Funny / Potter Puppet Pals

General

• Pretty much anything that comes out of Hagrid's mouth.
  • "I still keep mah placenta in da shack."
  • "Got 'em a dead pig."
• Harry introducing the new Puppet Pals channel, offhandedly mentioning the Sesame Street Riots.
  Harry: Come join us, as we take control of our lives and endeavor to destroy humanity!
  Hermione: (In an extremely bored tone) We're not destroying humanity.

Bothering Snape

• BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!
• "It's naked time!"

Trouble at Hogwarts

• Ron's plan for defeating Voldemort, which involves gunning down Voldemort with Uzis.

Potions Class

• Snape's Potion Class, where he gives a long monologue about all the mystical properties that potions and elixirs can bestow. And then ends it by mentioning how it can help pick up chicks before dismissing the class. Harry pauses and asks Snape to teach him. He says no. It feels a lot like Snape was just trolling Harry.
  • And the aforementioned monologue? Yeah, that's the class. The whole class. And the trio's reactions imply Snape's done this a lot.

Wizard Angst

• Ron's attempts to defeat Voldemort.
• Harry banging his head against the wall repeating "Angst, angst, angst."
• "What. Is this. Rumpus?!"
• "... Why must you hurt me in this way, Harry?"
• "Ron invaded my personal bubble".

The Mysterious Ticking Noise

• "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape..." "DUMBLEDORE!"
  • Heerrrmione!!!!!!!!!!
  • "Harry Potter! Harry Potter! YEAH!"
• I've found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb! (Snape and Dumbledore look at each other with Oh, Crap! expressions) Yaaaaaaaaay! KABOOM!!!
• "Voldemort. Voldemort. Ooh Voldy, Voldy, Voldy, Voldemort!" * da da da da da... dum...*

Yule Ball 2006 (Live)

• "That's it! No more Mr. Nice Snape! BOTHER! BOTHER!" (slams into Harry and Ron, knocking them out)
  • The conversation that immediately follows:
    Dumbledore: What is all the hullabaloo?!
    Snape: They bothered me. I bothered back. It was self-defense.
    Dumbledore: (checking on the boys) Harry! Ron! They're wounded, Snape! You gave them boo-boos!!
    Snape: They were pushing my buttons, sir.
    Dumbledore: KISS THEM AND MAKE IT BETTER!
    Snape: What.
• Dumbledore offers to teach the kids an ancient spell...an incredible, mystifying spell, passed down from generation to generation that can change the world...known as love.
  Ron: Love?!
  Harry: Lame...
  Hermione: That's not magic!
  Dumbledore: Well, it's not my fault if nobody's ever loved any of you!
• The end of Dumbledore's song about love:
  Dumbledore: ♪ With love, you can sing / Of the joy that it will bring! ♪
  With love, you can fly / On a rainbow in the sky! ♪
  With love, you can dance... (immediately gets naked) ...without any— (drowned out by the audience screaming hysterically)
  Harry: Why do all your lessons end in nudity?!?
  Dumbledore: Apparently you've learned nothing!
• When Voldemort shows up:
  Ron: Oh, no! What's he doing here?!
  Harry: He's gonna murder us! Like he murdered my parents! And my happiness...
  Voldemort: You take everything so personally. But you're right. It's murder time.
  Harry: Oh, fiddlesticks.
  Ron: Oh, boy. That sucks!
  Hermione: Poop!
• Intro to the "Avada Kedavra" song:
  Voldemort: You kids know about the Killing Curse, right?
  Harry: Uh, no. My parents died of old age. OF COURSE I KNOW!
  Voldemort: And all you Muggle children out there know what it is, too? (the audience screams in joy) Okay, here's what I want you to do. Every time I say, "Avada Kedavra", scream like you're dying!
  
  ♪ They call me the Dark Lord Voldemort / I'm a sucker for evil of any sort ♪
  ♪ As long as I get to nap my foes away! ♪
  ♪ And boy do I love this tragic spell / It'll send my enemies straight to hell ♪
  ♪ It's such a blast, I do it every day! ♪
  ♪ Okay! Avada Kedavra! ♪ (audience screams)
  ♪ Avada Kedavra! ♪ (screaming)
  ♪ Avada Kedavra! ♪ (more screaming)
  • At the end of the song, Voldemort sings "Avada Kedavraaaaaa!" one more time, and Harry, Hermione, and Ron fall over dead.
    Voldemort: Well, what do you know? It actually worked. Fancy that
    Dumbledore: (comes in still naked and starts flailing about hysterically) What—what—what are you...are you killing my students?!?
    Voldemort: Um, no. They were like that when I got here. (leaves)
    Dumbledore: (exasperated) Oh, you children. Always dying. Just clean up after yourselves, alright? Toodle pip! (leaves)
    Snape: (comes in and sees the dead bodies of the trio) I am so taking the day off. (audience laughs one more time as the show ends)
    

