Funny / Shrek the Third

"He still looks like an ass to me."

• The film opens with a closeup of Prince Charming, heroically riding through the forest to rescue a fair maiden. The camera then pans out, revealing that he's actually performing in a dinner theatre.
  • This performance is riddled with poor production values. The forest Charming is riding through is just a Wraparound Background (with the person operating it looking bored out of their mind) and a man is clearly visible on stage, using a bellows to simulate wind. Charming himself is just awkwardly running in place while "riding" a hobby horse, with another crew member banging coconut halves to simulate galloping.
  • Hark! The brave Prince Charming approacheth!
  • Charming puts far more effort and passion into his performance than the lacklustre production demands, only for an elderly woman in the crowd to shout out "what did she say?"
  • The crowd are completely disinterested in Charming's performance, but they instantly start cheering when a guy dressed as Shrek appears onstage. Charming is not happy.
  • After this embarrassing performance, Charming storms off to his dressing room... which is just the back alley. Outside the building.
  • "I am the rightful king of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother. I will restore dignity to my throne!" (gets hit in the face with a newspaper)
• When Donkey starts singing "Cat's in the Cradle" in an attempt to cheer Shrek up after he learns he is going to be a father. Donkey stops when he sees that Shrek is genuinely freaked out about this and that his attempt isn't helping.
• Fiona and her friends' first attempt at an escape. It's quite a prolonged joke, rather than the genuine escape later, which is more of a Crowning Action Sequence.
  • 1: Fiona pushes the statue to open a secret passage. Look at where the statue of the Frog King Harold ends up - kissing the statue of the horse's butt.
  • 2: Prince Charming runs in on Big Bad Wolf, the Three Little Pigs, Gingy, and Pinnochio all sitting there casually eating tea and crumpets together like they're all nice and friendly and absolutely nothing's going on. Contrast this to the fact that you saw Fiona and her friends doing this a few seconds ago.
  • 3: Once Captain Hook begins interrogating Gingerbread Man, his life starts flashing before his eyes, and he ends up in a trance singing "On the Good Ship Lollipop".
  • 4: Then the complicated scene where Prince Charming goes to Pinocchio and demands he tell him where Shrek is because he can't lie. Pinocchio desperately tries to worm his way out of it with convoluted excuses, until he frustrates the Three Little Pigs so much that one of them accidentally blurts it out.
  • And then when Pinocchio warns Charming that Shrek won't fall for his (Charming's) tricks, his nose grows.
  • It ends with the Big Bad Wolf's exasperated "Oh, boy."
• Prince Charming: (addressing Shrek) "You are about to enter a world of pain with which you are not familia-a-a-a-a-a-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!" (cue a pair of glasses and a pearl string in the audience breaking to pieces)
  • Shrek, in less than five sentences, destroying Charming's "moment of triumph": "Well, it can't be any more painful than the lousy performance you're giving. (...) If you don't mind, could you kill me, and then sing? (...) That's actually a very nice leotard. Do they come in men's sizes?"
  • One of the providers of music for the play even does a Rimshot with his kettle drum.
• The scene where the nerds are laughing at Shrek and one suddenly gets a nosebleed. Just the way his expression changes.
• How Pinocchio gets around Prince Charming's interrogation trap. You have to admit that this is hands-down the most hilarious scene in the movie. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome for Pinocchio.
  Prince Charming: You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet, where...is...Shrek?
  Pinocchio: Well, I...I don't know where he's not.
  Prince Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
  Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
  Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
  Pinocchio: On the contrary, I’m possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
  Prince Charming: Stop it!
  Pinocchio: ...do or do not know where he shouldn’t probably be, if that indeed wasn’t where he isn’t. Even if he wasn’t at where I knew he was...
  • And then the camera cuts back to Gingy still singing.
• Everything with Puss and Donkey switching bodies. Although, Puss telling Donkey to be careful with his boots also becomes Heartwarming in Hindsight when you see his movie and learn they were a gift from his adoptive mother.
