Funny / SF Debris - Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Season One

• From "Emissary: Part 1":
  • The caption when the Enterprise appears is "Ninja ship appear!"
  • When Kai Opaka asks Sisko if he ever explored his pagh, Sisko answers that he did in the shower sometimes.
  • When Opaka points a handheld device at a nearby water pool, revealing that it's actually a hologram which disappears to reveal the entrance to the shrine underneath, it's accompanied by the chirping sound of a car door remote.
• From "Emissary: Part 2":
  • This is the review that confirms that The Sisko's first name is "Don't fuck with".
• From "A Man Alone":
  • Chuck reminds us all that Bashir's question of whether he can put his dick into a puzzle is just a slight exaggeration of his character.
  • Lucky for Riker, he was outside Bajoran space when he murdered his clone.
• From "Q-Less":
  • Chuck stating the reason why Odo is ornery is because CPR students keep pushing him over and doing chest compressions on him.
• From "Move Along Home":
  • Chula was originally called the Chula Saga before the makers of Candy Crush Saga threatened to sue the Wadi over the name..
  • When Quark says "I'm starting to get the hang of this game!" Chuck points out that all he's doing is rolling dice, he could be replaced by a chimp.
  • His surprise that the Voyager episode "The Thaw" is better than Move Along Home.
  • When Odo mentions that the O'Briens are on Earth for Keiko's mother's hundredth birthday Chuck points out that this means Keiko was born when her mother was in her sixties.
    "So, what are your plans for retirement?"
    "Oh, I think I'll have a baby. I'm not gettin' any younger..."
• From "If Wishes Were Horses":
  • Odo's Tempting Fate comment that he'll never intermingle with another changeling. Next, he'll be told that he'll start dating Kira.
• From "Duet":
  • After Chuck points out that Kira is not the most objective person involved, and she admits it, he declares, "Let the witch hunt begin! Oh, yeah, that mofo's guilty! Oh, yeah, that mofo's guilty!"
• From "In The Hands Of The Prophets":
  • Chuck muses that Keiko will not be happy to hear that her husband went into a conduit with a female Bajoran ensign.
    Keiko: So, you crawled into that tight little space with that cute young assistant of yours, huh? Why?
    O'Brien: I was concerned about my tool.
    Keiko: Of course you were.
    O'Brien: My tool means a lot to me. If we don't go in there, how am I gonna teach Neela how to handle it?

Season Two

• From "Necessary Evil":
  • Chuck examining the possibility that Rom might have remembered the name wrong and mixed it up with his grocery list and it was supposed to be Cheerios.
  • "Quark learned everything about innuendo from fifteen year old boys."
    Quark: And then, you know, we did it in the butt. We did the sex in the butt sex. Yeah!"
• From "Whispers":
  • Chuck giving a Captain's Log in a pirate tone.
• In his review of "Paradise", Chuck loses it after it's revealed the head of the anti-technology commune has been ruling through tyranny, deception, and lies... and the rest of the group decides to maintain their community, not showing the slightest bit of outrage that they were being dicked with.
  Why don't you just make the ending red, green, or blue if you're going to make it fucking infuriating?
• From "Shadowplay":
  • Jake is hesitant to work for Chief O'Brien because the last time a fifteen year old was put in charge of something engineering related, the audience hated him.
  • Chief O'Brien discussing the purple Deus Ex Machina isolinear rods.
• From "Playing God":
  • When Bashir tells the turbolift to take him and Arjin to Quark's bar, Chuck responds with "I can't, I'm a lift, not a Wonkavator, jackass."
• In "Blood Oath", Chuck's obsession with the Klingons eating the Albino's heart, as well as pointing out that contrary to his most famous line of dialogue, Kang actually did fight in a burning house.
  • Also, where Odo is given "Annoying Character", the caption is merely, "@_@".
  • "Oh, you do not know the troubles of a Klingon afternoon!"
• From "The Maquis Part I"
  • "Curse you, far away jerks for giving away our planet when no one's looking!"
  • His reaction to hearing that Gul Dukat has seven children. "Jesus. Hey, Dukat, sex is great and all, but maybe your people wouldn't have a resource shortfall if you found a hobby that didn't involve your cock."
• From "The Maquis Part II":
  • Chuck's Tempting Fate comment about how Gul Dukat would never kill Jadzia Dax.
• From "The Wire":
  • Chuck's Tempting Fate comment about how the Klingon and Cardassian empires would never go to war with one another.
  • "[as Sisko, following his comment on how yelling is 'expressing my opinions loudly'] And I don't hit them, I just apply avant-garde accupressure to their faces."
• From "Crossover":
  • Chuck being unsure of Bashir is in labor or jerking off no thanks to his weird breathing.
  • Chuck gives us viewers a hint as where Bashir and Kira ended up. Check our chins for any signs of goatees.
