Funny / Movies With Karkat

An MST fic starring the cast of Homestuck? How could it not be hilarious?

Chapter 1: Con Air

• Karkat storms into Vriska's movie stream angrily since her stream undercut his.
  CG: GODDAMNIT SERKET, YOU BACKSTABBING CONNIVING BITCH.
  CG: YOU KNEW, YOU FUCKING KNEW I WAS PLANNING TO HOST A MOVIENIGHT AND YOU JUST *HAD* TO COME IN LIKE A NOOKSLURPING DEMOLISHING SPHERE TO RUIN IT DIDN’T YOU?
  CG: I DOUBT ANYONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR SHIT MOVIE FOR TWATS TO BEGIN WITH. I BET YOU HAD TO BRIBE EVERYONE. IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?
  CG: WELL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!
  EB: hi karkat!
  CG: ……….. HI JOHN.
• When it's revealed that Vriska chose to stream Con Air, every one of the beta kids reacts hilariously negatively.
  EB: uhm……..
  TG: god jesus no
  TG: i never felt so betrayed
  TT: ……I fail to find the words to properly express my disappointment.
  GG: oh god not again!
  GG: i thought i’d never have to see this again!
• Kanaya explains basic protocol about Dave to Jake
  GA: Do Ignore Him Jake
  GA: Occasionally He Goes Off Like That
  GA: We Just Smile And Pretend He Said Something Really Witty
• During the entire movie, everyone but Karkat is playing "Karkat Tantrum Bingo". The fact that they've lived with him long enough to be able to predict his outbursts is hilarious enough, but then this happens.
  TG: this must be what it feels like to attend a business meeting in a gimp suit
  TG: johnson we are debating the hostile takeover why did you come into office wearing that
  TG: i thought it was casual Tuesday sir
  CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A GIMP SUIT.
  CG: SWEET MERCIFUL MESSIAHS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?
  TT: I believe Dave has already educated you about the phrase; fetish porn?
  CG: THAT’S A FETISH?
  CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! HOW CAN ANY OF YOU HUMANS GET THE SLIGHTEST BIT AROUSED BECAUSE OF…… THAT.
  TG: crossing ‘sexual habbits’ from my card
  TT: Alas poor brother, I had that one too.
  CG: I WILL PISS ON YOUR FUCKING BINGOCARDS!
  GC: TH4TS ON3 FOR M3
  CG: GODDAMNIT!!!!!

Chapter 2: Ghost Rider

• Karkat's reaction to finding out who adult Johnny Blaze is played by.
  CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
  CG: THE FUCKER GREW UP TO BECOME NICHOLAS CAGE.
  CG: FUCK THIS MOVIE! FUCK IT RIGHT UP ITS NOSTRILS UNTIL MY HATEJIZZ POURS OUT OF ITS EARS!

Chapter 3: Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

• There come moments when one wishes to know exactly what happens behind the scenes. Such as the mention of board game night.
  CG: NO, I DON’T CARE IF ERIDAN PLAYED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE RULES OR NOT.
  CG: I JUST KNOW THAT A GAME OF HUMAN ‘RISK’ IS NOT SUPPOSED TO END WITH THREE OF THE PLAYERS TRYING TO CHOKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER IN THE WORLD’S SHITTIEST MEXICAN STAND OFF.