• Shrek and Artie fighting over the ship's steering wheel, ending with them crashing onto the shore of an island.
  Captain: (after the crash) LAND HO!
• After they crash the ship:
  Shrek: Oh, nice going, Your Highness!
  Artie: Oh, so now it's Your Highness? What happened to loser, huh?
  Shrek: Hey! If you think this is getting you out of anything, well it isn't! We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another! And you're gonna be a father!
  Artie: What?
  Donkey: (whispering) Ahem! You just said father!
  Shrek: I said "king"...! You're gonna be king!
  Artie: (imitates Shrek) "You're gonna be king!" (reverts back to his normal voice) Yeah, right!
• After Shrek and Artie fight, Puss and Donkey urge Shrek to try to relate to Artie. Shrek goes for this by giving a god awful stab at outdated teenage lingo. Artie finally gets fed up, whacks Shrek with a tree branch, and runs away screaming "SOMEBODY HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY A MONSTER WHO'S TRYING TO RELATE TO ME!"
  • The Polish translation took Artie's line a step further and made him scream "HELP! I'M BEING HARASSED BY AN OLDER MAN WHO PRETENDS TO BE MY AGE!"
  • Even better: The outdated teen lingo? That was all improvised by Mike Myers!
• When Artie is lecturing the villains he tries to get them to change their ways by saying "maybe the person who's really keeping you from being happy is... you." As he says this he offhandedly gestures to a gnome who's standing nearby. Cue the villains Comically Missing the Point: "Get him, lads!"
• This, in a Black Comedy sense.
  (Messenger runs in and ruins a moment between Shrek and Fiona)
  Shrek: Well, somebody better be dying!
  (Gilligan Cut to the King and Queen's room)
  King: I'm dying.
  • The awkward, side-eying look on Shrek's face is what really sells it. He's clearly thinking something to the effect of "I just HAD to say 'dying', didn't I?".
• Merlin plays the song "That What Friends Are For" to help set the mood for Shrek and Artie's big heart to heart chat.
• Donkey having a sign that reads "I suck-eth" taped to his backside.
• The female students who parody the Valley Girl by talking in Flowery Elizabethan English in the exact same manner as Like Is, Like, a Comma.
• Shrek, Donkey and Puss try to get inside Arthur's school.
  Shrek: Uh, we're here for the mascot contest, too.
  Guard: This is a costume? (pulls Shrek's face)
  Shrek: Ayyy! Worked on it all night long!
  Guard: (lets go of his face) Looks pretty real to me.
  Puss: If he were real, could I do this? (digs claws into Shrek's leg)
  Shrek: AH! Oww!
  Donkey: Or this? (bucks Shrek's groin)
  Shrek: (pained groan) If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful!
  Donkey: Now, watch this!
  Shrek: (restrains Donkey and Puss) That's quite enough, boys!
• Snow White gets the other princesses to assume their positions: she lies down in her coffin pose, Cinderella stares out the window and Sleeping Beauty falls asleep.
  Fiona: What are you doing?
  Sleeping Beauty: (wakes up) Waiting to be rescued. (goes back to sleep)
  Fiona: You've gotta be kidding me!
  Snow White: Well, what do you expect us to do? We're just four... I mean, three super-hot princesses (Doris glares at her), two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre, and an old lady!
• Merlin asks Shrek what he sees in the fire. The smoke forms a baby carriage which spooks Shrek and makes him blow it away. Then he says deadpan, "I see a rainbow pony."
• "LOOK OUT! THEY GOT A PIANO!"
• During the battle with Hook on the piano Merlin jams along.
• During the attack on Far Far Away, evil dwarves chase civilians out of a “Ye Olde Bootery, and then change the stores window logo to read “Ye Olde Hooters”. All of a sudden, a group of males start cheering and running happily into the store.
