Funny / Something Awful: Dungeons & Dragons

• Bananaramawicz constantly trying to get friends. His attempts always fail in some way.
• Kensington, being the insufferable smug ass he is, suffers at one point by trying to teleport in front of Joey. Who is in the middle of a Goring Charge. He gets smacked around as a result.
• The party's early encounter with the only adventurers in the world more incompetent than them, including a thief who claims to be stealing Kensington's suit and Miriam's book by touching them (without actually taking them), a crazy wizard who was revealed to be non-magical with an arcana check, and an armored man obsessed with tripping people.
• Joey's complete inability to intimidate a magical door in the multi-dimensional caravan. Followed by the door intimidating him. Around the same time, the door greatly enjoys tossing around lightning at Joey and Bananaramawicz.
• The team's adventures in the kitchen.
  Miriam: Now here's the fun part: what do I roll to see if I cook successfully?
  Joey: Acrobatics.
  [Miriam rolls a 24 for Acrobatics.]
  Syrg: Miriam darts around the kitchen fretfully between her book and various implements and actually manages to whip you up a pretty solid meal when all is said and done, despite juggling three different pots and various types of burners.
  Bananaramawicz: She's, like, backflipping off the countertops, juggling pots.
  Joey: It's like the cooking version of the Harlem Globetrotters.
  Kensington: I'm gonna roll a Bluff check to take more than my fair share.
  Bananaramawicz: It's Cirque du Soleil in the kitchen.
  Kensington: I roll a 16 for taking more than my fair share.
  Syrg: Everyone else proceeds to muscle you down, being hungrier and outnumbering you.
  Miriam: Don't do that! Kensington, why are you always so sneaky like that?
  Kensington: I don't know. Let's roll for Stealth and find out. I got a 21 for Stealth, so I'm just gonna go over here, and you won't notice.
  Miriam: I get a 22 Perception. I see you. Kensington, why are you running around the kitchen like a fool?
  Kensington: Exercise! Bluff check!
• When the party encounters a powerful time-traveller (Represented in a rather odd pog)
  Time Traveller: Do you wish to ask me something?
  Joey: Yeah, what's up with your FACE?!"
• Bananaramawicz tends to be full of them.
  Miriam: Can anyone read this?
  Banaramawicz: I know only Dwarven and Hebrew I'm afraid.
  • At one point, Bananaramawicz decides to peer through a keyhole, and gets a high roll. At the same time, Joey decides to assist him, and is adamant about it when Syrg asks how that would even work. Joey rolls a natural twenty... and winds up pushing Bananaramawicz through the keyhole without any ill effect.
• Miriam's strong desire to crush a spellcaster chanting an unknown ritual causes Plaz to sum up her character:
  Plaz: I love how Miriam is so gung-ho about everything despite being a midget librarian. It's a badass character trait, I love it.
• Joey and Miriam's solution to Joey falling down a pit.
  Miriam: Goring Charge the walls of the pit!
  Joey: I was going to say the exact same thing!
• During Episode 11, Part 2, the team has a hell of a time getting the other helper robot. No one can grab the little bastard, and at one point, Bananaramwicz gets stuck in a hole in the wall, causing much hijinks.
• When the party are in a room getting ready for an attack, and after lots of careful preparation, Kensington points his finger into the shape of a gun and leans against a wall...that's the whole plan.
• The creation of Bonerton.
• During episode 20, while Joey is trying to give Kensington a horrible mutagen that would change his body, we have this gem;
  Algernon: Make me a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus.
  Wolfshirt: *Starts chuckling.*
  Syrg: ...What?
  Algernon: Just like me.
  Syrg: WHAT?
• The episode in Bonerton, ranging from Gibnaf leaving his family to the dance-off is just amazing.
  • Miriam shifting a book thief into a hell portal.
    • Note well that: the book thief was ripping pages out of the book, the first time there was an awkward silence as Minerelle stuttered in horror and Miriam hits the thief and turns invisible. The thief's turn is spent ripping more pages from the book, and you could hear Miriam hissing in rage. Due to the special rules in effect being ejected from the dance floor results in instant death, being thrown into a portal to hell without protection from a demon is instant death, the flames of hell without proper protection is instant death.
• The DM's cries on a frequent basis when the party does something crazy.
  "I hate you all, I hate you all."
• Minerelle's first few uses of the self-cloning spell. When the planned quirk was to give the clone a boston accent. What we get sounds like a bad Chris Brown impression.
• During a filler episode, they take a trip to a space bar and put into a simulated battle against skeletons. Badly-rendered holographic skeletons. And Chuck.
• Syrg finds a bottle of two-year-old expired energy drink in his desk. He drinks it all in one go and spends the entire rest of the session with the Batman voice.
  Kensington: Do me a favor and say "Where is she?"
  Minerelle: Say "My parents are dead!"
• Minerelle suggests using the bones of Draco Lich to form a wagon. When they run out of bone, they decide to use wood. Kensington points out the phallic nature of the materials of their wagon, and thus, the Boner Wagon is born.
• Inside a mansion that is playing pranks on the party they meet a cooking genie. He benevolently grants the wishes of Gibnaf and Algernon, while promising a wish to Joey. Joey makes his wish...which his dragon's(formerly monkey) paw dutifully grants. Turns out it was another prank to deplete one of the wishes on Joey's only friend.
