Funny / RuneScape

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• The game in general, particularly in all but the most serious quests, have a good deal of humour. Violation of Common Sense, Leaning on the Fourth Wall and especially Comedic Sociopathy are common elements.
• Ava's entire dialogue during the quest "Animal Magnetism".
• On the Advanced Barbarian Agility Course, one accident that can happen is the player accidentally losing their footing while trying to do a cartwheel on the balance beam and landing on their crotch. This can also happen on the tightrope in Balthazar Beauregard's Big Top Bonanza.
• In the 2012 Christmas event, when you give a stray dog a bath, "Monsieur Flea" shouts at you for "flooding his home with no warning" and swears that is not the last you've heard of him.
  • And sure enough, when you give one of the strays a home, you can get him a flea circus. Guess who's in it?
• In "The Void Stares Back," while the player is busy controlling Void troops fighting Void Pest forces via magical communication orb a.k.a. Commorb (The player, and several Non Player Characters, are stuck behind rocks), Lord Daquarius, the leader of the Black Knights, laboriously mines the rocks to create an escape passage (gaining a level while doing so). After defeating the Pests, Savant (The Commorb contact), teleports the group out, with Daquarius screaming "WHAT!?!?" right before the teleportation. Also, he was mining with a bronze pickaxe.
• In "King of the Dwarves", you must get help from a troll warlord called Pretty Flower (trolls are named after the first thing they try to eat). Before he listens to what you have to say, you have to prove you are worthy. He tells you 'You must lift up Big Rock' so you go and lift the big rock near him, not an easy task. He says 'No, that not right! I tell you to lift up Big Rock!', and then the previously unnamed troll called Big Rock goes 'Me bet you not strong enough to lift me.'
  • Pretty Flower is embarrassed by his name, and hopes that during the battle, his son will eat something with a more intimidating name. If you go back to the tunnels after the quest, Pretty Flower's son has indeed gained his name... Sparkly Crystal.
• In My Arm's Big Adventure, the drunken dwarf shows up while My Arm is farming. My Arm immediately punches him off the mountain. To add insult to injury, an unnamed troll child shows up and starts eating his leg, earning the moniker of Drunken Dwarf's Leg.
  • Earlier in the quest, Burntmeat tells a story of eating a human who had full dragon gear and an Abyssal Whip, which he threw out because he found them inedible (at the time, this was the best melee setup in the game) and the player seems more mad about Burntmeat throwing out the gear than eating the human.
• Braindeath 'rum'. And yes, the quotation marks are part of the name. The Cooking Guild has threatened to physically hurt people who don't include them.
  Captain Braindeath: Well, see, it's like this. If we called the stuff we make 'rum' without makin' the little quote gestures every time, then the Cookin' Guild has promised to do entertainingly painful things to us with whisks. See, technically - and by that I mean technically according to the Disposal of Hazardous Waste Act and the Health and Safety Laws - technically, what we're brewin' here is Artificially Produced Hyper Condensed Sweetened 'Rum' Flavour Distillate. [...] So ye see, we just call it 'rum' because the real name be a bit of a mouthful. Want a drop?
  • When the player complains that nothing could be more disgusting than Braindeath 'rum', Captain Braindeath himself is happy to correct them, while they're talking to someone else in an entirely different island:
    Player character: And here was me thinking that nothing could be more disgusting than Braindeath 'Rum'.
    Captain Braindeath: Arr, that's where ye'd be wrong lad, 'cos new, improved Braindeath 'Rum' Classic is now 200% more disgustin' then any leadin' competitor! Legal disclaimer; the dangerous amount of disgustin' in new Braindeath 'Rum' Classic be too much for pregnant women, donkeys and anyone with more than seven letters in their last name.
    Player character: What was that?
    Fancy Dan/San Fan: What was what?
• Pirate quest series:
  • From "A Clockwork Syringe": After your house is attacked by a pirate zombie robot (It Makes Sense in Context):
    Estate Agent: Luckily for you, the standard player-owned house contents insurance policy was recently updated to include acts of zombio-mechanical piracy.
    Player Character: Is it that much of a widespread problem that the policy needs to include it?
    Estate Agent: In all honesty, no. I never thought it would happen, so I put it in to make the list of covered circumstances seem more attractive. So I took a gamble and lost on that one.
  • From "Rum Deal":
    Player Character: I need help dealing with an evil spirit here.
    Davey: Sure, lad, lots of people need professional help dealing with the spirits here.
  • The examine text of the evil spirit in question is "The pun was intended."
  • Pirate Pete's highly melodramatic, over-the-top and uncorroborated sob story. And the player's deadpan response.