• The "Fauxly Grail" deleted scene (presented in storyboard form):
  • The goofy sound effects the presenter makes, including a "Perkoonka! Whoop!" for a bucket landing on Shrek's hand and "SHAKONKA!" for Shrek slamming the improvised Bucket Helmet onto Artie's head.
  • Puss and Donkey dressing up in a badly-made, goofy monster costume that consists of a blanket and a skull with antlers taped onto it. And falling over when they try to scare Artie.
  Puss: (whispering) What are you doing, clumsy burro!?
  Donkey: (not whispering at all) Hey, you've got the eyeholes, man, do your thing!
  [Puss hisses in response]
• In the final fight, how do the Three Little Pigs, who are currently rolling onto the stage, announce themselves? With the particularly funny pun of "Sausage Roll!"
• Rapunzel turning out to be bald.
• Upon Shrek, Arthur, Donkey and Puss spot a poster of Charming's play, titled "It's a Happily Ever After After All", which reads "Shrek's final performance" and shows an image of Charming about to kill Shrek.
  Donkey: Whoa, Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play!
  Shrek: Well, I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it!
• Merlin turns out to have taken up a very unusual diet; rocks, eating a tray of granite and getting some rather bloodied teeth. When he offers some to Shrek, the ogre quips he already ate a boulder.
• Shrek's baby nightmare, whilst rather startling at times, is also guaranteed to make you bust a gut.
  • To wit; Shrek finds a baby ogre in a pram, which lets out an adorable little burb. Taken, Shrek states his old "Better out than in" phrase, chuckles and gets promptly a face-full of vomit from the little ogre like it was a blooming firehose.
  • To his shock, Shrek notices his house is crawling (literally) with baby ogres and he desperately attempts to keep them safe. Of particular note is one infant who somehow strikes a match and becomes entranced with the flame before Shrek sweeps it up. And when he is already covered in rescued babies, he opens the curtain to his bedroom and sees an ogre baby there, clearly calling back to the Big Bad Wolf's introduction in the first movie.
    • "Ba-ba-boo?"
  • And what could top that? How about a literal tidal wave of babies pouring into the house! Shrek promptly bolts for the door, managing to get through despite the world seemingly sucking him towards the oncoming baby flood. What's waiting for him on the other side is one of the oldest nightmares in the book; a hall full of babies watching him during a graduation ceremony, during which he's bullock naked. The graduation-style music, the congratulations banner in the background and the fact Shrek is wearing a graduate's cap add to the hilarity.
  • Shrek finally bolts awake and calls for Donkey, who's sleeping alongside Puss. Both their faces are gibberish-sprouting ogre babies, prompting another freak-out from Shrek.
    • "DA-DA".
• Donkey gets worried after hearing Merlin say there could be side affects due to teleporting. The Wizard tries to reassure him by saying they should wear off as he cracks his hands. Cue lightning bolt from his palms which vaporizes a nearby rock, adding to Donkey's terror.
• Merlin insists that Shrek either takes a journey to his soul or participates in scream therapy. Shrek cuts him off before he can get too far into the latter.
• "You know, you really need to get yourself a pair of jammies!"
  • Because Shrek sleeps in the nude. Poor Donkey.
• When Shrek hears that Fiona is pregnant, Puss tries to give him The Talk.
  Shrek: How did this happen?
  Puss: Allow me to explain. You see, when a man has certain feelings for a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him.
  Shrek: I know how it happened. I just can't believe it.
  Donkey: [to Puss] How does it happen?
  • Even funnier coming from the fact that Donkey managed to have five Dragon/Donkey hybrid children.
  • Puss' sigh at Donkey's question.
• Puss saying goodbye to a bunch of cats he apparently had a relationship with before the sea trip (who all just look and act like real cats rather than being anthropomorphic like him). He says that they are all "his one true love" and then proceeds to flirt with a cat he doesn't know, seemingly prompting a literal Cat Fight off screen, leading to him running away.

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