  • When Mirror Sisko tells Kira that the Intendant likes him because he amuses her, and "she's not easily amused."
    "She didn't laugh once at The House, and Will Ferrell was a genius in that!"
  • Chuck describing "Explodo" as one huge pimple that Bashir popped.
• From "The Collaborator":
  • Bareil encounters someone who's hung himself.
    Bareil: Oh, pardon me. I didn't mean to interrupt your suicide.
    Corpse: Make it up to me later.
  • Chuck's joking that Vedek Winn's hat looks like a head prosthetic band from a Klingon headbutting contest, an intake so that she can channel in krill for digestion, and of course, the Sydney Opera House.
• From "The Jem'Hadar":
  • "These woods are a feeding ground for the great white pine!"

Season Three

• From "The Search Part I":
  • Sisko suggesting that the Defiant should be shaped more like a middle finger.
• From "The Search Part II":
  • Chuck musing that Eris got demoted from being a Founder because she kept hitting people with her telekinetic balls whenever they were bent over.
• From "The House of Quark":
  • This bit following Quark declaring that the situation with Kozak is "about respect":
    Rom: Re-what?
    Quark: Respect. I've added it to the dictionary, between "resources, acquisition thereof" and "restitution, how to avoid giving it".
  • Chuck's little callback to "Heart of Glory" by calling the Klingon homeworld "Kling" instead of "Qo'nos".
    Chuck: (chuckles) I am going to be savoring that one for a while...
  • Chuck's addition to Quark's comment about putting the late Kozak on display:
    Chuck!Quark: All I gotta worry about is paying the taxidermist. The rules aren't a problem, I know a great forger. He can declare this Klingon as technically a fish.
• In the review of "Second Skin", he makes a joke about Kira being kidnapped by the Daleks. This is the first thing that happens to the protagonists in "Asylum of the Daleks", which was aired on the same day. Given that the review was made some time before said air date, that's a remarkable (and funny) coincidence.
• From "Civil Defense":
  • Chuck musing that the 20,000 tons the Cardassians processed was Dukat's bullshit.
  • Chuck imagines what it would be like if someone told someone who was in a coma for two years everything that occurred during those two years.
    Black janitor: Well, let's see, uh, Kenny Baker, Jerry Doyle, Anton Yelchin, and Carrie Fisher have all died.
    Guy awake from coma: My god, did someone bomb a science fiction convention?
    Black janitor: No, no, completely unrelated deaths.
    Guy awake from coma: Wow.
    Black janitor: Uh, people are running around catching Pokémon in the real world with their cellphone now.
    Guy awake from coma: They're, they're what?
    Black janitor: It's a big hit with some people.
    Guy awake from coma: Are you sure I'm not still in the coma and dreaming all of this?
    Black janitor: Uh, Bob Dylan won the Nobel Peace Prize.
    Guy awake from coma: I had no idea they had a category for singing while stoned.
    Black janitor: Are you a sports fan? Uh, cuz the Cubs just won the World Series!
    Guy awake from coma: Okay, you are bullshitting me now. Don—don't—you're being too obvious about it, man.
    Black janitor: The current President of the United States is Donald Trump.
    Guy awake from coma: Well, of course he is! I'm sure he is! I suppose cuz Gordon Ramsey turned down the job, right?
    Black janitor: Gordon Ramsey can't be President, he wasn't born in the United States.
    Guy awake from coma: Oh, you're right. How dare I introduce something ridiculous into what you're saying.
    Black janitor: Oh, and M. Night Shyamalan just make a critically acclaimed hit film.
    Guy awake from coma: Come on, man, that one's not even plausible. You're not even being remotely realistic, now.
• From "Defiant":
  • Chuck trying not to fill the review with sexual innuendo, but the episode he's reviewing isn't making it easy for him.
  • Chuck imaging what would happen if Sisko had negotiated the peace treaty.
• From the "Fascination" review, Kira encourages everyone to enjoy themselves as part of the Gratitude Festival. Chuck responds with an exasperated "Finally!" and switches to the Packers game.
• From "Past Tense Part I ":
  • Chuck saying one rule of gun safety is not using a gun to jab someone til they wake up.
• From "Past Tense Part II":
  • "I love those critters that spin around in a circle like a tornado."
• From "Heart of Stone":
  • When Odo requests the computer to send out a priority one distress signal, Chuck wonders what other kind of distress signal there should be, and then shows how something like a priority two distress signal would sound like.
• From "Distant Voices":
  • "Garak gives Bashir a rod...not that kind of rod, slash fic writers."
• "Improbable Cause"/"The Die Is Cast": his proposal of more efficient strategies for the Romulan/Cardassian assault than burning the planet down to the core, such as using their disruptors to carve a giant penis on the moon, then go home.
• From the "Explorers" review. Jake wants to know what his father thinks about what he wrote.
