Funny / Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

• The first seconds of the movie showing a montage of roughly half the population of New York eating pizza while going about their business.
• Toward the beginning of the movie, April comes home to her apartment, only to have to clean up after the four teenagers living there, even naming who left what. Then comes her hilariously venomous coda:
  April: The rat is the cleanest one...
• The fight between the turtles and a couple dozen robbers at the beginning of the film, especially Mikey's parts, such as when he takes out four guys at once with a yo-yo, or when he uses two sets of coldcuts as Instant Chucks.
  Michelangelo: COMBAT COLD CUTS!
  • After chasing them off, Mikey caps it with, "And next time, I'll use mustard!"
• There's just something stupidly amusing about Donatello in the opening fight scene finding the rocking clown doll thing and touching it saying: "Yeah... Ye-Yeaaaah!" while looking at the camera before taking its place to pull a Nobody Here but Us Statues on a thug.
• When they came to rescue Raph:
  Donatello: The perimeter's quiet.
  Leonardo: Yeah, a little too quiet.
  [after successfully infiltrating deeper into the junkyard]
  Donatello: Well, that was easy.
  Leonardo: Yeah, a little too easy.
  [they see Raph tied up]
  Donatello: Look, it's Raph!
  Michelangelo: Yeah, a little too Raph!
  Leonardo: [bonks Mikey on the head] You guys, knock it off!
  Donatello: [slaps his forehead] Oh brother.
  • Shortly after, Donatello attempts to untie Raphael, first loudly ripping the tape off his mouth, prompting:
  Raphael: GEEZ! Why don't you just rip my lips off!? You'd think —
  Donatello: [puts the tape back on] Here, let me get this first...
• Mikey tickling Tokka's feet when he's stuck in the manhole. Tokka calls for help.
  Shredder: Stupid!
• Mikey getting jumped by Foot Ninjas at the junkyard, only for him to find his way out of the attack; his enemies continue to punch, completely unaware that they're only hitting dirt now.
  • Mikey pulled this trick during their fight with the robbers in the beginning of the second film. In the scene behind Don when he hogties a robber.
• After Keno helps Raph sneak into the Foot's hideout:
  Keno: What are we looking for anyway?
  Raph: Quiet. You wanna get us... [Tatsu sneaks from behind them] caught? Yeah, hi, we were looking for a muffler for a '77 Chevy.
  [Tatsu grunts and a bunch of Foot Ninjas surrounds them]
  Raph: Sheesh! Whatever happen to service with a smile? [Raph casually leans on a stack of tires, then he throws one at Tatsu and the ninjas]
  
  Keno: [after being told to get help] I'm not gonna just—
  Raph: [to Keno] Run! Or I'll kick your butt!
  
  Raph: [kicking around] Excuse me! Pardon me!
  • After the ninjas restrain him:
    Raph: I'm curious, any of you guys hear the expression "fair fight"?
    • Follow by an insult to Tatsu right in front of him shortly before Shredder shows up.
    Raph: You know pal, if I had a face like yours, I try to make it up for it with some sort of a personality!
• Leo and Raph shutting Mikey up when he almost give away their location to Keno.
  Mikey: Its a good thing we saw you coming from our roof— [Leo kicks him] Ow! I mean, from across— [Raph dope slaps him] OOOWWWWWW!
• Leo's angry rant about Raph's going solo.
  Don: (on the phone to April) So, you [April] haven't seen Raph at all, huh?
  Leo: Yeah, well, if you do, tell him thanks for wasting our time! Because instead of going out looking for the Foot and the ooze, like we SHOULD, we're going to have to go out and look for him instead!
  (angrily throws a heavy box he was holding on the floor, right on Don's feet)
  April: What was that?
  Don: [in pain] Leo says "hi".
  • Right after that we have Mikey chasing Don, begging to give him the phone, while Don hops away with one leg.
    Mikey: Hey Donny, give me the phone! Please! Please!
    Don: Let us know if you hear something...
    [cut to April, hearing indistinct chattering]
    Don: No! No! Oh oh alright, here! *sigh*
    Mikey: April? It's Mikey! I just like to say... helloooo. *kiss, kiss*
    Don: Would you give me that!
