Funny. Even though Lady Marion took a level in badass, she still ends up being a damsel in distress from time to time.
While this film's Robin Hood isn't exactly the jolly bandit of yore, the film is not totally without humour:
- The scene directly after Robin introduces Marion to the Merry Men (Allan-A-Dayle, Will Scarlett and Little John) for the first time:[Marion rides away]
Robin: [To Allan, Will and John] Lady Marion Loxley. My wife.
Will: Well played! A bit rash, but well played nonetheless.
Little John: Right you are, Robin!
Robin: Sir Robert.
[Allan, Will and John mock him shouting 'Sir!', 'Sir Bob!' and 'Sir Robert!' until he shakes his head and rides away] - Robin has just commandeered a caravan, tied up the guards in one big bunch and sent them walking on their way:Mook: How far to York?
Mook 2: Eighteen miles. - Made even funnier by the riddle Robin had told the guards he would let them pass if they answered:Robin: What has eighteen legs and isn't going anywhere?
- Prince John's conversation with his mother is incredibly and intentionally awkward, with John parading naked in front of Eleanor just to annoy her and Eleanor being completely dismissive of the young Isabella in her son's bed.
- Specifically she at first ignores Isabella but then decides she does need to hear what she's about to say - but pulls the covers over Isabella's face because "I will not have you in my presence."
- John's Kick the Dog to his lawful wife is so over-the-top that it becomes darkly hilarious. Not only he blatantly cheats on her, but also calls her "as barren as a brick"... while said wife is just outside his room.
- At the final battle:King John: This is my first time! I shall lead! ... That's a lot of French.
- All of Little John's dialogue during the dance.John: I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SMILE!
- Friar Tuck asks why they call him Little John. The man sounds rather defensive when he asks "what are you getting at?"
- Marion has just told Robin about her first week of marriage with her husband.Robin: A good knight.
Marion: Short but sweet.
Robin: No, I meant he was a good knight...- And then Marion realises what she's just said and hurriedly agrees and says "oh yes, my knight in arms" while awkwardly trying to get back on her horse.
- Marion asking Robin to come to bed "nicely"(paraphrased):(Woodenly) Please, dear husband, will you share my chamber? *Mock curtsey*
- Cate Blanchett managing to make a curtsey sarcastic.
- When Robin introduces Marion to the Merry Men, their one night stands come out of the house, realise that the lady of the land is right there and hurry back inside embarrassed.Marion: I trust you had a...historic evening.
- Eleanor tries to give advice when John wants to raise taxes.Eleanor: Milking a dry udder gets you nothing but kicked off the milking stool.
John: Spare me your barnyard memories mother, for you have none. (beat) And I don't understand them. - When Robin and Marion come across villagers trying to rescue a ram stuck in the mud, Marion tries to free a ram stuck in the quicksand-like mud on her own without help or safety measures, but she falls in mud and only manages to herself stuck along with ram. Marion assures Robin and rest of the peasants near the bog that she is fine and that she does not need help to be rescued from being stuck in the mud. But she quickly realizes she is stuck and that she now needs help to be rescued from being stuck in the mud as she is now helpless to do anything on her own. Leading to Robin going to rescue both Marion and ram. Fortunately, Marion is not in any danger of sinking deeper into mud to her death while being stuck in mud, she's just too stuck to free herself from the mud and has a hard time getting out of the mud. Robin comes in too seemingly to rescue her...only to help the ram out instead. The small Death Glare on Marion's face is priceless. At least Robin does help her afterwards.Marion: "Stop! You'll break its neck." (Marion swings off her horse, she quickly gathers her hair and tucks it down the back of her shirt and also gathers and hikes up her skirt to that her legs are bare to the thighs. She takes a hoe staff one of the peasants gives her and starts walking carefully forward into the bog, while testing the ground of the bog ahead of her for it's firmness before each step with a hoe while keeping her eyes mostly on the tricky grounds)Robin: "Marion." (Marion ignores him and keeps trying to make forward progress, Robin then also swings off his horse. Marion starts to slowly wade and sink into the muddy water with the hoe she is holding as her boots are stepping into the mud)Marion: "Easy." (And as Marion is slowly approaching ram that is stuck in the mud and testing the bottom in front of her, she suddenly gasps as the hoe staff she was holding suddenly plunges all the way in the mud, taking Marion with it. Marion loses her footing and starts falling into the mud. Marion pinwheels her arms to keep herself away from falling further and deeper into the mud. Eventually, Marion falls into the mud, getting herself stuck up to her shoulders in mud. Marion makes a rather big and loud splash of muddy water that gets her tucked dark-brown hair and hiked up clothes all wet and drenched up in muddy water after she falls and gets herself stuck in mud. Marion manages to right herself with her arms from which drops of muddy water start falling, keeping one hand above and near the mud while briefly raising her other hand from the mud, while her skirt starts trailing in the mud. But all Marion manages to do is to get herself stuck in mud along with ram)Marion: (rather unconvincingly) "I'm alright." (Marion holds one hand near the mud while raising one hand in the air to try to regain her balance and wave away peasants's concern for her. Robin then pulls the garment off and slungs it across his saddle, where it would stay clean and goes to rescue Marion and ram who are now both stuck in mud. When Marion tries to stand back up, the quicksand-like bottom grabs her for her legs and now holds her tight, causing Marion to sink low to her shoulders and to realize that she can't move her legs and how she now needs help to be rescued from being stuck in the mud as she is now helpless to do anything on her own at all) "Uh, I can’t move me legs." (Marion is rather embarrased and annoyed about how she got herself stuck in mud, then she turns towards the shore to tell Robin and peasants that she is stuck in mud and needs help to be rescued from mud). "I can’t move me legs!" (Marion looks at Robin at shore who is placing a rope on his shoulders and going to rescue her and ram)Marion: "Thank you." (Robin jumps in mud with rope over his shoulders and starts going towards the ram, much to Marion's disbelief)Marion: "My lord?" (Robin then reaches the ram and grasped its horn and pulles it gently forward, just enough that he could get both his arms around it. When Ram's legs got free, it tried to kick out, to struggle to complete freedom, splashing Marion Loxley with mud. Marion closes her eyes and tries to duck out of the way of the muddy water that was sent flying at her, but she can hardly move as the mud is still holding her tight in it's grip. Robin pivotes with the ram cradled against his chest and sees that the bank was firm right behind them. With one big effort, he lurches forward, allowing the ram to land on its feet, and trusting its shepherd would oversee its care from then on. Robin then goes to save Marion who is still stuck in mud, unable to move and waiting to be rescued from the mud)Marion: "Oh, is it my turn now?" (Robin then glances at Marion's eyes, asking her silent permission to touch her, to pick her up. She nodds slightly, and he bent down in the water, his right arm going across her shoulder blades, his left arm reaching for the backs of her knees. She puts her arms around him as he finds her legs and he lifts her in a princess-style of carrying a lady in arms. Marion's boots make a horrible squelching noise as the mud is forced to release her by the strength in Robin's arms as he lifted her.)Marion: (With Marion being finally free of the clinging mud, Robin turned to deposit her on the same patch of firm bank he had set the ram on. Marion turns out to be much bigger than the ram, but she manages to roll onto her stomach on the firm ground, splashing muddy water around herself from her hands and turning and putting her hands on the solid and firm ground to give her rescuer a heartfelt curt.) "Thank you."
- This scene, the look on Marion's face is wonderful:Walter: I feel invigorated. I woke this morning with a tumescent glow. Eighty-four, a miracle!
Robin: [smirks]
Marion: I've always wondered at the private conversations of men...