  Jake: What did you think?
  Sisko: I liked it.
  Chuck!Sisko: I'm not really familiar with clopfic, but you sold it well.
• In his review of "The Adversary", as Sisko tries to Spot the Imposter:
  Janeway: I suggest cutting off a random toe from each crew member!
  Sisko: I don't think that will help us find the Changeling.
  Janeway: What Changeling?
  • His epic takedown of the Founders "no Changeling has ever harmed another" rule:
    Chuck: "It's like when you have an obnoxious relative who shows up at your house, drinks the last beer and grabs the remote and says 'No Johnson has ever thrown another Johnson out!', if you want that to continue, knock it off."

Season Four

• From "The Way of the Warrior":
  • Worf's comment about Kira's medieval-style hat.
    Worf: Do I get one or is that part of the Bajoran uniform?
• In the review of "The Visitor", Chuck shows all the captains talking with Jake about their father issues: Picard sympathizes; Archer gibbers that the Vulcans choked his father to death with a heart attack; Janeway gloats that she "had an alibi and everything"; then Reboot Kirk starts up- only for Original Kirk to bitch-slap him for trying to get into the crossover.
• From "Hippocratic Oath":
  • Chuck's comment that the Federation's utopia can be called gay by one's friends due to O'Brien wishing that Keiko was more like a man.
• From "Indiscretion":
  • Chuck saying that Dukat isn't going to have another prick in his ass until Weyoun shows up.
• From "Rejoined":
  • Chuck twice explaining how the episode is causing problems that have little to do with the episode itself:
    • First, because of life events Chuck didn't get to watch a good chunk of Season 4 when it first aired. So later he bought a used DVD but several episodes couldn't be played due to scratches. For all of them he had VHS copies. Except for this episode. And as the years went by he completely forgot it existed, transfering all his Deep Space Nine footage to his computer... until Rejoined made it to the top of the list for requested videos and he suddenly realized he'd never seen this episode. In a series known for carrying over events from episode to episode. Meaning he had to scramble to remember as much as he could about Season 4 in order to watch the episode.
    • Later, Chuck states that the video editting process was running late and the day before it was set to go up he was still working on it. An hour before he did vocal recordings his wife informed him that she'd forgotten to mention that her parents were coming from Nevada for a visit. Chuck told her he HAD to get the video done, as it was already late thanks to Chaos Mode, and asked her to entertain her folks. Which meant that as Chuck was recording audio involving a scene featuring two women making out... his wife's parents... the REVEREND and his VERY conservative wife... were in the other room making small talk. And Chuck knew that his cat loved to push the door open as he recorded, meaning there was a chance one take would feature him getting slapped for avoiding his very religious in-laws to watch lesbians making out.
    • His desperate attempts to explain these issues while insisting they have nothing to do with Homoerotic Subtext of the episode itself (okay, the second one does, but not on his part) is quite amusing.
  • The Trill scientists appearing are experimenting with creating artificial wormholes. . .
    (big orange fiery thing appears)
    Chuck: No, no, that's a portal to Hell. You forgot to carry the one.
• From "Little Green Men":
  • Chuck imagining how the Q continuum would deal with the Ferengi.
• The impression of how Gowron assigning Kor as ambassador to Vulcan might have gone in "The Sword of Kahless".
  • Then, of course, there's the long, pointless story about "Nicotine Nemo".
• From "Our Man Bashir":
  • Chuck pronouncing Anastasia's last name as "Musensquirrel".
• "Homefront" has another Dax moment: her "pranking" of Odo by moving his furniture when he's in his liquid form. For a character who needs order and was unconscious at the time, that's a dick move. Coupled with her behavior in "Let He Who Is Without Sin..." and she's less "royal smart person" and more Stiffler
• From "Paradise Lost":
  • Chuck calling the Bolian admiral "Admiral Blueballs".
  • Chuck musing that Worf is just sitting in Bashir's chair and won't budge thanks to their positions.
• From "Return to Grace":
  • Chuck!Kira saying that she should stop saying things can't get any worse once Dukat arrives.
• From "Bar Association":
  • Chuck asking Worf if he wants the list of security breaches on the Enterprise chronologically or alphabetically.
• From "Rules of Engagement":
  • Chuck stating that the world's view of the Middle East is "Kill each other all you like, but do not fuck with the oil."
  • When Sisko tells Worf that he'll wish he'd gone into botany when he gets four pips, the wanna-be botanist says, "No, you won't" and cries.
• From "The Quickening", the running gag with the "Come to Quark's" jingle.
• From "Body Parts":
  • Chuck musing that the Divine Treasury looks like Donald Trump's bathroom.
• From "Broken Link":
  • After Gowron's message is played from three days ago,
    Sisko: And I'm prepared to send it back to the Klingons straight through Gowron's ass.
