Funny / Machete

• Machete jabbing a mook in the neck with a thermometer? Not funny. Whole house explodes and mook is hurled outside burning? Not funny. Thermometer still in mook's neck and going up till it's all red? Funny.
• One of Booth's security guards, confronted for the second time by Machete wielding a weaponized weedwhacker, immediately says "I quit," hands his gun to Machete, and walks away. He is, quite possibly, the smartest Mook in the history of fiction.
  • This is after that Mook, alongside a more clueless one, allowed Machete to visit Booth's phone earlier in the movie:
    Clueless Mook: Hey, who are you?
    Machete: (holding up a mean pick axe and weedwhacker) New gardener.
• Pretty much everything Cheech Marin says as Padre.
  Padre: It's not safe for you to be here.
  Machete: I'm not looking for safe.
  Padre: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!
  Padre: (Makes the Sign of the Cross) I absolve you of all your sins. (gestures to the door) Now get the FUCK out!
• Booth looking on in horror as he sees the Home Porn Movie Machete filmed with June and April.
• Machete don't text.
  • Except when he finally does, sending a message that makes Booth pretty much say Oh, Crap!.
• One of the Mexicans barging into battle was running with an ice cream cart.
• "Machete... will return... in... Machete Kills! And... Machete Kills Again! "
• "THEY JUST FUCKED WITH THE WRONG MEXICAN."
• How about the scene where Machete jumps out of building using the intestines of the Mook he just disemboweled as a rope? Crosses the Line Twice indeed.
• "I may be adopted..." "No shit."
• During the final battle, Torres brings out Sartana, Bound and Gagged. She's clearly protesting through the gag, and he asks if she has something to say, brandishing his katana at her. She remains silent, so he politely slices the gag open.
  Torres: Now you have something to say?
• From the trailer for Machete Kills: And introducing Carlos Estevez as The President!
  • In the second trailer, "Machete don't tweet."
• In a meta level, according to Word of God, this is the same Machete who is the uncle of Carmen and Juni Cortez. Yes, this ultraviolent movie and the squeaky-clean Spy Kids films take place in the same universe.
• After starring in an amateur porn video with April and June, Machete drugs, kidnaps and brings them (fully nude uncovered) to the church, much to Padre’s utter dismay. When Padre scolds Machete for the trouble the latter brings (as usual), Machete offers to dump them. Padre refuses, thus he decides to just keep them saying that he and the church can make a good use of them.

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