Chapter 4: The Shining

• The cast's reactions to a certain Squicktastic scene involving a zombified naked old lady. Especially hilarious because Terezi watches movies through taste given her blindness.
  CG: OH FUCK OH GOD OH FUCK!!!
  TA: jegu2 beefliipiing chrii2t my eye2!!
  CG (Kankri): ALL MY TRIGGERS!
  GA: Oh Shit
  GC: YUUUUUUUUCK
  GC: MY TONGU3 MY D4MN TONGU3
  CT: D—> Nepeta, please stop yelling!
  TT: Yeah….. This was one of the more memorable scenes.
  AA: hahahaha
  AA: hahahaha
  AA: hahahaha
  TA: aa thii2 ii2 not fuckiing funny!!
  AA: it kinda is
  GG: It is still disgusting, but it was well worth your reactions :B
• The reaction to the "Dog Suit" scene. Especially Karkat's reaction.
  CG: WHAT?!
  CG: WHAAAT?!
  AC: :33< what is going on?
  CG: WHAAAAAAAT??!!??!!
  AC: :33< Is he breeding him?
  CT: D—> Hnrk…. What is this tomf001ery?!
  CG: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????!!!!!!
  AC: :33< this is a strange pairing…..
  CT: D—> I…. I require a towel.
  AA: memories equius?
  CT: D—> Hnnnnngh…..
  AA: or ideas?
  CT: D—> Towel…. Now!
  CG: CAN YOU PLEASE NOT GIVE US MENTAL IMAGES ARADIA? THIS IS BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS.
  AA: he is just so easy to tease
• In the span of this chapter, Lil Hal and the Aradiabot manage to go through three of the romantic quadrants.
  AA2: we are in the middle 0f a caligin0us fling
  CG: YOU TWO ASSHOLES BECAME BLACK FOR EACH OTHER DURING THE COURSE OF THIS MOVIE?
  AR: Well yeah, after our moiraillegiance didn’t work out.
  AC: :33< what?!
  AA2: 0nly because y0u were h0lding 0nt0 0ur failed matespritship
  CG: TIME OUT!
  CG: EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SAD ORGANIC BRAIN!
  AR: That could take ages.
  AR: Basically we communicate at near light speed, because computers duh.
  AR: In fact, in the time it takes you to type your next four letter reply I rewatched the shining for the third time.
  CG: WHAT
  AR: Bam.
• Jane and Kankri work together in order to get Jane's selection for the next movie. And then it becomes clear which movie Jane is going to pick.
  GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo
  GG: Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo
  CG: This was a h9rri6le mistake.
  CG: Please f9rgive me Karkat.
  Anon_H: Next time, Jane is gonna troll her friends, you the reader and me the author by subjecting us all to The Room.

Chapter 5: The Room

• As usual, board game night went awry, and a DnD campaign ended with Tavros' hive burning down.
  CA: look tavv
  CA: you wwant awwesome or you wwant practical, you can’t havve both
  AT: bUT THAT WAS MY HIVE,
  AT: i LIVE THERE,
  AT: oR UHM, uSED TO LIVE THERE,
  CA: evverybody’s a critic
  AT: tHIS REALLY ISN’T SO MUCH CRITICIZING AS ME UHM, cALLING YOU OUT FOR BURNING DOWN MY HIVE,
  CA: i didn’t do that tavv the levvel nine fire mages did
  AT: OH,
  AT: bUT UHM, hOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF IT HAPPENED TO YOUR HIVE?
  CA: there is a reason i don’t dm at my hivve
  CA: howw stupid do you think i am tavv
  CA: givve me some credit
• Everyone reacts to Tommy Wiseau:
  CA: oh god wwhy
  CA: please tell me the camera is gonna pan a little to the left to revveal the actual protagonist wwatching shitty televvision
  GC: 1 WOULDN’T G3T MY HOP3S UP
  CG: CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO
  GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO
  GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO
  GG: HOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO
  AT: gEE, wE HAVE BEEN PRANKED,
  AT: iF ONLY SOMEONE HAD WARNED US OF THIS UHM, pOSSIBILITY,
  TG: oh my god
  TG: crocker
  TG: i fucking love you
  GC: WH4T 1S WRONG W1TH H1S 4CC3NT?
  GG: what is wrong with his acting?
  CA: wwhat is wwrong wwith his face?
  GA: I Am Mesmerized
  GA: This Is Horrible In Every Conceivable Way Yet I Cannot Avert My Eyes
  GA: Is This Really How The Rest Of The Movie Will Proceed
  GC: ……. BUCKL3 UP 3V3RYON3
  GC: W3 4R3 1N FOR 4 R1D3 >:]
  AA: 十分な雑草は世界にありません。 ^Translation there isn't enough weed in the world
  CG: ALL OF MY HATE!