  • Chuck explaining how the Archanis sector is nothing to sneeze at right before Kira begins her sneezing fits.
  • "Sneezy visits Grumpy and Doc".

Season Five

• From "Apocalypse Rising":
  • Chuck remarking how the technogizmos are too small to be Sisko's brass balls.
• From "The Ship":
  • Chuck lets us all know that we should say "inertial dampeners offline" in the same tone that we might say "my dick has been set on fire."
• From "Nor the Battle to the Strong":
  • Chuck singing the news that "We're screwed. We're screwed. We're horribly, horribly screwed."
• From "Trials and Tribble-ations":
  • "Which Enterprise? There have been five." "Six." "Five. Jonathan Archer is dead to me."
  • Noting that the episode cruised past a great opportunity for meta humor: instead of having Worf brush off the differences between him and TOS Klingons with "It is something we do not discuss," as soon as the Defiant ends up in the past, put Michael Dorn in TOS-style Klingon makeup. . . and have no one comment on it. Essentially brazenly acknowledge that the reason for the Klingons' new look is advances in budget and makeup by not acknowledging it at all.
  • He closes out the episode with this little gem:
    "Sorry, Quark. I don't know how Shatner pulls that off week after week, but that toupee just doesn't suit you."
• "Let He Who Is Without Sin...":
  • Saying that Leeta has big boobs as ballast to keep her head from floating away.
  • Saying that sex should be between one woman and one penguin the way God intended it, calling back to his Rebuild of Evangelion review.
  • The Running Gag that "Jamaharon" isn't sex, given how the franchise approaches it.
    Chuck: "For all we know Jamaharon is miniature golf and Vanessa Williams got Curzon's head stuck in the windmill."
• From "Things Past":
  • "And of course, the pelvic pains caused by the weight of my enormous penis."
• From "The Ascent":
  • The description of this review reads as follows, "Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide joins Quark and Odo in their two-man play called 'Grown Men try to kill each other on the side of a mountain.' It's off-off-off Broadway. And the ground."
• From "Rapture" he considers how it would have been if Sisko had given his disoriented rant about locusts on the promenade in front of visitors:
  Sisko: Locusts, they're coming!
  Visitor: Who is that mad man?
  Inhabitant: Oh, that's the station's commander.
  Sisko: And a seven-headed beast will sing a different song with each of its seven mouths, and there will be a tearing of sky, and a shaking of the Earth, and locusts will scream out to all the world "suck it bitches!" And lo, they will indeed suck it."
• From "The Begotten":
  • Chuck's speculation that if Kira was so relaxed during labor because she was doped up, she wouldn't notice if Miles was slapping her in the face with his dick while singing, "I like to move it, move it! I like to move it, move it!"
• From "For the Uniform":
  • "Mr. Worf, prepare a Class 2 quantum torpedo, and write on it 'Don't fuck with The Sisko!'"
  • Chuck imagining how Sisko's report would have gone.
    Admiral: Well, let's see: you deliberately violated orders.
    Sisko: Uh huh.
    Admiral: Blew up a fleeing ship on purpose.
    Sisko: Mm hmm.
    Admiral: You gassed an Earth colony.
    Sisko: Former Earth colony.
    Admiral: Have you any reason why we shouldn't just remove you from command right now?
    Sisko: [makes Fake Static with his mouth] Sorry, sir. You're breaking up.
    Admiral: Ben? Holo-communicator, Ben. I can see you making the static noises right now.
    Sisko: [continues anyway] What was that, sir?
    Admiral: [sighs] Let's just forget the whole thing. Just try not to punch anyone, alright?
    Sisko: Sorry, sir, but I can't sleep at night unless I kick someone's ass. [more Fake Static]
• "In Purgatory's Shadow": Everybody wants Kira. "Dukat wants her, Shakaar wants her, Odo wants her, she just delivered Chief O'Brien's baby."
• From "By Inferno's Light":
  • Chuck being unable to read since he spat on the script while saying of lot of words that begin with S.
• The skit of how "Dr. Bashir, I Presume" might have gone down if that Changeling had still been impersonating Bashir.
• From "Ties of Blood and Water":
  • When Kira throws a cup at Dukat: "Mental rewrite in three...two...one...why yes, Major! I'd love to have a drink with you! But, duty calls!"
• From "Children of Time":
  • Chuck's skit about an annoyed Vedek dealing with Shakaar when he's trying to take a nap.
  • Chuck's "prayer" to the almighty quantum.
• From "Blaze of Glory":
  • In the review's opening, General Martok tells Sisko that he and his crew intercepted a disturbing message at the Cardassian border. Sisko's response? "Uh, General, don't worry, it's just called spam. There's, there's nothing wrong with your penis."
• From "Empok Nor":
  • Chuck recommending "Keeping up with the Cardassians" in order for the viewers to sort any complicated information about the whole needing Cardassian parts situation.