  • Trying to set 50% Luke on fire will make him do a "500 hit combo" on the player.
    Player: My world is an ocean of paaaain...
    • He also says that he is not heartless. He has a whole bag of them.
  • The player intimidates a zombie with a tirade heavily impled to be obscene and violent, covered up with Relax-o-Vision.
  We interrupt this insult to bring you this soothing picture of a kitten. Normal service will be resumed shortly. Thank you for your patience.
  Player: ...and I'll grind up what's left, mix it with lemon juice and throw the whole lot into the ocean!
  • Both Pirate Pete and the player using Look Behind You.
  • All the shanties Bard Roberts plays about the quests.
  • In A Clockwork Syringe, the pirates refuse to tell the player why they have a box of women's apparel because "What happens at sea stays at sea."
  • During "Pieces of Hate", you can talk to 50% Luke, now known as "66.6...% Luke" upon losing one of his wooden legs, suggesting a better name to roll off the tongue. The amount of names that your player character suggests (each one of them 66.6...% Luke rejects) range from silly, to a cheeky pop culture reference, to something actually pretty cool. You also have the option to keep going as long as possible, which goes on for ages until it eventually loops back to the first list of names.
• In Thok's two Fremennik sagas, Thok, Master of Dungeoneering, displays what a huge badass he is. Some of his funnier moments include:
  • Headbutting a spirit into submission.
  • Commanding an empty soil patch to grow vegetables (and succeeding).
  • Forcing a trapped puzzle to solve itself in a single move.
  • Eating magical runes to bolster his own physical strength.
  • Threatening an otherworldly creature into leaving his guard.
  • Attempting to woo the Cute Monster Girl of his dreams.
  • Killing 6 bosses in succession and delivering awesome Bond One-Liners after he's finished.
  • Also, most monster/item names are changed to what they appear as to Thok. (Silver curvy thing for a silver crescent key, sea meat for fish, Pretty Lass for the Divine Skinweaver you save, and so forth.)
• The ending to "Let Them Eat Pie", as well as the dialogue with a person who witnessed it, is too funny for words to describe. Let's just say it involves a pie.
• At one point, Ivy was glitched in that, rather than using a woodcutting hatchet in the player's inventory, the cutting animation played out using whatever item was equipped. This led to players chopping down ivy in ways such as punching it, hitting it with a pickaxe, and banging a salamander against the wall◊.
  • With the Evolution of Combat, boxing gloves are classified as two-handed swords. Which means with them players could do Razor Wind with their hands or rupture the floor with a Ground Punch.
• There's one quest where you need to find a brain surgeon to fix a bunch of monks after their brains were swapped out for zombies (long story). After you find the doctor in question, get him to the monks, get the supplies, etc, etc, he finally starts the brain transplant. Before he starts, he asks your Player Character to record what he does, for posterity. The scene cuts away to a graphic of a cat playing with a ball of yarn. When the scene comes back...
  Player Character: I DON'T WANT MY EYES ANYMORE! I think I'm going to vomit...
  Dr. Fenkenstrain: If you do, do it in a bucket. This is a sterile environment after all.
  Player Character: BUT IT FELL ON THE FLOOR!
  Dr. Fenkenstrain: Yes, but the sawdust came right off with the cheese grater.
• The Carnillean Rising quest is filled with these:
  • Philipe snarking at the player for not testing the guards' patrol, saying that there's a glitch, and asking why he can't kill all the guards. These are probably take thats or shout outs to players complaining about glitches and not being able to kill everything. Also, when you hand the boy a dress as a disguise, he is told that his father wanted him to wear it, making him think that his parents wanted a daughter.
  • The "guard"'s reaction to this makes it even funnier.
    Claus the Chef: Heavens preserve us, it's the kid. In a dress.
    Philipe Carnillean: Brave guard, you must be weary from your long vigil. Pray take your rest and sup with me awhile.
    Claus: Do what with you awhile?
    Philipe: Just take the drink!
    Claus: The drink! Finally! Give it here, kid. *Takes drink and falls unconscious.*
  • Philipe levels up (quite frequently, in fact) during his battle against the Cave Wolf Matriarch and gets a "Quest Complete" screen. Bottom of the rewards list? Some self-respect.
• If you aren't incredibly frustrated by One Small Favour, you're probably laughing your ass off.
  • Or both. Both is good.
• During the quest "Stolen Hearts", you need to sneak into Al-Kharid's palace through a series of roof-hopping parkour tricks reminiscent of Assassin's Creed, like climbing ladders in a showy fashion, hopping across support planks, and swinging across makeshift monkey bars. Eventually you come across an awning that you need to jump on, so that you can bounce up high and climb onto a platform some distance away. Examining the awning simply gives the one word description: "Really?"