Chapter 6: Tangled

• Dirk and Gamzee nearly convince John to join the Dark Carnival, which nearly sets off Kanaya.
  TT: We’re almost done convincing John to join a cult of juggalo’s, which will make my week complete.
  GA: I
  GA: Come Again
  GA: Dirk Why Would You Do Such A Thing
  TT: Because I find it hilarious.
  CG: BECAUSE HE’S AN ASSHOLE.
  EB: why, is it bad?
  GA: John
  GA: Listen To Me
  GA: Under No Circumstances Should You Join A Cult Of Mentally Deranged Faygo Drinking Trolls Wearing Crude Make Up And Listening To Some Of The Worst Music I Ever Had The Displeasure Of Hearing
  TC: ThAtS wAy HaRsH sIs.
  EB: oh….. so that’s what it is?
  TT: That’s the short version, yeah.
  TC: ThErE iS sO mUcH mOrE mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeAuTy To Be SeEn On ThE wOndRoUs DaRk CaRnIvAl BrO.
  EB: sorry, not doing that.
  EB: still cool for a faygo though.
  TT: Eh, it’s something.
  CG: YOU ARE SCUM.

Chapter 8: Terminator

• Karkat's opinion on raves.
  CG: AND AS IF STRIDER’S ATTACK ON GOOD TASTE WASN’T OFFENSIVE ENOUGH THIS WEEK, WE ALSO HAD TO COPE WITH WHAT HUMANS CALL ‘A RAVE’.
  CG: WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE JUST AN EXCUSE FOR THE LALONDE WOMEN TO IMBIDE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL AGAIN WHILE PROVIDING THE STRIDERS WITH A REASON TO PLAY HORRIBLE NOISES.
  CG: YES NOISES, BECAUSE IT ISN’T MUSIC, IT’S JUST THE SAME DRONING BEAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. IT SOUNDED LIKE 5 HOURS OF ‘WUB WUB WUB WUB’. THERE IS NO MELODY: IT ALL JUST BLENDED TOGETHER IN ONE GIANT HEAD-ACHE INDUCING MESS.
  CG: GAMZEE WAS JUST STARING AT THE LIGHTS ALL THE TIME, SO AT LEAST IT GOT HIM OF MY BACK FOR A WHILE, BUT DRUNK AMPORAS ARE OFFICIALLY THE WORST THING *EVER*, UNTIL SOMEONE INVENTS AN AMPORA/STRIDER CROSSBREED.
  CG: THEN AGAIN, THERE WERE NO BURNING HIVES OR MEXICAN STAND-OFFS THIS WEEK, SO I AM ALMOST INCLINED TO CALL IT A FUCKING IMPROVEMENT.
  CG: KEYWORD BEING ALMOST.
• Kanaya reacts to '80s Hair.
  GA: What Is Wrong With Her Hair
  GA: What Is Wrong With The Hair Of Nearly Every Woman In This Movie
  TT: Well that depends. How familiar are you with the concept of hairspray?

Chapter 12: Black Swan

• Eridan calls Karakt after a Destructo-Nookie with Feferi that leaves him injured. When Eridan tries to send pictures of his bruises, Karkat realizes something about his tone.
  CG: ARE YOU HERE BECAUSE YOU NEED HELP OR ARE YOU HERE TO FUCKING GLOAT!?
  CA: wwell to gloat really
  CG: OH YOU LIZARD-BRAINED IMBECILE!
  CG: YOU SAID YOU NEEDED MY HELP YOU ASSHOLE!
  CA: wwell yeah no one else wwould listen

Chapter 13: Episode IV: A New Hope

• Sollux hijacks the stream, and Karkat is nowhere in sight for most of the pre-movie banter. Turns out Sollux made it so that only the admin (himself) can see his chat, leaving many a Karkat rant unheard by everyone except him.
• Nepeta challenges John to a duel for Roxy's hand. Karkat loved every second of that, because it was "ROMANTIC AS FUCK".
  CG: WELL, THAT TOOK A TURN FOR THE AMAZING. IT WAS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL TROLL SOAP WAS UNFOLDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.
  CG: BLACK, PALE, FLUSHED…. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING PERFECT IF THERE WAS SOMEONE TRYING TO MEDIATE BETWEEN EGBERT AND NEPETA. IT WOULD HAVE COMPLETED ALL QUADRANTS.