• From "In the Cards":
  • Chuck musing that if boredom could kill cells, the TNG episode "Shades Of Gray" would have killed him a long time ago.
• The Summoning of Starship Captains in "Call to Arms":
  Sisko: All right, I've called you all here because the situation is grim. The Dominion has more ships then we could possibly hope to defeat on the other side of that wormhole. How do we stop them from taking over the federation?
  Kirk: I assume you've already tried appealing the superior aspects of human nature?
  Sisko: Of course.
  Kirk: And then hit them?
  Sisko: Of course.
  Kirk: And none of that worked? Huh. Double dumb ass on them.
  Picard: Did you try closing it with an inverse tachyon beam?
  Sisko: More or less, we can't close it.
  Picard: Inverse graviton beam?
  Sisko: Still no, we can't close it.
  Janeway: Have you tried a show of force, such as finding the Founders and destroying the crust and mantle of their world?
  Sisko: Someone else already tried that, wrong planet.
  Janeway: Well just go and do it properly this time!
  Sisko: We don't-
  Janeway: No excuses! Just do it!
  Picard: What about an anti-proton beam?
  Sisko: Still no. To both. Anyone else?
  Archer: I told them I told them the Vulcans you can't trust the Vulcans! They run up the flat to the back of the dragon and hold their tails so you can't fly no more and then you can't know your thoughts no more because they've already stolen the wrench to your mind! Mindbomb the mindbomb! It's the only thing that will keep them out of your brain! it stops them coming through!
  Kirk: ...
  Picard: ...
  Janeway: Mindbomb, that sounds COOL! I'm changing my answer to his!
  Sisko: I can't-
  Janeway: That's two votes for Mindbomb. We win!

Season Six

• From "A Time to Stand":
  Sisko: [after losing command of the Defiant] I'm going to turn around, and when I turn back, we're going to both pretend you didn't just say something that would make me punch you in the throat.
  • The conversation between Weyoun and Jake, where Chuck points out that the Dominion is a society which doesn't tolerate bias.
    Jake: I know I reported you're an evil oligarchy bent on crushing the freedoms of everyone in the galaxy, but I didn't expect you'd go so far as to actually stop me from saying it! That's the kind of thing I'd expect from an evil oligarchy bent on crushing the freedoms of everyone in the galaxy!
    Weyoun: There you go again with the negativity!
    Jake: Well, it's true!
    Weyoun: Absolutely not! It's not an oligarchy, it's a theocracy.
• From "Rocks and Shoals":
  O'Brien: Well, Captain, they say any landing you can walk away from is a good one!
  Sisko: Shut up, Chief, just shut up.
• The hypothetical dinner conversation from "Sons and Daughters":
  Kira: Please pass the salt, you murdering fascist!
  Dukat: Glad to help you, you crinkled-nose uptight bitch!
  Kira: So what's on the agenda today? Murdering babies or just fathering illegitimate ones? No offense, Ziyal.
  Ziyal: ...Can we not do this?
  Dukat: Major, is it true that you're so frigid, First Minister Shakaar's penis now has twelve words for snow?
  Kira: When you go around on your rape sprees, are you worried that you’ve sired so many bastards, you may accidentally be plowing one of them or are you just happy that you're finally doing something with your abandoned children? (Beat) Again, no offense, Ziyal.
  Ziyal: Would anyone like to see my sketches?
  Kira: I bet your father would like to see your—
  Dukat: Please pass the salt back... you filthy shrew.
  Kira: Why don't you just come over here and take it and claim that it was for the good of the Bajoran people?
  Dukat: Same time tomorrow?
  Kira: I look forward to it!
  • Chuck's increasing exasperation with Alexander's pathetic attempts to be a Klingon. It reaches the point where Alex keeps screwing up while Chuck is trying to stand up for the poor schmuck.
    (after Alex drops his bat'leth mid-swing, twice) Worf, just shoot him in the head.
• From "Behind the Lines":
  • Concerning the phaser power cell Sisko is holding.
    Sisko: The next time you see this, I'll be shoving it up Weyoun's ass.
  • Chuck letting Weyoun know that although he wants to show the female changeling respect by not looking at her face, staring at her boobs isn't much of an improvement.
• From "Favor the Bold ":
  Female Changeling: [discussing Odo] Bringing him home, returning him to the Great Link, means more to us than the Alpha Quadrant itself.
  Weyoun: So, should we maybe call off this whole war thing...
  Female Changeling: Get back to work!
  • Sisko and Admiral Ross talk about some unusual requisitions Sisko found:
    Ross: I don't have to explain myself to you, captain!
    Sisko: I really wish you would.
    Ross: No, you don't.
    Sisko: Yeah, you're probably right.
