Funny / Phelous 2014 Episodes

Birdemic 2

• Phelous' depiction of James Nguyen's "dream wife", which is a picture of James Nguyen Photoshopped to have a bird's beak and long, blonde hair.

Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust

• His response to the Gingerdead Man saying how ridiculous the idea of bringing dolls to life is.
  Phelous: "An actual joke? Get the Hell out of here! We're in the middle of the death of comedy!"
• He realizes that the song at the start of the movie was a warning, starting with the line "Run, run, run as fast as you can..." He runs away from the room, only to return shortly after.
  Phelous: "Running to my kitchen didn't get me very far."

Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero

• Phelous' reaction about having to review the third Cabin Fever movie:
  Phelous: Do I really have to review this?
  YES
  Phelous: I hate you, text at the bottom of the screen!
  Eli Roth in the first film: Ooh, faced!
  Phelous: I HATE YOU, TOO!
• Phelous mentions that while the "Pancake" kid from the first movie was saved thanks to his rabbit surgery, he never was the same after this:
  Kid: Waffles!
  Phelous: I don't even know who you are anymore... (Beat) actually, yes I do, you're an annoying shit.
• Phelous' dubbing of the really unsubtle scene of the protagonist suffering a seduction attempt from his ex:
  Girl: Heeeeeey, I'm just casually changing from my bikini to my bikini!
  Boy: ...I think you have ulterior motives, madame.
  Girl: No shiiiiit! FUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEE!
• Phelous once again gets really irritated with the characters not only being once more a bunch of shallow sex-obsessed teenagers looking to party, but also incredibly Too Dumb to Live, seeing how they decide to leave the perfectly good party they already are in to go risk themselves on a random island not on the map with no signal, and potentially with dangerous wildlife.
  Phelous: At this point, the Flesh-Eating Virus really is overkill; they are gonna kill themselves!

Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

• Phelous trying to hitch a ride with all the sense that's departing. He even comments that he had no idea what the point of that was.
  • He tries again immediately after (due to the Gingerdead Man deciding to film a group of people fucking), and when he comes back into the room, Phelous attacks the camera.
• Phelous trying to figure out how to do the rest of the review unconscious, while holding a hammer in his hand.
• His comment on seeing The Simpsons arcade game in the background.
  Phelous: "Ooh, they have The Simpsons arcade machine! That was my favorite game from 1976!"
• Phelous commenting on how half the film is just forced close-ups of the Gingerdead Man saying what he's gonna do next.
  • "I'm gonna lock a door!"
  • "I'm gonna do another terrible CGI shot!"
  • "I'm gonna learn how to write with the slightest bit of intelligence! Just kidding!"^note For context, the Gingerdead Man in this film is voiced by one of the movie's writers.

Hello Mary-Lou: Prom Night II

• "The crown is mine, bitch!"
• Phelous' Alternative Character Interpretation that the principal is trying to kill Mary-Lou so he can be Prom Queen instead of her.
• "I LOVED YOOOOU!!!"
  • "This is a really beautiful moment, isn't it? Michael Ironside in a knitted sweater crying over Priest-Buddy. Never forget."
    • "Eh, forget it."
• The constant jokes of Vicki's friend and her huge afro, including him wearing an afro wig himself.
  "They're afraid that if my hair gets any bigger, it'll take over my entire body." (fearfully looks up at hair)