  • In the sequel quest, you get to jump from a building into a cart of hay. Of course, Ozan wants to go again. After the quest, you can get an achievement for doing exactly that.
    • Later on, a sundial is missing a piece, and it turns out that Ozan was sitting on it.
    • Right before that, the two of you sink into quicksand, with Ozan lampshading that quicksand doesn't work the way this batch does, and that it's not real quicksand.
    • Also, the tunnel scene. Ozan steps in... something, grabs what he thinks is a torch but is actually part of the player, and keeps commenting on the smell and sounds in that area.
    • Then there's this gem.
      Ozan: Dung kalphites... Why did it have to be dung kalphites?
    • Likewise, the player keeps shushing Ozan when he tries to use a certain term for dung, and Ozan's reaction to it. The player's explanation for why they were shushing him doesn't make it any less funny.
• In "Some Like it Cold", one of the escape plans mentioned involves creating a second iceberg and moving all of the seals onto it. Even Teddy the polar bear cannot decide whether it is madness or genius. Other plans involve activating the nonexistent fire alarm, lassoing an albatross with underwear to hitch a ride, lying on their backs to spell HELP (won't work since penguins have white bellies), and launching out of the blowholes of killer whales. Also, Megapenguin.
• The bot and Botfinder General dialogue and voice acting in Botany Bay are hilarious.
• Bringing Home the Bacon. All of it. Special mention goes to the bit when you beat the hell out of a pickpocket and the scene cuts away to a pig and a kitten while the pickpocket screams in agony in the background.
• All of Sliske in Missing, Presumed Death.
• The well-deserved Take That! to Kara-Meir's "stirring speech" against Brassica Prime and Marimbo prior to 2014's "Cabbage Facepunch Bonanza":
  Holstein: ... Well, Brassica threw cabbages. I will leave it up to your imagination what Marimbo and her followers threw.
  • Pretty much all of the dialogue was funny in some way or another. Poor Holstein, trying to have a serious debate. In a podcast released before the event, some Jagex mods were reading player questions. One question asked if anything in the event would be serious. Cue laughter all around.
• Yelps during The Mighty Fall. Turn on the sound so you can hear his voice, which is both annoying and endearing at the same time. This isn't quite so funny if you're the one playing the quest.
• During Fate of the Gods you can leave Freneskae and check in with Azzanadra and Sliske at the World Gate and update them on your progress. They also engage in some humorous banter, however this one line Sliske says to Azzanadra is definitely a Funny Moment:
  Sliske: Big Boss to Bunny Ears, Big Boss to Bunny Ears. Come in, Bunny Ears.
  Azzanadra: Do not mock my hat! It is a symbol of my position in the church!
  • Sliske has several different lines of snark to mock the player if they return to the World Gate after dying in Freneskae. By the sixth attempt, he's lost count of how many times you've tried and died. By the eighth attempt and from then on, he gives up and just whines that you die so much, he's getting bored. He's a spot of black-hearted levity in a very serious quest, and the contrast just heightens the hilarity.
• In the Player Owned Ports minigame, there's a newbie adventurer NPC that asks you for advice on several things. You're given a range of options that vary from excellent to terrible. Much of the bad advice, and even more of the terrible advice is hilarious by nature of being complete violations of common sense. A comprehensive list of all questions that she asks, and all possible answers can be found here. A few choice examples:
  Meg: Okay, so a friend of mine told me he's heard rumours of a powerful flail that was wielded by one of Saradomin's generals way back in the God Wars. I'm going to go and quest for it. Do you have any suggestions on where to start?
  Player: Keep buying flails until you get the right one.
  -
  Meg: I was trying to disarm someone at range, but it's tricky. What do I do?
  Player: Aim for their head. That'll disarm them.
  -
  Meg: I want to cross terrain faster. What animals are safe to ride?
  Player: Fire elementals.
  -
  Meg: So, I was planning on making a canoe and sailing to some of the wilder places downriver. Tell me, what's the best wood to use?
  Player: Bloodwood trees. You can get to those, right? ^note Bloodwood trees are only available in incredibly dangerous areas, the logs crumble into dust if carried more than a few steps away from the trees they were cut from, and can only be crafted into bolts.
  • Many of the Port Updates that happen while your ships are on voyages are worth a chuckle.