• From "Sacrifice of Angels":
  • After pointing out how Dukat's strategy comes from the Battle of Cannae, Chuck throws in a clip from a TV movie about the battle (with Alexander Siddig as Hannibal, leading to O'Brien saying that Hannibal looked familiar...).
  • Sisko's order into the wormhole after the minefield is destroyed: "I don't expect to be able to stop much more than half of them, but maybe we'll get lucky."
  • This epic Brick Joke:
    Sisko: Now to stare down these 2800 ships and...
    (the ships disappear)
    Sisko: Wha...? What happened?
    Janeway: The Mindbomb happened. I told you: COOL!!!
    Sisko: What the hell's in this thing?!
    Janeway: ...Secrets? (Beat) It's the Mindbomb, it runs on the power of the human heart. (Sisko looks shocked) I mean emotions! God, why do you people always assume the worst?
    Sisko: So it amplifies emotion and uses it as a weapon?
    Janeway: After it sucks them out of you leaving you soulless, basically yes. So who should we use it on next?
    Picard: The Borg?
    Janeway: Way to think outside the box, Captain No-duh! Any other ideas?
    Archer: The Vulcans?
    Janeway: Nah, Tuvok would be grief-stricken. Unless I sucked out his emotions first...
    • You know what's also funny? There actually is something very similar in Trek Canon. The Stone Of Gol. It may not work the same way as mentioned, but Crazy!Janeway is the type to tinker with the schematics.
  • The Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness word-a-day calendar joke about Dukat, along with the possibility that he celebrates Festivus.
• From "Statistical Probabilities":
  • "The Klingons have a term for people who try to do this kind of thing for our children, anchor babies."
• From "The Magnificent Ferengi":
  • "First, an elderly Ferengi civilian, then the entire Alpha Quadrant!"
• From "Waltz":
  • Right before Dukat goes completely crazy over his mind version of Kira we have this hilarious bit: "Roger that Dukat, We are go on completely losing our shit. In three, two, one...
    Dukat: Enough!!!
  • When Dukat complains about how everyone keeps bringing up his victims from his time during the Occupation, Chuck has this to say:
    YOU'RE HOLDING A PIPE STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE MAN YOU'VE JUST BEATEN! Wow, that is a disconnection from reality impressive enough to put you in command of the NX-01!
• From "Far Beyond the Stars":
  • Chuck using the 23-19 clip from Monsters, Inc. in reaction to Jimmy saying the N-word.
• From "Honor Among Thieves":
  • When O'Brien is told, "Don't tell me you don't like girls."
    O'Brien: Of course I do! You've been talking to Julian, haven't you?! He's got it all wrong!
• From "Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night":
  • Chuck advertising the truth as part of a complete breakfast.
  • Sisko listing the ridiculous reasons why Morn, Bashir, Dax, and Rom want to time travel after hearing that Kira wants to time travel to know whether or not Dukat boned her mom. His list? Morn wants to go back to yesterday to see what he looks like when he's on the toilet. Bashir wants to visit Martin van Buren and kick him in the shin "Just to see the look on his face". Dax wants to talk Hitler into switching from a mustache to a goatee just so she can make jokes about Sisko's. Rom wants to watch Morn watch himself on the toilet.
• From "Inquisition":
  • Chuck calling the episode "Inter Arma Meeny, Miny, Moe".
  • Also his Brick Joke about Taiwanese Lazy-Boys.
• His strained metaphor for how Sisko was feeling in "In the Pale Moonlight", which included singing "Old MacDonald" to the tune of "Amazing Grace".
  • His one man quest to make Ben Sisko a Memetic Badass, especially "Bitch, the list of reasons I'm awesome is so long, the only surface big enough to write it on is my dick!"
  • Opening the review with the "It's a fake!" line, and then adding this meme-laden comment:
    Chuck: Okay, everybody got that out of their system now? No need to fall back on any hackneyed internet memes, right? Especially once we realize that every time you masturbate, God does indeed kill a kitten, and I for one welcome our domokun overlords, and remind my fellow Earthlings that all your base are belong to us because it's a trap!
• In his review of "His Way", Chuck makes a point on how interspecies relationships should be a lot more complex than the show portrays them. He uses a hilarious analogy of likening the situation to a person having a relationship with a sentient, talking plant, and how incredibly awkward it would be.
  • When Vic calls Odo "Nanook of the North", Chuck says, "Oh, I would give this episode a ten if he sang "Don't Eat The Yellow Snow".
  • One caption that reads "About this tall, playing a cowbell" serves as a nice reference to that one midget with the cowbell.
  • When we get yet another musical number, this time Nana Visitor singing, "Fever", Chuck says, "Well, I guess it could be worse," then it cuts to Itchy in the VR machine from The Star Wars Holiday Special.
• From "The Reckoning":
  • Chuck talks about how Jake gets dragged along to listen to his old man speak on the principle that the less there is to say about something, the more he needs to drag on and on and on about, and then he says "Shut up" after a pause.
