Funny / MikeJ

• From Jaws: The Revenge:
  • After running out of tea in the preceding Jaws 3-D review, Mike J tries to drag himself through Jaws 4. Fortunately, Film Brain appears midway through and gives him a bag of tea to rejuvenate him. There is then a montage of Mike J preparing his tea, to the triumphant music from Spider-Man and when he's ready to continue the review...the music is still loudly playing over him.
  • The stinger:
  Film Brain: What am I still doing here?
• Mike J's A Brief History of Britain: Food
  In 1763 a man (...) became bored of the local past-time of killing cats and decided that instead he would put some of the flesh in his mouth to take away the taste of his latest prostitute. As he swallowed the meat he realised that the intense stomach pain he'd experienced since birth was beginning to soften. As he ate more of the meat he became to feel stronger and nourished. From that moment on food was born. As the craze caught on cat farms begun to spread across the country and quickly life expectancy rose from 12 years old to 31.
  • And that's just the beginning. It constantly tops itself.
• The montage of him and "Film Brain" during the Son of the Mask review. Not only does it make more sense than the film he's reviewing, it's also pretty disturbing and funny.
  • "And the film ends with a wanking... uh, uh a winking baby."
• His review of American Pie 3, done entirely in rhyme. Also a moment of awesome.
• In the Wicker Man review, Mike J's reaction to Nicholas Cage punching a woman while wearing a bear suit. Also, the teabag hat.
• The crossover review with Guru Larry, including the end when MikeJ gave him a mug (of COFFEE!)
• When one of the Ewoks dies in his review of Caravan of Courage, we cut back to him grinning for a good ten seconds.
  • To a ill child: "Oh, just DIE already!"
    Girl: "Please, stop, I'm tired!"
    Mike: "Oh for God's sake, stop before she starts COUGHING again!"
• And then there's the sequel, Ewoks: The Battle for Endor...

  Movie Villain: "I want the power!"

  Mike: *cheerfully* "Of course you do, dear!"

