Funny / One Foot in the Grave

• Victor shouts at some local kids who played cricket against his house, painting stumps on the wall and smashing his window with a ball. Their dad, a pub sign painter, installs a pub sign outside Victor's house, reading "The Pain In The Arse".
• Patrick's dog wanders into Victor's living room, while he's sitting in his chair by the phone. When the phone rings, Victor reaches down to answer it with his usual "4291?". Words cannot describe...
• Dreamland sees Victor answering an advert in a shop window from a woman selling a pair of shoes (Victor's shoe mender having lost one of his previous pair then 'reasonably' offering to only charge him half-price). Going to her house, the seller explains that the shoes are almost new having belonged to her husband who has just died. Victor is led in the room and is horrified to find her husband still sitting dead in the chair, with his wife removing the shoes talking about how he'd have wanted her to just get on with things. Needless to say, the shoes very quickly end up in the bin.
• Just prior to The Trial, Victor has a yucca plant delivered to his house and tells the delivery boy to "put it in the downstairs toilet" for him. When Victor goes to use the toilet during the events of the episode, he is furious to find that the small tree has been planted in the lavatory bowl!

  Victor: What in the name of bloody hell?! I do not believe it! In the name of sanity, I don't...

  • When complaining to the manager, Victor mentions he didn't quite catch the name of the delivery man, other than it "may have been Frank Spencer".
  • Then later, when slicing through a loaf of bread, Victor finds a toupee within it!
• In Starbound, Mrs Warboys tries to persuade Victor to take on a dog which belonged to a local man who died. He eventually agrees, building a kennel and spending a fortune on dog food. What Mrs Warboys fails to mention (incorrectly assuming that Victor knew) is that the dog is stuffed, something Victor only finds out as he brings in his food bowl.

  Victor: (aghast) Tell me this is just a joke.
  Mrs Warboys: Sorry, Mr Meldrew?
  Victor: What the bloody hell's this?!
  Mrs Warboys: It's Mr Burkitt's dog, Nippy.
  Victor: Nippy?! Doesn't look very nippy from where I'm standing!

  • And then after Victor argues that Mrs Warboys did not tell him that the dog was stuffed, she at point asks:

    Mrs Warboys: Why would you want a dead dog that hadn't been stuffed? It would look awful!
    Victor: (makes a face that says "Seriously?") I don't want a dead dog!!! WHY IN THE NAME IN ALL THAT'S HOLY WOULD I WANT A DEAD DOG?!? SO I CAN THROW IT ACROSS THE ROOM ON ELASTIC AND SHOUT "HERE, BOY!"?!?

• While stuck in a traffic jam, Victor and Margaret decide to play some music after an argument, only to find it taped over by their musical (and disgrunted) mechanics.

  There's a bloke we can't stand any longer.

  Always on the bleeding moan!

  Every time we mend his bloody Honda,

  he's back grousing on the phone.

  First we fixed his car's ignition.

  Checked his brakes and clutch and then

  overhauled his whole transmission.

  He just brought it back again!

  VICTOR MELDREW! VICTOR MELDREW!

  He can stick it up his bum! (Up his bum)

  He can bugger off to kingdom come!

• While holidaying in Portugal, Victor, Margaret and Mrs Warboys are pulled over by the police for speeding (following an incident at a bar thanks to Victor's attempts at Portuguese). After showing them the address to their villa, the officers seemingly arrest them and lock them in a small, dirty cell, where they are left for 2 days without food, forcing them to pick lemons from outside the cell window for sustenance. After Victor looks out of the window and reads the name of the apparent police station, Margaret realises that they haven't been arrested at all, the 'cell' door isn't actually locked (it was just a bit stiff), and they are actually in their villa.

  Margaret: I showed them the address, don't you remember? We thought they were arresting us, they were just bringing us to the house. That other officer must have picked up the keys on the way from... 36 hours... we've spent... wallowing in our own filth sucking lemons! "A charming villa to suit any couple." Such as who, Bill Sikes and Nancy?! By the looks of it, we'll be lucky if it's got a bloody roof!

  • The incident at the bar? Margaret suggests that they find someplace to stay the night before continuing to the villa, so Victor asks the landlord if he can provide them with rooms with the help of a Portuguese phrase book. We don't hear what Victor says to the man, but whatever it was it leads the landlord to believe that he is pimping out Margaret and Mrs Warboys. The landlord takes the latter up to a room, and she quickly runs out screaming, causing the trio to make a hasty retreat.

    Margaret: 'Give me a chance to try out my Portuguese'; you never, ever learn, do you?
    Victor: It wasn't my fault; he just got the wrong end of the stick.
    Margaret: That's nothing to what Jean nearly got the wrong end of!

• Following an incident with the garden shed, Victor sends for a skip, which he tries to protect against the ‘busted mattress someone always leaves in your skip’. Later, Victor is shocked to find that someone has dumped a Citroen 2CV into the skip. With a busted mattress inside!
• In "Who's Listening?", Margaret informs Victor of a delivery driver who "must have just run the bell and left". Victor asks "delivering what?", which leads to an awkward silence and after he repeats the question, the scene cuts to Victor standing outside, on the phone telling the person on the other end that he specifically ordered "One Excelsior Garden Gnome, Catalogue Number 263". Only to find that he's actually accidentally ordered 263 garden gnomes! All out in the front drive!

  Victor: It's like Rush Hour in Munchkin Land out here!

  • Victor is told that they have to fill in a return form for the gnomes, only with a catch: Any slight damage will be charged for. Being outside, two garden gnomes are knocked over in the wind and smashed, prompting Victor and Margaret to bring them all into their home. And thus, all the gnomes are seen all over the house, including their bedroom, which Victor is not amused by when he lays down on the bed and stares directly at one near him.

    Victor: What are you grinning at? Will you get away from me? Like sleeping in bloody Snow White's cottage!

  • Later, when much of the garden gnomes are put into a flat-bed truck, ready to be transported away, Patrick (in retaliation for drinking a preserved bottle of wine delivered to Victor and Margaret for safekeeping) gets an submachine gun and shoots the lot of them into bits!