• Chuck lets Bashir know that the prophecy went something like this: "And thou shalt placeth thy crown betwixt thy knees, then giveth unto thine buttocks the kiss of departure."
• From "Valiant":
  • Chuck sniping that the bitchass Red Squad First Officer majored in "looking at things" at the Academy, rather than "applied looking at things."
• "Profit and Lace":
  • He sets out an example of where "the line" is on joking about strange topics through the theoretical example of having a fetish for women dressed as Alice in Wonderland. He then starts listing off some of the possible jokes you can make from that subject:
    "Do you start out by petting her Cheshire Cat?"
    "So, do you put a tag on your dick that says: 'Eat me'?"
    "Do you start out anal and then go to oral when somebody yell 'Change places!'?"
  • His insistence that he's shallow rather than transphobic.
  • His speculation that Rom's Genius Ditz status is the result of a Flowers for Algernon-type experiment that only half worked.
  • As Quark, Rom and Nog agree to help Zek by sending messages to all FCA Commissioners:
    Chuck: But first, it's time to play everyone's favorite Ferengi gameshow: "Where is My Dignity?" After several exciting rounds, we discover that it escaped right about the end of "The Magnificent Ferengi" and hasn't been seen since. Thanks for playing!
  • The conversation between Bashir and Quark.
    Bashir: You know, we really recommend that you spend time living as a woman to make sure that this change is truly what you want.
    Quark: Oh, it's not what I want. It's for a Zany Scheme.
    Bashir: Well why didn't you say so! There's a zany scheme exemption clause in all of medical ethics!
    Quark: ...Really?
    Bashir: No, you idiot!
  • His increasing annoyance with the "Acting Grand Nagus" Running Gag.
    • Just the time first it pops up alone:
      Quark: I still can't believe it! Brunt is the new Nagus?
      Zek: Acting Nagus.
      Chuck: (with clear defeat in his voice) Oh, god. You know where this is going...
  • Chuck noting with trepidation that Michael Piller wrote in an internal note to the writers that he thought the episode was going to be a classic, and that Quark's Disguised in Drag scenes would be the element that would ensure this. Chuck, of course, points out how nowadays most fans look back upon as Quark's sex change as the crowning poor decision in an already infamously bad episode.
• From "The Sound of Her Voice":
  • A photoshopped picture of "Walter Peck: The Series. The tale of a man who has no dick" appears after Chuck points out the the stuffy bureaucrat is rarely, if ever, the hero.

Season Seven

• From "Take Me Out to the Holosuite":
  • "In case you forgot, baseball's the one with the ball. It's not the one where we joust while riding giant tarantulas." "Well, I quit!"
• From "Chrysalis":
  • Chuck wondering whether he should congratulate Nog or warn him that Lauren has the hots for him.
  • Chuck joking about how Bashir can put an insomniac person to sleep just by beginning to talk to them.
• From "Treachery, Faith, and the Great River":
  • Chuck joking that the cause of Sisko feeling ten kilos heavier on the Defiant was Kasidy's cooking.
• "Once More Unto the Breach"
  WHO'S THE NOBODY NOW, HUH? HE'S JUST A FAT, UNEMPLOYED IDIOT, AND I HAVE A TVTROPES PAGE!
• From "The Siege of AR-558",
  • The entire opening three minutes to the review, describing Sisko's work ethic, revenge tactics, and negotiating skills with Romulans.
    Chuck: Let me put it in perspective for you: Picard faced the Borg, and after it was done ruining his life, he stood in his office and drank Earl Grey. Sisko faced the Borg and after it was done ruining his life, he fumed in an escape-pod; then went off to design a ship whose only purpose is to kill Borg. It's a set of guns strapped to an engine. Then he called it Defiant, a name that practically shakes its fist at the Borg. That was his second choice, Starfleet felt that the "USS Ben Sisko's Muthafuckin Pimp Hand" was too long.
    • As for "negotiating" with the Romulans:
      Sisko: Oh, and someone give [the Defiant] a cloaking device. I'm gonna surprise those bastards!
      Red Shirt: Uh, we can't do that. We don't have one; if we did, the Romulans wouldn't approve.
      Sisko: Oh?! Well, give me a moment to go do a little "negotiation" with the Romulan ambassador... (walks off) Hey! Ambassador Motherfucker, I need a favor!
      (sounds of someone getting smacked around)
      Sisko: (returns) The cloaking device will be here tomorrow. Now, if you'll excuse me, Starfleet is about to award the Christopher Pike Medal to my dick!
• From "It's Only a Paper Moon":
  • Chuck saying that the only way to settle the Jadzia vs. Ezri debate is a topless tickle fight.
  • "Hey, hey, you don't come into my club and start smashing up the place! (insert Worf's Death Glare here) Without a drink on the house first!"