• The Rocking Out pirate quest is hilarious in several ways, but the icing on the cake comes at the end of the quest. During the quest, you're taking to a prison known as The Rock, and encounter a megalomaniacal custom's officer named Heavy Handed Harry, who is implied to be on some form of medication. This message plays when you complete it, with a picture of pirate kittens accompanying it:
  Disclaimer: No member of the Customs and Excise office were seriously harmed during the making of this quest.* Support your local Customs Office! In the mean time, here are some kittens.
  *Note: several members of the Rock Island Guard did develop severe stomach aches as a result of consuming the dubious fish stew Harry makes.
  Most recovered using antipoison potions. The rest respawned in Lumbridge, feeling very confused.
  Harry has since been banned from the mess, pending a fresh shipment of his medication.
  A representative of the Cooking Guild is quoted as saying they are 'very relieved'.
  A representative of the fish community declined to comment.
• Traiborn summoning the Thingummywut. It also doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome for Traiborn. What makes this funny? Before doing the Love Story quest, listen to what Traiborn says about Thingummywuts...then watch the cutscene. It is glorious. And really freaking huge.
• The Grim Reaper in the 2010 Halloween Event.
  Player: "I could.. get you [Zabeth Corved the musician's] autograph?
  Grim: "OHMYWORDIWOULDSOTOTALLYLOVEANAUTOGRAPH!"
• The Beneath Cursed Tides quest, which involves you going to the now-sunken Tutorial Island, is a mix of Funny, Awesome and Heartwarming, all in the form of a series of Mythology Gags. For instance:
  • The survival instructor (who originally taught you how to fish and cook shrimp) will express disbelief at the fact that you cooked shrimp for the first time without burning it- on Tutorial Island originally, the game was programmed to have you burn the first shrimp you cooked. She'll only accept it after you intentionally overcook it.
  • Since the water has impeded the forging process for the mining and smithing tutorial, the bronze dagger you make is classified as a Butter knife.
  • Jagex may not have intended this, but when Vannaka explains his technique that allows him to wield a two-handed sword with one hand, he asks the World Guardian if they understand. They respond with "Yes Senpai" with a completely straight face.
  • The Magic Instructor, Wizard Terrova, has clearly gone nutty in his sub-aquatic incarceration. The classic "kill a chicken to prove your magic prowess" challenge returns, except this time, the PC questions why the chickens deserve to be killed.
  Wizard Terrova: The largest grain heist in known history was perpetrated by some of these birds. To this day we still don't know where they hid their bounty.
  World Guardian: How are these chickens still alive underwater?
  Wizard Terrova: Sorcelations!
• During "Blood Runs Deep", a dagannoth army attacks Rellaka while you're on Lunar Isle. Baba Yaga announces that she knows a "trick" to get you back to Rellaka to help, and requests your Seal of Passage to enact it. When you hand it over, she banishes you— without the Seal of Passage, you no longer have permission to be on Lunar Isle. Even better, it’s not any unique dialogue - she says the same thing anyone on the isle does when you don’t have the seal.
  But I have a Seal of- oh, I see what you did there.
• The former Last Rites prayer in the Saradomin god book, long since rewritten:
  Thy cause was false, thy skills did lack.
  See you in Lumbridge when you get back.
• After the events of "While Guthix Sleeps", if you encounter Linza and talk to her, she'll marvel at the possibilities of actually smithing with dragon metal, instead of just reusing found pieces. Her first suggestion is a dragon cheese grater.
• An Aggression Potion causes all attackable Non Player Characters around you to attack you for 6 minutes. It's very useful for combat training or Slayer tasks, but what's really funny is running around places like Lumbridge and watching the Level 1-2 men, women, goblins, chickens, and cows attack you.
• Dissembling cabbages can earn you a unique "Brassican" component and perk for Invention, as part of Runescape's Running Gag about cabbages. The description for either is amusing, one for Breaking the Fourth Wall and one for being absurdist word salad (yet an accurate description).
  Brassican component: Come on, are you even taking this seriously?
  Brassican perk: Always sometimes cabbages.
• Near the end of "Sliske's Endgame", it is possible for the player character to have a Too Dumb to Live moment by insulting Jas. It doesn't end well.
  Player: Shut it squidface, don't you tell me what to do.
  Jas: Self destructive
  Jas: Needlessly defiant
  Jas: Mortal life is an aberration
  Jas: It shall end
  Player: Err...I guess an apology won't help?
  (Jas smites the player, instantly killing them)
  • To add insult to injury, this counts as a regular death, meaning you will lose most of your carried items. It also means that Hardcore Ironman characters will be Killed Off for Real, though the game explicitly warns about this. Ignoring the warning causes the game to broadcast a unique system announcement, saying that the player died "by insulting the elder god Jas".