• The party is having trouble realigning to each other's insanity and Joey in a rare moment of genuine leadership says the group needs to pull itself together for the tough journey ahead. Which is spectacularly ruined by one small detail.
  Algernon: You don't even remember who I am.
  Joey: Listen, orange guy...
• "We are five minutes into Paragon-tier and we've already murdered an innocent person."
• In the second Focus Tower, the team spends the night in Apafi's safe room, using the Gametable program to draw their own quarters. At one point, Kensington's tent ends up as a massive castle, with Joey residing in his walls as a tax-paying subject. A second instance has Asalynn constructing a large bed, her teddy bear, and a television.
• During the chess board fight with Kensington's mooks, Minerelle bribes some of the enemies with pancakes. However, her targets get sassy when they don't get their pancakes right away. This leads to the brilliant idea of making another enemy look like pancakes with an illusion to satisfy them.
• The party learns that they can use the Bigger on the Inside wagon they've acquired to make their own personal rooms. Some of them are simple––Kodrinschreiner makes an office space, Algernon makes a dojo, and Miriam wants a study. Minerelle's is somewhat more abstract, being filled with doors because she is part of a giant space door. Gibnaf makes a bouncy house (with a nice music system). All of them are immediately topped by "Joey's Sexy Time Hot Tub." Which is flesh-colored due to the rose water. And then Asalynn briefly reappears in it (and is apparently killed by Minerelle).
  Kod: I don't want that next to my office. Or occupying the same temporal space.
• Any and all mentions of Dark Lord Cucaracha/Chupacabra/Chimichanga, the evil vampire shapeshifter who Minerelle and Joey are convinced has returned and is hiding in his shadow-lair, plotting their doom. Based on prophecies that Minerelle wrote on the spot.
• Joey mercy killing the guardians of Leng without giving the others any context
  Kod: Is Joey vandalizing in there?
  Minerelle: Joey, you don't want to do this. *Roll a 40 Diplomacy*
  Joey: I roll a 'listening to Minerelle check' *Rolls a 1 and continues destroying the throne*
• Minerelle diverts from a dramatic showdown to run into a blazing building to feed her health potion addiction.
• Minerelle attempts to lightly graze a man to steal his blood, instead she gets a natural 20 to hit and rips off his arm. Also during the Theives' Guild plot, Minerelle and Gibnaf ending up in an arena with Gibnaf becoming compelled to hit Minerelle. Minerelle thinks she's found a solution to the puzzle and orders Gibnaf to hit her...and he goes overboard and hits her, leading to this gem:
  Minerelle: Don't worry, I have it all figured out. Come and hit me.
  Gibnaf: (Hesitantly) O-okay...(Rolls a twenty)
  Minerelle: OW! That hurt!
• Joey's lessons to the classes about ruthlessness and his assignment for them.
• The dream sequence, especially Joey and Minerelle's utter sociopathy once they've figured it out.
  Minerelle: I toss my pants as a distraction and use Mind Shadow to run back to the bronze dragon.
  Syrg: Oka––
  Minerelle: Also, while I do this I set fire to everything I pass.
  Algernon: WHAT?
  Minerelle: It's a dream! It doesn't matter!
• "Hey, Apafi, what's the haps?"
• Kod while climbing up a rope dangling 50 feet over a swamp in the Shadowfell....past Joey
  "How did you tie a hammock You Bastard!"
• When Francis goes to Minerelle and Joey, trying to get them to accept a deal that would end up incapacitating Gibnaf, Minerelle has a hard time deciding whether or not to listen to Francis...and then we get this gem:
  Plaz: Hey, Minerelle. Minerelle. (Waits for her to quiet down as she talks.) Here's something that will help you decide how to treat Francis.
  Poorweather: How?
  Plaz: (Puts down a Kensington pog.)
  Poorweather: (Notices the Kensington pog) Oh, right.
• After Joey pisses off a god for a joke, he successfully passes the buck to Minerelle when Kod comes to check out the disturbance, leading to him trying to arrest her and Minerelle does what she does best. As both realize he'll never catch her as they have equal move speed and neither will ever run out of stamina.
  Minerelle: I have 8-7 too, so we run forever.
  Kod: Okay, I don't care, I'm a goddamn robot.
  Poor Weather: So? I'm a stone.
  Kod: I deduce it after seeing you run away eternally.
  Wolfshirt: *laughs up a lung*
• How to deal with in-party bickering in the middle of the Tomb Of Horrors(again)?
  Algernon: Would you two just make-out already? We've got more important things to worry about.
• Miriam's brilliant deduction.
  Miriam: Which means that Joey is doing something stupid again.
• "We definitely can't trust anything that doesn't assume it's true form at all times." Coming from Minerelle...who has for a grand total of about 5 seconds EVER been her true form.
• After Minerelle died, her friends come to check on her. When one pokes her for a healing check, despite the somber attitude,
  Miriam: (Doing a heal check.) 21?
  Syrg: Uh, what little you can do he-
  Minerelle: Raaaaaaaahhhh...I'm deaaaad...
• The entire scene where Minerelle opens a portal a to post-apocalyptic Cold-Stone Creamery on Earth...for ice cream. ESPECIALLY when she cowers from the cold a fridge emits as she opens one. Yes, this happened. And was hilarious.
• Anything about Pac-Man in session 100.
• A barber is giving Joey(who has been deemed an embassy for the Noble District) lip.
  Joey: Listen, don't speak to the Noble District that way
• The Ruckus in the Dream Dragon church.