Chapter 16: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

• Just the fact that Dirk picked this of all things, seemingly using irony as an excuse.
• Turns out, Aranea's spiderscorpion was real. We learn this after Dave killed it.
  TG: was just grabbing some aj from the fridge when this huge motherfucker came out of nowhere
  TG: so after years of ninja training i decided to show it my stabs
  TG: contrary to popular belief and/or my neighbors testimony i was not screaming like a little girl
  TG: those were highly concentrated ninja screams
  • While Karkat is reeling from this revelation, Dave's mind is somewhere else.
  TG: seriously im gonna hide this on egberts pillow
  TG: thatll be hilarious
  TG: imagine him going into his room his toothbrush still hanging from his mouth ready to catch 6 hours of z’s
  TG: then this monstrosity that’s as big as his arm claims his pillow
  TG: egbert throws his hands up and runs out of the house
  TG: its spiderscorpios house now
  TG: karkat you there?
  CG: THERE ISN’T A FACEPALM BIG ENOUGH!
• As payback for killing him, Caliborn demands that Dirk draw him some more "SMuT".
  TG: he is going to ask for smut about me isn’t he
  uu: THE DAVE HuMAN IS SURROuNDED BY HIS BETA COMPANIONS.
  uu: HE LIES FLAT ON HIS TuMMY AND ONLY WEARS HIS SHIRT AND HIS uNDERWEAR
  uu: THE BETA MALE SPANKS THE DAVE HuMAN AND TELLS HIM HE HAS BEEN A BAD BOY
  uu: YEEEEEEEEEEES………..
  GG: that actually sounds kinda funny :B
  TG: not helping
  GC: QU13T YOU B4D BOY >:]
  TG: christ
• Caliborn doesn't quite understand why other species would consider having a lot of sex to be "slutty". Partially due to his misunderstandings about how sex works for other species. Porrim... corrects him.
  GA: You co+nsider such behavior+r slutty?
  uu: HOW ELSE WOuLD YOU CALL IT?
  GA: Pale pro+bably.
  GA: It ho+nestly do+esn’t even co+me clo+se to+ the mo+re traditio+nal interpretatio+n o+f the wo+rd slutty
  uu: AND WHAT WOULD THAT BE?
  GA: Having a lo+t of sexual interco+urse of co+urse
  uu: SO WHAT
  uu: TuRNING INTO A GIANT SERPENT AND RuBBING uP AGAINST ANOTHER SNAKE IS CONSIDERED SLuTTY?
  uu: IT ISN’T EXACTLY A REGuLAR OCCuRANCE.
  uu: WHAT KIND OF DuMB DEFINITION IS THAT?
  GA: O+h dear…… Yo+u have no+ idea ho+w tro+ll sex wo+rks do+ yo+u?
  uu: HOW DIFFERENT CAN IT BE.
  —genderAberrance [GA] shared: lonely folder—
  • Everyone's reaction to Porrim's "Lonely Folder" is golden too.
  CT: D—> HNRKT!
  CT: D—> How 100d!
  CT: D—> Everyone avert your eyes
  CG: THAT DOESN’T WORK AT ANYONE EVER.
  GG: now im curious
  TG: whoa damn maryam
  GA: Fo+r education+nal purpo+ses o+nly.
  TG: that why you call it the lonely folder
  GA: That is irrelevant.
  GG: oh my :O
  GG: :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O
  AT: i UHM, dIDN’T EVEN KNOW HALF THESE POSITIONS EXISTED,
  CG: I’M PRETTY SURE #73 WAS CONSIDERED ILLEGAL ON ALTERNIA!
  uu: PRESENT DIRK.
  uu: I SuDDENLY HAVE MANY MORE uRGENT REQuESTS FOR YOu.
  TT: Come on man, we agreed on one. I almost finished drawing Dave getting spanked.
  TG: really man
  uu: MORE SMuT FOR THE SMuTGOD.

Chapter 17: Space Jam

• Somehow, Gamzee can type legible words in East Alternian/Google Translate Japanese. As for what those words mean, he's so hilariously bad at the language that it offends Damara out of taking refuge in the fact that no one can understand her.
  TC: 本日のスープはスパゲッティです。 ^Translation the soup of the day is spaghetti
  CG: WHAT?!
  AA: nani?
  TC: WhAt?
  GC: G4MZ33 YOU SP34K 34ST3RN 4LT3RN14N?
  TC: I gUeSs So SiS?
  TA: that make2 no 2en2e at all
  TC: NaH mAn, YoU jUsT gOt To FuCkInG tYPe In ThE wAy ThAt yOu FeEl MoThErFuCkInG cOmFoRtAbLe WiTh.
  GA: I Do Not Think That Results In Correct Eastern Dialect
  TC: 照り焼きの市長か、でないこと ^Translation to be or not to be mayonnaise
  AA: 言語の嘲笑を作ります。 ^Translation you make mockery of language
  AA: 今止まります。 ^Translation you stop now
  TC: あひるあひるあひるあひるあひる ^Translation duck duck duck duck duck
• When Dave joins the memo proper he greets Damara the only way he can, a rambling list of anime references.
  TG: man all that anime shit just makes all the kokoros go dokidoki
  AA: nani
  TG: just thinking about all the sailor scouts and their dragonballs drives every guy wild
  TG: getting one piece of the philosophers stone
  TG: to become hokage i must avenge my father/familie/clan/pet rabbit
  TG: bleach reference
  TG: something about piercing the heavens with a comically oversized drill and shinji being way too fucking emo
  TG: im being chased by like seven schoolgirls and having sex with none of them
  TG: save me from my own virginity and/or neckbeard
  