  • That's not all - Jagex originally planned to implement an event that would be triggered when the first Hardcore Ironman character died this way. Said event would involve all players facing towards the Heart of Gielinor entrance and facepalming in unison, with a message that would say "You feel as though someone did something really dumb" appearing. Sadly, this event proved too technically complex to implement.
• During June 2016, some monumentally-bored players figured out the mechanics of abyssal demon teleports, and used this to lure one downstairs out of Slayer Tower, across the Salve, across Misthalin, across Asgarnia, across Kandarin, through Arrandar Pass, through the Tirannwn Forest, and all the way to the middle of Prifddinas, where it finally lost aggro and wandered around the central hub for eight minutes. Because they could.
• Ozan's examine text:
  The brave and magnificent Ozan, who writes his own descriptions.
• If you're feeling a bit evil today, try using a hatchet on Quercus (an ent that can be found between a bridge in Edgeville and a western Grand Exchange wall).
  Quercus: Is that supposed to be some sort of threat?
• How did Ozan infiltrate Menaphos' walls? According to him, it involved bribery, a wig and a pink skirt, as well as a snake charmer's flute.
  Player: Oh, I didn't know you were musical.
  Ozan: Sure, let's pretend I played it and not something else far more embarrassing.
• The fifteenth-anniversary Gower Quest is several dozen kinds of non-canonical. A large part of the quest takes place at the Behind the Scenes bar, where several NPCs in Runescape (and even you, the player character) have No Fourth Wall in full effect. For instance:
  • Talking to Vorago will have him imitate Treebeard, and the player character will reveal that Mod Osbourne made them take out "all the explicit references to that film about the one ring.. you know?"
  • Captain Haskell (an NPC formerly in charge of the daily challenge system) is said to "reek of beer, or sugary pop if you're playing in Portugese".
  • As if Runescape didn't have enough Schizo Tech canonically, Beastmaster Durzag is listening to music on earbuds. (He's not called Beatsmaster Durzag for nothing!)
  • The Chaos Elemental's real name is Steve, and he's a fan of Fashionscape^note Runescape terminology for players who customize their cosmetic appearance from anything like having a particular staff's appearance override all other staves to... whatever nightmare this is◊. and when he asks you what you think of it, your choices are:
  Fashionscape is the best!
  I love fashionscape!
  Fashionscape is my favourite thing ever!
  • Part of the quest involves you getting romantic advice for Romeo... from the God Wars Dungeon bosses. Graardor is rather eloquently-spoken for being a follower of Bandos, Kree'ara encourages gambling, Zilyana gives you a corny pick-up line ("You must have come fresh off the spinning wheel, baby, because you can string my bow any day."), Nex tells him to brag about his Divination level (while also warning you that "filling their soul with smoke and their lungs with blood" hasn't worked for her in the past), and K'ril Tsutsaroth encourages Romeo to put eyepatches over both eyes because it's all about looks more than anything.
    • His actual attempt at flirting goes about as well as you'd expect.
  Claire Hick: Oh, no. Romeo? What are you doing here?
  Romeo: I have come to seduce you, my little chickadee.
  Claire Hick: Please leave.
  Romeo: You must have come fresh off the spinning wheel, baby, because you can string my bow any day.
  Claire Hick: Get out of here before something nasty happens to you!
  Romeo: My Divination level is 34.
  Claire Hick: Right! That's it! Come here so I can punch you!
  • You meet Lucien in Behind The Scenes... and it turns out his actor is actually a really nice guy, who talks like a surfer dude.
  • You need an item that's locked in a safe, and search for a safecracker. You end up finding a penguin who's a master safecracker, and has a bizarre disability where nobody can remember him after they stop talking to him^note A reference to an old glitch with a Hide and Seek penguin that players could spot repeatedly, letting them gain thousands of Penguin Points effortlessly. After some humorous dialogue, he opens the lock and leaves... and the player notes how convenient it is that the safe was just left open for them.
  • You need to get something out of the Grand Exchange's pneumatic pipe system. An incorrect solution to the puzzle leads to the player inadvertently destroying the economy in several ways.
  You fiddle with the pipes. Crafting and Smithing become profitable.
  You fiddle with the pipes. Party hats become untradeable.
  You fiddle with the pipes. The GE briefly accepts only ectotokens as currency.
  You fiddle with the pipes. The GE tax rises from 0% to 5% on all transactions.
  You fiddle with the pipes. The price of seismic wands crashes. Panic sell wands.

