apparently I must have FUCKING TELEPORTED there for JUST THAT ONE FUCKING INSTANT, since being there for ONE GODDAMN COCKMUNCHING SECOND BEFORE OR AFTER WOULD COMPLETELY SHATTER THE ILLUSION ALL TO DOGSHIT, and it is possibly the MOST COLOSSALLY, SHIT-GARGLINGLY, ASS-REAMINGLY FUCKTARDED PLOT TWIST OF ALL TIME, and now I have to throw up.
  (vomits out own soul)
• The Sequel Hook at the end of Eternals.
  BIG BOI CELESTIAL (grabbing Gemma, Kumail, and Brian): YOU SHALL COME WITH ME AND I SHALL JUDGE WHETHER YOU SHALL SURVIVE. THE JUDGING PROCESS WILL TAKE THREE TO FOUR YEARS AND SHALL CONSIDER SUCH DELICATE MORAL QUESTIONS AS COMBINED BOX OFFICE GROSS AND STREAMING NUMBERS
  (vanishes!)
• Love Actually
  • Andrew Lincoln shows up at Keira Knightley and Chiwetel Ejiofor’s place. Chiwetel answers the door.
    Andrew: Oh! Er…
    Chiwetel: Well this is a surprise. What are the boombox and the giant placards for?
    Andrew: NOTHING NEVER MIND I HAVE TO GO. (leaves)
    Okay, obviously that didn’t happen, but you have to admit, there was a fifty-fifty chance that it could have.
• When Alfred Molina appears in Spider-Man: No Way Home, Tom Holland expresses surprise that he’s actually there to get revenge on him, not Tony Stark - only for Alfred to reveal that he’s looking for a different Peter Parker.
• The entire script of The Dropout is a Song Parody of Eminem's "Stan", with the sampled chorus being Elizabeth Holmes receiving a Take That! from various characters, and the target of her fandom being Steve Jobs (who appears as a ghost in the ending!).
• Baby Driver
  Ansel: Christopher, I need your help.
  Christopher: Why? Did you jack off in front of a journalist into a potted plant? If so I can’t help you.
• M3GAN initially making robot noises during her initial lines.
• Mulan (2020):
  • "Tremble before my vast horde of a dozen guys!"
  • Disney bragging about their "Panda Express-levels of cultural authenticity".
• Antman And The Wasp Quantumania literally downsizes one of its titular characters due to Evangeline Lilly preaching against vaccines every chance she can get.
• The Flash (2023):
  • Try reading this one line in Jeremy Irons' voice. You know you want to.
  "Hi, it’s me Jeremy Irons, I’m still collecting paychecks in this franchise, too. Until James Gunn tells security to turn all of us away at the door it’s all-you-can-eat at the crap buffet and this little piggy is hungry, slurp slurp!"
  • YOUNG EZRA straight up heel turns and bolts out the front door of the house into the street.
  Ron Livingston: No, you idiot! We’re in a suburban kitchen in 2001, you were probably standing next to the phone when I yelled for you to call 911! Where the fuck are you running to!? Your mother’s death is on you, Ezra! It’s on yoouuuuuuuuuuuuu
  • The Flash preventing his mother's death allowed her to live long enough to consider divorcing his father. Possibly due to the pressure of having to raise a son that's incredibly annoying.
  • In the alternate timeline the MCU ended with Avengers Endgame.
  • "The only way to fix this is to go back in time and fuck my own mother. But Eric Stoltz already tried that idea so I guess I’ll have to kill her instead. Those are the rules of Fuck-Marry-Kill and they are very rigid."
• In The Mandalorian Chapter 8, Giancarlo Esposito shoots Pedro Pascal so badly that the latter falls into a coma, then awakens talking with an LA Mushmouth thing.
• The ending to Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire:
  Kong: After all this time I spent not fitting in anywhere, I’ve finally found a home where I can be happy! And yes that was my exact resolution at the end of the last movie, but this time it’ll stick, I swear.
  (smiles)
  (smile fades)
  ...Unless of course this movie is another surprisingly big hit and they wind up concocting yet ANOTHER movie-length set of half-baked excuses for me to punch monsters while yelling “RAAHHH”, but surely folks are tired of this shit by now...
  This Movie:(kills it at the box office)
  Brian Tyree Henry: (reacting comically) SHIIIIIT

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