Prom Night III: The Last Kiss

• When wondering how Mary-Lou even ended up in Hell at the beginning of this movie despite being free and running at the end of the previous one, Phelous comes up with his own explanation of what happened in-between. Said explanation basically consists in Mary-Lou being accidentally knocked out of the principal after her car slipping on a banana peel and then falling to Hell.
• Phelous' utter confusion over Mary-Lou's tomb somehow exploding for the third time when including the previous movie.
  "... How many times can that tombstone blow up?!"
• This, when Mary-Lou is seducing Alex:
  Alex: I must be dreaming!
  Mary-Lou: (low, gravelly voice) Dream on.
  (Fade to Black, then fade in to Alex at the bottom of the stairs he fell down shortly before with a puddle of blood near his head)
• Phelous's utter confusion and frustration with the fact that four people were in love with Alex despite nothing being remotely pleasant about him: his best friend Shane, his sister, his girlfriend Sarah, and Mary Lou.
  • It's even more hilarious when Shane actually acts lovingly towards Alex by constantly listening to his problems, suggesting they run away together, and even tucking him in when he falls asleep.
  Phelous!Alex: Look, Shane, I know I haven't been that good of a friend lately, but I got asked if I was a bad enough dude to rescue the president, fell in some Mutagen, went Super Saiyan 2, then buried some bodies in the football field and boinked a ghost.
  Phelous!Shane: Keewl! Let's run away together!
• The logic Phelous uses to deduce that Mary Lou was pretending she was Alex's sister. It wasn't that she was dressed differently or that her behavior was a little different, but that she was trying to seduce Shane instead of her brother.
• Phelous demonstrates Alex's utter powerlessness when trying to threaten to break up with Mary Lou (a super-powered, psychotic ghost) with this:
  Mouse: You better stay the hell away from my cheese! Or else!
  Bear: Okay, mouse, I don't want any trouble...
• "You think they'll find him?" *cue Phelous editing in police siren lights and Alex getting shot in the head*
• His reaction to Mary Lou turning purple and yelling at Alex when he breaks up with her.
  "...Could... someone tell me what the hell that was?! D-Did this accomplish something? Anything?! A glowing purple temper tantrum! Was this supposed to be a joke? 'Cause the only one it's on is the credibility of this as a film!"
  • He later does something similar at the end of the review, turning purple himself and screaming his own name in a whiny voice.

Beauty and the Beast (Good Times version)

• This was the debut of perhaps Phelous' most memorable character, Beauty's father... AKA,"Old Man," so named because his actual first name was never stated in the movie. Since this episode, Old Man has appeared in almost every review of a Good Times fairy tale cartoon, usually to point out how useless things are for being wet, eat random objects, and generally cause mayhem.
• DERP CAT! A-whee-oooh! (Sung to the last few notes of the DuckTales (1987) theme)
• Phelous points out that this beast looks like a cross between a warthog and a Goomba.
  • Phelous summing up the Beast getting angry at Old Man taking the rose (but not caring about him trespassing and eating his food).
  Phelous!Beast: You can spit on my face all you want, but don't you dare walk on the grass.
  • Once Beauty and her father arrive to the castle, the dad stomps on the Beast and gets +100 points. Problem solved.
• Him making fun of the animation style. He mostly pokes fun of Beauty's blank expressions and dull eyes.
• Beauty's delayed reactions to anything.
  • And also her unbelievable bad acting when she "gasps in surprise".
• The effect of water on the usefulness of things.
  Dad: My spices! They're ruined!
  Phelous!Dad: Sure, they look perfectly fine in their jugs, but I'm not going to sell tea and spices that were in WET BOXES!
  Dad: The silk! It's good for nothing now...
  Phelous!Dad: And look at those daughters of mine! They got wet in the rain! They're completely useless now...
  (Later, as he dejectedly rides home in the rain.)
  Dad: Yes! Go ahead and rain, you stupid sky!
  Phelous!Dad: I'm completely useless now...
• The running gag of the father throwing anything useless to the dumpster... even himself and Phelous.
  Phelous!Dad: Phelous hasn't been funny since Mac and Me. He is completely useless now!
  (Phelous gets thrown to the dumpster)
  Phelous: How did he throw me to the trash if he's already in here?! Is that supposed to be scary?! (cut to Phelous) Shut up. Beat Wait a minute, I'm telling myself to shut up? That doesn't make sen- (cut to Phelous again) SHUT UP!! Beat I keep digging this hole!
  • As well as the running gag of a zoom-in on an Off-Model still frame of his wall-eyed face as Phelous goes "EEYUUUUGGHN".
• The naming of Beauty.
  Phelous!Dad: I'll name you Beauty. (first ugly sister appears) Oh! Uh, never mind! Uh, I'll name you Beauty! (second sister appears) Oh, damn it! Uh, third time's the charm!
• Phelous harping on the fact that the Beast is afraid he will die a Death by Despair...out of loneliness. Not out of a broken heart, but because he's lonely. Never mind the fact that he had been alone for plenty of time, or the fact that he could call Clara at any time to give him an anti-loneliness power-up.
• As a Running Gag, Phelous inserted bootleg versions of Lumiere and Cogsworth.
  • When the father arrives to the castle the first time:
  Dad: Hello... Is the master of the castle here?
  Phelous!Dad: What's that song I hear playing? "Be our guest, Be our guest. Eat all our food, leave us dead" Well, don't mind if I do. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".
  Dad: I'm a traveler who lost his way.
  Phelous!"Lumiere": Bonjour, mon frere! I'm Lumiere, and welcome to castle-
  Phelous!Dad: Ooh, a delicious candle! (eats the candle)
  Phelous!"Lumiere": Sacre fuckin' bleu...
  (Later. While the Beast is beating up snow for killing his roses)
  Phelous!Beast: So, you dare to steal from me, Winter? I'll destroy you!
  Phelous!"Cogsworth": So... The Beast is still punching the snow, huh?
  Phelous!"Lumiere": Yyyup.
  Phelous!"Cogsworth": Wanna go see if the Beast two castles down needs any servants?
  Phelous!"Lumiere": Yyyup.
• "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
• In Part 2:
  Phelous!"Lumiere": Ho ho! The return of Lumie-Oh, screw it, I know this is just gonna end badly. I quit.
  (Beauty and Beast are left alone in silence)
  Phelous!Beast: Awkwaaaard...
• Clara being generally useless (even dry):
  • First she can't distinguish between a door and a window. So she tries to get out from said "door".
  • Pointing out how even Clara seems so disinterested in the plot that she started to diss Beauty.
  • Also for the dance scene:
  Phelous: Who's playing music? Is Clara a one-man band?
  Phelous!Clara: (with a bunch of instruments in front of her) Wow, wow. There's a beauty and the asswipe or something, tale as old-... (Verbal Backspace) Oh, shit. That's the other one. Who gives a fuck. Goin' out to piss on those flowers.
• When the beast asks Beauty if he frightened her.
  Phelous!Beast: I'm really scary...right, right, you were scared, right?!
  Phelous!Beauty (thinking): (beat) I hope a fly doesn't get in my mouth...
• After Beauty kneels in front of the beast to thank him for not killing her.
  Phelous!Beast: Whoa, whoa, whoa, this isn't the Beauty and the Beast porno, woman!
• Phelous begins each part of the video with a parody of the theme to Disney's Beauty and the Beast, the second of which refers to the story as, Airhead and the Goomba-Warthog.

