While it tends to be more serious than its predecessor, Fallen London, there is still plenty of amusement to find at zee.
As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.
- Blemmigans are bright purple squidlike fungal monsters with claws and double-beaks, which pose a danger to you from time to time. You can start releasing docile ones on various islands.
- They don't like the cold. Attempt this in Frostfound and the blemmigan's tentacles will freeze on the ice, and it'll scuttle back up your ramp and hide in the boiler room. Attempt this at Avid Horizon and it'll come up on deck and, despite having no eyes, convey with a look that it ain't gonna happen.
- Release one in the Iron Republic and it will be briefly confused when two clones of it pass and board the ship in its place.
- In the Isle of Cats, a blemmigan will first cause consternation among the pirates and harlots, but an hour later you see it on the roof of a tavern, "slurringly extemporizing an impudent villanelle" - that is, improvising a rude technical poem while drunk as locals crowd and cheer.
- Take one to Polythreme, where inanimate objects are sentient and mobile, and your last sight of it is it and a fanged water-pump courting each other.
- Looking at Venderbight, your character muses that putting a blemmigan ashore will liven things up. (Venderbight being the place where the near-dead go.) It does, and your character decides that everyone involved can take care of themselves and tiptoes away.
- Release a blemmigan in Khan's Heart, and it will fuck them up. The ensuing infestation will cause so much pet-snatching, sinister poetry-reading chaos it will actually drop the entire Khanate's supremacy by one point. The best part is even if they know enough to suspect it was you, the ensuing rise in Khaganian Suspicion is minimal, because they simply can't pin the whole thing on you properly. Especially amusing if they've treated you the usual way they treat Londoners (IE: like crap).
- A blemmigan released on Savior's Rocks
◊ is in for a very hard time, frantically fighting and dodging the countless angry sorrow-spiders that "pour" after it. Your captain washes their hands utterly of this, figuratively saying nope, not my problem! And yet, you still get Blemmigan Propogation out of it...and a bit of Terror. - Trying to release one at Wisdom will have your captain wondering how it will break into the prison; if it could, it'd be a master of infiltration, what with it being so heavily guarded and fortified. The blemmigan decides... to simply stand at the main gate and start screeching until they let it in. Since no one's opening the gate and the sound is so utterly annoying, your captain just gives up and hauls it back into the ship.
- It is arguably humour of the blackest variety (and less arguably a waste of a blemmigan), but try releasing one at Kingeater's Castle. It makes it a few small steps inland before it just immediately keels over, dies and shrivels up "like a deflating toy balloon". The Castle is just that nasty a place. Bonus points for its Propogation Quality rather specfically stating "Not Kingeater's Castle".
- Put one on a lightship, and it will annoy the crew so much that you'll be permanently banned from all the lightships in the zee.
"Oh, no. No, no, no. We've heard about you. You're Captain Mushroom. You, Captain Mushroom, can turn right around and get back on your ship." - There's also The Wretched Mog, a dirty, angry junkyard cat that in certain cases can single-handedly win land battles for you.
- Learning that one of your crew drowned themselves by weighing themselves down with cookware? Tragic. The person telling you this feeling the need to point out that they took the cook's best kettle? Kinda funny. The opportunity to respond by putting a guard on the cookware instead of more practical solutions, like giving out extra rum or rousing their spirits? Blackly amusing.This isn't exactly what your crew expected. But you won't be left eating food raw! Even so far from London, there are standards which must be maintained!
- The Delightful Adventuress's goal in the Empire of Hands is to find a treasure she's told will basically buy her citizenship in Hell-proper. Why? So she can recommend the sights when she tells her rival to go there.
- The Fulgent Impeller, the best engine in the game, moves faster at cruising speed than most engines can maintain at full power. Just think about it: a massive, military frigate with 20+ souls aboard, gleefully bouncing around like a modern speedboat. Let alone the even bigger Eschatologue-class dreadnought...
- Attempting to write a Port Report in The Iron Republic has some... interesting results.The third paragraph buds eyes. The date is fundamentally wrong. The full-stops bite. You do what you can.
