Funny / Saints Row

• The game's idea of healing yourself isn't through Regenerating Health or healthkits. It's through food. Food that you can very well have picked up off of someone's corpse. So the Playa is tearing his way through droves of gangsters and police, and just pulls out a burger he grabbed from the floor to munch on.
• Every time the Playa opens his mouth, it's always during the funniest parts of the game, which are always the final mission of each arc, too:
  • As the crew are preparing to battle Tanya, the main character speaks for the first time:
    Johnny Gat: I'm gonna skullfuck that bitch!
    Playa: (impish smirk) ...Hope you don't mind hepatitis.
  • What makes that scene even more funny is the fact that it happens in a elevator with calm music playing in the background while Benjamin King and the player are in total silence then suddenly Johnny Gat comes up with this gem.
    • What's even more hilarious is Gat's shock after Playa says his bit. Up to that point he must've assumed he couldn't speak. Meanwhile, King just looks onward down in the elevator as if he just heard a curse in church.
    • After a few drinks in the second game, the female Latin boss will call back to this incident like it was the funniest thing ever. Speaking of which, when she brings up her balls. Yeah, her balls.
  • After the final Los Carnales mission where Dex and Playa blow up the plane Angelo Lopez is trying to flee Stilwater in, Luz arrives right after the plane blows up. Dex looks in her shopping bag, and we get treated to this scene:
    Dex: So what's in here? Guns? Money? Some uncut shit? (Looks in the bag) SHOES?!
    Luz: Actually, they're this season's new—
    Playa: BULLSHIT! That's LAST year's fall collection!
    Luz: (nervously laughs) That's not true—
    Playa: (cocks gun)
  • But that's not all! Dex tells the Playa to put the gun down so they don't piss off Manuel Orejuela... but then Luz starts talking again...
    Luz: So what am I supposed to do now?
    Dex: I don't fucking care.
    Luz: But where can I go?
    Dex: See Answer A.
    Luz: Can you at least tell me where Manuel is!?
    Dex: ...(turns to Playa) I changed my mind. Shoot her!
    Luz: (Ducks back in her car, and hauls ass out of the airport.)
  • In the Rollerz arc, after the Playa blows up the truck Joseph Price tried to run him over with, Julius calls him:
    Julius: That was an hell of an explosion! You okay, Playa?
    Playa: I got ran over by a muthafuckin' truck, what do ya think!?
    Julius: Oh, quit bein' a bitch!
    Playa: (double takes at the phone)
  • During the ending of the game, the Playa interrupts Hughes' Evil Gloating with this:
    Protagonist: Yo, can we speed this shit up? I wanna go to Freckle Bitch's.
• After the failed Carnales assault on Third Street, Troy lights his cigarette on Victor's dead, burning body while Dex looks on in surprise and disgust.
  Troy: ...What?
  • This is made even funnier when it's revealed Troy is an undercover cop. One imagines he and some of his friends have been wanting to do that to Victor for a long time.
• The end of the Vice Kings mission in which, purely to piss off Warren Williams, Johnny blows up Kingdom Come Records a second time.
  Johnny: (Shows truck full of bombs) Now all we gotta do is give Warren a nice final "Fuck you," and I'd say this has been a hell of a day.
• The Freckle Bitch ads are a hoot, especially when she announces a free gift for the girls: a pearl necklace.
• In a bit of Mood Whiplash, the part where Lin and the Playa are locked in a car trunk has this exchange:
  Lin: -Hey! I think we stopped moving! Are you listening? Are you even alive? Say something!
  (audible smack)
  Lin: Ow! I'll take that as a yes... Where the fuck's my lighter...
• Whenever Johnny appears in the Vice Kings arc, he's either a bringer of these, or a bringer of awesome moments. Him and Aisha bickering fall into the former, but one of his best moments in the whole game is in Best Laid Plans, in which he calls out Tanya Winters and Tony Green. In context, the two trapped him and Playa in an abandoned police station, and with Vice Kings and police alike closing in for the kill, Johnny needs to distract the two long enough to find an opportunity for the Playa to escape.
  Tanya: How ‘bout you drop the gun, honey?
  Tony: (pumps shotgun) I’d listen to the lady if I was you.
  Johnny: Well of course you would, you being her bitch!
  Tony: Watch your fucking mouth!
  Johnny: (casually drops his shotgun) Hey, no need to be hostile...
  • Then, after Tony frisks Johnny and finds a pistol, Johnny then takes a dig at his Tanya’s… “lack of commitment”:
    Tanya: You packing anything else?
    Johnny: Just some rubbers. Figured I’d get a little of Williams’ sloppy seconds!