  • After finishing, the player is fairly sure that they set all the prices back to what they were before. "Hopefully. Maybe the economy will survive."
  • In order to get a quest-relevant item, you're forced to hit level 99 in three beta skills. You complain that it'll take forever, but the NPC responsible says that the balance isn't "quite right" yet. You can hit level 99 in less than three minutes, each.
    • The first skill is horse-riding, but since the actual horses aren't finished yet, the player has to ride a mechanical one.
    • The second skill is Sailing. The models for enemy ships and the ocean aren't done yet, so it takes the form of a bunch of random NPCs walking around a blue floor while making boat noises with their mouth.
    • The third is Bank-Standing. As in, literally standing still in front of a bank booth. The player repeatedly gets distracted by absolutely nothing and runs away, forcing you to go back to the bank booth.
  • A door in the beta room talks about the "Acid" skill, scrapped due to the fact that the player base might get salty.^note An acid and a base combining creates a salt.
    • Another door warns that it's the "Lots of Blood Storage Room" in English. On the back of the note, in German, it warns that it's Marmelade Storage.
  • The Big Bad of the Quest is the Black Knight Titan, a rather weak quest boss from a mid-tier quest who always seemed to get ignored and shafted when it came to graphical updates (up until the release of Gower Quest in 2016, his model hadn't been updated since the quest's original release, which was all the way back in 2002!), and his entire motivation was that he was pissed off about never getting a graphical rework.
• The quest "One Piercing Note" involves a series of murders at an Abbey. It soon becomes apparent that one of the nuns is the culprit, and the player is asked to suggest a plan to smoke out the killer. You can choose to reply:
  Player: I'll kill them all, and Saradomin can sort it out! *cue epic scolding by the Abbess*
• RuneScape has seen its fair share of silly player titles over the years, mostly from Solomon's General Store, but the crown jewel goes to the custom title won from the Game Blast 2018 charity auction, who opted for it to read EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (that's 25 Es, count 'em), owned by a player named E who apparently has a reputation as a Cloudcuckoolander.
  E's player examine text: Please help me
• In Curse of the Black Stone, there's a portion where you're sent on a small runaround on a beach in order to recover a coded message. You can choose to have your World Guardian curse the gods. All of them. The roasting that ensues is hilarious, disturbing, and maybe slightly out of character.
  You release a stream of expletives so terrible, so horrific, that a nearby seagull vomits in disgust.
  You begin to meticulously insult each of the deities whose name you remember. You use language so fowl[sic] that several small crabs burst into tears and run away.
  You take the time to mock various bits of each of the gods. You come up with an impressive diss of Saradomin's beard that would be certain to get you a smiting were you to say it in his presence.
  You point out that Zamorak's wings are upside down and would make him an unbelievably bad flyer and so therefore he is an idiot worthy only of scorn.
  You scream that Armadyl is a giant chicken that you would cover in garlic butter and roast over a fire.
  You start to insult Seren but then exclaim that she's too weak to take such insults and would probably shatter herself again.
  You loudly exclaim that Zaros has weird mummy issues that he really needs to get over and that the whole thing about him and his sister is super weird.
  You remind both Guthix and Bandos that they are dead, and dead people are rubbish.
  You relax and find that a bunch of people and animal life are staring at you like the lunatic you clearly are. You wonder about your life choices up to this point.
• During "Desperate Times", you are given an option to kill time by reading a random book in the Varrock Library while Charos constructs a device to help siphon power from the Needle. The book appears to be titled "The Lusty Asgarnian Maid". It's not what you might think it is.
  You open the book and you read. You regret your decision. It appears to be a book entirely about cleaning. How one might polish silverware. How one might brush the floor more efficiently. Confused you return to the cover and, with a gentle brush of the finger, remove the dirt obscuring the first letter. The D stands before you, a perfect symbol of disappointment. You put down the 'Dusty Asgarnian Maid' and contemplate your life choices.
• During "Tai Bwo Wannai Trio", an NPC asks you for a banana in Karamjan rum. You are supposed to slice a banana and then use it on a rum bottle. If you try using a whole banana, you character will shove it down the bottle neck.
  You stuff the banana into the neck of the bottle. You begin to wonder why.
• Finding Lady Meilyr during "Plague's End". She mistakes your arrival for another bad trip, implying that all she's been doing in hiding for the last few centuries is brewing and consuming hallucinogenic potions.
• Evil Dave's Big Day Out is full of hilarious moments.
  • The quest starts with Evil Dave semi-forcing the player to join him in an "EVIL ritual"... which even he doesn't seem to know the purpose of. However, his horrible handwriting causes the player to misspeak some of the lines. Because of this, you two have your bodies swapped.