Wizard Swears

• Neville's introduction as......a butternut squash.
• "Your grandmother is a blast-ended skank!" Cue a long gasp from Neville.
• VOLDEMORT'S NIPPLE!
• "Expecto patronads!"
• Leprechaun taint!
• Muggle fucking troll shit, Snape! You floppy wanded Dementor buggerer!
• Dobby's Sock!
• "I mean everything I've ever said, ever. Because I'm. Harry. Potter." *cue lightning strike*
• Voldemort yelling at Harry, Ron, and Hermione over the phone.
• Snape demands to Dumbledore that Harry, Ron, and Hermione be punished for their constant swearing, while Harry points out Dumbledore posted the list that morning. Dumbledore's response?
  Dumbledore: I don't even remember five minutes ago!
• The Elder Swear.
  Your mother is a ____ing_____lorem ipsum___admittum venium____tragula____hippopotamus____Republican____ing Daniel Radcliffe____with a bucket of_____in a castle far away where no one can hear you____soup____with a bucket of____Mickey Mouse____and a stick of dynamite____magical____ALAKAZAM!!!
• The fact that Dumbledore can't remember the school rules he proposed five minutes ago, but can remember the Elder Swear, which lasts for 43 seconds!
• Harry, Ron and Hermione harassing Neville with the Elder Swear.

School is for Losers

• Harry punches Snape with an actual human fist, and proceeds to play saxophone before the background changes and displays "Harry Potter is awesome".

The Vortex

• The episode kicks off with Snape describing a pretty messed-up dream he had the other night. Dumbledore then tells him about a dream he had about being a pig on a farm, complete with sound effects. Snape tries to tell Dumbledore the mental scars the dream gave him, only to be inevitably ignored and interrupted.
• Ron trapped in the vortex. "I think I'm going through puberty!"
• Dumbledore and his old friend, "the Problem Stick".
• Cool Ron.
  Now let's have a beach party. In. London.

Ron's Disease

• "Look! It's a giant furry mattress! May I jump on it?" "Yes, do as you wish, you diseased child."
• Hagrid's song.
• The one time the Weasley family's poverty is brought up:
  Nice song Hagrid! But I can't afford mayonnaise!
  • The sound Hagrid responds with, which is similar to someone gargling.
• According to Harry, Ron's scalp was filthy before the lice got to it.
• Hogwarts can't handle another infestation of wizard lice.
• The Reveal that Dumbledore is an android. A gay android.

Snape's Diary

• One of the entries is a Call-Back to "Bothering Snape."
  Harry: I remember that, Ron! (holds up his hand) Gimme five!
  Ron: You already took all my money, Harry.
  Harry: Ugh, never mind...
• "I asked her to dance, she asked me to die. Would that I could, Lily... would that I could..."
  • "My mum was awesome!"
• This exchange after a passage mentioning prunes:
  Ron: Mmmm... I like prunes!
  Dumbledore: (coming out of nowhere, naked) Did somebody say prunes?
  Ron: I said prunes! How did he know?
  Dumbledore: What are you monkeys up to? Studying for your classes?
  Harry: No, we're invading Professor Snape's privacy by reading from personal diary that we stole from his room.
  (beat)
  Dumbledore: But do you have any prunes, do you?
  Harry: I'm afraid not.
  Dumbledore: I am very disappointed in you, Harry.
• Harry's hilarious fake diary entry.
  Harry: I am Snape! I'm so sad because I poop my pants, all the time. I don't have any friends because I stink like broccoli and poop. I teach potions to Harry Potter, and it's real boring —eghkh— because he's so cool, and it makes me have depression. Okay, I think I'll go cry now, —ughkh— b-but not before I poop my pants, bye!
• "Someone BEAT ME UP and RANSACKED my room!"
• "I hope you find your button, Snape." "So do I orange one, so do I." "...I like buttons!"

Mustache Buddies

• Snape's reaction to Voldemort's proposal of the mustache.
• The main trio's reaction to Snape's new mustache.

Ron's Parents

• "Dear Mr. and Mrs. my parants."
• "Does it feel nice, Ron?! I bet it feels nice."
• Harry's statement on money.
  Harry: It's also nice to be able to afford things! I can afford things! Can you afford things?
  Ron: Not much.
  Harry: (in extremely disquieting manner) I can afford happiness.
• "Hahaha! No tears here, in the court of Happy King Harry! No! Tears!"
  Ron: Do you want to spend Christmas at my house, Harry?
  Harry: (without any hesitation) Yes!