    [cut back to April, laughing as Don and Mikey argue]
• When the transformed Tokka and Rahzar first emerge from their pens, Shredder prepares to assert his dominance by fighting them into submission: "When this is over, you will call me Master!" The two child-like mutants misinterpret "Master" as "Mama" and promptly hug the bejesus out of him. Shredder is not pleased.
  • He then bursts out of their pens, shouting "BABIES!! THEY'RE BABIES!!" before making a weird "OORAAAAWAAAAH" sound. This may be more intentionally Narm than anything, but it's still funny.
    Perry: What did you expect? That they'd come out quoting Macbeth?
    Shredder: They're stupid!
    Perry: They're not stupid, they're infants! [they bonk each other on the head with some metal pipes and laugh] Okay, they're stupid infants...
• Raph and Keno discuss their plan;
  Raph: Here's the plan; we get you in, we find the Foot headquarters, we get you outta there to tell the others, right?
  Keno: [sarcastic] Gee, maybe I should write this down.
  Raph: What? [Keno leaves; Raph looks skyward] I'm being punished, aren't I?!
• While trying to sneak into the construction site unnoticed.
  Raph: SHREDDEERRRRR!!
  [the Turtles jump in surprise, and glare at Raph; Don quickly grabs Raph's shoulder]
  Don: Thanks, Raph! I may never have the hiccups again!
• This dialogue bit between Mikey and Donny.
  Mikey: Whoa! All we need now is Wide World Of Sports and a blimp.
  Don: Yeah... huh?
• The fight against Tokka and Rahzar.
  Leo: You take the ugly one.
  Raph: No, you take the ugly one!
  Don: I'll take the ugly one!
  Mike: *genuinely confused* Um, which one's the ugly one?!
• When Shredder first takes Tokka and Rahzar to the streets, they're sitting in the back of a covered trailer shaking it just like how a little kid fidgets in a car.
  • After Shredder lets his mutants out to go on a rampage, they're spotted by a husband and wife;
  Husband: Those animals are knocking down the telephone poles! What do we do if they come over here?
  Wife: Let them get their own cab.
• When Rahzar finds the anti-mutagen cubes inside the donuts, Leo points at Mike holding the donut box.
  Leo: I never touched it!
• The Turtles are watching one of April's reports on TV. Raph is not amused, even more aggravated by Mikey loudly chewing on a candy bar.
  Raph: Hey, Mike! You think you could crunch any louder? [gestures to where his ear would be] I can still hear outta this one! Sheesh!
  Mikey: [Aside Glance, shrugs, leans in close, and CHOMP!]
  Raph: Auugh! Ah! That-- dah.
• Raph gets a Foot ninja in a headlock and taunts one of his comrades. The taunted ninja attempts to hit Raph, but Raph pulls his ally's head into it first. Sheesh!
  Raph: Hey, nice shot! [pow] You're good!
• After Keno steps on Raph's foot:
  Raph: Can I hurt him?! Pleeease! Tell me I can hurt him. Please. Please! Grr!
  • Then, Splinter reveals himself and says, "I think you'd better sit down." Keno faints.
• The professor dancing (horribly) in the mosh pit during Vanilla Ice's Ninja Rap.
• The professor, while working on the anti-mutagen, asks Michelangelo for a chemical, while referring to it by its scientific name. Michelangelo just reacts with an "eh?" until the professor shows him a pink liquid bottle.
  Mike: You know, not to criticize science or anything, but wouldn't it be easier just to call it "the pink one"?
  Don: (Facepalm) Oh Mikey...
• The look on everyone's faces when Mikey drops a slice of pizza into the anti-mutagen that they are concocting.
• Michelangelo's difficulty in understanding Professor Perry's scientific jargon in general:
  Professor Jordan Perry: An unknown mixture of discarded chemicals was accidentally exposed to a series of radiated waves and the resulting "ooze" was found to have remarkable... but dangerous mutanagenic properties.
  Mike: (turns to Raph) Eh?
  Raph: Big mistake.
  Mike: Oh.
  • And again:
    Professor Jordan Perry: When I contaminated the ooze used to transform Tokka and Rahzar making them intellectually inferior and less dangerous I had no idea I'd be trying to create an anti-mutagen based on that contamination.