  • The player immediately tries to tell Doris, Evil Dave's mother, what's going on - she doesn't believe you at all, and forces the player-as-Dave to do his chores.
    • While cleaning the dishes, one of your options is "Splash in the bubbles", which you can't do because you require the nonexistent item "Sense of Childhood Wonder".
    • While sweeping, one of your options with the broomstick is "Fly away from this place", which you can't do without "a magical toad companion".
  • After getting your body, Dave's immediate idea is to take your body and run off to Zamorak's base, proceeding to Fan Boy over finally meeting Moia and Zamorak, before being sent off to spy on a White Knight event. After he leaves, Zamorak tells Moia to keep watch over "the World Guardian"; he may be the god of chaos, but even this is too chaotic and unpredictable for him.
    • Dave apparently expected Moia (a half-human, half Mahjarrat) to look like a mermaid: bony top half, human bottom half.
  • The longer you stay in Evil Dave's body, the more of his personality rubs off onto you, slowly causing you to become a cackling madman.
  • After every attempt to get your body back, it causes player-as-Dave to get grounded, over and over again. By the end of the quest, Doris is threatening to quadruple-ground you.
  • While searching for Dave's spellbook, the player finds a ton of his books, many of which are evil-themed parodies of real works, and what appear to be tabloid news articles. This includes "17 Things You Didn't Know About the Mahjarrat", "The Lovely Dragon Bones", "The Dragon Kite Runner", and "Battlefield Glienor". If you keep trying to look through his books after finding the spellbook, the game itself forces you to stop, "for your own good".
  • Apparently, Evil Dave got himself banned from the entire city of Falador after running a "Hugs for Zamorak" event. Because of this, the player needs to find a way to sneak in and find Dave-in-your-body. Your immediate first idea? Go find the Makeover Mage and have them turn Dave into a woman. Except the player insists on keeping Dave's distinctive beard. Literally everyone in the rest of the quest still recognizes you as Evil Dave.
    • To get runes for the spell, you have to guess how many runes are in a jar. There's only one rune in the jar.
    • The player decides they need a new name for Female Evil Dave. With the spell slowly turning the player to Dave's bizarre way of thinking, names suggested are "Davegelina", "Davesephine", "Daverielle", "Davabeth", and "Davelotte".
  • When forced to do your chores again, the player somehow manages to screw up every single chore. Scrub the dishes? Break a plate. Sweep the floors? Break the broom in half. Cut some vegetables? Break the knife on a carrot.
  • Doris refers to the World Guardian as a "bad influence" on Dave. You respond "[Player] is the best, mum. To know them is to love them, and to love them is to know them."
  • Dave-as-player is forced to redo the Temple Knights entrance exam to gain access to the White Knight event. When he gets to the battle with Sir Leye (who no man can defeat), Dave instantly figures out that the solution is to be a woman... and then immediately starts thinking of other things that could kill him. He ultimately settles on getting a cat to do it for him.
    • Apparently, it worked. We later see him redoing the Sea Slug quest, where he immediately gets a bunch of sea slugs latched onto him... and they decide to let him go. Because even for an all-consuming hivemind that wants to take over the world, even they don't want to deal with Dave.
• Week 1 of Runescape's 20th Anniversary celebration is the Celebration of Quests, giving players throwbacks to some of Runescape's most memorable quests. At the Grand Party, the Lumbridge Cook tasks the player with helping him bake another cake. After completing miniquest versions of The Restless Ghost and Dragon Slayer, all that's left is a bucket of top-quality milk. However, upon returning to the prized dairy cow, Gillie Groats informs the player that only one bucket of top-quality milk can be given out a day, and today's bucket has already been given to... Yanni Salika, the questgiver for One Small Favour. Cue the unbelievable dread...
  Player: Oh. Dear. Gods.
  • Thankfully, the Chain of Deals is only four people long this time, all of whom are attending the party. However, by the time you've made it to the third person, the player's reduced to frantically yelling what they want in single-word sentences. It's clear they're expecting to be sent running halfway across Gielinor once again.
• Not to be outdone, the next quest of the Elder God storyline has the player assisting in the hunt for the Elder God Eggs somewhere on Gielinor. They are tasked with getting the Elder Crown from Saradomin to locate the eggs, but actually speaking to Saradomin is a quest unto itself.
  • To wit, by the time you get to the third person in the list of people you need to speak to about summoning Big Blue, the World Guardian is at their wit's end, raging at the fact that yet again are having to do tiny little favours for people instead of them doing their favour first, because, y'know, the fate of the damn MULTIVERSE is at stake!
