Funny / RiffTrax — Other

Funny moments from the Rifftrax of video games, Peanuts comic strips, and other miscellaneous riffing opportunities.

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TV Episodes

• Game of Thrones -- The Red Wedding
  • Kevin: The grim faces of people who know the reception has cash bar.
  • As the slaughter begins.
    Kevin: Please let the Mentos theme kick in!

TV Specials

• It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
  • Pigpen arrives in a filthy ghost costume, trailing dirt everywhere:
    Pigpen: They'll never guess it's me under here.
    Kevin: Mickey Rourke?
  • Charlie Brown gets another rock in his Trick or Treat bag:
    Kevin: Did Charlie Brown poison the town's water supply or something?

Video Games

• Gears of War 3
  • On the COG armor:
    Mike: Those chestplates indicate the actual size of their nipples. Yeah, the future is gross.
  • When Cole Train enters his old locker room.
    Bill: (as Cole) My old locker room! (sighs dreamily) Saw a lot of nude men in here, yep.
    Mike: THRILL as a grown man grows nostalgic!

• Mega Man 8
  • Mega Man: Dr. Light, how's it going? Will he be okay?
    Mike: Today's episode: "Mega Man hits a Wino With His Car"!
  • This exchange:
    Mega Man: But where is Dr. Wily?
    Dr. Light: That's a good question.
    Kevin: Another good question: Why is Mega Man voiced by a grade-school girl?

• Final Fantasy X
  • When Yuna tries getting Tidus to laugh out loud:
    Yuna: Come on, show me!
    Bill (as Yuna): Shouldn't be hard! Just look down at what you're wearing.
  • Yuna: You probably shouldn't laugh anymore.
    Mike (as Yuna): And while you're at it, maybe cut out breathing and all other life functions as well.

• Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)
  • "He died from having a really stupid nose."
  • Before Elise kisses Sonic to bring him back to life.
    Elise: Sonic, come back. To me... to us!
    Mike (as Elise): Disgrace your once-proud franchise with one more terrible game before you die.
  • When Elise kisses Sonic:
    Kevin: And God smote them for their unholy woman-hedgehog sexy time.
  • "Braaaaaaaaaains..."

• Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots
  • When a soldier catches Johnny Sasaki (aka Akiba) going to the bathroom in a barrel:
  Soldier: Who's there?
  Akiba: G-Go away! I'm not done yet!
  Mike (as Akiba) I had some bad sushi and now I'm shooting fish in the barrel if you get my drift.
  • When the barrel reveals Akiba, and he farts...
  Bill: Oh, it's that superhero, Able-To-Crap-With-His-Pants-On Man!
  • After Akiba gets caught relieving himself in a barrel, Snake proceeds to inspect it.
    Bill: Nick Nolte's real estate agent checks out an exciting new prospect.
    Mike (as Old Snake): ...Getting too old for this sh*t... [Laughs] I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. But seriously, I just put my whole head into some weapons-grade fecal stink and should be hospitalized immediately.

The Complete Peanuts 1995- 1996

• Lucy: I've often wondered...
  Riff: "Am I my brother in a black wig?"
  Lucy: In all your life, what have you done that you're most proud of?
  Riff: "I'm a DOG who WRITES NOVELS, what more do you want from me?!"
  Snoopy: In all my life, I've never kissed a cat!
  Riff: Snoopy was always going out of his way to claim that, for some reason.

National Geographic Total Riff Off

Killer Shrimp N' Friends

• During the segment about Marley, the untrainable, thong-swallowing dog.
  Mom: My daughter called to me saying, "Mom! Mom! Something's wrong with Marley!"
  Mike: She's behaving!
• The crew react at the horrifying habits of koalas.
  Kevin: So they're essentially a ball of diarrhea, rolled in chlamydia...
• During the first segment about the mantis shrimp:
  "The mantis shrimp is the little Joe Pesci of the animal kingdom."
  Mike: He carries a shine box.
• During the segment on Sally the Seal, Sally’s keeper Frank finally gets married:
  Marian Van De Veen: And I suppose, in a fairy tale, Sally would have been a bridesmaid at their wedding...
  Bill: Instead, she coughed up a fish and farted.

Demon Bat

• The whole setup with Richard Terry trying to come off as some kind of action hero on a grandiose adventure gives the riffers plenty of material to work with.
• When announced that a mysterious bat-like creature was terrorizing a Central American village.
  Kevin: That's just Christian Bale getting in character.
• Richard Terry: He described the bat as big as a vulture and having huge black beady eyes.
  Kevin: It sounds like he was describing Gary Busey.
• Bill: The only flying demon was the huge loogy he hocked up!
• The Running Gag of Richard Terry overhyping creatures.
  Bill: Birds, or as I call them, Mayan Beak Demons!
  Mike: (on a snake) A wingless skinny bat!
  Bill: (on ants) One might even call them vampire demon ants?
  Kevin: (on moths) I'm certain they're deadly demon killer moths!
• Richard Terry: I'm trying to find something frightening with large eyes that would frighten the local populace.
  Kevin: You know, something that would cause a billionaire orphan to wear tights and fight crime.
• Mike: I was just decapitated by a huge demon bat! Oh, wait, I just hit my head on the bathroom stall door.
• After Richard Terry describes his sweat combining with bat guano to form "a lovely, thick guano soup".
  Mike: Okay, now the program has become truly scary.
• Richard Terry: I wanted to learn more about vampire bats.
  Mike: So I read a book called Twilight.
• On a shock-cut to a close-up of a grinning bat:
  Mike: (as bat) Hi. Now I'm in your dreams forever!
  • Earlier there's another shock-cut bit:
  Richard Terry: They believe that there are good bats that protect the village and demon bats that attack them.
  (shock-cut to a grinning bat)
  Kevin: (high-pitched voice) I'm the good bat!
• Near the end of the show, we're introduced to "one of the world's foremost experts on vampire bats."
  Kevin: Whom they really should have hired in the first place instead of Our Host.
• Translating what a local is really telling Terry: "Do... something else... with... your life."
• Noting the oddity of Richard's quest:
  Richard: I'm searching the caves of Mexico for a monster bat...
  Bill: (deadpan) As one does.