    Leo and Mike: Oh!
    Mike: Anti-Mutagen!
    (The Professor turns away and Mike turns to Leo)
    Mike: What?
    Leo: He's not sure.
    Mike: Oh.
  • And then on his third attempt, he finally starts understanding what the professor is trying to say.
    Mike: Are you sure this stuff will do the trick?
    Don: We won't know until we spray those guys.
    Professor Jordan Perry: Well, actually...
    Leo: "Actually" what?
    Professor Jordan Perry: Actually, ingestion is the only course.
    Mike: You mean, they have to eat it?
    Professor Jordan Perry: Affirmative. Yes. Yo. Right on, my man.
• At the beginning, Splinter tells the Turtles that they must be careful not to be seen by other humans. "Their world can never be ours." At this, Mikey asks pleadingly, "Not even pizza?" There's a beat as the Turtles look imploringly at Splinter, who replies, "Pizza's... okay." The Turtles are very relieved to hear this.
  Mikey: Oh man, you give a guy a heart attack! [Raph gives him a noogie]
• Raphael's first attempt at attacking Rahzar.
  Raphael: You know what they say... the bigger they are—
  (Raphael's flying kick bounces harmlessly off Rahzar.)
  Michelangelo: —the more bones they break!
• Donatello's first attempt at attacking Tokka does no better.
  Donatello: Come on, you ugly, overgrown excuse for a turtle!
  (Donatello swings his bo staff at Tokka, but is left vibrating wildly on impact as Tokka doesn't even flinch.)
  Donatello: (chuckles nervously) You know, maybe that "ugly" crack was a little bit out of line, huh?
  (Tokka grabs Donatello and throws him so hard he's sent flying and crashes through the roof of the nearby building.)
• Donatello slowly tears off Dr. Perry's gag-tape and the professor screams in pain.
  Don: I gotta get the hang of that.
• After the Turtles introduced themselves to Keno in this order: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael:
  Mikey: All the good ones end in "o"!
  Raph: Hey!
  [Mikey runs and Raph was about to go after him]
  Splinter: Michelangelo!
  Mikey: Yeah?
  Splinter: Go!
  Mikey: Alright! Can't believe every time I— [does 10 flips]
  • Afterward, Michelangelo is supposedly performing the aforementioned flips and counting aloud off-screen. After a while the camera pans to him, showing that he's merely jumping in place and clapping. Not only that, but he forgot to stop after ten. He stops upon seeing Splinter glaring at him, and sheepishly starts over for real.
• After being told they have to leave April's apartment to search for a new home:
  Leo: [bows] Yes, Master Splinter!
  Raph: Yes, Master Splinter!
  [shocked, Leo punched Raph, who punches back]
  Splinter: Hai! [they stop] Ten flips now!
  Raph: [to Leo, pulling his belt up] Ha!
  Splinter: Now go! Kids, aye.
  • They walk pass Mikey who makes a "This way, please" gesture. If you look closely, you can see Raph briefly glaring at Mikey.
• When the Turtles are sneaking into the sewers, each one bids a quick goodbye to April. Except Mikey, who decides to imitate Bogey;
  Mikey: Well, the lives of two people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, Ilsa. That's why you're getting on that plane. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow-
  Don: (Yanks Mikey down) Would you stop!?
• When the Turtles are looking for a new lair, Raphael gets frustrated and wants to go search for the Foot. A fight between him and Leonardo starts to brew, which Michelangelo tries to de-escelate.
  Mikey: Guys, guys! Two words that'll solve all our housing problems; "Time share."
  Don: (Taps Mikey's head) Not quite ripe yet.
• When Splinter sees the news broadcast where April reads a message from Professor Perry thanking the Turtles: "Idiots."
  • Then after he asks them if they were seen, they lie:
  Leo: Of course not, Master Splinter.
  Don: We practiced ninja.
  Mike: [in hiding] The art of invisibility! [peeks out] Heh-heh.
  Splinter: [holds up a newspaper headline with their pictures] Practice harder. Ten flips, now! And remember: GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!
  [the Turtles perform a backflip]
  Splinter: I made another funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

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