    (Tony clubs Johnny over the head, dropping him to the ground)
    Johnny: Guess I hit a nerve...
  • But the real icing on the cake is Johnny’s response to Tony bragging about how they led the Saints to a trap, and that the only reason the Saints had been winning up to that point was because the Vice Kings let them:
    Johnny: Well, that explains how your bitch lost Prawn Court!
    Tanya: Are you gonna let him talk about me like that!?
    Tony: Don’t worry baby, I got this!
    Johnny: (while standing up) Yeah Tanya, shut the fuck up!
    Tony: I thought I told you to be quiet!
    Johnny: I got shitty hearing.
    (Tony shoots Johnny in the leg)
    Tony: Now you got a shitty leg!
    (Johnny pulls out a knife, and stabs Tony clean through his foot)
    Johnny: So do you!
    (Johnny and Tony start wrestling on the floor, while Johnny tells the Playa to run for it. This leads to a dual funny-awesome moment on the Playa’s part as he runs past Tanya, knocks her flat on her face and jumps out the window)
• The following mission (Green With Envy), is another double whammy on the Playa’s part, because, in order to find where Tanya and Tony are keeping the captured Johnny, the Playa has to kill and impersonate Tanya’s driver before she’s done rimming out Warren Williams. Ignoring the fact the Playa doesn’t even BOTHER taking the driver’s uniform (or that Tanya doesn't even TRY to notice this), it turns out she has some time before Tony expects her back… so she decides to do a little shopping first! While driving her to the Impressions Clothing Store, and then to Friendly Fire to pick up a “present for Tony” (a big ass Krukov rifle, she vapidly chatters away (either to a friend over the phone, or to you – you decide what’s funnier), where she verbally smacks Tony, Warren AND King! Adding to these whacky hijinks, it turns out Troy’s crew weren’t aware of Julius’ rescue plan, and just HAD to try a hit Tanya, forcing the Playa to lose them without killing them. When you FINALLY get to Tony’s condo, you get a nice little bit of revenge against Tanya…
  Tanya: (after realizing the Playa followed her inside) Don’t you fu- (gets socked in the face)
  • This sets up a couple of brick jokes: the obvious one is Tanya gossiping that "I can't believe Luz is still wearing last season's heels!" The second one what happens to Anthony's "present". You know the gun Tanya tries shooting you with at the end of All The King's Men? Now, knowing the fact Anthony didn't get his present, who's still willing to bet the Krukov she was wielding was just another weapon she randomly got?
  • Finally, when you kill Tony, you get this nice little cutscene, appropriately titled “Anger Management”:
    Johnny: ( still tied up to the chair that’s currently tipped over on the floor) Hey, not to be pushy or nothin'… but how 'bout you GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKIN' CHAIR?!
    Playa: (hurriedly tips the chair back up)
    Johnny: 'Bout fuckin' time you got here.
    (Playa unties the ropes holding Johnny down, and has to support him due to his shot out leg)
    Johnny: Where's Green?
    (Johnny sees Tony’s corpse, takes Playa's gun, unloads the remaining ammo into Tony, and then throws the empty gun at the body)
    Johnny: That's much better.
• In "Round Peg, Square Hole", on the way to the first Vice Kings spot to attack, Johnny talks about tough times concerning his relationship with Aisha. Problem is, Playa is a mostly Heroic Mime here, and Johnny is let down by his lack of advice.
  Johnny: So the other day Aisha was giving me shit because I don't do anything nice for her. Can you believe that? I mean I've paid for her everytime we go out, so I'm like "The hell you talkin' about, I picked up the check at the firing range" and then she goes on and on about dinner this, and flowers that. It's fuckin' bullshit, right? (pause) Thanks for your advice man, you're a big help.
• When it comes to the finale of the Vice Kings missions, Benjamin King helps lead the charge alongside the Playa and Johnny Gat to Tanya's personal office, all of them armed to the teeth and ready to kill her without hesitation. Tanya proceeds to act like they're no big deal and pulls out an assault rifle, threatening them while still clad in her usual attire. The scene then immediately has all three of them fill her full of lead and send her out the window before she even has a chance to pull the trigger. Satisfying? Yes, even if it makes her a Cutscene Boss. Too Dumb to Live? Definitely.
• The Drug Trafficking missions involve you helping out the dealer to sell merchandise as usual. While the Vice Kings area has a stereotypical black gangsta and Los Carnales has Tobias, the Westside Rollerz has Laura, an incredibly average suburban white mom who wants to get into the business because one of her friends told her it was an easy way to make money. Among the funniest things she can say after you do something like blowing up a police car is "Oh, how am I gonna explain that to the PTA?". Even better is that she is unlocked as a homie after doing all eight missions.