Billy Wilder and Charles Brackett originally envisioned this movie as a comedy, and while the final product turned out more dramatic than intended, it still works in a few humorous lines.
- "There's nothing tragic about being fifty...unless you're trying to be twenty-five."
- Joe's narration for the scene of him paging through Norma's script:Sometimes it's interesting to see just how bad bad writing can be. This promised to go the limit.
- Joe's expression of disbelief in astrology, when Norma claims the stars foretell Cecil B. DeMille greenlighting her return:Norma: Here's the chart from my astrologer. She read DeMille's horoscope. She read mine.
Joe: She read the script? - Norma's Charlie Chaplin impression is actually amusing. (Gloria Swanson was friends with Charlie Chaplin in real life.) At least until Max interrupts.
- A grim joke during the final scene, but the police are unable to use the phones because gossip columnist Hedda Hopper is calling in her report.
- When Joe is getting another of his scripts rejected, he tells the script girl "You'd have turned down 'Gone with the Wind'," only to have the producer sitting next to her reply "No, that was me. I said 'Who wants to see a Civil War picture?'"
- When Norma visits Paramount Studios, she's shown to a seat to watch the shoot. When she sits down, she notices a microphone nearby and shoves it away.
- When Joe first arrives at Sunset, Max says, "Call me if you need help with the coffin." Joe's expression is priceless.
- "Oh, shut up. I'm rich."
- This bit:Joe: I mean, this is good dialogue in here. It'll play.
Betty: It will?
Joe: Sure! Especially with lots of music underneath. Drowning it out.
Betty: Don't you sometimes hate yourself?
Joe (grinning): Constantly!
(Betty gives him a Death Glare.) - In the musical, when Joe arrives a bit late for the New Year's Eve party, and Artie takes the coat from the former, he gets surprised:Artie: Jesus, Joe, what's this made of? Mink? Who did you borrow this from? Adolphe Menjou?