• From the "Field of Fire" review, Chuck's speculation on how Ezri would have justified her actions in the episode to the court:
  No, I didn't contact security or anyone when I had my suspicions. I'm aware of the regulations, but it was obvious that this man needed to be shot. I mean, I was just trying to understand how killers think. Look, I took the advice of a dead serial killer that nobody else could see or hear - no don't be silly, of course he's not here now. He's gone back to living in my tummy where he belongs. W-what are you doing?! I'm not the crazy one! I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE!
• From "The Emperor's New Cloak":
  • After Chuck talks about how "Evil = The Kind of Stupidity That You'd Hear From a Conversation in a Restaurant" in the Mirror Universe, he segues into that very conversation.
• From "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang":
  • After mentioning that since he's been outted as a genetically enhanced human, Bashir has been free to become Dr. James Bond.
    Bashir: Hello, my dear, I'm Julian Bashir. I'm normally a doctor, but I'm afraid you caught me in the middle of a daring scheme to rip off the mob, so I don't have long to chat. But, perhaps later we can meet for a drink and I could show my publication in the New England journal of Medicine. It's called, "1001 ways to Pleasure the G-Spot." But first, I have to return Linkara's hat.
• In "Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges", Picard rebelling against the "ask each captain for advice" Running Gag, getting so pissed off that it turns Janeway on, which of course just makes it worse. This is followed by Bashir concluding that Khan was right.
  • The Running Gag about being unable to say the episode's awkward Latin title correctly, finally culminating in him calling it Enter the Dragon.
  • Upon seeing the USS Bellerophon, which is a sister ship to Voyager, Chuck nearly has a panic attack, afraid he's accidentally put on Voyager instead. He later notes that it uses the same registry number as Voyager, comments on what this says about Starfleet's reaction to their disappearance, and rechristens it the USS Dancing on Voyager's Grave.
  • The yearbook committee Running Gag.
• From "Penumbra":
  • His comment on Quark reassuring Ezri that Worf will be fine because Worf wouldn't let himself die while being in Quark's debt sparks this image.
    Chuck: And he has a valid point, though I'm now picturing a zombie Worf shambling into the bar, dropping a pile of money onto the counter, then eating everybody's brains.
• From "'Til Death Do Us Part":
  • Chuck's impersonation of a drunk Damar.
• From "Strange Bedfellows":
  • Chuck's "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer when it came to Weyoun taking an interest in watching Worf and Ezri hump each other.
• From "The Changing Face of Evil":
  • Chuck's apology for writing food-related analogies when he's hungry.
  • Chuck-as-drunk-Damar-with-a-bottle-in-his-hand going "Someone threw up in my bed! This is the third time this week!"
  • After Vedek Old Lemonface sees Dukat walk in after Kai Winn claims she'll use her time to study and meditate.
    Vedek Old Lemonface: Would the Kai care for some lube in case she'd like to be meditated in the butt?
  • Chuck has Weyoun present a long hypothesis about why the Breen need refrigeration suits despite coming from a mild planet. It's actually just a restatement of his theory on the fate of the race from the Enterprise episode "Dear Doctor".
  • "Oh, I come from old B'hala with my Anjohl on his knees! Screw you, I've been waiting a whole month to say that, I stand by my terrible gag!"
• From "When It Rains...":
  • Dukat going blind and the aftermath is what Chuck pictures in his mind whenever he thinks of Hillary Clinton reading Breitbart.
• From "Tacking into the Wind":
  • The "so they fight and they fight and they fight" gag is back.
  • Another reason why Worf doesn't want to become Chancellor? Because he doesn't want to be haunted by rumors that the fight was hacked. He does have ties to Russia (his parents), after all.
• From "Extreme Measures":
  • Chuck states that Bashir's reason why he shot Sloan rather than using other peaceful alternatives is...because Bashir wanted to shoot him, no other reason.
• From "The Dogs of War":
  • The USS Sao Paolo gets renamed not "USS Ben Sisko's Motherfucking Pimp Hand" but "USS Brass Knuckle".
• From "What You Leave Behind: Part 1":
  • The "And they fight and they fight and they fight" gag appears once more.
  • After Gul Dukat sees the fire in the Fire Caves light up.
    Gul Dukat: Aw, damn it, I left the marshmallows back at the temple!
  • When the part about the Breen wanting Earth comes up, Chuck makes a subtle nod toward his fanon theory of them being the Valakians and wanting Earth for personal reasons.
• From "What You Leave Behind: Part 2":
  • Chuck comparing the concept of a stupid plan to peeing through the window of a squad car. You may really want to do it, but that doesn't mean it won't end badly for you.
  • "She (Sanders) tells them to eat shit."
  • When Kira, Damar, and Garak are stuck outside Dominion HQ, Chuck wonders what's going on inside. Cue a scene of Hitler yelling from Downfall.