  • And his hate for the ill girl returns.
    The girl and the Ewok have crashed.
    Mike: "There's still hope yet!"
    They're both unharmed.
    Mike: "Bollocks."
  • "Hmm! Flower pie!"
• Lake Placid 2 involves him checking his Twitter every once in a while to see viewers responses to the video. Most of which are spambots.
  Mike: Hmm, lemonparty.org. Seems innocent enough!
  • "My God. I gain more followers every time I say the word 'tits'! I have the most followers in the world!"
• From the Matrix Revolutions review with Film Brain.
  Mike J: I suppose I should be happy. At least you're wearing clothes.
  Film Brain: Well! Certain changes can be made...*begins stripping*
  • And afterwards.
  Film Brain: I'm sure I've got something else that will haunt you for the rest of your life...
  Mike J: Is it a man holding a gun shaped like a dildo to the head of a baby dolphin?
  Film Brain: Beat...no. It's Matrix Revolutions.
  Mike J: That's Worse!
  • Masako X as the designer. Pretty much everything about it.
  • "MAKE ME CLEAN! MAKE ME CLEAN!"
• Waiting for Arkham City.
• The infinite ammo pistol from "Komodo vs. Cobra".
• The use of troll faces during the review of The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, the most prominent being the "forever alone" face.
• His reaction to seeing a young Mila Kunis in Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves:
  Mike J: It is Mila Kunis! Looking as gorgeous and beautiful and [subtitle: She's 14] seeeeeeeeeee... a bear!
• Garfield 2:
  • "...Shitloads."
• From Jurassic Park III, subtitling the raptors.
• His thoughts on the Poo Trap: that it looks like Bane's mask strapped to a dog's rear.
  Mike J: (in Bane's voice) I will collect your poo.
• When he gives a slight chuckle or two at some of the jokes from "Fred 2", he looks in horror as dramatic music plays in the background.
• While reviewing Fred 3: Camp Fred Mike casually comments that it's improved over the second movie, which improved over the first. He then says after six hundred more sequels maybe they'll manage a genuinely good movie. He then has an Oh, Crap! moment when he realized he just sort of asked for six hundred more Fred movies.
  • The entire trailer for Nerdquest that's included in the review is both this (mostly due to Film Brain's antics) and dramatic.
• Any time in Infomercialism where he actually has the object advertised and starts demonstrating using it on camera. The awkward looks as the product inevitably fails is priceless.
  • When one (X-Hose) actually does work, we get this:
  Oh my god, praise. I feel dirty. *raises hose to head and sprays*
  • He tries unscrewing the hose when it's still full, and the sudden spray/hose whipping around knocks him on his ass.
• From Baby Geniuses 3
  • His exaggerated British accent when someone does a terribly stereotypical accent.
  • His reaction to the Crown Jewels being stolen:
  British baby: The Crown Jewels have been stolen!
  Mr. Bobbins: The Crown Jewels, people!
  Mike J: Do you not understand?! [grabs the camera] IT'S THE CROWN JEWELS!!!
  • His dead-eyed shock after the movie ends, due to text on screen about an upcoming Baby Geniuses 4.
• From the Infomercialism episode on the "Grater Plater", we get to the part of the infomercial where Billy Mays says there's "no wrong way" to use the product. Cut to Mike J with the Grater Plater perched on his head, smiling smugly.
• His reaction to Fred's voice at the beginning of the Fred review.
  Fred: Hey its Fred!
  Mike J: Fuck off! *gets up and leaves*
• His reaction to Dax's Dull Surprise in Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation when the electric fences went offline.
  Mike J: I hate it when it happens! [looks around him; the lights go out]
• This conversation in Theme Park 3D Shows :
  Some jerk with a camera: I'd just like to point out that I've already reviewed Captain EO and both Star Tours so if you even hint at reviewing Captain EO or Star Tours... I will murder everyone you ever spoke to.
  Mike J: *beat* Star Tours was good.
  Some jerk with a camera: Right, that's it, time to start murdering, starting with the last person you spoke to!
  Mike J: Which is you.
  Some jerk with a camera: ...Well played, Mike J...
  Mike J: And start by torturing yourself as well!
  Some jerk with a camera: Yessir!
  • Later he's seen riding It's A Small World.
• From the Infomercialism episode on "Mr. Frosty", Mike J declares the eponymous product as "the best cheese grater I have ever reviewed". Well it certainly did better than the Grater Plater mentioned above...
  • And in the stinger, he renames the toy "Mr. Cheesy".
• "Come on Fred, you're supposed to be the hero, instead you're cooking a fucking sock."
• In the Slushie Maker Infomercialism, he starts by making a cola slushie, then milk, then beer, then finally...
  Mike J: And because it would have been stupid of me not to... gravy!
  • Also, from the beginning:
  Announcer: What's quick, fun, and cool?
  Mike J: Sex?
• From the "Zoomies" Infomercialism episode when the product's commercial says that binoculars are "big, bulky, and expensive":
  Mike J: That's like saying that old tables are big, bulky, and expensive! Apparently, small, light, and inexpensive ones are a myth! They're only found in books!
  • The ending:
  Mike J: Hey, is that someone getting changed? *takes off the eponymous glasses* Oh no, it's a tree.
• From National Lampoon's Barely Legal
  Mike J: Do porn actresses even have a reel? "So gentlemen, if you'd just like to see the screen now. That is me just full of dicks."
• From Baby Geniuses 3'
  Shirly Jones: 'Ello mates.
  Mike J: Corr fuckin' blimey!
• The first three seconds of the Bacon Bowl review
  Spokeswoman: Everybody loves bacon!
  Mike J: Jews!
• After making s'mores in the microwave, he touches the marshmallow. Naturally all that heated sugar hurts like hell, and he shouted it was like napalm. That would be funny enough, but after making another round, he did it again, and it still felt like that.
• The "Doggie Doo!" Infomercialism episode has the moment where Mike J and his fiancee discover that the fake turd has been stuck inside the toy dog. Mike J tries blowing it out, causing it to shoot out of the dog's end and fly across the room.
  • The stinger is even better, as - through the miracle of reversing the footage - Mike sucks the turd back across the room and up the dog's bum.
• The entirety of the fake Banana Slicer infomercial.
• In the Super Smart Mop review, the spokesman demonstrates how easily it cleans into a bucket. Mike attempts it and manages to make a mess, which the mop isn't even able to clean up without breaking. Next, the spokesman pours out a can of soda and cleans it up. Mike's attempt only spreads it around the floor. The spokesman then demonstrates how dry it is by holding it above his head. Mike brings the visibly dripping mop up, cringes, and allows it to pour over his scalp. And then the spokesman squeezes the soda out into a glass, ready to drink. Mike's Oh, Crap! face is amazing.
• In the Sharknado 2: The Second One review, he responds to an overly-patriotic scene by placing his hand over his heart and staring off to the side.
  America...FUCK YEAH!
• After finishing The Uncanny Valley, Mike doesn't know what to review next and calls up various people.
  Mike: Hey James Rolfe, it's Mike, how's it... Mike... Mike Jeavons, I do Shameful Sequels and Infomercialism... they're review shows... Channel Awesome... it's a website... you've been on it... Nostalgia Critic... Nostal... Yeah.
  Mike: Hey Ashens it's Mike. (dial tone) Hello?
  Mike: Cinema Snob it's Mike... well fuck you too!
  Mike: Hey is that the Irate Gamer? Great great I... Actually fuck that.
• From the Informercialism episode on the Chillow:
  Spokesperson: Are you tired of those hot, sticky, sleepless nights?
  Mike: I wish I had them to begin with!
• This, from the Crank Chop review:
  Vince Offer: ... Or vegetables for stir-fry! Oh, me so hungry!
  Mike: Oh, me so racist!
• One person sent in a box of Finnish treats, including a chocolate fudge that "contains an ingredient that you wouldn't expect". Mike and Rich taste test it, then are horrified by what the sealed note says. It's blood. Yes, blood-flavored chocolate. Rich's reaction is priceless.
• Mike plays around with Ditty, and most of the things he inputs are either relatively mundane, perverted, or both. Special mention goes to "Penis penis penis penis penis penis, bum hole" sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle.
• In Mike's review of the Ghostbusters (2016) LEGO set, he has the minifigures express (with his normal voice, not a fake falsetto) worries he developed about the characters after watching the trailers:
  Erin: Oh, there's goo in my fanny.
  Abby: Oh God, I'm loud.
  Patty: Oh God, I'm a stereotype.
  Holtzmann: (says nothing because Mike earlier singled her out as the most "interesting-looking" Ghostbuster in the trailers)
• In the Microwave S'mores Maker review, he uses the joke "Will I think it's s'more, or will I think it's s'less?", pauses for a second to contemplate the Incredibly Lame Pun he made, and proceeds to move on without further comment. Smart move.
• In the Shameful Sequels review of Tappy Toes (a Happy Feet mockbuster), an evil version of Mike shows up after the real Mike leaves due to his fear of tap-dancing penguins. Suddenly, the video starts cutting out, and Mike states he refuses to make long reviews with these kinds of storylines.^note While this is an obvious jab at The Nostalgia Critic's post-2013 reviews, he didn't leave Channel Awesome as a whole until two months after this video was made.
  Mike: If I have to sit through 170 hours of storyline just so I can listen to your opinion of The Care Bear Movie, then I'm sorry, but you're a terrible person.

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