Harry's Nightmares

• Harry's introduction to the episode.
  I have seen some shit.
• Every single one of his nightmares is one.
• "Mr. Potter, you haven't to potions class in two weeks. What are your college plans?!"
• And then s/he tried to kill me with a hammer.

Draco Puppet

• The way they say "No!" to a Draco Malfoy puppet.
• This bit:
  Harry: Say hello, Draco!
  Draco: Hello Draco.
  Harry: No, say hello to the audience.
  Draco: Hello to the audience.
  *beat*
  Harry: How dare you make a fool of me.
• Draco likes fire.

Ginny

• Harry realizing that Ron and Ginny look exactly like each other after Ginny gets a haircut.
  Harry: *holds wand against his head like a gun* Well, Avada Kedavra!

Neville's Birthday

• Harry's immediate response to Dumbledore.
  Dumbledore: May I have your attention please?
  Harry: YOU CAN HAVE MY FIST IN YOUR FACE! I'm sorry Dumbledore, go on.
• "What the slash-fic?"
• This epic Gilligan Cut:
  Harry: At least [the party] it's not for three hours!
  (cut to them at the party)
  Harry: I need to stop taking my three hour naps!
• Harry and Hermione note how everyone in Hogwarts is at the party, like Cedric Diggory, and... Ron.
  Harry: Small world.
  • Cedric is a face drawn on the bottom of someone's foot.
• Neville guilt-tripping Harry and friends into playing "Walk in Circles", plus the part where they succumb.
  (while Neville cheers) Walk in circles! Walk in circles! Walk in circles 'round the birthday boy!
• Dumbledore got Neville a magic yo-yo that wards away girls.
• This gem:
  Harry: Where's the wizard booze?
  Neville: (gasp) We're not old enough to drink grown-up water, Harry! My grandmother-
  Harry: I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER! I'M HARRY POTTER!
• Drunk Snape.
  • "It's my birthday? I didn't get myself anything. Oh, noooo..."
  • "It's just a cake."
• "We're almost half way there!" "FUCK!"
• Naked Dumbledore popping out of Neville's cake.
  • CHILDREN EATING CAKE INSIDE THEIR MOOOUUTHS!!
  • Harry: "The cake is tainted. Literally tainted."
• Neville self-destruct!
  • "He just wanted to be your friend, and you exploded him."

Apparate!

• "Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm...schoolwork and homework and classwork and busy work..."
• At one point, Harry apparates to the same spot he's standing in. Hermione asks if that's exactly what he did, and he replies with a "Yes" with absolutely no shame in his voice.
• Harry Potter in Japan. [cue sparkly anime eyes] So kawaii!
  • Harry Potter on a farm. Yea, why not.
  • Harry Potter in space. Feelin' great!
• The last minute of the episode where Harry's frivolous use of Apparating goes horribly wrong. Made even funnier with Hermione walking in while Harry's panicking and immediately turning around and walking out.
• Snape: (fused with Ron and Harry as Hermione walks into the room) Hermione, please help me! (Hermione quickly walks out)

Magic Can Solve Any Problem

• When the viewer gets turned into Harry:
  Harry: Pretty cool, huh?
  (viewer shakes his/her head)
  Harry: WHAT?! What? Would you rather be Ron?
  (viewer nods his/her head)
  Harry: You disgust me.

Harryween

• Severus. Douglas. Snape.
• "I don't like Halloween! I don't like Harryween! I don't like anyween! SO JUST WEEN ME ALONE!"
• "I found something stinky in the woods! Smell my finger and tell me where Ron is!"
• When Hermione finds out that Voldemort kidnapped Ron the first thing she says is, "What does he want with Ron? Ron is useless."
• Ron confusing Voldemort for Dumbledore.
• Snape is apparently really good at impersonations. Dumbledore is freaked out by it.
  Dumbledore: So, wait. Who was Ron?
  Snape: You know, uh... (dead-on impersonation of Ron) I'm Ron Weasley, Harry Potter's best friend. Hee hee hee hee!
  Dumbledore: Wow Snape! That's really creepy. I mean really creepy. And I run a school that's haunted. Never do that again.
  Snape: (very softly) I'm sorry.
• Harry's costume is Batman.
• The conversation when Ron wakes after Voldemort drank his blood and seeing Harry as Batman:
  Ron: Good morning Batman. Are you taking me to school?
  Harry: How do you feel?
  Ron: Soft and plushy.
• Harry, defending the ever-befuddled Ron, prepares to "take care" of Lord Voldemort:
  Harry: Stand back Ron, I'll take care of this.
  Ron: My parents take care of my grandma...

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