Guy and a Goose

• On an old man's relationship with a goose named Maria:
  Kevin: Even Joaquin Phoenix's character in her thinks this relationship is kinda pathetic.
• On finding out Maria is actually Mario.
  Kevin: The goose's hatred of Koopas should have been a clue.
• The entire Running Gag of the legend that is PAUL!
• On a cocker spaniel named Bullwinkle that specializes in finding cadavers.
  Bill: Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a cadaver out of my hat!
• Dog Trainer: (holding human foot) I'm gonna bury it. I'm gonna put it in some rubble...
  Mike: That's what Fred Flintstone said during his affair with Betty.
• Several riffs on the fact that they have actual human remains on hand to test the dog with:
  Bill: "I notice that they're still not addressing the question where these remains are coming from."
  • When they first announce that they'll be using human remains, Bill gives a startled "Huh?"
• Slow-motion close-up of a barking Malinois:
  Kevin: I'm from Hell!

Man V. Monster

• Richard Terry: It's just... thick brown soup down there.
  Mike: Welcome to "Some Guy Says Vaguely Gross Phrases"!
• As Richard talks ominously about his search.
  Kevin: AAAH, A MONSTER!!! Oh, wait, that's just a small weed.
• Kevin: Man V. Common Species just doesn't have the same ring to it.
• "Richard Terry summed up in five seconds:"
  Richard: "There's something black floating past us!" (horror sting, dramatic zoom) "That's a log."
• While Richard is fishing for catfish:
  Kevin: "Only Richard Terry would talk about being in the 'firing line' of a catfish."
• They laugh at how it apparently took an old Thai woman weeks to realize that her foot had become necrotic.
  Bill: "Tough old bird!"

Animals Behaving Badly

• A snake suddenly lands on a car hood while it's driving down a highway.
  Narrator: Sometimes they find themselves starring in an unofficial sequel to Snakes on a Plane.
  Bill: But with much higher production values.
• On raccoons.
  Narrator: They don't make good pets.
  Bill: But they do make Guardians of the Galaxy, however.
• As a turtle humps a workman's boot.
  Mike: (as turtle) Yeah, call me Dr. Scholl, baby!
• After numerous disgusting and disturbing clips, we cut to an obviously heavily pregnant elephant:
  Mike: Oh, Nat Geo, whatever you're thinking, I beg you to reconsider!
• As the elephant gives birth in a rush of fluids...
  Bill: I’m starting to regret the big bowl of clam chowder I had before this...
• During a segment on male deer in heat:
  Narrator: Looking anywhere and everywhere for a partner of their dreams...
  Bill: Oh, how romantic- AHH! HE’S HAVING SEX WITH OUR LAWN GNOME!

San Francisco Sketchfests

Sketchfest 2016

• The Trouble With Women:
  • Bill impersonating Brad and ending the short with, "Fine, I'll just go invent GamerGate!"
• Dining Together
  • Before the short begins, Adam Savage talks about the papier-mâché turkey he made for Thanksgiving as a kid. When he presented it to the family, he made the alien burst from its chest.
• David and Hazel: Part 1
  • The Running Gag of David's ham-fisted line, "What do you think we are, millionaires?!"
  • The short is so surreal that the whole thing becomes a Running Gag for the rest of the program.
• One Got Fat
  • Kevin cursing out an audience member for spoiling the fact that Edward Everett Horton is the short's narrator.
  • Bill stating that the one thing to take out of the whole night is adding the phrase, "Monkey dismemberment boner," to your lexicon.
• David and Hazel: Part 2
  • Hazel: David, I must speak with you-
    Mike: In Klingon.
  • Janet Varney's Running Gag of Hazel needing 35 minutes to order a sandwich. She continues to name ingredients even after the short ends!
• Improving Your Pronunciation
  • Mike's joke of the skinny black teen looking like Steve Urkel.
  • The Running Gag of Bob being the Butt-Monkey of the group of teens.
  • Everyone going nuts when host Ned Blandford reveals he used a tape recorder to prove the girl pronounced nuclear as "nucular."
    Paul: You were taping me?! What the hell, Blandford?!
  • Responses to whenever Ned does quick turns and points at someone:
    Kevin: Shoot Bob! Shoot him now! He's the traitor!
    Paul: J'accuse!
• Batman: Robin's Wild Ride
  • During some technical difficulties, the riffers have a bit of fun:
    • The comment that the dead footage is still faster than David and Hazel breaks the awkward silence and gets the ball rolling.
    • Mike telling the audience that there are keys to a new car under someone's seat and Kevin declaring they're really his and he lost them.
    • Kevin's describing what the audience is missing on his mini screen and Crosses the Line Twice by talking about how obscene the short is getting along with a Brick Joke talking about Hazel taking a dump on her neighbor's garden.

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