Lion and the King

• THE CROCODILE'S NAME IS DUNDEE?!!
• Lingering on and repeating several of the more laughable quotes in slow-motion.
  The King: The diamonds! My God!

  Robin: Your father the black panther is your father?!

  Myu-Myu: But perhaps we could be friends.
  Robin: Hmm, I dunno...I think we should be enemies.
  • Phelous later splices in the last quote into a scene with Robin and Dundee, resulting in Dundee walking away with sad Peanuts music playing.
• His reaction to the narrator "rodents", especially when they explain past events.
  Rodent: You remember the black panther who gained power in the jungle...
  Phelous: NO!!! I DON'T!!! WHY WOULD I REMEMBER THAT?!!!
  • When the rodents start flubbing their lines multiple times, we cut to a clip of Phelous presumably giving a Cluster F-Bomb with the audio muted, then breaking down sobbing.
• The fact that his gag dubbing over the movie fits better than the actual dubbing of the movie.
• The "animation" finally breaks Phelous.
  Phelous: Aaahh! Just... STOP! Every damn frame of this is WRONG!!!
• Phelous pointing out the absurdity of The King telling Not!Zazu that it was his responsibility to prevent Robin from chasing Dundee.
  Phelous!The King: "Clearly if he's hunting crocodiles, you can stop him, biiiiirrrrrrdddd..."
  Phelous!Bird: "Hey! You better stop doing that-" (gets eaten)
  Phelous!The King: "Whooooooaaaaaaa!!!" (Puffs on joint) "Ffffffuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk..."
• His impressions of, and commentary on, the ridiculous voices and bad voice acting.
  Not!Zazu: (Nasally) You have to go back to your father immediately!
  Phelous: (Plugging his nose) If you plug your nose, it's an AMAZING voice!
• "Shut up, Dundee."
• Sometimes, one of the characters asks a question, and the response they get is the same question.
  Robin: (to the vultures) Hi, um, do you know what happened to the panther's diamonds?
  Vulture: Why, what happened to the diamonds?
  Phelous: (Says "What happened?" 5 times, imitating Robin, the vulture, Dundee, Not!Zazu, and Not!Simba)
  • and:
  Myu-Myu: Anyway, do you know where the hiding place is?
  Female Gorilla: It's not that easy. Do you know where the hiding place is?
  Phelous: It's the law of the jung-sert, answer a question with the same question! Surprisingly, not much is accomplished here.
• The King: From now on, nobody sleeps around here.
  Phelous: (as the elephant) Ohhhh, I knew we should have joined the panther!
• SCENE INTERRUPTING BEAR!!!!
• His reaction to Myu-Myu's mother being a gorilla.
  Phelous: A gorilla is his mother? How did they... No. Nope, nope, nope, no, no. *cuts to flash animation of panther and gorilla "having sex" (really just two cutouts bumping into each other)* NO!
• Phelous talking about the exposition-spewing rodents:
  Rodent Thing: And it was the...animals owed it to little Robin's cleverness that they could cheat and drive away the panther.
  Phelous: Wait, it was the animals owed it to little Robin's cleverness that they could cheat? What fucking pricks! Why are you so happy about this, you stupid... rodent shit?! (deadpan) Panther got cheated, yo.
• The rodent-things deciding to bail out on the movie, since they are never seen again for the later half.
  Rodent 1: And why the hell do we even exist? We don't even book end this thing!
  Rodent 2: Yeah! I hope you enjoyed our random narrator sequences. We're out.
• The animation of the monkey sliding down a rope using his hands. This time however...
  "AAAAAH! ROPE BURN!"
• The ending voiced by Phelous... all of it.
  Rodent Thing: But then the temporary armistice ended and the Black Panther came back for the king.
  Black Panther: Long live the king! Hehehehehe!
  The King: My God! AUOUOUOUOUOU!
  * wah-wah music plays*

