Funny / Paul Blart: Mall Cop

• Paul getting horribly beaten up by an angry customer.
  Paul: [To Veck] I know you're new to the job, but 'backup' is kind of a universal term...
• Vijay's daughter Parisa's cell phone ringtone.
• "I BELIEVE IN MAGIC!" *Falls on his back while also shattering the window behind.
• The slow-motion scene when Paul shoots a drop of hot pepper sauce in the air. The hostages watch the drop fly by.
• "I don't drink".
• "Nobody wins with a headbutt."
• Veck as a villain is just generally hilarious, both in his sarcastic attitude towards most other people, and his hammy outbursts of anger towards his goons.
  • While Veck has the customers hostage, the policeman on the phone asks if there's anything else he wants.
  Veck: (laughs) This guy doesn't deviate from the book at all. You know, since you're asking, I'd love a Happy Meal. But make sure the toy is the sea monster, 'cause I already have the dragon.
  • While Veck is yelling at his goons, Leon whispers to Amy to hide her phone (which she's using to send an emergency text to Paul).
  Veck: I'd say, considering all the luxury items that I have stacked up, situation... UNACCEPTABLE!
  (Amy tries to discreetly send an SOS text message to Paul)
  Leon: (whispering) No, no, no! He's looking!
  Veck: Gimme a gun.
  Leon: Put it down!
  (Amy hides her phone just as Veck enters the room, holding his gun)
  Veck: What are you nodding about?
  Leon: Uh, I was just wondering, were you serious about that Happy Meal? (Veck raises his eyebrow in confusion) It isn't coming, is it?
  • When Veck is about to leave one of his goons with the hostages:
  Veck: You know, my mom always said, "If you want something done right, waste the guy yourself." I'm paraphrasing, of course.