- And then, when you return it to the Admiralty, either the paper's blank (and you're given a small payment because the Admiralty understands that this is just what happens with the Iron Republic) or it catches fire and ruins the receiver's third-best suit, revealing that the Navy actually provides a small allowance specifically for purchasing new clothes to replace ones destroyed by Iron Republic port reports.
- Also, the Irem Port Report. The report itself is a Mind Screw story about finding the report already written and trying to find out where it came from. Hand it in to the Admiralty?
Oh God. Oh God. What tense is it written in? Oh God. Look, just read it to my colleague here. He'll give you your fee. I'll be over there when you're done. - Picnicking at the Shepherd Isles can lead to a "discovery" by your boatswain.Your bo'sun hands you something. “Found a rock,” he reports laconically. “Pretty sure it's dead.”
- Normally, if you romance an officer, the game will give you a calm warning that you'd better keep it discreet. However, if the Nacreous Survivor is the lover you chose...For God's sake don't let anyone find out about this. Especially your crew. Especially any lover you might have in port.
- The warning for 'Exchange a secret smile' becomes:
Be discreet. Your crew would be horrified. - On the subject of romancing, if you choose to romance the Tireless Mechanic...Afterwards, he whispers "Full steam ahead!" and can't stop giggling. You would be quite entitled to push him out of bed. After all, you are captain.
- Leadbeater & Stainrod are shipyard repair with a reputation for cutting corners. If you actually have them work on your ship, you get a spin on the franchise-wide catchphrase.All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well, probably.
- If you're out on the zee fighting other ships, you may find a lumpy sack that the game assures you most likely is not a sack full of skulls. Occasionally * the game will then dryly inform you that it is, in fact, a sack full of skulls.Who the hell puts skulls in a sack?
- If you kill a Thalatte, one of the options is "cook it", and the flavor text has your captain trying desperately to convince the crew that it's a reasonable meal. Failing to cook a Thalette properly will result in one Zeeman Hodgkiss politely folding her napkin, excusing herself, and marching straight into the furnace to eradicate the memory of the taste. You wisely dump the rest of the meal after that. Even successful cooking just means the contents of the cooking pot look marginally better than the offal bin, which is bad news for your poor crew that'll have to eat 20 supply boxes' worth of awful beast-meat.
- If you instead chose to dissect it, the Thalatte's bizarre anatomy gets in the way once more. Even doing it successfully needs a lot of time, a ton of labels, and nailing some errant organs to the deck so they'll stop trying to escape their piles. By the end of it, you have both a new-found appreciation for nature and organs so lively you can sell them to the zoo.
And you have enough spare parts to open an avant-garde restaurant, besides. - When naming your own colony during the hidden Ambition, you get the option to name it "B____r Off" in complete seriousness, to keep people away. Your zailors are not entirely convinced, but some will be quite happy, or at least amused. Even better if you complete the Ambition, forcing everyone else to acknowledge a nation called B____r Off with utmost respect.
- Your entire first encounter with the Monkey Foundling, which ends in your captain returning to the ship sky-clad. The entire thing is called "A Quest for Dignity", and the amusement it provides for the crew actually causes Terror to drop several points.
- If you leave immediately after she steals your clothes, the crew pretends not to notice your nudity, but it ends up inspiring a bawdy sea shanty that becomes a staple in Fallen London pubs.
- If you head back after falling into the foul swamp, the initial amusement turns to disgust once they get a whiff of you. You are confined to your cabin on pain of mutiny until the smell clears, and it inspires the legend of a terrifying mudbeast that haunts the isle.
- Mr. Sacks is scary, right? Not completing his assignments (which usually lead to massive Kick the Dog and What the Hell, Player? moments) on time will lead to him shouting at you about how he will take all you can give before forcing you to harm yourself in some manner to appease him. But luckily, your character knows an old Londoner's trick...Mr. Sacks! Take my best regards!
- And he takes it completely seriously. Once, but it'll do for now.
- While annoying, the implication it throws a childish tantrum (but still obeys) when you tell it to "take my apologies [about not continuing to serve it]" and bugger off your ship. Sure, it's the kind of tantrum that leaves even frigates in need of dire repairs, but one'd think a Humanoid Abomination would have more class than that.