  Black Panther: I killed the king.

  Robin: You killed the king my father the king my father?!

  Black Panther: BE DIAMONDS! *eats Dundee ala Kirby*
  Dundee: What's the matter with me?
  * wah-wah music plays again*
• Phelous mispronounces Myu-Myu's Name as Mewtwo.
• "And with a name like Dingo Pictures, where else would you expect them to be based out of but GERMANY?"

Beauty and the Beast (Golden Films version)

• The jump scare at the beginning:
  The King: My God! Uuuuuuuhhhhh!!!
• Phelous's face when watching the "sequel" to "The Lion and the King."
• MINI DAD!!!
• Phelous deciding that the "Senor Mustache" (Beauty's dad in this version) is too boring, so he possesses him with spirit of "Old Man" from the Good Times version. Complete with the Mario pipe sound effect.
  Phelous!Dad (with the Old Man's voice): Beauty, were you smoking again? I'm afraid I'll have to let in the storm to teach you a lesson!
• Pretty much any time Phelous mentions the haphazardly added classical music.
  Phelous!Dad (with the Old Man's voice): Also, we need to make it back before Beauty turns into a swan.
• After absolutely no chemistry between Beauty and the Beast:
  Beast: But know this: if you do not return in one week's time, by the first snowfall, then I will die of a broken heart.
  Phelous!Beauty: Wow, that sounds wonderful! Do you really mean it?
  Phelous!Beast: Fuck, we really haven't had any moments yet, have we? Just come back, dammit, I need someone to yell at or I'll die.
  Phelous!Beauty: Sounds worth it!
• Phelous compares Beauty's sisters to the Seven Dwarves and gives them appropriate names: Sleepy, Eaty, and Slutty.
  Phelous: Whoops! Slutty might be a bit offensive, I should change that to Whorey.
  • Then there's Phelous' reaction to the sisters' Villain Song:
  Sisters: ♫ More, give us more. More is what we're living for! ♫
  Phelous: Noooo!! For the good love of fuck! No!!
• "Mustache-enezer, for your crimes against humanity, particularly those four daughters, you have been sentenced to death!" *cue a fire effect over the dad with Phelous making painful crying sounds*
• Phelous' shocked, jaw-drop reaction to the backstory of the three "comic relief" ghosts being people that the Beast as a prince let starve to death, and are now cursed for no reason to be stuck in limbo until they help the guy who killed them break his own curse. This quote pretty much sums up how Unintentionally Unsympathetic the Beast is.
  Phelous: ...they're three of his VICTIMS? He deserves better WHY?!

Foodfight!