• Following this is Dave's reaction to learning that John is going to become Matesprits with Roxy and Nepeta. On one hand he's filled with pride that his best bro is dating two knockouts. On the other, one of said knockouts is an alternate dimension version of his technical mother.
  TG: i feel like i should fistbump john
  TG: in the face
  TG: with a chair
  TG: because im so proud of him
  GA: That Does Sound Like You Are Having Some Mixed Feelings About This
  TG: well yeah it is still my ectomom we are talking about
  TG: its also my best bro on a train to perpetual threeway city
  TG: im standing on the platform here holding a tearstained handkerchief
  
• Dave's opinion of Moral Guardians:
  TG: back when kids were subjected to cartoon violence without tv networks getting their knickers in a twist
  TG: oh no this character got dynamite shoved up his ass
  TG: if little timmy sees this he will bomb his school using his 7 year old rectum

Chapter 18: Ghostbusters (1984)

• Karkat begins the chapter with an angry rant about how horrible everyone is, with the usual colorful language. What is he mad about this time, you ask?
  CG: THE BRAINDEAD FUCKPUPPET THAT PUT SKITTLES IN THE SAME BOWL AS THE M&MS DESERVES TO BE LYNCHED IN THE FUCKING STREETS FOR THESE SHENANIGANS!

Chapter 19: Princess Mononoke

• Cronus gets no respect (not that he deserves any), with everyone calling him Carlos. Everyone just collectively decides that it's his name now, without any sort of prompting.

Chapter 21: Pacific Rim

• Dave spends all of Pacific Rim making an increasingly nonsensical sports metaphor about the plot. What's most hilarious is that it still works in the context of the movie.
• Caliborn dramatically reveals that he has recovered one of the jujus... the oven juju to be exact. The one that takes you into the future at the rate of one minute per minute. He claims he will use its time powers to destroy everyone without a hint of irony, before leaving the chat to use the oven to go a few weeks into the future.
  TG: caliborn will just be sitting in the oven like a child
  TG: counting down the days until its finally been a few weeks
  TG: probably sneaks out at night to steal snacks or something
  EB: like little monsters?
  TG: please
  TG: let it be exactly like that piece of shit movie

Chapter 23: Who Framed Roger Rabbit

• More Dave comedy gold, in which he thinks of some horrifying yet likely possibilities in the world of Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
  TG: man
  TG: i hope this world hasn’t discovered anime
  TG: running into folks like vegeta or madara would seriously ruin your day
  TG: and your pants
  TG: still might be worth the big titted anime chicks and the bishies
  EB: what is a bishie?
  TG: never change egbert
  AT: wOULD THAT MEAN UHM, eVERYONE’S ORIGINAL CHARACTERS ARE REAL IN THIS WORLD, aS WELL?
  TG: that’d be even worse
  TG: no one wants to be confronted by the shitty oc they drew when they were 12
  AG: Hey!
  AG: My OC’s were aaaaaaaalways awesome!

