Funny / The Borgias

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• Rodrigo's "Take That!" Kiss to Cardinals Orsini and della Rovere upon being elected Pope in "The Poisoned Chalice". Pure Throw It In! from Jeremy Irons.
• The bottomless chair and "examination" of the new Pope's genitals. Rodrigo's face is just priceless.
• "Pardon my monkey."
• The less-than-pleased looks on Rodrigo and Juan's faces in response to a portrait of a potential bride for Juan in "The Borgias in Love" are pretty hilarious.
• Giovanni Sforza's "trial" for impotence. All of it.
  • Burchard's Comically Serious behavior is particularly amusing.
• The Oh, Crap! look on Rodrigo's face and throat-cutting gesture he gives Cesare when Cesare calls Charles on the fact that that "papal legate" basically means "hostage".
• King Charles seems outraged when he first hears that the Pope has a mistress... but only because he doesn't have one.
• The montage with all of Lucrezia's terrible suitors.
  • Special mention to the one who's obviously checking out a guard standing behind Rodrigo, and Rodrigo turning around in his seat to see what the suitor was looking at!
• "Unburden your soul." Doubles as Moment of Awesome.
• Rodrigo Borgia and "Take Your Grandson to Work Day": He's watching baby Giovanni while Lucrezia rests, and brings the fussing child into a meeting with the entire College of Cardinals and the French ambassador. He sits upon the Papal throne, still bouncing and hushing the baby, and hisses "Pianissimo!" at the ambassador for being too loud.
  • And tells the baby to ignore the "nasty Ambasssador."
  • And in the scene just before:
    Cardinal Sforza: The French Ambassador awaits, your Holiness.
    Rodrigo: Oh God, isn't he dead yet?
    Cardinal Sforza: He isn't even sick.
• When Rodrigo learns that Giulia Farnese is home early, as he's washing a naked young woman in the bath, his expression...priceless.
• Cesare releasing his adrenaline in a sudden roar of victory after the successful bluff with the fake cannons.
• Cesare's reaction upon meeting Micheletto's sweet, cuddly mother in "The Choice". His subsequent trolling—"For Mama"—and Micheletto's expressions are kind of... sadistically hilarious.
• Rodrigo rather hesitantly explaining how when Cesare went to Forli on a diplomatic mission, there was an "accident"; namely " Giovanni Sforza...fell...on a knife...which...Cesare happened to be holding". His "I can't believe I'm actually saying this" delivery is hilarious, as is Vannozza's growing amusement, culminating in her saying that she would have pushed the man onto the knife herself if she'd been there.
  • In the same scene he's lamenting the fact that he's given up "intimacy" for lent. His expression is excellent, as is Vannozza telling him that he can leave - meaning that he can no longer ogle her while she's having a bath.
    • Honestly, her cackle - which verges on Evil Laugh - is just the capper. She's having such fun messing with Rodrigo. Not to mention her roundabout mention of their "water being cold".
• Machiavelli giving a stuffed owl to the gang of small boys demanding "vanities" to burn in the name of Girolamo Savonarola's moral crusade. In other words, he gives them the bird ...
  • In the same scene he engages in a great bit of Self-Deprecation about his own ugliness when he says "and as you can see, with these looks, I have no vanity". He also calls them out with "so, God is reduced to breaking windows", with such biting sarcasm that even the kids get it. The way the kid keeps trying to play the tough guy by mindlessly reciting what Savanarola told him would also be quite funny, if he didn't have the potential to do serious harm.
• Juan talking to his penis. While what he's saying isn't all that funny (except the Lampshade Hanging of the Incest Subtext between Lucrezia & Cesare, complete with Inbred!Demon!Baby theories), seeing a man talking to his, ahem, privates is pretty damn funny.
• Upon returning to Rome, Juan gives Rodrigo a box of cigars as a gift which the Holy Father initially believes are “turds.” An increasingly irritated Juan then suffers to instruct him on how to smoke one, despite his father’s almost childlike reactions. Hilarity Ensues.
  Rodrigo: “Ahh! We are on fire!”
  • The best part is that for the rest of the series afterwards, he is rarely seen NOT smoking!
  • And the sheer image of the Pope of Rome in full regalia smoking like a chimney on the throne of St. Peters in front of all his cardinals.
• Rodrigo’s bouts of flustered incoherence. Most recently, when an exasperated Vannozza tells him that why she’s been put in charge of handling an unruly Lucrezia’s marriage arrangements is “a mystery” to her, his reply is:
  Rodrigo: Yes, well… long may it remain so!