• The entire episode is one long CMOF for snarky, meta and non-sequitur tastes.
• Lupa's song about the theme song, "It's Our World":
  Couldn't afford the rights/To "I'm A Believer"/But it was in Shrek/So like us, too!
  • What really sells it is when it cuts back to the three of them and Brad just says "No!" in response to Lupa's lyrics. Phelous and Lupa both bust out laughing at this.
• After describing the Troubled Production, Brad mentions how he has to go to Linkara's and "not flush."
• Mr. Leonard and Kaptain Krispy having a funeral for the stepped-on bag of chips.
  • Hell, everything regarding the two treating stepping on a bag of chips as Serious Business.
  Mr.Clipboard: "Survival of the fittest, LEONAAAAAHARD!"
  Brad!Mr.Leonard: "That bag of chips was my only child!"
  Phelous!Mr.Clipboard: "Get a life, LEONAAAAAHARD!"
  • In a fake ending, they imagine Mr. Leonard committing suicide, then the credits rolling.
  Brad!Mr. Leonard: My life was never the same that day. Joy was gone. Tried to find reasons to get up in the morning. All I could think of was that bag of chips.
  • On a related note, Brad!Mr. Leonard making a running gag out of the tremulously-delivered "I'm an OLD BASTARD..."
• Lupa reacts angrily to a particularly bad joke, eventually leading to the whole group breaking character and laughing out loud.
  Lupa: Ohhhh you make me so MAD, Food Fight! (starts pounding her knees weakly, grimacing)
  Phelous: ...That's some acting over there.
  (Everyone busts out laughing)
• Phelous' incredulous reaction to how the icons develop "Rigormoldus".
• Mr. Clipboard and everyone at Brand X throwing a pizza party in the aisles.
• Phelous and Brad's voiceovers:
  Phelous!Lieutenant X: (to Cheasel) "Weasel your way up my ass. You're already lubricated, I see."
  Brad!Cheasel: "Speaking of ass, I've got you covered for an emergency bathroom, and a kitten. I'm a sick fuck!"
  Phelous!Lieutenant X: "And straws for the felching afterwards!"
  Brad!Cheasel: "Oh, okay, uh, you're the sick fuck!"
• Phelous proposing to Brad:
  Phelous: "Wow. So beautiful. And this is gonna be the day I propose as well. (Lupa looks surprised. Holds box of Fruit Brute and looks at Brad. Lupa storms off.) Brad, will you be my partner in a spin-off featuring us as supermarket sleuths?"
  Brad: "Oh, wow. I-I never thought this day would come. Seriously I didn't because it's stupid. So obviously the answer is yes!"
• "YOU COLD-FARTED ITCH !'"
  Lupa: Cold-farted itch? COLD FARTED ITCH?? Did he really just say that?!
  [Beat]
  Brad (singing): It's our world!
  Phelous (singing): Now I'm a believer!
  All (singing): Now let's all scratch our cold-farted itch!
• The Running Gag that the reason various real-world advertising mascots were replaced by expys being that they had scheduling conflicts or didn't want to cooperate with other products such as Count Chocula refusing to be bumped by the Vlasic Pickles stork in the opening so they got off-brand Vlad Chocul instead or Toucan Sam not being available so they got "his cracked-out ex-wife," but probably the best is that Chester Cheetah just pulled a Screw This, I'm Outta Here after the trailer.

Cricket on the Hearth

• Every gag playing on how much Cricket Crocket is awful, as well as how "lucky" he really is.
• The moment when a doll winds up without a painted pair of eyes and Phelous overlays the Otherworld transition cue.
• Phelous making another offscreen gunshot gag, and then sarcastically remarking "Like something like that would really happen!"... only for the exact same thing to happen for real later in the cartoon while Phelous swears that it actually happened and he didn't add it in.
• Old Man from Good Times' Beauty and the Beast coming to live with the family.
• The cops from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde show up to arrest Caleb.
  Cop 1: Oi! he's talking to a bloody cricket, he is!
  Cop 2: We'll have to lock him up for everyone's safety!
  • They appear again during one of the song sequences.
    Cop 1: Oi! Defacing Royal Naval property?!? You shall walk the plank, sir!
    Edward: (singing) I fuuuuucked my liiiife awaaaay! (jumps)
• "'Ello, sir, you want to move in with me and the missus?"
• "The service at the Money Lender is fine, but it's the evil laughing that keeps me coming back."
• Phelous' utter bewilderment of a sexy cat singing in an animal nightclub.
• The entire Quantum Leap sketch featuring Aladdin, Paige, and Wordsworth from Aladdin And The Adventure Of All Time.
• In the introduction, Phelous explains that Charles Dickens wrote other Christmas stories and mentions other adaptations that they've all had. When he gets to A Christmas Carol, he glitches out and explodes because of how many times it's been adapted.
• When Phelous sees focus issues in this animated movie within the first three seconds, he immediately gives it a 0/10, declares the review over, and does an early-credits gag. Unlike other early-credits jokes, though, in this one he starts vocalizing the music himself, still on-camera, as a piece of paper with the "credits" written in marker is scrolled up the side of the screen by hand.

  "I couldn't afford to pay myself to edit in the real credit roll? Let's face it, my budget is ruined."

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