Chapter 24: Killer Klowns from Outer Space

• The chapter opens with Karkat as a paranoid mess, having last seen Gamzee when the latter threw a pie at his window. Jane joins the stream, and reveals that the worst thing Gamzee did all week was throw a pie at someone's window.
  CG: THAT WAS *MY* WINDOW!
  GG: Whoops :B
• Something worse than Gamzee is lurking around, though...
  TT: Cheese.
  TT: Do you have it?
  CG: WHAT THE FRESH HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT STRIDER?!
  TT: Alright, I’ll spare you the details but there might be a nearly indestructible robot running around, programmed to search and consume vast amounts of the aforementioned dairy product.
  CG: *WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?*
  TT: I think it was to prove a point to Equius and Harley. Details are not important.
  CG: I BEG TO DIFFER!!!
  TT: You know how it goes, you just get into such a heated debate you kinda forget what you were debating in the first place.
  TT: Next thing you know, boom. Unstoppable cheese-powered killer robot.
  GG: You neglected to mention it was a killer robot.
  TT: I thought it went without saying.
• Dirk and Equius have a running bet on what the Klowns are collecting humans for, as food or for breeding, the latter of which being Equius' bet that he's disturbingly obsessed with. Turns out they're both right. The Klowns are collecting humans for food, but two female Klowns "Have Fun" with the comic relief characters.

Chapter 25: The Princess Bride

• Karkat opens this chapter up with a long winded explanation about how he would really prefer everyone stay out of the stream during his attempt to pale woo Damara. Everyone who joins the stream afterwards admits they didn't even read his post because it was too long, with the exception of Kanaya.
• A conversation about how Buttercup becomes a princess despite not being of noble descent spawns this gem of an exchange.
  GA: But How Did She Become A Princess Without Being Actually Married Into Royalty
  CG: THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT
  GA: I Disagree
  AA: DO THE SEXY FUN TIMES
  AA: YOU SAY DADDY
  AA: HE SAY PRINCESS
  TG: i cant believe we have to kinkshame damara
• Everyone collectively realizes that the life draining machine that Humperdink straps Westley into leans more than slightly towards the department of BDSM equipment than it does a torture device. Later, this happens.
  CA: so humpadick comes dowwn to the sex dungeon an turns the kink machine up to the max levvel
  GC: 3V3N TH3 TORTUR3R 1S LOOK1NG 4T H1M L1K3 DUD3 WTF
  TT: Indeed. A true Richard relocation if you ask me.
  AC: :33< what???
  TG: a dick move
  CC: BUT….. BUT!!!!
  CC: T)(IS MEANS WESTLEY JUST LOST 50 YEARS OF HIS LIFE!!!
  CA: howw much is that in normal spans?
  GA: That Certainly Ups The Tragedy
  GA: He Cant Have Much Longer To Live
  GA: How Old Do Humans Typically Get Again
  CC: KANAYA )(E DIED!!!!
  
• The ending of the chapter could very well be called "Everyone leaves the chat to go screw"
  GC: OH NO, TH1S 1S W4Y TOO MUCH FUN
  GC: 1F 4MPOR4 1SN’T WORK1NG OUT PR1NC3SS YOU C4N JO1N US TON1GHT >;]
  EB: wait no!
  CC: I will conchider it
  CA: that is pretty much the opposite of wwhat i wanted!!
  CC: I knoooooow
  CC: T)(at is why I conchider it 38)
  —carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned ectoBiologist [EB] from memo—
  —carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned gallowsCalibrator [GC] from memo—
  —carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned caligulasAquarium [CA] from memo—
  —carcinoGeneticist [CG] banned cuttlefishCuller [CC] from memo—
  CG: IF I HAD TO WATCH THAT PILE OF WORK TURN INTO A BLACK ORGY I WOULD HAVE CLAWED MY OWN EYES OUT.
  TG: i would agree
  TG: but i am kind of proud on john
  TG: so yeah
  CG: YOU ARE THE WORST
  AC: :33< h33h33, i’ll make sure john wont do anything stupid tonight
  CG: GODDAMNIT, THANK YOU NEPETA.
  CG: AT LEAST THERE IS ONE SENSIBLE PERSON IN OUR MIDST.
  AC: :33< im gonna give roxy a call and he wont be able to do anything with fefurry
  TG: so much pride
  CG: I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK!!!!
  
• And then there's this surprising moment of solidarity between Dave and Karkat.
  TG: don’t worry buddy
  CG: I AM NOT WORRIED, I AM REVOLTED BY THESE INDESCENT INTERSPECIES SLOPPY BEDDING SESSIONS!!!
  TG: nah
  TG: lalonde wont get far
  TG: got a new mixtape she absolutely has to hear
  TG: even if it means blasting it outside of her window
  TG: gonna go say anything on my ectosibling
  TG: only with less romantic intent
  CG: ………
  CG: GODSPEED STRIDER.