  • As well as the fact that sarcastic, well-spoken Rodrigo is completely unable to articulate his anger due to the fact that Vannozza is holding the baby. Vannozza's raised eyebrow and fierce glare say it all - "stop bellowing around the children!"
• Alfonso of Aragon's morphing expression as Cesare and Lucrezia dance in "The Confession". It changes from bemused to jealous to "oh god what have I married into?".
  • Also, Cesare misinterpreting Lucrezia's "Marry me" and spinning a tale of them running away to a fishing village and changing their names. Sure, it's completely crazy and kind of weird—but it's also completely Cesare. Probably because it's crazy and weird.
• It speaks volumes about the show and its fans that the line "I have long suspected my brother of having congress with my angelic sister" brings reactions of "SO HAVE WE" and... incoherent laughter.
• Cesare dragging Juan out of bed in a whorehouse and dunking his head in a bucket of water.
• Any time Micheletto is holding baby Giovanni in the season 3 opener. Just the visual of badass Micheletto, scary beard and armor, holding a baby in a lacy dress. The best part is near the end when a fussy Giovanni is handed off to Micheletto and instantly stops crying. Babies love assassins!
  • In the same episode, there is something darkly amusing in the scene where Della Rovere enters the room. Rovere's Oh, Crap! must be seen to be believed:
  Della Rovere: My brothers, I came as soon as I heard.
  Ascanio Sforza:..As soon as you heard?
  Della Rovere: ..Of the Pope's death.
  Ascanio Sforza: Cardinal Della Rovere, your information somewhat preempts the matter.
  (Della Rovere stops. slowly turns around)
  Della Rovere:He lives...?
  • In the same episode, Cardinal Sforza goes to the assassin his family sent and proclaims Rodrigo's survival: "When I left he was calling for water, by now he's probably fucking some servant girl with a wine jug in one hand and a swan's leg in the other". The best part is he just sounds irritated (either by Rodrigo's survival or by his family's scheming,) but not in the least bit surprised by either one.
• Cesare's reaction upon finding a naked Lucrezia waiting for him in her bed. Seeing the show's cold as ice Magnificent Bastard tongue-tied and stammering is enough to send anyone into tears of laughter.
• Rodrigo gives a Rousing Speech about the necessity of a "crusade" against the Turks who are damaging Venice's trade, and as soon as everyone is cheering he hands out reams of new taxes and levies.
• The entirety of the Banquet of Chestnuts, largely because the quotes read from it are from the actual historical record of the night.
• Pope Alexander has some good moments of this in "Relics". There's his opening scene, in which The Cardinals are so afraid of him that they wait for him to sit down so they can sit as well, but he keeps rising from his chair and they're forced to do the same. Three times.. Then he tries to conduct a business conversation with Ascanio as he takes care of his bees, much to Ascanio's exasperation ("Taste the honey of Rome, Cardinal!"). And finally, as he is being sold the [supposed] Spear of Longinuis by a Jew, he picks up The [supposed] Spear Of Longinus, a priceless christian artifact, and almost breaks over his knee, causing the jew to briefly flip his shit in the most hilarious manner possible.
• The escalating relic war between Rome and the Sforzas (the Pope produces the Spear of Longinus, so Caterina makes the shroud of Constantinople and fakes a miracle,) Cesare openly laughs at how ridiculous it's getting.
• Rodrigo is presented with Giulia Farnese's new soon-to-be husband and is asked for approval. Hilarity Ensues when Rodrigo comments on his soft hands and that he's obviously never "worked the land."
  Vincenzo Salvatore: I toil with feathered quill, your holiness, I plow with that.
  (Beat)
  Rodrigo(turns to Giulia):...Is he deranged?
  Giulia: No, your holiness, he's a poet.
  Rodrigo: Poet? So...deranged.
  • In the background, Vannozza is drowning with laughter.
• "ARE YOU READY TO FEAST ON SARDINES?"
• Machiavelli, on his last scene, gets a pretty amusing conversation with Cesare, while talking about Lucrezia
  Machiavelli: And her husband, will he have a role to play?
  (Death Glare by Cesare)
  Machiavelli:...I shouldn't have asked that, should I?
• Micheletto, of all people, even gets in a good quip or two when teasing Paolo in season two:
  Paolo: I was waiting. I was hoping for someone...
  Micheletto: One a lot prettier than I, perhaps, yes?
  Paolo: Perhaps.
  Micheletto: Are you saying that I'm not pretty? I have killed for less.
• The Pope sends Cesare on a diplomatic mission to France, the French then land an invasion force in Italy to support the Borgia's against their enemies Rodrigos first assumption at finding out about the French army however is to assume that Cesare screwed up massively and insulted the king of France enough that he decided to invade Italy in retribution.

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