  • To cap it off, when the person you're ranting at asks if the rant worked, they reply in a rather uncharacteristic way:
    Padomenes: Feeling better?
    World Guardian: Oh go f-
    Sir Owen: Yes, so moving on very quickly.
    • Owen's two best friends are Ozan and Ariane, and he's a member of an extremist religious secret society. Of course he'd cut you off, he's used to dealing with social disasters.
• After completing "Violet is Blue", players can introduce themselves to people of Yeti Village. One of them is Yeren, an adventurer who travels the lands looking for people to help, monsters to slay and doing any favours anyone has.
  Player: Oh really? Well, if you don't mind I've got a request if you wouldn't mind helping. It shouldn't be much for an adventurer like you. After all, it's only... ONE SMALL FAVOUR!
• In-universe in the first set of journals from the Warforged Archaeology site. Repurposing the goblin ritual dance masks with no eyeholes and to look like rival gods resulted in a slapstick spectacle that had Bandos himself laughing too hard to care that nobody was dying.
• By hunting dinosaurs, you can earn hunter marks, which you can then buy titles to show off your skills at hunting dinosaurs. It starts with 'X the Novice Baiter', then 'X the Apprentice Baiter' and so on. Jagex apparently twigged to what people would expect the last title to be, so rather than 'X the Master Baiter', it's 'X the Very Good Baiter'.
• As serious as "Hero's Welcome" is, messing up the puzzle with the mithril key in the Ancient Cavern has some great lines:
  • If you use a mithril bar on the door,
  No matter how hard you mash the bar into the keyhole, you are unable to generate enough pressure to piston-stamp it into the shape of a key.
  Player: Curse my feeble limbs! I'll have to see if there is something nearby hot enough to melt the mithril.
  • If you make a mould of the key, and then use a mithril bar on it,
  Sadly the mithril bar does not spontaneously melt and fill the mould you have made.
  Player:: Why won't this work? What good is living in a magical world when I can't just rub two items together and solve the problem?
• In one of the old (now removed) letters from Postbag from the Hedge, Romeo explains how he obtained his Moonclan cape, usually only available to members of the Moon Clan and people who have completed Lunar Diplomacy. He stole it from an elderly man wearing a blue party hat.
• The Heartstealer quest:
  • Caelyn "accidentally" spends her free drink token that you need because she was distracted by the bartender.
  • Acting Guildmaster Reiniger gets to "just be Lottie" at the party for about 2 minutes before the player causes a distraction with a Bar Brawl, starting with Reiniger's fancy dress being ruined by glass shards while the commotion can only be heard but not seen.
• Entering a certain spot in Tarddiad after having unlocked "the Ravensworn" title will spawn Bran, a crystal raven. The funny part is that, as long as you don't interact with this raven, you can keep spawning it repeatedly, which can result in this.
• An essential part of the Garden of Tranquillity quest involves activating the Ring of Charos, a legendary artifact of enhancing a person's persuasive ability, in order to get what you need. You can see its effects as you are chatting with the NPCs you need to persuade: the unmarked responses are all rude dismissals of the NPC, while the responses marked (Charm) are the only ones that treat the NPC with a modicum of respect or empathy. That's right, the legendary Ring of Charos unlocks your ability to speak to people without being rude.
• In "As a First Resort", the main quest NPC Balnea is a business-driven woman trying to turn Oo'glog into a private resort who constantly uses jargon-laced dialogue. At one point, the player can exit the conversation by throwing her jargon back in her face... and then proceed to genuinely slip into it.
  Player: I think I'd like to 'actualize' my departure from this conversation now.
  Balnea: Some would say you need to incentivize an attitude refocus, you know.
  Player: And some would say you need to synergize your bottom-line core lingual competency and do a bit of customer-focused relanguaging. Eep! Where did that come from? What did I just say?
• The 2024 Easter quest, 'Great Egg-spectations', has the player helping the Easter Bunny come up with some new chocolate ideas because he hibernated for so long that in the intervening years, other confectioners have come up with new ideas that are surpassing his. The solution that Cocoa Bunny (the Easter Bunny's niece) comes up with is to convince you to help her commit corporate espionage.
• "The Ribbiting Tale of a Lily Pad Labour Dispute" in Old School, which involves a paranoid Conspiracy Theorist farmer, a bunch of inexplicably talkative frogs, election-rigging, an accidental assassination, and framing a swarm of flies for theft. If "One Small Favour" ends with the PC pulling their hair out, "Ribbiting Tale" ends with them reaching for the Brain Bleach.